Realize What I Just Realized
by lnkmstr10
Summary: What do you do when the one person you can't stand to be with, becomes the one person you can't stand to be without? Rated T for language
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Wow, it's an honor to be back presenting a new story, also my third novel-ish fic for SoN. A big, big, **big!** thank you to all of the awesome people who have read this story, added it and/or me as their favorite, and most of all, to those who have taken the time to review. I wasn't planning on posting as soon as I am, but honestly, it feels way longer haha. Anyway, enough rambling. I now leave you with the prologue/first chapter of _Realize What I Just Realized_. _

_**P.S**. This is all in Ashley's PoV, though I'm sure you would have figured that out quickly._

* * *

**_-Prologue-_**

I hate Spencer Carlin!

Okay, so hate may be a_ little_ harsh. I think it's a strong...dislike mixed with a hint of something that I'm not quite able to put my finger on.

She is beautiful, in every sense of the word and, really, it isn't fair.

Spencer has perfect blonde hair that never seems to have any hair out of place. Her eyes are a beautiful shade of blue, her face flawless.

Her clothes, though modest in comparison to most the girls at school, fit nicely on her small frame. And that, I think, makes me dislike her even more. Pretty, modest people have no place here. Not to mention that she is incredibly smart, almost in that in-your-face kind of way.

She's the type of girl who managed to get every good gene possible. I'll even go as far to say that she can sing and dance, though I've never seen any proof. Still, it wouldn't surprise me.

So why do I hate Spencer Carlin?

Some would say I'm jealous because of all the things I mentioned, but I'm not. I'm just very observant and a little annoyed that her gene pool is so stacked, when some people (who most definitely are not me) get the short end of the stick.

No, you know the real reason I can't stand Spencer Carlin?

It's because she makes it so I can't hate her, no matter how much I'd like to. And until much later, I wouldn't know why that was.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Cheerleaders. The one thing I hate more than Spencer Carlin.

I don't see how they claim to bring pep to the school when all they bring me is unwarranted misery.

Ok, so maybe it's not completely unwarranted. Maybe every once in a while I might let one_ little_ smart ass comment slip, but they totally deserve it.

It almost makes me gag when I think about how I used to be one. You know, before I discovered my brain.

And I'll never understand how their inch long skirts qualify as dress code appropriate, though I'm sure that has to do with the majority vote from the male staff members.

So now here I sit, bored to death in whatever class I have at eight. I don't know the name of it, just which room it is. I think the Dean had a good laugh when he put me in a class with 80% of the cheerleaders, one Spencer Carlin included. Definitely a fun first day discovering that.

"Mrs. Baker," a sickly sweet voice interrupts the quiet classroom, "we have to leave early for the pep rally."

I can practically hear everyone roll their eyes. Madison Duarte is such a suck up bitch, we all know it. Hell, she even knows it, and couldn't care less.

"We being the cheerleaders," Madison explains unnecessarily, looking around the class as if she expects some one else to claim the same thing.

I roll my eyes again. "Aw, really?" I cry out, my sarcasm heavy, "why not the rest of us?"

"Ms. Dav-"

"Because some of us deserve special treatment," Madison spits back, all false cheerfulness gone.

"I hardly think pity counts as special treatment," I retort." Despite both of us being irritated, I know we both get some perverse pleasure from our bitch fests.

"Is that what keeps your mom from leaving? Or is it the trust fund?" And with that Madison hurdles right over the line, sending me a triumphant smile. Mrs. Baker has given up any hopes of calming us down, and is just as entranced as the rest of the class.

"No, I believe that would be your dad screwing her that keeps her here. But what do I know?" I give a shrug. "Maybe that's why she stays home now. It would definitely make me want to stay in."

"That's quite enough, Ms. Davies!" Mrs. Baker's voice suddenly comes in with confidence.

"It's not her fault, Mrs. Baker," Madison jumps in, her voice sweet again. I raise my eyebrows at her. "She just can't keep her mouth closed, at least from what everyone has said." Ah, that's the Madison I know..

Mrs. Baker shakes her head disapprovingly. "Just go to the pep rally, Madison." I notice that her voice doesn't hold any of the frustration that it did when she was addressing me. Makes me sick.

Madison nods respectfully and gathers her things, making sure to be as loud and disruptive as possible. "Like mother like daughter," she whispers to me, ugly face contorted into smugness. She's not really ugly, but it's much more fun to pretend that she is.

The Latina trips over my foot that was 'accidentally' right in her path. "Oops, _mi malo Maddie_. You better be more careful, wouldn't want you hurt for the pep rally." I offer her a sweet smile.

Giving me a death glare and a dramatic sigh, Madison beckons the other cheerleaders and leaves class. "_Adios Maddie_!"

I never knew I'd be so thankful for taking Spanish. Not that I am in any way fluent, but that makes it even more fun because Madison likes to pretend that English is her second language, so I never hesitate to use my limited Spanish to piss her off.

She quickly turns around and sends me my most hateful glare to-date before stomping out of the classroom. My smile slowly fades and I slouch back in my chair, disappointed that my entertainment is now gone.

"Ms. Carlin?" I look up as I hear the familiar name. I look around in interest, eyes landing on Spencer. "Shouldn't you be gone as well?"

Spencer bites her lip shyly, almost looking embarrassed. I'd find it funny if I actually believed the innocent act. I mean she walks around in a mini-skirt...how innocent can she be?

"Well I," she coughs to clear her throat, seeming nervous. "I wanted to get the notes."

I'm sure I'm staring at her incredulously. Who voluntarily chooses to miss a pep rally? Not that I like them, but when the alternative is class, it's an easy choice.

"Go ahead, Ms. Carlin," Mrs. Baker assures her sweetly. "You can get the notes from-" she stops to look around the classroom.

I immediately lose interest and go back to doodling on my notebook, intent on finishing my caricature of the nerdy kid who sits beside me.

"Ms. Davies."

My head snaps up. "What?" I see Spencer giving me an unsure look and I quickly put it together. You have to be shitting me. Does she not see me spend every class crumpling up paper to hurl at Madison?

"You will give Spencer her notes." What ever happened to democracy?

"What!" I repeat, this time in outrage. "That's…" I cut myself off. I somehow doubt that the word 'bull shit' is classroom appropriate. "…not fair," I mutter quietly.

"You will give Ms. Carlin your notes." Mrs. Baker's tone is final, and with an accusing glare sent to Spencer, I mumble "sure," and cross my arms.

"Thanks," Spencer says quietly, but surprisingly sincerely. She offers me a thankful smile and gathers her stuff, my eyes glaring hard at her back.

As I turn back to my drawing, I can't help but feel angry and wish for Mrs. Baker's stupid Special K cereal to turn soggy in her stupid soy milk.

"What's got you so cheerful?" Aiden asks as he walks over to join me at our table. He obviously notices my less-than-thrilled face.

"Why the cheerleaders of course." I give a big enthusiastic smile which immediately turns to a frown. "Why are they such bitches? Is it like a requirement?"

Aiden laughs. "I think so. I mean you were one after-all."

I punch him to let him know I don't appreciate the association. "Whatever, ass. Playing with balls this afternoon?"

He shakes his head in amusement. "If by that you mean, 'do I have basketball practice?' then yes." His eyes widen. "Whoa," he whispers.

I turn my head to where he is looking and I can't help but echo the same thought in my brain. Spencer Carlin is making her way over, looking even more nervous at the 'what the fuck' looks I'm sure Aiden and I are giving her.

"Hey Spencer," Aiden says smoothly, making sure to shake his head so that his hair flicks into place. I roll my eyes. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

She gives him a small smile. "Hey Aiden." She then directs her attention to me. "I was uh, wondering if I could get the notes."

I can't help but notice her nervousness and wonder about it. I'm not a total outcast, but I'm a far cry from the cheerleading social circle. "You sure don't waste any time."

Spencer looks sheepish and gives a short, nervous laugh. "Yeah, sorry, I just figured this was the best time to catch up with you. I have practice after school, so I couldn't get them then." It makes me inwardly laugh that she feels the need to explain. I think it has to do with her nervousness.

"You know, the test isn't for like a month." I'm not sure why I'm being so difficult. Her shyness almost makes me want to take pity on her. Almost.

"Ash would be glad to give you the notes," Aiden cuts in, obviously tired of being ignored while Spencer and I interact.

"Ash," I say meanly, "can speak for herself, thank you." I dig into my bag, searching for the notes.

"Spencer, what is this?"

Spencer jumps back quickly, looking guilty. "Hey Madison. I'm just getting my notes from Ashley."

Madison looks between us, as if trying to decide if that's all that is going on. I'm not sure what else could be ascertained from me holding out a stack of papers for Spencer. "Why?" she asks meanly, as if there isn't anything worse than conversing with me.

"Obviously if she needed you here, Maddie, she would have tugged on your leash."

I catch Aiden's smile out of the corner of my eye. Being a bitch is always more fun with an audience.

Madison ignores my remark and focuses on Aiden, which is understandable. He's a good looking guy; tall, dark, and handsome, and even though I cringe when I describe my best friend like that, I see no point in shorting him, at least in the privacy of my thoughts.

"Hey Aiden," she says in a sultry voice, one I assume is supposed to be flirty.

"Madison." He smiles brightly. He's an attention whore, and having Spencer and Madison focusing on him has probably just made his week. "What brings you over here?"

"I came over to rescue Spencer," she says like it's obvious.

She obviously doesn't know that we're the ones needing to be rescued.

"Oh," Spencer speaks up suddenly, still in that stupid, shy voice. "I'm okay. I'm just getting the notes."

I hold up the notes and put them in Madison's face. "It's paper that you write information on," I explain slowly. "Nn-oats," I pronounce clearly, enjoying the scowl that makes its way across her normally smug face.

"I know what notes are," she exclaims haughtily, snatching the notes from me and handing them to Spencer. "Ugh, let's go Spencer. We have to go disinfect ourselves." She turns to Aiden and gives him a bright smile. "I'll see you at the game." She pulls Spencer away.

"Bye Madison. Spencer." He gives them a big wave, smiling like a dumb ass.

The blonde stops suddenly and turns to me, ignoring Madison's bitchy look of confusion. "I uh…" She looks at the ground before meeting my gaze, a small smile on her face. "Thanks for the notes."

I surprise myself when I give a small smile in response and nod.

"Spencer," Madison says in a harsher tone, grabbing her wrist again and pulling her away.

"Wow," Aiden sighs as he leans back against the table.

I look at him curiously. "What?"

"Madison has-" he begins, but I cut him off quickly.

"Ew," I say in disgust, "don't you dare finish that sentence. I'm fully aware of what she has. It's called an STD."

He laughs. "I was going to say that Madison has nothing on Spencer Carlin."

I look at him incredulously. "Seriously? Shy Mary? Not that I like Madison, at all, but really? I mean Spencer is like...like…" I fumble around thinking of a good way to describe the girl. "She's like this little angelic cheerleader, you know, if there existed such a thing."

Aiden laughs again. "You think I'm joking," I continue. "She's just too…perfect! Yeah, that's it, perfect! Her hair always looks nice, she dresses cute but not slutty, she's nice to people, she makes good grades," I tick off my list. "And she's pretty, too. Like what in the fuck?"

I see Aiden roll his eyes at me. "Wow Ash, after that description, how could I not hate her? You made her sound just plain awful," he says in a voice full of sarcasm. "And what do you have against her? She's never done anything to you."

"Exactly! She's nice to me, so how in the hell is she a cheerleader? And who can be nice all the time. Fuck, even Mary Poppins could get a little pissy." I'm standing up before I even realize it. That's how crazy Spencer Carlin can make me.

"Okay," Aiden says between laughs. "I guess I'll return the ring I bought for her."

I can't help but laugh, realizing that I might have been a little crazy with my rant. "Shut up, ass. Like she'd even go for you."

"I dunno," he shrugs, a teasing glint in his eyes, "she seemed more nervous by you."

I roll my eyes and slap him. "Ugh, whatever. I can't help it she's weird."

"Not weird," he counters, "quiet." He leans closer to me and whispers loudly, "and you know what they say about the quiet ones…"

I once again roll my eyes at my loser friend. "You could learn something from this whole 'quiet' thing." I level him with a significant look.

"But then who'd bitch back at you?" he pouts. I swear he's such a girl sometimes.

"Touché," I smile. "Though Madison seems to do a good job. Hell, Madison seems to be able to meet everyone's needs."

"She's not so bad."

I scoff. "What, in bed? Ugh, so do not want to be thinking about that!" I close my eyes firmly and shake the image free.

Aiden puts his hands up defensively. "I'm just saying, she's nice."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "And by nice, you mean you'd do her."

He shrugs and smiles at me. "I'm not ruling it out. But like I said, she's got nothing on Spencer. Madison would be a good quick lay, but Spencer…she'd be good for a while."

"Ew, ew, ew!" I protest loudly. "Never ever use Spencer and lay in the same sentence. Besides the fact that that's wishful thinking on your part, that's just plain gross."

Ugh. Seriously, Spencer Carlin is just…something!

Aiden laughs and shakes his head at me. "You act like she's hideous or something."

"She's not," I admit quietly. "I mean she's obviously pretty, but still-" I cut myself, not sure where I was going with that thought. Really it doesn't matter because I do not want to think of Spencer Carlin having sex at all, let alone with anyone I know. I'd never wish that on anyone.

"Yeah right Ash," he laughs in disbelief. He picks up my book bag and hands it to me before shouldering his own.

I frown at his tone. "What?"

"Methinks you doth protest too much." Aiden starts heading towards the gym for basketball. Don't ask me why they scheduled basketball practice right after lunch. I'm just glad I'm not in the gym to see the athletes' lunch come back up.

I raise my eyebrows at his lame choice of words. "Methinks you are a dumb-ass." Seriously, who says shit like that, you know, besides Shakespeare or whoever.

Aiden turns around and gives me one big shit-eating grin before walking inside. "You know..." He turns to me with a smug smile. "You didn't say no." He quickly shuts the door.

"Ugh, you are such a douche!" I yell out to him, just knowing he's still wearing that stupid ass grin.

I walk to my car, totally forgoing the rest of school. I only have one more class, and I see no point in staying for Art. I can draw just fine on my own, thank you. I mean just look at the picture I drew of the nerd in my class. Totally museum worthy.

My phone vibrates with a message, and I'm a little cautious when I see Aiden has sent me some kind of multimedia that I have to download.

When the download completes, I can't help but roll my eyes in irritation.

The little fucker sent me a picture.

Of Spencer Carlin in her cheerleading outfit.

What an ass.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

* * *

**_Chapter 2_**

I know I should have deleted that picture. I don't know why I didn't. My only consolation is that it somehow slipped my mind as I walked to my car.

Now I desperately wished I had, because Aiden grabs my phone and cycles through it, laughing in triumph as he finds it.

"Aha!" he says loudly, causing several people to look our way.

I slap him and tell him to shut up.

"I can't believe you kept it," he says in a shushed tone. His smile is really pissing me off.

"It just slipped my mind," I tell him with irritation, punching him in his chest until his stupid grin goes away.

"Ow, okay," he whines as he rubs the sore spot. "Still, for some one who hates her, you sure like that picture."

"What is that?" Madison demands as she walks over, curiously trying to see what Aiden and I are looking at.

"None of your business." I try to put my phone away, but Madison grabs it before I can.

She stares at the picture with a confused expression before turning back to me and scowling. "You are such a freak. I'm not sure that I really want to know, but why the _fuck_ do you have a picture of Spencer on your phone?"

"Yeah Ashley, why?" Aiden jumps in, and I know he's fighting back a laugh.

"Shut up, both of you!" I'm pissed, and I can feel a blush make its way across my face. Ashley Davies does not blush!

"Look," Madison says as she forcefully hands me back my phone, "keep Spencer out of your freak fantasies, _comprende_?

"What about me?" Spencer asks in interest as she walks over to us.

Oh fuck me running. I've never wanted to disappear more than I do now.

"Nothing," I force through my gritted teeth, making sure to fix Aiden with my most hateful glare.

Spencer looks at me strangely before turning to Madison. "What were you looking at?"

"Nothing," I stress out.

Madison steps over to Spencer and eyes her critically. "Did you send Ashley a picture of yourself?"

Oh God, I just want to die! Well, actually, first I want to kill Aiden. Then I'll happily die.

"What?" Spencer steps back. "No," she laughs, incredulous, "why do you ask that?"

"Because Ashley here," Madison glares at me, "has a picture of you in your cheerleading outfit."

The blonde gives me a look crossed between disbelief and hysteria. "Uh what?" She accepts my phone from Madison, who somehow managed to get it again. Her eyes widen as she looks at the picture.

Madison raises her eyebrows, never a good sign. "She obviously liked it, she set it as her background."

I turn to Aiden with accusing eyes. "I'm going to kill you," I whisper vehemently, my voice low and threatening.

The boy at least has the decency to appear scared. Probably because he knows that he is totally getting his ass kicked for this.

Madison shares a look with her friend before she turns back to me. "As I said before, leave Spencer out of your freak fantasies."

"It was me!" Aiden speaks up suddenly, causing us all to look at him.

"What was you?" Madison says, stepping in front of Spencer as if to protect her.

"Uh…" Aiden looks around wildly. "I took the picture."

"From Ashley's phone?" Madison asks in disbelief.

"Y-yeah. Uh my phone had died, and so Ash let me borrow hers and…and I was at practice and you guys were cheering and I couldn't help but take a picture. I sent it to myself later and just forgot to delete it."

I give Aiden an impressed look but turn it into a glare to let him know he's not off the hook.

Madison's face lights up with a flirty smile and she takes a step closer to Aiden. "Baby, you don't need pictures, you've got the real things right here."

I wonder if I'm the only one who's throwing up in their mouth. I turn my head and find Spencer looking at me with a weird look on her face. I give her a questioning eyebrow raise and then turn my attention back to Madison and Aiden.

"But that doesn't explain why Ashley has the picture as her background." Madison takes a step closer and tilts her head to look at me, obviously trying to spot ulterior motives.

I snap my fingers. "You caught me Madison. I just can't get enough of Spencer, you know, considering I see her every single day, in every class. At every pep rally, each basketball game I go to, every party, every school function. At lunch, in the hall between classes..." I roll my eyes heavily at the end, making sure my sarcasm is received by everyone.

"Ash," Aiden says softly, his tone slightly chastising.

"What?" I turn my head to him sharply and follow his gaze.

I feel my stomach drop as I see the strange, hurtful look on Spencer's face. I don't understand the guilty feeling that takes over me.

"Wow Ashley." Madison looks at me like she's never seen me before. She shakes her head at me in disappointment and grabs Spencer's arm and pulls her away.

"Damn Ash," Aiden says after we watch Madison and Spencer leave.

I put up my hand to stop him. "Just don't," I beg, already feeling bad enough about the look on the blonde's face.

"You know…" he starts, and I cut him off again. I know where this is going.

"I know. God, I know."

Well fuck. I'm going to have to apologize.

I gather my things quickly and rush off to find the upset girl. I only hope that she's not with Madison. I only hope that this feeling in my stomach goes away. I feel like I'm going to be sick, and I don't like it at all.

Walking through the halls, I skim the bathrooms looking for Spencer. I frown when I don't see her. I hadn't planned on not being able to find her and I can't help but feel like this is way more trouble than it's worth.

Mumbling to myself about oversensitive blondes and fighting down the guilt for thinking that, I force myself to go in the library, praying she's not in there.

As luck would have it, she's there, distractedly flipping through some dusty book. I swallow heavily and check my phone, a nervous habit of mine.

I walk over to her, stopping about twenty feet from her as I flip open my phone again. I'm glad I did, because it reminds me of my stupid background picture that started this whole thing. I hurriedly change my picture and take another deep breath.

Checking my phone one last time, I force myself to put it in my pocket, and as she turns and faces me, I know that the feeling in the pit of my stomach is not going to go away. She's the only one who makes me feel this way.

And it's just another reason why I hate Spencer Carlin!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Thanks for the wonderful responses! Again, these chapters are kind of short, but then you get more updates ;)  
_

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**_Chapter 3  
_**

"H-hey," I say softly, cursing myself for how unnatural my voice sounds.

I look up and see that she isn't looking at me, having not heard my whisper. I cough softly - or so I thought - causing several annoyed people to turn towards me.

A collective "shh!" is heard throughout the library, and I stick my tongue at them before turning back to find Spencer staring at me with a slightly amused expression. It's quickly changed into a frown, bringing my guilt back full force.

"Hey," I say again, thankfully with a more confident voice.

Her blue eyes look clearer than I can ever remember, and now I'm certain she'd been crying moments ago. She purses her lips but remains silent. I take this as my cue to keep going.

Feeling nervous again, I shift my weight from foot to foot, finding interest in the dust collecting on the shelves. "So, I uh…I came looking for you…_for about twenty minutes_," I mutter under my breath, causing her lips to turn slightly, "to say-"

I stop myself and give her a pleading look, hoping she'll save me the grief and fill in the blank. I've never been good at apologizing, and I'd rather not start today.

Spencer just crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows. "To say?"

I can't help but narrow my eyes at her. She's not making this easy. "Well what I said was really really, uh…" I look around the library helplessly, silently wishing I was in a section about how to apologize. My eyes land on the section on dying.

Can I?

She looks somewhat amused. "Was really what?"

I glare at her and sigh heavily. "Ugh, fine, okay? What I said was really mean and out of line, and I can't even believe that I'm here, in this fucking library, apologizing to you, but I realize that it was harsh, even for me, and even though you're a cheerleader and most likely deserve it for something you've done or will to do me…I still feel a little, _tiny_ bit guilty and so that's why I came over to talk to you." I take a deep breath, feeling a little surprised by my monologue. "So yeah…" I drop off awkwardly.

"Are you really?" she says softly, eyes still lit in amusement.

"Huh?" I say in confusion. Am I really what?

"Are you really sorry?" she elaborates, arms uncrossing. I somehow feel less on edge after that move.

I look at her like she's insane. "Uh, did you not just hear a word I said?" I can't help when my eyes linger on her blonde hair. I know it's stereotypical, but she's the one who asked that dumb question.

Spencer laughs softly, and even though I'm thoroughly confused, I can't help but be surprised by how genuine it sounds. "I did."

She offers no more, and I keep giving her an incredulous look. "Oookay," I say slowly. "Well then I'm gonna go." I flick my thumb towards the door, you know, just in case she doesn't know where it is.

I turn around, wondering what in the hell just happened. This is why I avoid the library. Weird shit happens there.

"Ashley, wait!" Spencer's hand is suddenly on my arm, and I don't know what's more surprising; that she's touching me, or that she says my name. Whatever it is, it causes a weird feeling to go through me, and I don't think I like it too much.

I try to casually pull my arm back. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for saying what you did. It was…" she bites her lip shyly, and I find myself looking away, unable to keep looking at her. "It was really nice of you to go out of your way to tell me. So thanks." Her face breaks into a bright smile.

Ugh, it figures her teeth would be all straight and white. I look away and we lapse into silence.

"Did you have braces or something?" I ask suddenly.

Her face changes into confusion, and she cocks her head to the side slightly. "What?" she breathes out through a laugh.

I quickly feel embarrassed over my question, because now I'm going to have to explain my thought process. "Uh, never mind, dumb question."

She continues to look at me with an amused smile, making me think she can read my mind.

God I hope not!

We stand there for an awkward moment, neither of us leaving for a strange reason. I shake my head and mumble a quick bye before practically sprinting out of the library.

"Ashley!" Spencer calls out in a loud whisper.

God, not this again. I stop and roll my eyes but do not turn around. She's had enough of my good graces today. I wave my hand to let her know to talk.

"Four years."

This causes me to turn around. "What?"

She messes with her hair for a moment before she looks at me and smiles. "I had braces for four years."

I can't help but to smile triumphantly. Serves her right! I grab my phone out and text Aiden, letting him know that Princess Spencer isn't fully perfect. Just ninety-seven percent.

"You're not taking another picture, are you?" Spencer asks, and as my eyes jump up to her, I notice the teasing smile she's wearing. "I could put my uniform on, you know, if you wanted."

My lips quirk up into a small smile that I'm unable to bite back. "It's not fun if you're expecting it. The best photo shoots are the impromptu ones."

Spencer nods thoughtfully. "I remember my modeling coach telling me that."

See, I knew it! Told you she had all those good genes.

"You model?" I try to seem surprised without making it seem like I'm incredulous.

Honestly I'm not even sure why I care. Probably because I don't want to spend another twenty minutes playing _Where's Spencer?_ so I can apologize.

I see her face break out into a big grin and then her soft laughter fills my ears. "Seriously?" she asks me in disbelief.

I shrug defensively. "Well I mean it's a legitimate question."

"On what basis?"

Oh-ho, she's good. She set me up! I'm definitely not even gracing that with a compliment. All I do is shrug again.

She stares at me intently for a minute, and for the second time in about ten minutes, I feel like she can read my thoughts and it makes me very uncomfortable. "No," she says, still with a smile, "I'm not really a model."

I don't want to be here anymore. This is way more Spencer exposure than I've ever had to endure. Throw in an actual conversation with the girl, and you've got overload. "Oh," I say lamely, casting my gaze towards the door. "Well yeah, I'm out. Uh…bye?" I say uncertainly.

I hear her laugh again, something I notice she does a lot. "Yeah, bye. Thanks again."

I don't turn around to see the grateful smile I know she's wearing. I quickly leave, pushing my weird interaction with Spencer to the back of my mind.

Only when I'm lying in bed do I allow myself to think about what happened.

Only then do I allow myself to smile.

I replace my smile with a frown and quickly sit up, cursing myself for my stupid thoughts.

Because despite the semi-normal conversation I had, I can't help but to still really _reall_y...dislike Spencer Carlin!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Your feedback is amazing! Hell, you're all amazing!_

_ Even though I'm not doing chapter dedications each chapter like I did with SSN, I give this one to **BoxcarGrafitti**. This is in honor of your lovely PM :)_

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**_Chapter 4  
_**

I'm sitting next to Aiden in Spanish, not sure if I should tell him all that Spencer and I talked about. Part of me wants to keep it to myself, though I'm not sure why.

"So, how'd it go?" Aiden loudly whispers to me.

I roll my eyes as Ms. Garcia shakes her head disapprovingly and says, "_En Español, por favor_."

Aiden ducks his head in false chastisement. "_Lo siento, Profa_." He turns back to me and frowns thoughtfully. He pretty much used the extent of his Spanish knowledge. "Uh_… ¿que pasó?_" His face turns towards Ms. Garcia for confirmation.

She nods happily. "_Sí, muy bien_."

Aiden turns to me expectantly, and I roll my eyes again. "_Ashley,_ ¿_que occurió con Spencer_?"

Ugh, he's annoying the shit out of me. I shake my head and point to my phone. I hate talking in Spanish, and the fucker knows it.

He sends me a questioning look. "_¿Qué?_" My message is obviously way over his small brain capacity.

I glare at him and start typing away. His face lights up in understanding as he receives my text.

_It's called texting dumb ass. You don't have to talk in Spanish. Stop sucking up to Garcia._

His glare turns into a big smile as he turns to the teacher. "_No se permite usar los teléfonos cellulares, _¿_correcto?_"

Ms. Garcia looks around suspiciously, eyes landing on the phone I'm subtly trying to hide. "_Señorita, lo traiga aquí_." Aiden's smug smile is seen out of the corner of my eye.

I make my way up to her desk, switching between giving Aiden a death glare and swearing under my breath. On my way back, I make sure to step on his foot, putting extra weight on it. It's even more satisfying by the fact that he's wearing flip flops and I have heels on.

"Ow!" he yells loudly, causing me to bite back my grin as all eyes turn to him.

"Aiden!" Ms. Garcia chastises in astonishment. She looks at him disapprovingly, shaking her head and making a strange clucking noise.

This time it's his turn to glare at me. "What in the hell, Ash?"

I just cross my arms and ignore him.

He nudges me. "Ashley, why'd you do that? That hurt!"

Again I keep my gaze on my book.

"Ashley!" he whispers louder, throwing a pencil at me.

"_Perdóneme, pero no puedo escuchar a la Profa. Silencio por favo_r." I do my best to bite back my grin.

Ms. Garcia shifts her gaze to Aiden, obviously hearing my words. "Mr. Dennison, I'm going to have to ask you to stop distracting my students." He's definitely in trouble if she's using English. "If they cannot hear me speak, they cannot, in turn, speak it. If you so desperately need Ms. Davies attention, I suggest you wait until you can go somewhere private."

The class erupts into laughter, some guys giving catcalls. Even though the thought of being somewhere private with Aiden makes me want to throw up, I'm okay with letting that slide. It's worth it to hear Aiden get bitched out.

I give Ms. Garcia my biggest smile. "_Muchas gracias_." She nods, giving me a smile that's usually only reserved for students she likes, AKA Aiden.

Once she turns around, I lean towards Aiden and smile triumphantly. "_Sórbalo_," I whisper smugly, then quietly grab my bag and leave class.

It might seem like a stupid idea, but the sad - but mostly awesome thing – is, she won't notice. There's always the possibility that Aiden might tell, but he knows I'll give him hell for it.

I strut down the hall, feeling pretty damn pleased with myself. I got to piss Aiden off, embarrass him, and leave Spanish early. All in all, I consider this a good day so far.

"Ashley?"

I look up to see Spencer Carlin staring at me in surprise. And suddenly my good feelings about today quickly vanish.

She's wearing fitted jeans and a modest green top, and I find myself taken aback. Probably because she's not in her usual cheerleading attire. When she wears that thing practically every day, I'm bound to notice a change.

I meet her gaze and find her looking at me in amusement. "What?" I say in a slightly annoyed tone. I'm not really a bitch, I just hate it when she gives me that stupid 'I know a secret about you' look. You know, the one she always seems to wear.

Spencer looks down at her watch then looks back at me. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

Shouldn't you mind your own business?

Seriously, who is she, the attendance monitor? I level her with pointed glance. "Shouldn't you?"

She gives me a small smile and lets out a little laugh. "Oh no, this is my free period. I didn't know you had one."

"I don't." Confusion registers on her face before she quickly clears it. "I just got out early."

"Ah, okay," she says in understanding. "Must suck for the rest of your Spanish class, what with having to stay there full time."

I subconsciously drop my gaze from hers, as if it will make me less susceptible to her mind reading. I hate that I feel slightly guilty. "Yeah well, that's the perk of being on Ashley time."

She gives a light laugh. I don't know if she finds what I said amusing or if she's laughing at my lame attempt at a joke, and it drives me insane that I can't read her.

A thought strikes me, and I look her up and down, trying to gauge her. "How'd you know I was in Spanish class?"

What, is she following me now? Fuck flattering, that's just plain creepy.

"Well I figured I would make sure that the schedule of yours that I printed out was accurate." She pulls out a piece of paper and stares at it. "Yep," she nods, pointing to the sheet, "Spanish at 11."

My mouth turns into a smile at her obvious sarcasm. She's kind of funny, you know, if you don't mind giving courtesy laughs. "Seriously," I press.

Spencer smiles and puts the paper away. "Aiden mentioned that he had Spanish with you, and I knew what time he had it, so after solving a rather difficult equation, I figured out when you had it."

"Ah," I feign being impressed, "and I'm guessing the Nobel Prize is on its way?"

She laughs and nods. "Of course." She leans close to me and lowers her voice. "Priority shipping, I hear."

My mouth almost hurts as it once again twists into a smile. I feel like I've smiled more in this conversation with Spencer than I have in the past week.

Spencer looks at her watch and I'm pretty sure I hear a sigh escape her. "Well," she starts off, shifting her weight, "I better go. I'm not privileged enough to be on Ashley time."

"Few are," I interject with a smile, a strange feeling fluttering through my body.

She gives me a last smile and says, "See you around," then turns around and walks the other direction.

"Bye," I call out to her back, and it's only once I hear a distant door open and close that I realize that the sensation coursing through me is disappointment.

And it will take me a lot longer than that to realize why.

* * *

**A/N: **_So I figure most of the Spanish used is pretty easy to understand. And my own Spanish knowledge is pretty limited, so to any native speakers or people who are fluent, no butchering of the language was intended._

_Anyway, quick translations of the phrases that aren't as obvious_:

_Señorita, lo traiga aquí- _Miss, bring it here.

_Perdóneme, pero no puedo escuchar a la Profa. Silencio por favo_r - Excuse me, but I can't hear the teacher. Be quiet, please. (Rough translation)

_Sórbalo- _Suck it_  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5_**

"Have I told you how much I hate you?" Aiden mutters grumpily as he meets me at his car.

I give him a sweet smile and pinch his cheek. "Not today."

"Not only did you get to miss out on her twenty minute lecture…all in Spanish!" he cries out. "But she gave me extra homework for being disruptive. I have to write a three page paper about silent films. All in Spanish!" he repeats, still in his whiny voice.

"Hmm," I say thoughtfully, "sounds like Garcia was trying to hint at something."

Aiden glares at me but then puts his face in his hands and groan. "This sucks."

I roll my eyes at his pity party. "Oh get over it, hot shot. Garcia totally has the hots for you. Just do that stretching thing you did that one day to get us out of taking a quiz."

He lifts his face up and gives me a smile, stretching long and slow. "You mean _this_?"

I laugh and punch him lightly. "Yeah. Apparently some people like that." I give him a disgusted face.

"You know," he says thoughtfully, "I remember a time when a certain some one liked this too." He sends me a knowing smirk.

"Yeah, and then that certain some one got a brain."

Aiden pretends to wipe a tear and puts a hand over his heart. "Ashley Davies," he sighs longingly, grabbing my hand in a dramatic manner, "how you wound me."

I roll my eyes in amusement and yank my hand back. I always knew he was a drama queen.

" 'twas a sad day when you switched teams."

I suddenly step closer to him and rest my hands on his chest, trailing them down to his toned stomach. I bring my mouth inches from his. "Who's to say I've signed the contract to make it official?" I whisper huskily, giving him a sexy smile as I hear his sharp intake of breath.

His hands wrap around my waist, and I can practically hear him panting. "My team's always open," he promises softly, a slight plea in his tone.

I know what he wants. I mean hell, it's not exactly hard to tell what he wants, not when I can feel it.

I also know I'm a big tease as I step away from him.

"Ash!" he moans in disappointment, doing his best to glare at me given his aroused state. "That's just fucking mean."

"Sorry," I smile and pat his cheek fondly.

Even though he knows it's not going to happen between us, it's still funny to know he has some hope.

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters dismissively. "Get your hot ass in the car." He starts to get in the car but stops and waves at some one behind me.

I turn around and, of course, see Spencer Carlin. I'm still slightly convinced that she's following me, though I don't know why she would be.

"Hey Spencer!" Aiden yells loudly, giving her his best smile, his earlier condition disregarded. Or, from the way he's eyeing Spencer, maybe he found another applicant.

I swallow down bile as I think of that.

Her gaze meets mine and if possible, her smile widens and she gives me a wave. Aiden and I share a confused look before I turn back to her and give her a small wave in return. She gives us one last smile then walks over to Madison, who has been switching between glaring at me and smiling flirtatiously at Aiden. Personally I'm a little impressed.

"Now you smile at each other?" Aiden says as we get into the car.

"What?" I say defensively, buckling my seatbelt to give me some distraction.

He looks at me like I'm stupid. "What happened between you two?"

"Nothing." He raises his eyebrows. "Stop it," I say firmly. "Really, nothing happened. I apologized and she forgave me."

"Must have been one hell of an apology to get this response," he observes thoughtfully, and I wonder if he really is as jealous as he sounds.

I adjust my seatbelt, still refusing to meet his eyes. "Look, I said sorry and we talked for a little bit and then I left. Then we talked briefly today." I make sure to use an air of finality in my tone.

"How brief is brief?" he asks. "Do you mean like 'hey,' brief, or 'Hey, how've you been. I'm fine, you? Oh, the same, just busy with school, blah blah blah' brief?"

I stare at him incredulously. "What in the fuck was that?"

He appears a little sheepish but quickly brushes it off. "I'm just saying that dropping a pleasant 'hey' to each other doesn't allude to smiling and waves, which is what you got," he reminds me, as though it hadn't happened five minutes ago.

"Oh, you know, Spencer and I are total BFFs." I make sure to roll my eyes heavily.

"You're deflecting with sarcasm, so it's obviously something somewhat important."

This is what I hate about having a close friend; they can read through your bull shit and call you out about it.

"All that has happened is that I don't hate her quite as much as I used to." I make sure he nods in understanding. "And it means that I can stand to be in the same room as her without wanting to gouge out both eyes."

"Just one?" he teases, causing me to laugh.

"Yeah," I agree, "just one."

Aiden smiles back and turns the radio on, and I can't help but release a soft sigh, feeling relieved that he let it go as quick as he did.

He pulls his phone out at a light, and I roll my eyes at him.

"You're like the only teen I know who doesn't text and drive."

"Excuse me for preferring not to be in a head on collision."

"It's called multitasking."

"It's called hospital visit," he retorts. I cross my arms and he smiles, knowing he won that one.

I reach into my purse, frowning when my hand grasps at everything but my phone. "Hey," I nudge him, "call my phone."

"Please," he says with an eye roll, but calls it anyway, like I knew he would.

My frown deepens when I don't hear it, not even a faint vibration. That's when it hits me. "Aw shit!" I slap my forehead.

Aiden turns to me. "What?"

"I forgot Garcia has my phone. Fuck," I curse again. Figures leaving early would bite me in the ass. Fuck I hate karma.

"Seriously?" Aiden asks, and his strange tone causes me to look at him.

"Uh yeah…why?" He looks at me, and his uneasy look causes dread to fill me. "Aiden," I say slowly, "why?"

"Okay, don't hate me, but…" He tears his gaze from mine and clutches the wheel tightly.

"Aiden," I yell, "I swear to God if you don't tell me what is going on, I'll castrate you while you're driving this fucking car!"

"I was mad about what happened in Spanish class so I sent a bunch of pictures to your phone to mess with you," he rushes out faster than I've ever heard any one speak, but I still hear it ringing it my brain.

"You what!" I demand angrily, having heard him perfectly.

He keeps his gaze firmly off of me. "I didn't know you wouldn't get your phone. I thought you'd get it when you got out of class," he says in a small voice. "How was I supposed to know you'd leave class early?"

"What were the pictures of?" I force out, doing my best to keep my voice even.

Aiden mumbles incoherently.

"What?"

"penser," is what I hear, but I instantly know what he said.

I feel my face heat up as anger courses through me. "Why the FUCK would you send me more of that shit?" I shout out harshly, not even caring that he's right beside me. "You knew what happened last time, the pain in the ass that that was. Why would you think to send more!"

"I'm sorry," he says pitifully, and even though I'm beyond mad, I still feel a little bad for him.

I make myself take deep breaths. "Okay," I breathe out, "it's okay." He looks at me like I've grown another head. "It'll be okay," I say, mostly assuring myself. "We'll go tomorrow and I'll get my phone from the office or something. Simple as that." I give a glance to his crotch. "Looks like you survive another day, Dennison."

He wisely chooses not to comment, and decides on silence for the rest of the trip to my house. As we arrive at my house, I'm barely out of the car before his tires are screeching and he's halfway down the street.

Smart boy.

I've got a pretty good throwing arm, and the rocks by my feet were looking very tempting.

I grab the mail and then walk into my house, feeling bereft without my phone. Now I'll have to have conversations like a normal person.

"How was your day?" my mom asks me as I walk inside.

She never adds any terms of endearment, and she only uses my name in exasperation, I've noticed.

"Eh," I say in companion with a shrug.

It's not like she really cares. She just feels it's obligatory mother-daughter speak.

"That's great," she mutters distractedly, attention focused on whatever form she's filling out. I wouldn't be surprised if it's adoption papers for me.

"I ran around naked," I throw out. It's a game I like to play with her, proving how much she doesn't listen. I'm well past immune to it.

"Oh?" She scribbles something down, biting her lip in thought.

I roll my eyes. My mother is too predictable. "Yep. Got to school, decided it was too hot, then streaked right in the middle of class."

This time she doesn't even grace me with a response, just gives me a smile as she passes me on her way to the ice tea maker. "I'm glad you're making friends. That Aiden boy is nice, but you need to branch out."

I roll my eyes, wondering where in the hell my mom got the idea that I mentioned anything about friends.

Then I roll my eyes again, because despite what she said, my mom has a total cougar crush on Aiden.

It'd be funny if it wasn't so disgusting.

"It's a good thing I joined the chess club then. Lot's of cool kids there," I deadpan.

"Hey," she turns to me suddenly, obviously – once again – not hearing what I said, "why don't you go out tonight?"

I look at her like she's crazy. Sometimes I wish she'd be a regular mom and at least give me a curfew or something. Though I shouldn't be surprised, she's hardly a normal mom.

"Um," I say uncertainly, "okay?"

"You can wear that red outfit, you know, the one with the midriff cut." She gives me a big smile.

And I'm shocked to admit that my mom has actually managed to surprise me, first by the fact that she has been in my room and remembers any of my clothing when the woman can't even remember my birthday, and second, by the fact that she's basically telling me to whore myself.

I give her an unsure smile, conveying how much I'm concerned about her sanity. "Yeah, that's cute," I agree lamely, thinking there's no way in hell she'd believe me.

"Well great!" she says happily, giving me an awkward pat on the back. "Go have fun, dear. I'll probably be gone if you come back tonight."

If I come back tonight? Glad to see she's not concerned about me. Although after taking care of myself for about twelve years, she probably sees no reason to worry.

"I'm sure I can find a strange man to take me home."

Once again, she gives me a happy smile. "That's the spirit, honey."

Now I know she's not paying attention, she just used a term of endearment.

I grumble about my phone as I make my way upstairs. It's a pain in the ass having to contact people and having no way to do it. It's not like I know anyone's phone number. Hell, I barely remember my own.

I jump in surprise as the house phone rings loudly. I really don't know why we have one, it's not like anyone other than telemarketers have our number, you know, and all those charities looking for money.

You'd think they'd be charitable and stop bugging people.

"Hello?" I answer.

"_You not having your phone sucks some major ass_," Aiden's annoyed voice floats over the phone.

"Ugh," I groan, "tell me about it. I actually had to talk to Christine." Usually I come in, and, on the rare occasions that she's here, I just pretend to be texting so I don't have to talk to her.

I can hear Aiden wince in sympathy, though he totally loves the creepy attention my mom gives him.

"_So you up for a party_?"

"Aiden, dear," I say sweetly, rolling my eyes, "it is a Friday. That usually means party night. And how did you get this number?" Seriously, what's with people being creepy this week?

This time I know Aiden has rolled his eyes. "_It's called a phone book, Ash. Anyway, what time should I pick you up_?"

I debate for a moment. I haven't decided if I want a pre-party, party. "Just come over at like seven. We'll get something to eat and then head to…"

"_Seth's house_?" he supplies in amusement.

"Like I care. All that matters is that there is beer." And girls.

"_And girls_." See, he knows me so well.

"A boy after my own heart," I tease with a smile.

"_You know I'm not against sharing_," he offers flirtatiously. I can just imagine the suggestive eyebrow raise he's giving.

"You just like that I manage to get all the hot ones," I throw out.

It's true. He's got good taste, but drunk, straight girls have the morals of a rug. And though I don't know what morals a rug has, I imagine its standards aren't too high.

"_Yeah, yeah_," he mutters dismissively. "Alright, well I'll see you at seven. Bye, Ash."

"Yeah," I grumble distractedly, I'm already rummaging through my closet.

My eyes land on the red outfit, and as much as I'd hate to agree with my mom, it does look hot. I sigh as I realize I'm going to listen to my mom. So much for being a rebellious teen.

I hear the front door shut and I roll my eyes. "Bye mom," I yell out sarcastically, and even though I'm used to it, I can't help but feel a little hurt by her indifference.

Whatever though, all it means is that I'm getting crazy tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: So I was rereading this when I saw that I had written that Ashley gave herself a once oven, instead of once over. Haha I thought it was funny. Anyway, this is why I proofread lol.  
_

* * *

**_Chapter 6  
_**

Pardon my French but damn, I look good! I give myself a once over, nodding in approval.

"Damn Ashley," I hear Aiden give a low whistle.

I give a cocky smile. "I know." I look him up and down. "Not looking so bad yourself."

He's wearing light blue jeans and a form fitting green polo shirt that I guess girls might think is hot. Whatever, though.

Aiden walks over and gives me a big hug, and I can't help but laugh at him. He's such a guy.

"Sensual Amber?" he asks knowingly as he steps away, sniffing my neck.

I nod and step close to him again, sniffing him in return. "Degree for women?" I tease.

"The green stick," he affirms, smiling back.

"Alright homo, let's go eat!" I grab his arm and tug him down stairs.

He stalls for a second and, I turn around and eye him suspiciously. "Stop staring at my ass!" I order as I yank on his arm again.

He just smiles.

* * *

"Yo, Aiden my man!"

I roll my eyes as another drunk guy goes over and gives Aiden a high five. As his eyes blatantly scan over my body, zoning in on my stomach and chest, I smirk and shake my head.

"Think you can get your sexy friend here to talk to me?"

I look at Aiden and firmly shake my head. "Don't you dare," I warn him through my fake smile.

Aiden gives his friend a smile. "Sorry dude." He pats him on the back.

"Aw c'mon. Let Chris have some loving." He gives me an appraising look, and I wonder if referring to yourself in the third person is supposed to be a turn on.

I turn back to Aiden, disbelief coating my features. "Is he that drunk that he doesn't know I can hear him?"

Aiden shrugs and bites back a smirk. "She's not into you."

Chris steps closer to me, breathing his alcohol breath on me, making me cringe. "Yeah, well maybe she should let me get into her, if you know what I mean." He nudges Aiden suggestively. My face contorts into anger. Is he serious?

All traces of playfulness drop from Aiden's features. "Back off, Tucker."

Realizing he crossed the line, Chris takes a step back and puts his hands up. "Hey, you know I'm just messing, Dennison. It's all cool, right?" He looks at me.

I don't want any drama, so I nod. "Yeah, it's cool." I put a gentle hand on Aiden's tense shoulder, feeling him relax a little. "I'm going to mingle some," I tell him.

"Alright," he agrees reluctantly, obviously still feeling protective. "Just be careful, okay? I can't keep up with you as easily since you don't have your phone."

I smile again and kiss his cheek. "Alright, daddy. I'll leave my glass slipper for you." Aiden rolls his eyes at me and pushes me away in amusement.

Ah, and now it's time to go on the prowl. It's really not as easy as it seems. I have to scope out the scene and let them come to me. If I go up to them, they get too scared. But if I let them come to me, their defenses are already low. Yeah, I know, little did you know that there's actually a complicated science to this whole 'picking up girls' thing.

I make my way into the kitchen, searching for the stack of red cups. I found one lying on the floor, but I'm really not dumb enough to trust those. Who knows what liquid has been in there.

"Yo Davies, you up for a shot?"

I turn my head and find Brad Jenkins, a kid in my math class, giving me a friendly smile. He always insists on calling by my last name. I really don't think he knows my first name. "Of?"

He gives me a look. "Does it matter?"

I love this guy! "Good point," I say with a smile. I hold out my hand eagerly.

Brad hands me the mysterious shot. "Ready?"

I nod and we both knock it back, cringing as the foul taste of jäger fills our mouth. "That," I say, once I can open my mouth with out puking, "tasted like shit."

Brad laughs and nods his agreement. "So does that mean another?"

"Of course!" I smile. After all, I do not back down, even to something as awful as jäger.

We quickly down the second one, still shuddering in disgust. "Okay," I hold up the hand that's not covering my mouth, "no more. For now," I make sure to add.

He laughs again and throws his arm around me. "You're such a girl, Davies."

I brush off his arm. "I'm just thinking of your stomach. Don't want you throwing up on me. Not that you could make me any less hot."

"Ha," Madison's voice scoffs harshly, "I beg to differ."

"Then again, I think I'd rather be covered in vomit."

"Shut up and move so I can get a cup." Madison pushes me out of the way.

"I'd love to," I assure her sweetly, "but I'm going to need a hell of a lot more alcohol if I know I might have to interact with you."

"Or you could just leave."

I feel an arm go around me and turn to see Brad pulling Madison and me close to him. "Hey ladies, make love, not war. And if I happen to be there when it happens…well that's okay then." He gives us a charming smile.

"Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you," Madison directs at me.

"There's not enough alcohol in the world," I assure her.

"You never know…"

"Shut up, Brad," Madison and I say.

He puts his hands up and smiles innocently. "Just saying."

I can't even look at Madison. My mind is officially screaming at me for the images Brad put there. I'm never drinking again!

Psh, yeah right, that's a lie. I'll just never talk to Madison again. Ah, if only.

Madison stops smiling at Brad and turns to me. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh you know, I showed up here, desperately hoping you'd be here. Thank God you are!" I grab her hand dramatically and hold it to my heart.

She yanks her hand back in disgust. "Touch me again-" she drops off threateningly.

I raise my eyebrows at her. "Again, Madison, not enough alcohol. Keep dreaming though."

"Where's Aiden?" She looks around the kitchen, as if he could somehow manage to hide his 6'2" frame in here.

I cross my arms. Like I'd tell her. "Why?"

She looks at me like I'm stupid. "Because it's easier than having to track him down."

Psh. "And?"

"Just tell me where he is. It's not like you care."

"I care that he stays away from you," I throw back.

"What's even going on with you two?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're with him all the time, going to parties, hanging at school, flirting-" she drops off.

I fake a yawn. "Thanks for summarizing my relationship with Aiden," I say sarcastically, "but what's your point?"

She takes a step closer to me and looks me up and down. She stays silent for a moment, just looking at me with an unreadable look. "I just don't get you."

I don't like her tone. "What does that mean?"

"Aiden's this great guy; he's hot, sweet, funny…and that doesn't matter to you?" Her normal bitchy look is gone, and I'm surprised that I wish it was back. I don't like this version.

"He's my best friend. We've been friends since like third grade." I scrunch my face as I try to picture myself with the goofball. "It'd be weird."

Madison stares at me a moment longer then shakes her head. "You know what, it doesn't even matter," she decides. "That's one less person in the competition."

I don't say anything else. I don't think she knows I'm gay. It's not like I really hide it, but I also don't see it as any of hers or anyone else's business. Well, you know, besides those involved. As if I need more for the cheerbreeders to hassle me about.

She finally leaves, I guess to look for Aiden, and I suddenly feel in the mood for another shot. Feeling brave, or perhaps stupid, I pour myself some more jäger.

Definitely not any better the third time.

"That good, huh?" an amused voice asks.

Ugh, I know that voice. Spencer Carlin. Maybe the fourth one will be worth the bitter taste.

"The worse it tastes, the better it works. Or something like that." I turn towards her, silently commending her for her lack of cheerleading uniform. I look at the white skirt she's wearing. "Couldn't completely go non-cheerleading?"

She looks down at her skirt and smiles. "Well I figured since my legs were shaved, I'd embrace it. And you can never go wrong with red." She notices my outfit. "As I see you know too."

I suddenly feel exposed. "Yeah," I reply lamely. I look around for something other than her to rest my eyes on. They land on the bottles of alcohol. "You up for a shot?"

Spencer bites her lips shyly, shaking her head. "Oh, I don't drink,"

"What?" I ask in surprise, though really it's not too shocking. I should have seen that coming. She really is perfect. "Not even a little? How do you stand Madison for so long then?"

She laughs and shakes her head. "You get used to her." I raise my eyebrows doubtfully. She steps closer to me, looking around to check for Madison. "Or you just ignore her most of the time."

I find myself laughing with her. "Ahh, so your secret is out."

Spencer takes another step closer to me and I feel my body hum. The alcohol must be taking effect. "And what's Ashley Davies' secret?"

Nervousness suddenly flows through me. "She has…I mean, I have no secrets."

Spencer gives me a smile that lets me know she doesn't believe me. "Everyone does."

I eye the alcohol, wondering if it's worth it, especially seeing as how it's hitting me hard right now, making me feel nervous and very aware of Spencer.

"Everyone but you?" she interrupts my thoughts.

"My secret?" She nods excitedly. "Hmm," I say in fake thoughtfulness, "well…my secret is…I hate jäger."

She laughs and nudges me. "I already knew that. Come on, just one," she pleads, giving me a big pout.

An idea strikes me, and I push away the consequences for now. "Take a shot with me, and I'll tell you."

Spencer seems a little surprised by my offer. She looks at me hesitantly. "Just…just one?"

I nod. "A shot for a secret."

This is stupid. I don't know why I'm still here, talking with Spencer. Drinking is just more fun with a friend. Or, you know, some one you can stand to be around with for a little. And somehow, in the course of three days, Spencer has become that person.

"Just one?" she asks again, and I can't help but smile, finally being the one who isn't unsure. I relish the feeling.

"Unless you want more," I say with a shrug.

Part of me wants her to take the shot, just so I have the pleasure of claiming I got Spencer to drink, while another part of me doesn't want her to, because I have no idea what secret I'm going to tell her, and because I have no idea why I'm still here with her.

She takes a shot glass, looking at it intently, as if it will tell her some secret to consuming the bitter liquid. "You don't have to fill it all the way up."

A laugh escapes me. "You'll be fine. I promise."

She watches unblinkingly as I pour the jäger into her glass. She slowly raises it to her nose, sniffing and immediately putting it down. Her pleading blue eyes turn to me.

"Spencer," I chastise with a laugh, shaking my head at the strange blonde. My stomach feels weird again, and I realize it's the first time I've said her name. She must have too, because her eyes widen slightly and she gives me a strange look. I wonder if she feels awkward like I do.

"Just uh…just drink it quick," I manage out, hoping the alcohol will distract us both.

"Okay." She sounds uncertain again.

"Ready?" She nods bravely, and I give her a half smile. "Here we go." I knock my glass against hers. "Bottoms up."

Spencer turns to me with a bitter face, and I don't know if it's from the taste or from her current hatred of me. "It better be one hell of a secret." She coughs loudly, her eyes tearing up.

"Umm…" I rack my brain, thinking of something to tell her. Making up something, surprisingly, doesn't enter my mind. "I kissed Aiden."

She rolls her eyes at me. "I kind of figured. Another one."

"You figured? Why do you say that?"

"You guys are dating." She spots my incredulous look. "…aren't you?"

"Oh, hell no!" I can't help but laugh, my mind reeling in shock. "No, no, no! Why does everyone think that?"

She shrugs. "Well you guys are always together. And I haven't seen you talk to other guys." I squirm uncomfortably. "So I just assumed you were. It's not like he's bad looking or anything."

"No. No!" I repeat, making sure to emphasis that word. "We're just really good friends. Aiden and I are not compatible at all."

"Does he know that?" She regards me carefully.

Okay, how did this turn into a discussion about my love life? "Uh, yeah, he does." Doesn't he? Ah fuck, now she's planted this idea in my head.

"We need more alcohol!" I state suddenly, hoping to change subjects. I don't want to think about that possibility that she just brought up.

"Does that mean more secrets?" she asks hopefully.

"So you're just using me for my secrets?" I fake hurt.

"You just trying to get me drunk?" she turns back to me.

I smirk. "Touché."

Spencer eyes the bottle cautiously. "I guess one more couldn't hurt."

"There ya go!" I pat her on the back, then refill her shot glass before adding some to mine. "Cheers."

"Cheers," she mumbles back, face already contorted into disgust.

"Woo," she breathes out after she drinks it. "Well now I no longer have to wonder what battery acid tastes like."

I laugh and wipe my mouth. "Aw, come on, it's not that bad." She sends me a look. "Okay," I concede, "it really is."

I slip my gaze to Spencer, and her blue eyes find me, and I'm wondering if the alcohol is burning through her too, because I'm feeling pretty good right now.

This is a sign that I need to leave. By now I should have found a girl to make out with, but instead I've been socializing with none other than Spencer Carlin. And I've actually enjoyed it.

My God, I must be drunker than I thought. Who in their right mind would trade up hot girls for time with Spencer Carlin? Crazy people who are not me, that's who.

Apparently I've made up my mind because my legs are trying to unsteadily lead me out of the kitchen. I stumble awkwardly and feel a warm grip on my arm, keeping me upright.

"Steady there, drunkie," Spencer teases me with a warm smile. "You wanna sit down?" she asks with concern.

"Huh?" I blurt out. She wants us to sit on a couch…together? Me and her?

She smiles again, hand still maintaining its gentle grip. "Do you want to sit down?" she repeats slowly, "You know, since you can hardly stand."

"Oh…no, uh, that's okay. I actually need to go find some hot ch-" I cut my drunk rambling off suddenly, horrified that I almost slipped. "Cheetos!" I quickly supply, just knowing she's giving me a confused look.

"You need to find hot cheetos?" she asks in surprise. I can't do anything but nod. "Uh, okay, but I doubt there's any edible food here."

I don't even care that she thinks I'm a complete weirdo. I almost gave her some juicy gossip, and desperate times call for desperate measures. "That's okay. I'll be fine," I assure her.

She stares at me a moment longer, blue eyes assessing me in ways that make me want to shift uncomfortably.

And now I have a new reason to hate jäger, besides its god-awful taste. It's the affect it's having on me, making me jumpy and tingly, and not the good tingly that alcohol should make me feel. No, this is a different feeling, one I don't enjoy.

"So do you normally come to parties to talk to slightly drunk people?" I find myself asking her, wondering why in the hell I keep talking to her. I can't make myself stop.

She laughs softly. "Nah, you're just lucky." She shrugs. "It's something to do."

"But you don't drink," I remind her, you know, in case she forgot.

"As I recall, I drank two shots. Of the most disgusting liquid ever." Her face scrunches in disgust in memory.

I roll my eyes in mock annoyance. "You did get two secrets out of it." Which is way more than anyone else gets. "Hey," I say suddenly, a thought occurring to me, "where are my two secrets?"

"Huh?" Spencer asks confused. "You've got a bad case of drunken ADD."

I'm feeling too generous to take her words harshly. "We agreed to trading shots for secrets. You did two shots and I told two secrets. I also did two shots…and I want my secrets." Damn, I'm feeling pretty proud of myself right now. Who knew drunken logic could actually be…logical?

"Oh," she says softly, an unreadable look on her face. "I plead the fifth?"

I shake my head firmly. "Nope. Secrets now." I snap my fingers at her.

"But I don't even know what to say," she groans out, sending me a pleading look.

"A secret, duh."

She sends me an un-amused stare. "I know that, Ashley."

I think that's the second time she's said my name, and even though it sounds foreign, it doesn't sound weird like I figured it would. I shake my head. Now's not the time to be thinking of that.

Spencer sighs heavily, frame tense. Her blue eyes meet mine again, and I tell myself not to let them sway me. "C'mon," I press, "just one."

Just one? What the hell is wrong with me?

"Just one?" she repeats hesitantly.

Well damn, I can't go back now. "Yeah, just one." Who knew I was such a softy.

"Ok," she breathes out, "umm…" She looks around the room, searching for inspiration.

I'm starting to get impatient. "It can be about anything, you know, like a test you cheated on, or a stoplight you ran…" Seriously, just give me something.

"Sometimes…" she begins, and I feel myself leaning towards her in anticipation. This sounds like a guilty pleasure secret. "Sometimes, I wish my life was different. Like what everyone wanted for me, lined up with what I wanted for me." She gives me this half-smile, somehow conveying so much sadness.

And just like that, my fun game becomes ten times heavier. Heavier than I ever want to go, and I wish I was way more drunk so that I wouldn't feel the way I do. Instead, her confession has been quite sobering.

"Oh," I say lamely. Seriously, what in the hell do you say to something like that?

"Not the secret you were thinking?" she asks knowingly, and I see her force a smile.

"Not at all," I admit. "I'm uh…sorry?" I say uncertainly.

Spencer laughs, and I feel slightly relieved for some reason to see that it's genuine. "Why? It's not like it's your fault."

I shrug. "I don't know, seemed like the thing to say."

She gives me another smile, but this one's different. I don't know why. "That's the second time you've apologized to me. I wasn't sure you knew that word."

Her teasing makes me smile. "I just wasn't sure if you could comprehend anything over four letters. I figured five lettered words would seriously push your limits."

Her head tilts back and she lets out a laugh, blue eyes twinkling with mirth, and I once again find myself smiling, simply because she is. "You know, for some one who supposedly has every disease known to man, you're pretty cool."

I breathe out a laugh. "Madison claims that I have diseases?" Spencer nods and smiles. "Well isn't that just something?"

She shifts to watch some commotion going on in another room, and I miss our conversation, even in the few seconds it's been since I last heard her voice.

"You know, for some one who hangs out with Madison, you're not so bad yourself."

She turns back to me, white teeth flashing in a smile. "Well I'm glad to have your approval," she laughs out, but I can see that she is pleased by my words. It makes me feel pleased in return and wonder if I'm smiling as big as I feel like I am.

I hate how alcohol makes everything heightened, makes me take note of things that are normally so insignificant. Makes me relish in laughter I cause, smiles I draw out, names I pull from her lips, my name.

It is at this point that warning bells begin sounding in my brain. I don't fully know why they are going off, but it doesn't matter. I know better than to ignore them.

I move suddenly, dropping my cup but not caring. I need to find Aiden.

"Ashley?" Spencer asks in concern over my strange behavior.

I don't even respond to her. "I need to go. I have to find Aiden."

"Here, I'll help you," she offers sweetly, and it just makes me that more eager to get away.

"I'm fine," I wave off distractedly. I'm trying not to be rude, but I need to go.

"Oh," she says in a disappointed tone. "Well, yeah, okay." I look at her but she's avoiding my gaze, eyes focused on my cup on the floor.

I know I should apologize, but right now, I really don't need to stay any longer. Refusing to say an awkward goodbye, I turn and walk away.

"Ashley, wait!"

Damn, and I was so close!

"I forgot to give this to you," Spencer says as she walks over to me, reaching into her purse. She pulls out my phone. "Ms. Garcia gave it to me," she explains. "She asked me to give it to you since you left class so fast."

"Thanks," I say softly, feeling even worse over my rudeness. She's been nothing but nice to me.

We stand there for a moment, each lost in our own thoughts. Spencer looks uncomfortable as her gaze meets mine.

"It rang," she says suddenly, and I look at her strangely. "It rang, and I didn't know the number, but thought maybe it was you calling your phone, so I waited to see if it would go to voicemail. They didn't leave a voicemail, and so I went to check the number again, and then it vibrated again…" she cuts off, and dread fills me. I have a feeling where this is going. "And it was a message, and I tried to ignore it, but your phone is weird and I accidentally opened it and…"

I look up at the ceiling, wondering if God is laughing right now, because I sure as hell am not. I wonder what I did to earn such bad karma.

"And well I saw more pictures…of me," she adds unnecessarily, nerves making her ramble.

"That was all Aiden," I rush out quickly, hoping that the faster I say it, the more likely she is to believe it.

"I know."

My eyes shoot up to hers. "You do?"

She gives a smile that doesn't quite meet her eyes. "Yeah. I know you wouldn't take those pictures, Ashley. Why would you?" Her voice almost holds a challenge to it.

I squirm uncomfortably, not liking her tone. "Exactly."

"So yeah," she says awkwardly, "I forgot about it earlier, but here it is." She steps towards me and hands it to me, and as she steps away, I'm aware that I've been holding my breath and that she smells really good.

I sigh happily as I'm reunited with my true love, ignoring the amused look Spencer is sending me. "You could have deleted the pictures," I say as I notice they are all there. All six of them. Fuck Aiden.

"Yeah, I know." She shrugs. "You left that other one, I just figured you'd delete them."

I feel my face burn and I turn away from her. "I was going to delete it. I just forgot."

She sends me her famous knowing smile. "Of course."

I wonder if it's my imagination in combination with the alcohol that's making her voice sound pleased.

I open up to the picture that started it all, staring at it for a moment. Hard to believe that one little picture has caused all this. "I'll delete it later," I assure her. "I've got to find Aiden."

She once again gives me a smile and nods. "Alright, see ya Ashley."

"Bye Spencer." Her smile widens as our eyes meet, and this time, I know, she's feeling the same thing as me.

I don't say anything else, but we keep our gazes locked a moment longer before I turn away and find Aiden.

* * *

"I see you found your phone," Aiden says as I text away in the car.

"Yep," I answer simply, not wanting to explain how I got it.

"How'd you get it?"

Nosy. "Brad had it," I lie, not feeling guilty at all.

"Ah." He reaches to turn my seat warmer on, and I slap his hand away. "Well, did you have fun at the party?"

A smile makes its way across my face. "I did. Did you?"

"You're looking at the beer pong champion," he declares proudly, puffing out his chest.

"Wow," I sigh dramatically, "I didn't know I was in the presence of royalty."

He laughs and shoves me gently. "Shut up, Ash."

The car stops at my house, and I give him a kiss on the cheek. "Night Aiden. Call me tomorrow," I tell him, shutting the door before he can respond.

He gives me a wave, watching to make sure I get in alright. Smiling appreciatively, I wave back and walk inside, rolling my eyes when I see that none of the lights are on.

"Heaven forbid I be able to see my attacker's face," I say to the empty house, not caring that no one but me is here to appreciate my sarcasm.

I flip on a few lights, simply because I cannot sleep in a completely dark house. I double check the locks and trudge up the stairs, haphazardly throwing my clothes in my closet as I change into pajamas.

As I lie in bed, I check my phone, reading over all my new messages and checking my missed calls. I come across the pictures from Aiden and I shake my head and delete them.

I come to the first picture of Spencer that Aiden sent me, the last picture I have left of her. I find myself hesitating.

My finger lingers over the delete button, and I'm surprised at my indecisiveness. This is the picture that began this all. Got Spencer thinking I'm obsessed with her. Got Madison thinking I'm some psycho stalker. Gave Aiden ammunition to tease me.

It's caused a whole lot of drama in the past week. It's definitely more trouble than its worth.

Yeah, this picture has started a lot, that's for sure. I actually apologized to Spencer Carlin. I actually talked to Spencer Carlin. I actually hung out with Spencer Carlin.

And for all the shit it started, a part, deep down in me, is not ready to let it end.

And that's the part that causes me to press cancel and quickly close my phone before I can think too much about my decision.

Because for all the things I know have started, I can't help but think that maybe something else has started too, something that I'm just starting to notice.

Something that I haven't even begun to understand.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N**: Some one guessed that this would happen, so kudos to you ;)  
_

* * *

**_Chapter 7  
_**

My weekend passes uneventfully and quickly, much like it usually does, and I find myself back at school, bright and early Monday morning. With a sigh, I carelessly throw my book bag over one shoulder, looking around for Aiden.

He smiles as he sees me and waves me over, and I start to make my way over to him when I notice who he's sitting with in the quad; Madison and Spencer.

Realizing that I can't turn back now without looking like a bitch or a psycho, I bite down curse words and trudge my way over to them.

"Hey Ash. Glad to see you grace us with your presence." Aiden rubs my arm as I sit next to him.

"Hey Ashley," Spencer says softly, and I feel nervous as I give her a small smile in greeting, unable to say anything back.

All I get from Madison is a nod, but that's more than fine. She watches Aiden's hand with interest, before rolling her eyes and whispering something to Spencer. I see Spencer look at me for a moment before shaking her head, and Madison's smile grows.

"So Aiden," she says with a cat-like grin, "did you have fun at the party?"

Her innuendo isn't lost on any of us, and I snort into the root beer I had been drinking. I catch Spencer's eye, and she mimics a gagging motion, making me chortle harder.

"What are you laughing at?" Madison demands, obviously not happy about having her "sexy" (I use that term lightly) conversation interrupted. "What did you end up doing at the party?" All eyes are on me, but all I feel is the blue eyed gaze coming from my right.

"Yeah, Ash, what did you do? I figured you'd be getting smashed with me or finding yourself some hot ch-" Aiden cuts himself off at the subtle head shake I give him and the not so subtle kick.

"Cheetos?" Spencer fills in for him, and Aiden just nods dumbly. "Yeah, Ashley was looking for them at the party. I told her I didn't think we'd find any."

His eyes meet mine, and I can see the silent question he's sending me. It's the question Madison asks next.

"You two hung out together?" she asks in complete shock, as if we just told her we adopted a komodo dragon. She keeps looking between Spencer and me.

"Just for a little bit," I throw out quickly, defensively. "Had two shots and that was it."

Madison's surprised face turns to Spencer. "You drank with her?"

Spencer shies away, and I feel the need to explain to Madison. "She had two shots. It's not like she drank a fifth." And why the hell does Madison care? She's hardly an advocate for under-aged drinking.

"Did she force you?" Madison whispers - not so softly - in concern, and I feel myself blush heavily as another meaning reaches my ears.

Aiden leans forward eagerly. He is, above all else, a typical teenage boy harvesting girl-on-girl fantasies.

"No," Spencer says in mortification, obviously thinking along the same lines as me. "No," she says in a more normal tone, "she didn't."

"So you hung out with Ashley?" Spencer nods. "And had fun?" she asks, voice incredulous. "No wonder you drank." I can't help but huff indignantly. "She probably slipped something in your drink." Madison eyes me critically.

I roll me eyes. "Unlike you, Madison, I don't have to drug people to be with me."

She takes a menacing step forward. "Just leave Spencer alone, okay? I don't know what your obsession is with her lately, but stop." An arm is thrown around Spencer's shoulders, as if protecting her should I decide to pounce.

I look over to Spencer who gives a sheepish shrug, remaining silent. That irks me more. I never forced her to do anything. She's the one that's been following me around everywhere, initiating all these conversations, creating all these strange feelings in me. "Whatever," I say indifferently. "I'll leave you alone."

I don't look at her. I can't.

"Thank God," Madison sighs heavily.

"I'll see you at lunch," I tell Aiden, leaving without waiting for a reply from him.

"Ashley," I hear Spencer say softly, and I curse myself for stopping.

I can hear her walking towards me, and I take a deep breath, preparing myself. For what, I'm not sure.

"Spencer?" Madison barks out, obviously annoyed at being confused. "What are you doing?"

"I need to talk to Ashley," she explains turning around to Madison, or what I assume she's doing, considering her voice got quieter, but my back is to her, so I can only guess.

I can't do this. Not now, not here, and definitely not with her. "There's no need. I'll leave you alone, just like you want."

I make myself leave, fighting down the feelings coursing through me that get stronger with every step I take away from Spencer. I don't know what I was thinking, going over and joining them. Three conversations with her don't mean anything. It doesn't make us anything more.

When I'm sure I'm out of eye sight, I turn around, taking one last glance at Spencer. She should have said something, should have told Madison that she was the one initiating conversation. Touches. Feelings.

I can't help but hate her.

It doesn't make me not want to turn around any less.

* * *

I don't like this.

No, I'm not talking about the basketball game I'm currently at, though I don't particularly like this either.

No. _This_, is the feeling I have right now. It's not happy, it's not sad. I'm honestly not too sure what it is, and that pisses me off. I hate not knowing what I'm feeling. It's never happened before, and I don't want to think about why it's happening now. Or, more accurately, who's making it happen now.

I came here to support Aiden, to cheer him on as he leads the – Trojans? Cougars? Bulldogs? – basketball team (Cobras, the announcer informs me) to victory.

Okay, so that's part of the reason. Mostly I came to check out girls. Excluding Madison, the cheerleaders are so damn hot. I want to thank Mr. Cheerleading-outfit-inventor for his wonderful contribution to my many fantasies. Who wants to watch guys get sweaty chasing a ball when they can watch girls in short, revealing outfits get sweaty by doing flips and other moves that shows their panties? I mean you can't really see the good bits, but that just makes it hotter for some strange reason.

The guy beside me stands up angrily, shouting, "Traveling!" I have no idea why he felt the need to shout, or what in the hell that means. I would hope they are traveling somewhere, I mean don't they have to put the ball in a hoop?

I mentally shake my head. I don't care about sweaty Dave, – or about his real name - I'm focused on the space behind the court, watching the cheerleaders stretch in preparation for their halftime dance. Good, good. Stretching is definitely good. Warms them up and all that shit. Warms me up good, that's for damn sure.

I shudder as I pass over Madison stretching her groin. I almost wish the skirts were less revealing. Okay, her skirt. Everyone else? An inch or two more could come off, just saying.

Ah, Kasey Donavan is definitely hot. She's got dark brown hair and the sexiest blue eyes I've ever seen.

Correction: One of the sexiest pairs of blue eyes. I'm sure I've seen better before, I just can't think of any now.

Anyway, back to Kasey. As if her dark hair and light eyes weren't hot enough, she's wears dark eyeliner to highlight her blue eyes even more. I don't know what it is, but something about eyeliner sets me off. Even boring eyes can look good with it, and Kasey's gorgeous eyes just seem to seem even more seductive with the black line rimming them, like every time she looks at me she's giving me fuck me eyes.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who thinks that.

I roam over Taylor, Peyton, and Carrie, making sure to give them appreciative body sweeps. It's only fair, after all.

As I make it to the last one on the line, I can't help but groan in disappointment. Her back is to me, dirty blonde hair sweeping past elegant looking shoulders. Even though I can't see her face, I can see her long, slender legs, flexing beautifully as she stretches, impressing me in her flexibility and in her gracefulness.

Her back pulls forward as she bends between her parted legs, her uniform pulling up a bit, revealing more flawless skin. She holds that painful looking position for a few seconds before rising up and turning back to laugh at something her companions said. And I lose my breath.

Spencer Carlin's perfect mouth turns up in a smile as she rolls her eyes and laughs. Her eyes narrow in mock disappointment, and I know for sure that Kasey doesn't have the best pair of blue eyes, because that honor has already been taken.

I feel myself ache as I watch her, and it startles me, this intense reaction. I force myself to turn away, no longer wanting to indulge in my game. It's been successfully ruined anyway. Really, I just can't believe I forgot that Spencer was one of the Satanists.

I turn my gaze to the game, glad that Aiden is on the court so that I know which team is ours (and which direction we're going). He steals the ball and does some complicated move around the other team. He stops suddenly, face full of concentration. His body tenses, and I see his powerful arms arc up as his right hand beautifully releases the ball, sending it into the net with a _swish_. So that's why they call it that.

"Dennison…for THREE!" the annoying announcer shots happily, obviously not feeling the need to be unbiased.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate sports' scoring? Why the hell can't everything be one point?

Why do we have sports with goals worth 6 points, or 3, or 15? People can barely count as it is, so why complicate their simple minds?

"Annnd that's the buzzer for halftime. And the Cobra's enter the half, 42-36." I don't understand why announcers have to stress out sounds in words. Is it like some unspoken agreement when they're hired?

I really don't care, it's just another one of life's mysteries, at least to me. Like yield signs. And having a fish for a pet.

I lean forward in my seat, my mood improved now that there is a break from the game and the awaited dance. I quickly locate Spencer so I know which section of girls I need to avoid looking at. It's not very easy to do, considering they never stay still very long, dancing and flipping across the floor.

I eventually give up pretending to not look at her (I last 30 seconds) before my eyes find her. I can't help but smile as I watch her kick and shake her pom poms, head nodding quickly in beat with the music. I don't recognize the song, and after hearing 'Nodding my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah!' about ten times in a row, I know that I don't ever want to hear it again, and also that it's going to be engraved in my mind the rest of the night.

Her eyes find me exactly once. I know because it causes my breath to hitch and her cheery smile to falter a bit. We both quickly avert our gaze, and I wonder if the sense of loss is mutual.

I need to stop this. I don't even know what's wrong with me, why I'm feeling this way. The only thing I can think of is that Spencer and I have had some semblance of normalcy, almost a friendship of sorts, and now we don't, which is why I feel so lost without it, so empty. I didn't feel this way before, because I never experienced this with her, and now that I have, well of course I'd notice the absence.

I want to go. Like really bad. But stupid loyal me had to go and promise Aiden that I'd stay for the whole game and wait for him after. I hate me sometimes.

I grumble to myself and motivate myself to stay by going to the concession stand and getting an overpriced burger. Seriously, any one else think that that's price gouging? I'm thinking about petitioning this…right after I eat my burger.

As I make my way back to my seat, I frown when I see some kid in my seat. "That's my seat."

He looks up at me and then looks around at all the empty seats around. "So?"

"So," I echo meanly, "there are plenty of other seats."

"Exactly."

Ugh, sarcasm is so annoying coming from other people. "Listen fucker, get out of my seat. I just want to eat my $4 hamburger and don't feel like punching your face in."

He stands up and looks at me warily. "Alright, sheesh. Not like there aren't fifty other seats available," he grumbles.

"Feel free to find one of those fifty that's not near me." I give him a big, sarcastic smile. See? Much better coming from me.

I think he might have given me the finger, but I don't care, it's hamburger time! I eagerly tear the wrapping off, balling it up and throwing it over my shoulder.

"Hey!" I hear a gruff voice say. "Who-"

Sweaty Dave chooses this moment to stand up. I guess something happened in the game I'm supposed to be watching. He turns to me and thrusts his fist triumphantly. "Got him good!"

The bleachers shake and I turn to see a big, hairy guy stomping down to stand next to me, holding my burger wrapper. Uh oh, not good. I look around frantically, wondering if I can escape before Hairy gets to me. He's got a good two hundred pounds on me.

Hairy stops next to me and looks at sweaty Dave. "Got him good, huh?" he echoes gruffly.

Sweaty Dave nods happily. "Yeah, man that was so awesome." He nudges me in the arm. "Wouldn't you like to see that again?"

Having not seen the play and feeling deathly afraid of Hairy, I slowly shake my head, choosing silence.

Hairy takes a big step towards Dave and gets in his face. "If you'd like to continue to be able to _see_, I suggest you keep your trash to yourself," he breaths out threateningly.

"Huh?" Sweaty Dave asks, stupid smile still in place.

In an answer, Hairy takes Dave's drink and pours it over his head, drenching him in the sticky soda. He then takes my burger wrapper and crushes it on his head, leaving it to un-crinkle a little on his messy hair. "Keep your damn trash to yourself!" he barks before stomping back to his seat.

Sweaty Dave looks at me in confusion, his poor clothes soaked in Coke. I can't help but feel a little bad.

And glad that I didn't have a Coke. I offer him a shrug and turn back to the game.

The obnoxious buzzer sounds, and the even more obnoxious voice of the announcer fills the gym. "Annnnd King High defeats the Dragons, 72-58. Connnngratulations Cobras!"

Oh thank God it's over! I push my way past Sweaty Dave, being mindful to give Hairy space to pass by me, just in case he gets within arm's reach of another drink. Soda would definitely not look good on me.

I practically sprint to the boy's locker room, intent on quickly finding Aiden and leaving. I push open the door and immediately grimace.

Half naked, sweaty guys. Everywhere. Some only have towels on.

Oh God, I have to leave before I bring my burger back up. Ignoring the many wolf-whistles, I throw a hand over my scarred eyes and the other over my mouth and run out of the door.

"What are you doing?" an annoyed voice asks me.

I remove my hand and see Madison. Just another reason to bring my hand back up over my eyes.

"Oh you know, just seeing how well I can see with a hand over my eyes," I deadpan, throwing a nice eye roll her way.

"Whatever." Her mouth quirks into a smile. "Get a good look?" she asks knowingly.

Define good. "More than I could ever hope for." Or ever want. God I'm really going to need to gouge these babies out. It's a shame, I rather liked seeing.

"What was the hand for then?" Madison eyes me critically. "What, are you some kind of prude?"

I level her with glare, letting her know I think she's completely stupid. "Yeah, that's it, Madison."

She takes a step closer, regarding me again. "Or are you something else?" she asks in a knowing tone, one that makes my heart speed up.

I cross my arms, trying not to appear too defensive. "Meaning?"

"Hey Madison, we need the key so we can…hey." And now Spencer's here. Just great.

She's changed out of uniform, her body now clothed in faded jeans and a grey hoodie, hair tied in a loose ponytail. She still looks just as nice.

Nice? What, am I fucking seven? God I need to get out of here. These sweat fumes are making me more insane.

Spencer's looking at me still, and I realized I haven't said anything to her. "Oh. Hey," I offer simply, yet it still makes her smile, however small.

"Never thought I'd see you at one of these. Did you get lost?" she teases lightly.

"Isn't this the Glee Club meeting?" I ask in confusion, pursing my lip in thought, causing Spencer to laugh. "I'm actually here for Aiden." I gesture over to the locker room, afraid to even glance at the door in danger of reminding my poor eyes of that horror.

"She actually just came from there," Madison throws in, a pleased smile on her face.

Spencer looks at me strangely. "You went in the boys' locker room?" I nod, a blush making its way across my face. "Oh." Her tone is off somehow, and I try to read her face.

"Oh?" I question, and I can see Madison giving Spencer the same confused look I am.

She shakes her head. "I mean how was it?" Her voice still sounds off, but it's lighter than before, higher.

Horrible. I will be perfectly happy if I never see another guy. Ever. "Um…it was…memorable?" I offer weakly.

Spencer laughs like she understands, and I panic for a second. Does she really understand?

"So you needed the key?" Madison jumps in, obviously tired of being ignored. She's looking between me and Spencer, a weird look on her face. I'm personally tired of everyone's strange looks.

"Oh, yeah," Spencer remembers, smiling at Madison apologetically. "The girls need to put the mats and signs away so we can go."

Good, now they'll leave me alone!

Madison sighs loudly, dramatically. "I swear they are so incompetent." Sounds familiar, doesn't it? "I'll go put them up. It will never get done right if I let them do it." She pulls out the keys. "Text me later," she tells Spencer, walking away without so much as an insult my way. Not that I mind.

And now I'm stuck with Spencer. Again. That I mind.

I look longingly at the locker room door, earlier trauma pushed aside for now, wishing now more than ever that it would open.

"So," Spencer says softly, jeans bunching slight as she shifts her weight, obviously nervous.

"Sooo…" I drag out, feeling no need to try to spark a conversation.

"So I'm sorry about earlier." Her head lifts up so her eyes meet mine. I wish she wouldn't have done that. Or wish that she had some other eye color, instead of the soul searching blue eyes currently meeting my own.

I avert my gaze to my hands. "It's fine."

I see her take a step closer to me, and it takes everything in me not to look up. "No it's not. I shouldn't have let Madison say that stuff to you."

When I remain silent, I hear her sigh slightly before saying, "You didn't make me do anything."

"I made you take shots," I remind her, trying to keep things light.

She laughs lightly. "Oh yes, I remember," she assures me. "I spent Sunday morning remembering." Her smile drops. "But you didn't make me drink. I wanted to."

"You said you don't drink. Why'd you do it?" A better question is, why'd you ask that, dumbass?

She shrugs. "I don't know." I think she does know. "I just wanted to try it, I guess."

"And you figured who better to drink with than me?" I question doubtfully. She wasn't high on my drinking buddy list. I find it hard to believe I was her top choice.

Again she shrugs. I'm starting to hate that response. "I trust you."

My head snaps up at that confession. "Why would you trust me? You don't even know me." I don't say it meanly, just honestly.

Spencer shrugs a third time, and I absently wonder if her shoulders hurt. "I know enough to know that you wouldn't push me."

I don't know why those words fill me with warmth, but they do. "Or maybe I just didn't have anymore secrets."

She laughs again. "I highly doubt that." Her blue eyes look over me, analyzing me. "There's definitely a lot more to you to figure out."

I wonder if that's a statement or a promise. It doesn't matter, my quickened pulse has decided its own answer. "As I remember, I'm still missing one secret." I throw her a significant look.

"Damn," she says as she looks away for a moment. "I was hoping you were too drunk to remember that." It's the first time I've heard her swear. It makes me smile. "What?" she asks at my quirked lips.

"I didn't know you cursed."

She stretches back and brushes her shoulder off. "Oh, you know, I'm quite the sailor."

"You drink and curse?" I give her an impressed look. "Why Spencer Carlin, you're something else."

Her eyes soften and her smile widens, revealing her white teeth. "Yeah?" she asks, her voice the softest it's been during our whole conversation.

I can only echo her, too entranced to do anything else. "Yeah…" I swallow thickly, wishing my hands would stop clamming up.

She doesn't say anything else, just keeps her smiling eyes on mine. I know I'm smiling big, I can feel it stretching my face.

We stay like this, I don't know how long for, and I wish I could understand all that's being communicated between our locked gaze. I think I'm partly glad that I can't decipher it.

My text tone goes off, startling us both and effectively breaking our trance. As glad as I am to have my phone back, I can't help but wish for it to be six feet under water right now.

I take it out of my purse and see it's a text from Aiden. He better have been kidnapped or bleeding to death. As my eyes scan over the text, I find that he is, in fact, still in the gym, about to take a shower. I roll my eyes. That's totally important information. Dick.

Spencer interrupts my internal Aiden bashing. "Can I see your phone?" I look at her curiously but hand her my phone anyway. "It's just that Madison is - well was - my ride home and now I don't have one, so I need to call home." I wonder if she's rambling because she's nervous or if she just felt the need to explain her life story. It doesn't matter, I find it cute.

"Spencer," I say with a laugh, "use it."

She smiles sheepishly and takes the phone. "Thanks."

She types away on my phone, mumbling in annoyance as she struggles to figure it out. "Hey Glen? Glen, I know it's you. Glen!" she says with obvious frustration, "Stop acting like you're a British woman." I can't help but laugh as I picture it. I immediately straighten up as she sends me a look. "Fine," she huffs. "Come get me after your tea and crumpets." She quickly hangs up and hands me the phone.

"Gotta love family," I offer, making her smile. "You all good with the ride?" She nods. "Alright, well Aiden should be finished putting his make-up on soon."

Spencer laughs and nudges me with her arm. "So the locker room, huh?"

My face reddens in mortification. "Plead the fifth."

"Come on," she urges, "that's, like, every girl's fantasy." She says it in a high pitched valley girl voice, and I can't help but laugh at it.

"There was so much skin," I moan, giving a dramatic sniff.

Spencer nods understandingly. "You poor thing," she coos, patting my back softly.

She does this jokingly, but it makes my back tingle, her touch burning through my thin shirt. Her hand leaves as suddenly as it came, and I wish for its presence again.

"Hey Ash, Spencer." Aiden comes out of the locker, looking fresh and clean, which is good as he scoops me up in a big hug. "We won," he says proudly.

"Ah," I say in comprehension, "so that's why your score was higher than the other team's." Aiden rolls his eyes while Spencer just laughs.

"We taking you home Spencer?"

"No, Glen's coming to get me." She glances at her watch. "I think," she adds unsurely.

We wait around for twenty minutes before Glen gets here.

"What took you so long?" Spencer asks angrily.

"I had to come get you," he tells her obviously.

She glares at him. "We live five minutes from home, dumbass."

"Which is perfectly good walking distance."

"Ugh, whatever, let's just go." She grabs her bag and slings it over her shoulder. "Thanks for waiting guys." She gives us grateful smile.

"No problem," Aiden assures her, giving her a hug. He and Glen go outside, talking about the game.

Spencer's eyes shift to me, and I know she's wondering the same thing as me. It's an awkward moment, and I'm glad the boys are gone.

"We should go before they lose more brain cells conversing." I cringe at my lame attempt to break the tension, but she laughs and it eases some.

Thankfully she joins in. "If there are any left to lose."

We walk through the hall, our footsteps the only sound. As we approach the door, I suddenly stop. I know once we open the door we'll have to leave.

Spencer stops, too, and turns to me, giving me a smile. "Thanks again for staying. Keeping me company."

"Eh, gave me something to do," I reply with a smile, tone indicating I enjoyed it.

She looks down at the floor, entranced with her foot that's shifting. She looks back at me with a small smile.

"What?" I laugh, a little unsure.

She shakes her head, smile still evident as she takes her bottom lip between her teeth.

"What?" I say again, urging her on.

She releases her lip and flashes her teeth at me again. She suddenly closes the distance between us and brings her arms around me.

It's so brief, maybe lasting five seconds, but it's enough. Enough to form a smile on my face as I take in her warmth and smell.

"Bye Ashley," she says softly, and then she's out the door, leaving behind a ghost embrace and a vanilla scent.

My smile is removed from my face by my phone ringing.

"_Get out here_," Aiden says quickly before hanging up, not even bother to say hello or goodbye.

I open the door and get in, ignoring his questions about my whereabouts. I shuffle through my contacts. I get to his name, laughing to myself as I change his name to 'Queerbag' in my phone.

I save it and wait for it to bring me back to my contact list. Once it does, I smile again, this time for a different reason.

Two people down the list, after Queerbag and Rachel Danford, is Spencer Carlin.

She must have put it in when she borrowed my phone.

That little sneak.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N**: Wow wow wow! You guys have been reviewing like crazy...and I love it! I wish I could respond to every single person that reviewed. I hope you know that every single person who takes the time to leave me messages is simply amazing! You guys keep me writing!  
_

_And some one made a comment about Ashley just being really dense, well actually a few people had. I'll just say that Ashley is slowly getting there, and as for Spencer's feelings...well you'll just have to wait ;)_

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**_Chapter 8  
_**

I've been staring at Spencer's number for the past five minutes - technically I've been staring at her number for the past day. I know she doesn't have my number, so it's obvious she did this for a reason, I'm just not sure what it is.

"So what kept you last night?" Aiden interrupts my musings.

I turn my attention from my phone and look at him. "Huh?"

"Last night," he repeats, "what took you so long to come outside?"

Oh, _that_. I silently pray not to blush. "I just got caught up," I say casually.

"Spencer didn't come out right away either." His questioning eyes meet mine, and I see the wheels turning in his mind.

"Oh?" I say lamely. "Maybe she got caught up, too," I offer flippantly.

"Ash," Aiden says softly, tone almost one of pity. I don't like it.

I meet his gaze again. "Don't," I warn, shaking my head.

He throws me a sideways glance. "What am I supposed to think?"

I know I can tell Aiden what's going on. The only problem is, I'm not really sure myself what's happening. "That Spencer and I…" Her name feels good leaving my lips. "We're friends…or friendly." I shrug.

"That's all? You don't like her?" He asks it gently, and that almost makes it worse. But he knows what a big deal it will be if I do have a crush on her. I don't do relationships, and liking Spencer would change everything.

I look down at my hands but he cups my chin and makes me look at him. "Yeah. I mean no. No, I don't like her." I want to look away but his gaze is intent on mine.

He nods, smile forming on his handsome face as he ends our eye contact. "Okay, good, because…" he drops off and smiles sheepishly, scratching his head.

My stomach drops. I know what that means. I know where this is going.

"Because I _do_ like her, and don't want any problems between us." His eyes are back on mine, double checking the credibility of my statement.

I swallow down bile and offer a fake smile. "Yeah, no that's fine. That's great!" I manage out.

"Yeah?" he turns back just as happy. I nod. "Thanks, Ash." He pulls me into a big hug.

All I feel in his strong embrace, is numb. Not being able to say anything else, I smile again and pat his shoulder.

"Oh look, here she comes!" he squeals excitedly, and had I not felt my stomach in my throat, I would have made fun of him. "This is too perfect." He turns to me worriedly. "How do I look?"

I let my eyes roam over his athletic form and perfectly messy hair. "Like a douche," I offer teasingly, knowing I need to be a good friend to him.

"Good." He smiles broadly. "Hey, Spencer."

Spencer looks good today. Well, no more than any other day. She's wearing dark skinny jeans and a light blue polo shirt, and even though it's not the same hue, it brings out her eyes. It's simple, but she makes it work.

She smiles in response. "Hey, Aiden." Her bright eyes turn to me, twinkling. "Hey, Ashley."

My heart speeds up at her greeting, and I swear it stops when she sits down next to me, vanilla scent wafting around me. "Hey," I offer as nicely as I can. I don't trust myself to say her name.

As she shifts to take her book bag off, her jean covered leg brushes mine. I inhale sharply, glad that my clothes are covering the goosebumps that have broken out.

"So did you ever get the info about the Glee Club you wanted?" Spencer asks with concern, and even though she's teasing, her warm voice makes me smile.

I shake my head sadly. "No. All the flyers were gone, and the official website was down due to maintenance." I give a big sigh.

"Maybe next time?" she offers with a hopeful smile.

I put on a brave face. "One can only hope." We suddenly break out into laughter, rolling our eyes at our lame conversation.

Aiden clears his throat, bringing attention to himself. I feel myself getting annoyed and immediately feel guilty. I shouldn't be stealing his time with Spencer.

"So Spencer, you did great cheering last night." I want to roll my eyes at his lame conversation topic. Have I taught him nothing about talking to girls?

"Oh." She blushes. She looks pretty. "Thanks. You played very well." I can just picture his ego expanding.

He smiles broadly and flexes subtly. "Well I've got to play well, I have to impress certain people."

Spencer nods. "Yeah, you want to get the attention of scouts."

Aiden smile falters as he realizes his attempt at flirting went over Spencer's head. It makes me laugh. "Well I was thinking more of certain pretty ladies," he amends, smile back in place.

"Oh," she says again. "Well Madison definitely noticed. She talked about it all last night." She gives him a big smile.

I kind of feel bad for him. It's obvious that Spencer is either blissfully ignorant or - dare I get excited - not interested.

"Welllll," he draws out, leaning over the table to bring his face closer to Spencer's, "I was thinking of a different pretty lady." He gives her an eyebrow raise and a wink.

She sits back in realization. "Oh." She really likes that word. "Well thank you, that's sweet." She pats his hand quickly and turns to me. "So Ashley did you-"

Aiden cuts her off, obviously not finished. "In fact, I think you're beautiful."

Looking at Spencer, I can tell I'm not the only one who is uncomfortable. I really don't want to sit through this. He's saying what I'm thinking, and I don't like hearing it come from his mouth.

"You're very flattering." She maintains her polite smile.

I want to tell Aiden to stop, but it's like watching a car wreck. I'm completely helpless to do anything but watch.

Aiden looks frantic, his pleading eyes bearing into mine. He quickly looks to Spencer, spitting out, "I was wondering if you wanted to go out Thursday night."

She looks just as surprised as me. "This Thursday?" she asks, and I can tell she's trying to stall for time.

"Uh yeah," he laughs nervously, "unless that's not a good time for you?" he finishes uncertainly.

Now she's looking around desperately. "Oh um...I, uh, don't know. I'd have to-"

"Or Ashley and I can just go by ourselves," he suddenly throws in, making me look at him like he's crazy. I did not give him permission to drag me into this. I see him give me an apologetic smile.

Spencer turns to me. "You're going, too?"

As much as I'd like to punch Aiden right now, I can't back out on him. "Y-yeah. Thursday," I affirm.

She suddenly sits up straighter. "Well yeah, I think that could work."

"Yeah?" Aiden says excitedly. "Well that's great! Okay, well can I have your number?" Whoa, too fast there, skippy.

She looks hesitant again. "Oh, well Ashley has my number." I cringe on his behalf.

Ouch. Poor Aiden. But I can't help but smile as she admits to putting her number in my phone. Not that I had my doubts. I mean who else would have done it?

"I do," I confirm, shaking my head in mock disapproval over her sneaky ways.

She smiles and gives an innocent shrug. "Alright well I better get to class. Mrs. Baker won't want me to be late." She gives me an unreadable look. The message is lost on me.

I look down at my phone. It's thirty till, she won't be late.

Aiden jumps up quickly. "I'll walk you. I can't be late either, or Cook will kill me."

I wonder if I imagine the crestfallen look on Spencer's face as she says, "Oh, okay…Sure."

"You coming, Ashley?" She looks at me expectantly.

I see Aiden's pleading look. "Nah, I'm going to chill here for a bit. I don't like getting to class early." I nod discreetly at the thankful look sent my way.

My response obviously didn't please her. Spencer's hand wraps around my bicep, not so gently yanking me up. "Come on, Ashley, might as well get there now."

Damn she's strong. It's kinda hot.

"Oookay," I say as I'm dragged over to Spencer's side. I smile unsurely at Aiden.

She still has her hand on my wrist, making sure I don't flee. It's actually not a bad plan, considering I can feel Aiden seething beside me, though it's hard to focus on my best friend with the soft hand holding me captive.

Annnd that leads to a nice mental image.

"So where are we going Thursday?" Spencer asks me. She finally releases my arm, allowing me to breathe normally again.

"Oh uh…" I glance at Aiden who mouths something I can't understand. '_What?_' I mouth to him. He says it again. '_Eese?_' I whisper in confusion. "Chuck E Cheese?" He slaps a hand to his face and shakes his head.

"We're going to Chuck E Cheese?" she says slowly. "Sounds like…fun?"

"Ash is kidding." Aiden throws his arm around Spencer. "We'll figure out where to go."

I cross my arms. "There's nothing wrong with Chuck E Cheese," I say petulantly.

"Aw, of course there's not," Spencer coos, patting my curls fondly.

I roll my eyes and laugh. "We had fun at your birthday there last year, didn't we Aiden?" I can't resist. Okay, probably I could have, but where is the fun in that?

Aiden's face is beet red. "Shut up Ash." He turns to Spencer. "We didn't go there for my birthday."

"Yeah, it was closed, so, after a temper tantrum, we took Aiden here to Toys R Us."

"Ash," Aiden whines, sending me a glare.

Alright I'll stop. I've embarrassed him enough. And I know if I keep going he'll send me more pictures of Spencer. Although…

I shake my head. Stop it, Ashley.

"Well we should really get to class, Ashley. I heard we're having a pop quiz." Her hand finds my arm again and tugs me gently towards her. "Bye Aiden," she calls to the downtrodden boy, giving him a smile.

"Bye," he says dejectedly, standing there looking like an idiot as he watches us leave.

She releases my arm once we're out of Aiden's line of sight. "Sorry," she says sheepishly.

"No worries," I assure her. She can grab my arm anytime.

She plays with the straps of her book bag. "I just freaked out when he asked me out. I thought it was a date until he told me you were coming."

I give her a doubtful look. Surely she can't be serious. I know, don't call you Shirley. "Um he did ask you out."

"Both of us?" she asks incredulously. "Is this like Elimidate or something?"

I can't help but laugh at the absurdity. "No. He asked you out. When he saw you had to think about it, he panicked and invited me along," I explain.

"Oh," she says sadly, "so you're not going…"

"What?" I laugh. "Of course I'm going. Aiden can't handle this date on his own, not just yet." It's true. Last date he went one, he was so nervous he only talked about cars and accidentally flung his noodles at the girl. Needless to say, there wasn't a second date.

"It's not a date if you're there," she tells me pointedly.

"Sure it is," I say cheekily. "I'll be a nice, quiet Ashley." I give her a big grin.

She laughs and rolls her eyes. "Somehow I doubt that."

We walk into class with twenty minutes to spare, and I sit down and pull my books out. I sigh as I flip to the current notes. I hate studying.

"What are you doing?" Spencer asks with interest. She's just leaning back in her seat, looking way more relaxed than she should for being at school.

"Studying for the quiz." Duh. "Did you already study?"

She slowly takes her stuff out of her bag. "We don't have a quiz today, crazy."

What? But she said… "But you said we had a pop quiz."

A smile makes its way across her face, one she doesn't even try to hide. "Nope, we sure don't."

I purse my lips at her. I'm impressed. "You sly girl you. You drink, curse, and now lie?" She raises her eyebrows at me slyly. "And you put your number in other people's phones without their knowledge?" I feel slightly nervous as I bring this up.

"Apparently into some one's phone who doesn't know how to use it." Her tone and eyes challenge me, making me smile. I like our banter.

"Or maybe," I offer with a challenging voice of my own, "it was some one's way of making a move without having to follow through."

She gives a shrug, leaning further down into her seat and closing her eyes. "I just know that some one has a number and knows what to do with it."

We're flirting. Spencer and I are flirting…I think.

I like it. A lot.

I'm glad her eyes are closed, because the smile on my face is embarrassingly huge. I take out my phone and text her, the clicking of the keys the only sound in the quiet classroom.

I hear her phone buzz and I wait for her to read it and respond. My phone buzzes and I excitedly check my phone.

_Who is this?_

I turn to her as I laugh. "You're crazy." I tell her. And really, I think she might be.

"Oh," she says in fake surprise, "was that you?" I just shake my head and roll my eyes.

The door opens again, and I'm disappointed as people start filing in. Madison walks in, glaring at me before sitting on the other side of Spencer.

"You never text me. So you and Aiden?" She sees me looking at them. "What are you looking at?" I quickly avert my attention up front, making sure I can still hear them.

"What do you mean?" Spencer whispers.

"I passed Aiden and he told me you two had a date." Madison squeals loudly and grabs Spencer's hand. "It's about time, girl. You two are going to be the hottest couple."

And now I'm sorry I listened. I don't want to hear about this.

"Yeah," Spencer supplies softly, not sounding near as enthused as Madison.

Madison obviously doesn't notice her tone. "He's so fine, too," she sighs dreamily. "And those abs. God!"

Not only do I not want to her about a guy, especially Aiden, but I definitely do not want to hear about Spencer and a guy…especially Aiden.

"We're going to make you look so hot for your date. You'll be borrowing my clothes," Madison tells her.

Ha, I'd love to see that. Madison's a good three sizes bigger than Spencer…everywhere.

"It's not exactly a-"

Madison cuts off Spencer, "And you'll pretend to be shy and innocent at first, and then, after dinner, you'll turn up the heat. He won't know what hit him!"

I know what hit me. It's called vomit.

"Madison," Spencer says gently, "I don't think that's really something to do on a first date." Good Spencer, great answer!

Madison looks at her like she's crazy. "Spencer!" she chastises, "this is high school. The first date is when you establish yourself." Well that sure explains a lot about Madison. "When do you normally do it then?"

Oookay, definitely time to tune this conversation out.

"Alright class, today we're going to talk about Pascal's Triangle." Mrs. Baker sets her stuff down at the desk.

Oh thank God. I've never been so appreciative towards Mrs. Baker. Ever. I wonder if she'd be weirded out if I ran up and hugged her. She'd probably pepper spray me.

She goes off on her tangent about math, and even though I'm grateful for her interruption, I'm not suffering through this lecture. I take out my notebook to start doodling again.

My phone vibrates, and I smile as I see it's a text from Spencer.

_Thank God for Mrs. Baker!_

I don't have to ask what she means. And I completely agree.

_Guess pigs do fly_, I send back, and I smile, knowing that class is going to be a lot better now.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N**: I'm running out of ways to creatively thank all my wonderful readers and reviewers. But thank you thank you thank you!  
_

_So in lieu of actually studying and working on my project, I posted. Much better in my opinion_.

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**_Chapter 9  
_**

It's Thursday night, a few hours before we agreed to meet up with Spencer. I'm nervous and excited and every other emotion that goes along with anxiousness. I'm trying to search for an outfit, never knowing it could be so hard.

How can I find an outfit that looks really good, but looks like I really don't care how I look, but still looks like I know I look good, but that it wasn't really planned too carefully? Fuck this is hard.

Aiden has been blowing up my phone. Any other time it would be cute. Any other person. But tonight, with Spencer, it's driving me insane.

I finally yelled at him to pick something to wear and come over. I probably should take my own advice.

I've tried to back out of this night about ten times, but every time I even mention it, Spencer starts to flake out as well, and Aiden sends me a panicked look, making me change my mind. I try not to read too much into Spencer's actions.

"Hello?" I hold my phone to my ear with my shoulder as I put on my jeans.

"_What are you wearing_?" Spencer asks, and I can hear her nervousness.

"Whoa," I laugh, "this isn't the sex hotline."

I can hear her laugh. "_Damn, I always forget the number. But seriously, what are you wearing tonight_?"

I look down at my jeans and bra covered body. "Jeans and a cute top."

She sighs. "_What kind of cute top? Like casual cute or party cute?_"

I think back to her party outfit. I can't decide if I want her wearing something like that around Aiden, even if I will be there. "Casual cute, I guess," I say with a shrug. I push through the clothes in my closet, searching for something.

"_Yeah, okay, that sounds good. I can do that._" She takes a breath. "_I mean he hasn't even told me where we're going. I doubt it's anywhere fancy. Then again, it could be_," she considers. "_I mean maybe Aiden has this elaborate place picked out for us. Or it could be Chuck E Cheese_."

"Spencer," I laugh, enjoying her rambling.

"_Sorry_," she mumbles sheepishly.

"_I'm nervous_," she explains unnecessarily.

I don't tell her that I am, too. "It's just Aiden," I remind her. "I'm sure he's twenty times more nervous than you. He's probably sweated through five shirts already and overdosed on his cologne. Be prepared," I warn.

I'm actually pretty serious about the cologne. Sometimes he goes a bit overboard, and it's easy to gag on the fumes.

She laughs again. "_I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Okay, well I guess I'll see you in a little._" She pauses for a second before saying, "_Bye, Ashley_."

I smile. "Bye, Spence." I stare wide-eyed at my wall, silence on her end of the phone as well. "…er," I add quickly, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"_Bye Ashley_," she says with a soft laugh, and I know she has a smile.

We hung up about thirty seconds ago, but I'm still holding the phone to my ear, embarrassed over my slip up. I don't know why my mouth decided it was okay to give her a nickname. She didn't freak out, well as far as I could tell through the phone, but that doesn't mean I can call her that.

I (thankfully) don't have time to think about that as Aiden rings the doorbell. He's so weird. I don't know why he doesn't knock, but my mom thinks it's, and I quote, 'So cute of him!'

"Ashley, dear, you have a visitor," my mom calls upstairs excitedly.

If I didn't already know it was Aiden, her sickly sweet tone and the fact that she called me dear would have alerted me.

"Tell Aiden to come up," I shout back. I'd rather not deal with them both in the same room.

I hear my mom giggle, and I roll my eyes. I just know Aiden has said something flirty. Ugh.

"Hey Ash, you naked?" he asks, a little too eagerly.

"Yep," I answer as I open the door.

"Aw." He frowns. "You're clothed."

I look down at myself. "Oh, so I am. Sorry about that." I give him a sweet smile, which makes him push me gently.

"So?" he asks, looking down at his clothes. He spins around.

I whisper, 'gay,' and turn it into a cough. He's wearing dark jeans and a light green button-up shirt. He does look really good. "Not too bad, Dennison. You clean up nicely."

"You think Spencer will like it?" he asks nervously.

I feel my stomach drop at his words. I'd almost forgotten about Spencer…for a few seconds. Almost made myself forget that Aiden's going on a date with her, totally excluding my presence, of course.

"Yeah, definitely," I hear myself say. Is it too late to back out now? Spencer wouldn't have any notice to bail out now.

He leans close to me and flashes his teeth at me, making a stupid face. "Anyheen in mah heeth?"

I roll my eyes and want to say that yes, he's got stuff caking them, but I don't, only because I can feel how nervous he is. "Gunk free," I professionally declare him, slapping his cheek.

"Ouch Ash," he complains, rubbing the offended spot. "So, you ready?"

I look down at myself, fully dressed, shoes on, and purse in hand. I roll my eyes. "No, Aiden."

He rolls his eyes in response to my sarcasm. "Just asking," he replies. He looks at me and tilts his head. "You sure are dressed up."

My eyes once again look over my body. I have on skinny jeans and a v-neck gray shirt, cute flats on my feet. Am I really that dressed up? "Not really. I dressed comfortable," I say with a shrug, as if to say, 'and this was the result.'

"Oh, okay," he concedes easily, and I breathe a sigh of relief. "Well are you ready?"

I put my phone in my purse, making sure I have money and keys. "Sure."

We turn off my bedroom light as we leave and head downstairs. I frown when I see my mom in the kitchen. I was hoping she'd gone somewhere.

"You two going out?" she asks excitedly, eyeing Aiden and me. I catch the significance of her question.

Before I can explain, Aiden jumps in. "Yep, going to go grab some dinner."

My mom perks up at this. "Well that's lovely. You look very nice, honey."

I don't respond. I know she's talking to Aiden. And sure enough, "Doesn't he, Ashley?" follows her statement.

I give a nod, throwing in a consensual 'mm.' "Ready Aiden?" I try not to seem too eager to leave.

"Yeah, let's go. Bye Mrs. Davies," he says with a big smile. What a tool.

"Have fun you two." She steps close to Aiden, messing with his collar. "And I've told you, it's Christine." Her face draws into a big smile.

"Christine," he corrects with another flirty grin.

I don't even attempt to grin. I'm afraid any movement of my mouth will result in me throwing up.

"Bye mom," I make myself say, not being able to be completely indifferent.

Not caring whether she responds, I take Aiden's arm and drag him outside. I turn and see my mom waving from the window, smile still plastered on her face.

I shake my head slightly and get in the car.

I feel Aiden staring at me. "What are you doing?" he asks like I'm crazy.

I stare back at him. "Sitting down?" Duh.

"No," he says firmly, shaking his head, "Spencer is sitting up front."

I scoff. "I can't even sit up front until her house?" He shakes his head again. "Psh, whatever," I say childishly. I roughly unbuckle my seatbelt and get in back, making as much noise as possible.

"Ash," he sighs warily.

"Drive, Aiden." I don't want to hear his voice right now, and hearing my nickname just pisses me off further.

I see his nod, and we ride to Spencer's house in silence. By the time we get there, I'm in a much better mood. Spencer has been texting me the whole way there, asking when we'll get there and what I'm wearing and how I did my hair. I laugh at how concerned she is before I realize that's exactly how I was acting. It shuts me up quickly.

Aiden's looking at the door anxiously. "I told her we'd be here at 6:30 and it's 6:30 and she's not out here. Oh God," he breathes out frantically, "she's standing me up. Not even one date and she's already dumping me." God he's driving me crazy!

"Aiden," I say firmly, successfully shutting him up. "Give the girl a break, okay? Why don't you go and knock on the door. She'll like that."

I can see his body sag as the tension leaves him. "Yeah, you're right. Good idea. Okay," he breathes out, "I'll be back. I'm going to go get her."

"Thanks for explaining. I totally wouldn't be able to see it through the windshield," I mutter sarcastically.

I'm caught off guard as he smiles at me. "Thanks Ash," he says softly. I know he appreciates this call back to normalcy...well as normal as our friendship gets.

"Yeah yeah," I wave him off. I don't do this sappy stuff.

I laugh as he trips over one of the stepping stones leading to Spencer's door. He recovers quickly, and I can practically feel his blush from the car. His shoulders rise, my guess as he takes in a deep breath of air, and then he knocks on the door.

No more than twenty seconds go by before the door opens, revealing who I can only assume is Spencer's mother. Or some strange blonde haired woman who looks a lot like Spencer. I briefly entertain thoughts of a live-in mistress before I quickly erase my soap opera drama.

It looks like she is about to invite Aiden in, but as he takes a step forward, Spencer bursts through, smiling sheepishly as her mother's mouth turns into a frown and she says something I can't read, most likely scolding Spencer.

Mrs. Carlin goes to say something, but Spencer smiles apologetically and points to the car, dragging Aiden. I watch him give his stupid wave to Mrs. Carlin as they walk to the car.

My breath catches as they get closer. I don't see why Spencer was stressing about what to wear, she looks amazing. Her blonde hair is curly, a style she sometimes wears at school, but it seems even more elegant now, maybe because this whole scene is so far from school. Maybe, because this time, I know it's not for the hundreds of people at school to see. She's wearing dark jeans as well, with a simple black sleeveless shirt, showing her beautiful shoulders.

Aiden starts walking faster than Spencer suddenly, and I raise my eyebrows questioningly until he walks over to her side and opens her door. Wow, he's going all out. Aiden is by no means a heathen, but I've never seen him get a car door for a girl. I've certainly never been privy to this treatment.

Spencer flashes him a warm smile, and even in the darkness that's starting to fall, I can see her blush. "Thanks."

She steps into the car and her eyes meet mine, smiling returning to her face. "Hey, Ashley," she says with a pleased tone.

Of course I smile back. With her looking at me like that, looking like that, and her warm voice, I can't not smile. "Hey," I respond. "I see you decided on what to wear."

She looks down at my teasing. "I did," she confirms with a nod. "No thanks to you," she says without malice. "You obviously had no trouble whatsoever."

If only she knew the hours I dedicated to finding something suitable to wear. I'm not going to correct her, though.

I actually discovered that my closet had its own thermostat. That was quite fun to find out. Not sure why a closet needs its own temperature, but who am I to question it?

Spencer turns to Aiden. "So where to?"

Aiden pulls out of Spencer's neighborhood. "I was thinking Sally's, and then maybe bowling?"

Ah Sally's. I love that place! They've got the best burgers. I so don't mind paying $4 for that food.

"Sally's?" Spencer asks unsurely. "Sounds like a strip club." I can't help but laugh loudly. Spencer turns around and smiles at me.

"It's not," Aiden assures her with a laugh. "It's a good steak place. They've got other things, though," he rushes out, apparently convinced that that was a deal breaker for Spencer.

"Okay, that's fine," she tells him in a gentle voice. "I like burgers." And that's another plus under Spencer's name.

Aiden pulls into Sally's and parks. I unbuckle my seatbelt, and before I can even get a hand on my door, Aiden is sprinting around to Spencer's door. I feel bad (almost) when, by the time he gets there, Spencer has already opened her door. It makes me laugh.

Spencer makes a big gesture of opening my door. "Madame," she says like a chauffeur, gesturing dramatically.

I humorously roll my eyes at her, gently pushing her out of the way. "C'mon Jeeves." I tug on her elbow, falling into step beside her, making sure to not walk between them.

Aiden quickly flanks her other side, and this time he makes sure he gets to the door first to open it for us. He smiles brightly as she thanks him, and I'm surprised that he holds the door to allow me in. I figured he'd release it as soon as precious Spencer was inside.

"Two?" the host asks as he looks up at Spencer and me.

"Three." Aiden appears beside us, seemingly out of breath. Oh yeah, he's here.

As we sit at our table, Aiden explains about being stuck holding the door as a group of old ladies came through. His tone is light, but I know it's a front for Spencer; I can see that he's pissed off. And even if I couldn't read him, I see him sending glares to their table every few seconds, hand dangerously closing around his knife. I can already imagine the headline for that story: Grannies Shanked by Butter Knife. It might be worth reading.

I sit down in the booth, eagerly grabbing my menu even though I already know what I'm getting. The booth shifts slightly, and I look to my right in surprise and see Spencer sitting there. I don't have to look across the booth to know Aiden's silently pouting.

I try not to give much thought to why Spencer sat next to me and not him. Maybe she likes to sit across from her date and not right beside them. Because as much as Spencer likes to pretend it's not a date, it is. Aiden's just not doing a good job of showing her.

Okay, actually, the guys doing a pretty damn good job. Spencer's just really oblivious or really doesn't like dates.

My curiosity wins out, and I pull out my phone, texting '_Something wrong with the other side of the booth_?' to Spencer.

Seconds later her phone lights up, and she looks down at it before looking at me with raised eyebrows. I nod towards her phone.

Spencer laughs softly and I see her roll her eyes. I don't have to wait long for her response. '_No, but you were right, he went a LITTLE overboard on the cologne_.'

I should stick up for Aiden, but she's right. I froze in the car because I opened my window for access to pure air. I should have doused him in water before he left my house.

_'Just plug your nose. It's what I do_._'_

I hear her snort again, but she gets up and sits by Aiden. She looks awkward, suddenly changing sides, but I know for sure - by Aiden's shit eating grin - that he doesn't mind one bit. My side feels a little cold now, but as I look up and find Spencer's eyes on me, I can only feel warmth shooting through me.

Maybe she should come back. I could handle her beside me. But this? This I don't think I can bear.

"So how far away do you live from Ashley?" Spencer strikes up conversation. It wasn't awkward, but the silence of our booth, in comparison to the noisy restaurant, hadn't escaped any of our notice.

Aiden scrunches his face as he answers. "Uh, about…" He looks at me. "Ten minutes?" he asks, waiting for my nod. "Yeah, about ten."

She makes a noise of comprehension. "I bet that's nice, living that close."

Aiden shrugs. "Yeah, I guess it is. Makes it convenient to ride together to school."

"Aiden just likes being that close to Christine," I throw in, not really wanting to watch them talk the whole time. Date or not, I'm still here.

"Christine?" Spencer says in confusion, looking between Aiden and me as if it's some inside joke.

"Aiden's lover."

Aiden's eyes widen and he sits forward suddenly, intent on explaining it to Spencer. Heaven forbid she get the wrong idea. "It's not like that!" he says quickly, eyes pleading.

I roll my eyes at him. "Christine is my mom." Or temporary caretaker (it seems more appropriate than saying care_giver)_. I refuse to let my theory about being adopted die. Although I don't know who in their right mind would let Christine Davies take care of their child. "I'm convinced she has a total cougar crush on him."

Aiden blushes. "She's just being nice."

I outwardly scoff. "Christine nice? The only reason she knows I exist is because of the checks that come in, reminding her she has to take care of me till I graduate."

Aiden smiles and laughs, but Spencer remains quiet, eyeing me strangely. I quickly change the subject. "So what about your family? Glen's a dick."

The smile returns to her face, and I realize how much prettier she looks with it. "He is. He's an ass when he's away and an even bigger one when he's here."

"Such is family," I sigh dramatically, taking a drink of my root beer. "And guys," I add thoughtfully as I set my glass back down.

"Hey," Aiden huffs indignantly, crossing his arms.

"It's true," I say, and I see Spencer nod her agreement.

He narrows his eyes at me. "You would say that."

I sit up straighter. I don't like his tone or the implication behind it. "Meaning?" I'm just daring him to say something.

He gets lucky, because just as he's about to say something, the waiter comes to take our order. Aiden better tip big.

I order before anyone has a chance. "Cheeseburger. Plain." What? I'm not the one who has to impress some one, and I'm fucking starving. They better not fuck up my burger. I don't know why it's so hard to make a plain cheeseburger. I'm doing them a favor by excluding all that lettuce and shit.

Aiden makes a point of letting Spencer order next. I force myself to at least keep my eye roll in my mind. "I'll have the same, please."

"Good choice!" I say proudly. It's always nice to have supporters. That's an extra plus under her name. Spencer beams in response, handing the waiter her menu.

"And for you, sir?" the waiter asks Aiden a little impatiently.

I don't blame him; Aiden's been staring at the same page for about three minutes. He's had twenty minutes to decide! I wouldn't care so much, but our orders get put in at the same time, and I'm already counting the minutes until I get my burger.

"Do you need more time?" he offers somewhat politely.

Aiden holds up his hand, signally for a minute. He purses his lips in thought, mumbling to himself.

Ugh, he's really pissing me off. "Words too big to understand?" I say sweetly. Spencer snorts into her water, refusing eye contact with me.

Aiden looks up briefly to glare at me. "Shut up." He turns to the waiter. "I'll have the sixteen ounce steak. Medium Rare." I'm pretty sure the whole restaurant just sighed in relief. About damn time!

The waiter nods and takes up his menu, telling us our food will be ready shortly. Ha, that's not likely, what with it taking Aiden ten years to get what he always gets.

"Sixteen ounces, huh?" Spencer asks, sounding both impressed and slightly disgusted. If I wasn't used to his obese-man-like eating habits, I'd feel the same.

I lean closer to the table. "He's eating for two."

"Ash," he breathes, tilting his head as if to say, 'stop.'

I don't feel bad. He and I always joke like this, and he shouldn't make me stop just because Spencer's here. Besides, she laughed at it. Doesn't he like her laugh? I swear the baby from two tables over that's been crying for the past hour stopped crying when he heard it.

Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic.

Since I apparently can't bash Aiden, what in the hell am I supposed to talk about? "It's warm out tonight," I comment.

Spencer shakes her head in amusement. "Good, I was hoping we could talk about the weather."

I shrug, trying to bite back a smile at her sarcasm. "It was a hard choice between that, 'how 'bout them Yankees?' and 'how's the family doing?' You lucked out," I tell her seriously.

"Oh my gosh, the Yankees," she squeals excitedly. "Did you see that play, bottom of the fifth? God, that catch was amazing!" Wow…she totally just lost a plus for that.

I just stare at her, mind in complete shock. She throws her hands up, looking at me like I'm the crazy one.

I shrug at her and she shakes her head at me. "Ashley," she chastises friendly, "I don't even know if baseball is in season."

"Oh," I say dumbly. "Oh!" I say as it hits me. She was just bull-shitting me. Good, I was feeling bad about taking that plus away.

"You don't like baseball?" Aiden says in disappointment.

Oh yeah, he's still here. I don't know how I could have forgotten his presence here.

"Not at all. Sorry?" Spencer offers uncertainly, blue eyes showing a little confusion, and I'm reminded of how I could forget Aiden so easily.

"Nah, it's okay," he assures her happily. I see his left arm stretch to rest on the back of the booth, just right behind where Spencer's shoulders are. If she leans back, his arm will be around her.

Spencer gives him a smile and then turns to me. I wonder if my eyes are yelling at her not to lean back.

"So now that you've ruined baseball…" she says lightly, smile evident on her face, blue eyes dancing. "How's the family doing?" I smile at her cute lameness.

"Pretty good," Aiden answers before me. Speaking of things being ruined… "You should come meet them," he says suddenly. I catch his attention and shake my head, mouthing 'too soon.'

Spencer's caught off guard. "Oh." She pauses. "That would be nice. Do they come to games?"

"Sometimes, but I was thinking more like coming over to my house and meet them…" he drops his voice. "But there's plenty of time for that," he says quickly, giving a short laugh as he tries to amend the awkwardness.

"Is your mom anything like Ashley's?" Spencer asks hesitantly. I'm impressed that she understands how crazy Christine is, just from the little we've said of her.

"No," I answer for Aiden. "No one's is." Lucky bastards. "Terry is so sweet. Although, I recommend not eating anything before going over there." Spencer looks afraid know why.

"Why's that?" she finally musters the courage to ask.

"Because she's a regular Betty Crocker." Spencer laughs. "No seriously," I say, and Aiden nods his agreement. "She's always baking cakes for some person or another. And never try to politely decline. That just spurs her on." I give a fake shudder.

Spencer laughs again. "Well she sounds sweet," she tells Aiden, and I can tell she really does think that.

"Best mom ever," he declares proudly. I imagine his mom appearing and giving him a kiss on the cheek, ruffling his hair lovingly. I laugh at the image.

"What's so funny?" Spencer asks intrigued.

I don't want her to think I'm completely weird. "Just remembering being force-fed cake," I lie smoothly.

Actually, it's not a lie. Mrs. Dennison really did shove cake in my mouth, even after I promised I was full. I gave her a big smile as she watched me chew, and as soon as she turned to the fridge, I spit it in the nearest plant. I was lucky it was chocolate cake and blended in with the soil.

"And your dad? Is he a compulsive baker as well?"

Aiden laughs at her joke. I feel a little put out that she made him laugh. "Nah, he's a personal trainer down at Fitness Frenzy."

I see Spencer glance at Aiden's fit physique, and I know she doesn't find that hard to believe. We meet eyes, and I see her smile and know she's thinking the same thing as me. I quickly distract myself by fixing my napkin.

Our waiter finally comes by with the food, and I want to punch Aiden for taking so long to get our orders put in, and hug the waiter for preventing my starvation. Instead, I take a deep breath before I bite into my burger, chewing happily.

"Hungry?" Spencer teases, eyebrow arched in amusement.

I suddenly feel a little self-conscious. Was I really that bad?

Spencer gives me a smile before taking a healthy bite out of her burger. I can't help but smile as I shake my head at her in fake disapproval. Who can be disappointed in a fellow cheeseburger lover? It's like against club rules.

We mostly eat in silence. I'm not even trying to think of things to talk about. My cheeseburger has pretty much consumed my focus, and other than the blue eyed girl in front of me, little else gets my attention.

Not that Aiden hasn't attempted to make conversation. But when he realizes that he's the only one talking while eating, which earns him disgusted looks from Spencer and me, he returns back to silence.

Our check arrives at the table, and Aiden quickly grabs the check, flashing Spencer a brilliant smile. She smiles and shakes her head at me. With her attention on me, she doesn't see Aiden flinch as he sees the bill. His eyes meet mine, and I know what he's saying.

'_What's the damage?_' I text him.

'_$50 for all of us. I'm guessing about $40 for me and her_.'

Sally's isn't a shit-hole, but it's not a five star restaurant either. Most likely it was Aiden's half-cow meal that made it so pricey.

'_I'll take care of it_.'

He knew I would. I won't let him be embarrassed in front of Spencer - not that he hasn't done a good job this whole time. Still, this is different, and we both know it.

I subtly throw my debit card underneath the table, nudging his foot to let him know he can pick it up. He mutters something about dropping his napkin and reaches down and retrieves it. He quickly puts it in bill holder, closing it and putting it at the end of the table. I nod in acceptance of the silent thank you he's sending me.

The bill comes back, our waiter giving us the customary, "Hope you enjoyed it. Have a good night."

Aiden grabs it again, taking the pen and scribbling the tip and totaling it up. I trust him; I know he's not going to tip a crazy amount. Not that I couldn't afford it, but_ he_ couldn't afford that happening with my money.

He suddenly stops and looks at me, and I realize why. He has to sign, but the card is in my name. I roll my eyes at him, and he gives me a confused shrug. I whip out my phone, rolling my eyes at him again.

'_Just sign my name dumbass. It's not rocket science_.'

He rolls his eyes at himself. Good, at least he realizes how stupid he can be. He takes the card and closes the fancy book. "Ready?" he asks us, as if we haven't been sitting here waiting on him the whole time.

"No, I like to sit here and watch the busboys clean up," I say sarcastically. I know I promised to be nice, and really, I have, but I couldn't resist that one.

"Come on Ashley," Spencer says with a laugh, pulling me up.

I pretend to grumble about it, but with warmth of her hand imprinted on my skin, I know I'd happily acquiesce to any request of hers.

Spencer allows Aiden to get the door for her, rewarding him with a pretty smile. "Thanks for dinner," she says sweetly. "And the door," she adds with a warm laugh.

I throw myself into the backseat, glad the door shuts out most of the sound. I don't want to hear their words.

"So bowling?" Aiden asks as he cranks the car. I'm not sure why he asks. He has the keys, so technically we don't have much say. Not that he'd listen to anything I say anyway.

"Sure," Spencer and I say together. She turns around to smile at me, obviously pleased at our shared thought.

Spencer has her window rolled down a little, and I wonder if rolling down my window will carry her vanilla scent back to me. I shake my head as I realize how stupid that sounds. Not to mention creepy.

They keep up a light conversation, and I ask Aiden to turn up the radio so I can tune them out. With the radio successfully muting their voices, I stare out the window, wishing I was at home with Christine.

Anywhere but here.

* * *

I think they spiked my root beer.

Maybe the waiter mistakenly thought it was Aiden's drink and slipped something in it, not knowing it ended up in my precious soda.

I say this because I'm very aware of everything, much like I was when I drank with Spencer. My words have had little filtering before they leave my mouth. While that's not a bad thing to let less sarcasm be held back, certain thoughts are not ones I want to share with certain people.

Although I think if I was, in fact, drunk, I'd be having more fun and feeling a hell of a lot better.

As it is, I'm stuck in ugly-as-sin shoes, watching Aiden almost obnoxiously flirt with Spencer. I'm surviving on my smart-ass thoughts and the sight of Spencer bending to get her bowling ball, jeans tightening with each movement.

As she turns back to me after bowling, smile wide on her face when she realizes it's not a gutter ball, I feel embarrassed for checking her out.

As I accept that I have been checking her out, I feel guilty because she's not here for me. She's here for Aiden. She's here with Aiden. And as I accept all this, it puts me in a bigger funk.

Watching him say stupid things, drawing smiles from her, I realize I truly am the third wheel. This makes me feel alone.

"Ash? It's your turn."

The seemingly far away voice catches my attention, and I look up to confirm that it is my turn. "Oh yeah. Thanks," I tell Spencer, giving her a small smile. Her face looks unusually flushed as she smiles back.

I pick my ball up and walk to the alley, pretending like I'm aiming. It looks a little more cool than me just chunking the ball like I normally do. Not really sure how you can make bowling look more cool, though.

As I'm releasing the ball, a thought strikes me. I'm glad I let go of the ball, because had I still had it, I would have dropped it on my foot.

She called me Ash.

I'm sure she said my name plenty of times before that, trying to get my attention, but still.

She called me Ash.

I don't even realize I'm just standing up there, staring down the lane but not focusing on anything in particular. How can I think of anything when all I can think about is that one word resounding in my head, sounding even sweeter coming from her soft, warm voice.

"You gonna bowl again or just stand there the rest of the night?" Aiden's amused voice cuts through my thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry," I apologize quickly, mind working to cover my weirdness. "I was trying to figure out the proper angle to hit the pins."

Spencer laughs at my bullshit answer. "Well they'll probably fall over from exhaustion before that," she teases.

I give a light laugh, praying my smile isn't huge.

I'm not sure what my face is like. With every word that she says, I hear a faint echo of "Ash," following it. I'll take that over the normal voices I hear in my head any day.

Aiden steps up to bowl, picking up his ball and kneeling by the line. He looks like a complete loser, but I don't say anything to him, because that would make him stop, and it's way too hilarious to pass up.

"Why does he do that?" Spencer leans close as she whispers, afraid of Aiden overhearing.

"Hell if I know," I say with a shrug. "I think he's meditating, visualizing his targets."

Spencer's eyes meet mine as we share a laugh. I feel my breath catch a little. "It's obviously working," she notes as she looks at the score.

It's the 7th frame. I have 65 and Spencer has 81. Aiden is kicking our asses with a score of 190.

Spencer looks at Aiden for a long moment before turning to me. "He doesn't…" She hesitates. "He doesn't have his own ball and shoes, does he?"

I can't help but laugh loudly at her absurd question. Actually it's a fair question, considering how anal he is about his bowling technique. "No, he doesn't."

I see Spencer sigh in relief. "His parents refused to get him any."

She looks worried again. "Seriously?" I shake my head, smiling as she dramatically sighs in relief. "Okay, good."

"Deal breaker?" I say knowingly.

She nods vigorously. "Definitely."

"Well I'm glad I sold mine last week. It was hard to part with 'ol Bessie..." I pretend to cry. "...but I know it was worth it."

Spencer twists her face into one of concern. "You're so brave," she says in awe, also wiping fake tears. Her hand falls on mine and she gives a watery smile as she pats it.

She's teasing, I firmly tell myself, hoping that repeating it will convince me.

I normally hate teasing, but right now, it's never felt so good.

Aiden finally throws his ball, getting another strike. He walks over to us and stands right in front of me expectantly. I inwardly sigh and roll my eyes as I get up, not needing to look back to know he's in my seat.

We finally finish up, and I know Spencer and I are both relieved. Neither of us ended up breaking 100, but Aiden's 230 easily made up for it. I didn't pay much attention to the ending scores, but Aiden keeps repeating his score, obviously thinking we'd be impressed with such knowledge. The only thing it does is make me try to figure out a way to make a bowling ball hitting his face seem like an accident.

Spencer puts her shoes up on the table. "I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

As soon as Aiden sees her go in, he turns to me quickly. "Sooo I'm going to need another favor."

Haven't I done enough? "What's up?"

"Well you know how I couldn't afford dinner?" he says slowly. I nod. "Wellll I actually only have ten dollars," he says sheepishly.

I turn to the cashier. "How much is it?"

"Three shoes and one game?" he asks, typing away at the computer.

"Yeah."

He punches some more buttons. "$32.50."

Damn bowling is expensive. I don't see how parents can afford to take their six kids out. "Credit," I tell him as I hand him my card.

"Thanks, Ash," I hear Aiden say beside me. He puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes briefly. "I owe you big time." Oh, you have no idea!

"Whatever," I wave off. I won't make him pay me back. That's too easy.

Spencer joins us and we walk back to the car. She tries to open her door but it's still locked. I catch Aiden's sly smile and I roll my eyes at him.

"Sorry, forgot it was locked," he lies, offering a smooth smile to Spencer as he opens the door for her. I really hope she doesn't believe him.

He pulls into Spencer's driveway and puts the car in park. I keep seeing him look at me from the corner of his eye, and I know he's wishing I wasn't here so he could make a move.

I've never been more glad to be here.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," Spencer says as she unbuckles her seatbelt. She gives him a big smile.

He mimics her movement and undoes his belt too. "I'll walk you to your door." We all know what that's code for.

"You coming Ashley?" Spencer surprises Aiden and me by asking.

"To your door?" I say with confusion.

Spencer laughs. "Yes, crazy. I need to give you the notes from class."

I study her in the darkness. She knows she can give them to me tomorrow. Having no other choice and not wanting to give them privacy, I get out of the car and walk with them to the door.

She turns to Aiden, face beautifully lit by the porch lights. "Thanks for taking me out. I had a lot of fun."

"Yeah, no problem. We'll have to do it again," he says eagerly.

Knowing he can't kiss her, he steps forward and wraps his arm around her tightly. Spencer's eyes find mine and she sends me a pleading look, obviously being suffocated by his cologne.

I smile to myself. "You have my notes," I cut through their hug.

"Yeah." She nods, eyes flashing gratefully. "They're in my room. Let's get them."

Before I can answer, her hand is on my wrist, tugging me inside. I call out to Aiden over my shoulder, telling him I'll be just a minute.

I look around her house. It's very comfy looking. It's a nice change from my big, empty house. "Your house is really ni-" I don't get to finish my sentence as I'm, once again, pulled by Spencer, this time upstairs and into what I guess is her room.

She shuts her door and sends me a sheepish smile. "Sorry, I just didn't want to deal with my mom right now."

I hold up my hands to stop her. "Hey, no need to explain," I assure her. "I completely understand not wanting to deal with moms."

She laughs as she realizes I do understand. Her smile fades a little, and she seems tense.

I don't like the silence. "So my notes?"

"They're in my locker," she confesses, not looking at me.

I feel my pulse pick up, and I find interest in her light green walls. "Oh."

She sits on her bed and then stands up as abruptly. "Look Ashley, I know."

My eyes flick to hers and this time my heart completely stops as dread fills me. "W-what do you know?" Maybe I don't want to know. There's so many ways she could answer that, none of them good.

"About tonight."

Okay, so she's being almost annoyingly cryptic, and it's just making me more nervous that she won't come out and say it.

"What about tonight?" I'm paying extra attention to the pictures on her nightstand. It's one of her in braces, and I can't help but laugh.

"Ugh," she groans as she sees me looking at it. She walks over and puts it face down. "I hide that picture every chance I get, and I swear, every day I come home from school and it's back." She looks towards the door and then back at me, leaning close. "I think it might be haunted," she whispers.

I laugh, probably louder than I normally would due to my nervousness, but it feels good to have some tension leave my body. "At least I know you weren't lying."

She looks at me strangely. "Who lies about having braces?" she asks with a laugh.

I shrug. I don't know, people are weird. I don't judge. Too harshly.

"Anyway," she says with a head shake, obviously steering the conversation back on course.

I look around the room desperately, hoping for another distraction.

"I just wanted to say thank you." Her voice is warmer, and even though she's sitting right next to me, she makes it softer.

I want to run, but I'm blissfully rooted by her presence. "Well I didn't really have a choice."

She looks at me in confusion. "Aiden did invite me," I elaborate, and going by the still confused look she has, I obviously wasn't thinking the same thing as her. "What are you talking about then?"

"For paying for dinner." I can't stop my eyes from meeting hers. I really don't think I tried that hard. "And for paying for bowling."

I can't even act surprised. "How'd you know?" It's as if my voice is incapable of rising above a light whisper.

"I saw your name on the card. And then, at the bowling alley, I saw you paying as I came out of the bathroom."

"Oh." I never realized how often I say that when I don't have a good response.

Spencer laughs. At what, I'm not sure. "So yeah…I just wanted to say thanks." I don't have to look to know she's turned towards me. I can feel the bed shift.

"It's not a big deal," I say modestly. Not that it really is, but I don't know what else to say, other than something so predictable.

"Of course it was." Her adamant tone makes me look at her. "You could have just paid for yours. You could have bailed on bowling when you knew he wasn't going to be able to pay for it."

I think I'm blushing. I'm not completely sure though, because my whole body feels numb, so it's hard to tell. "This was Aiden's night. He'd have been devastated if it ended at dinner. He'd do the same for me." Modest words keep slipping from my mouth. I've never been so humble. It's almost funny.

"Yeah, well…" She shrugs, as if she has no other words left to convince me. I'm not even sure what she's trying to convince me of.

She stands up, bed shifting again. "I just wanted to say thanks without Aiden knowing that I know."

I stand up too. The bed is lonely without her beside me. "Well that's nice of you to not embarrass him. He did a good enough job on his own."

She laughs again, and it's the softest I've heard. "He did okay."

"So you won't be spreading horrible things about him all over school?" I make sure my tone is joking.

Spencer's lips curl into a smile. "Of course not. I'd have to lie about tonight to do that."

I snap my gaze to hers. Is she still going along with my teasing? Because her voice was oddly sincere. "Well I'm glad he didn't completely turn you off men."

She shakes her head. "It was good. I wouldn't say no to it happening again."

I expect her to be smiling, but she's not. She's just looking at me. I don't know what to make of it.

"Good. I know Aiden will be glad to hear it." God, shut up Ashley.

She fiddles with the sleeve of her shirt. "Yeah…"

And now it's successfully weird. Not awkward, just…I'm not sure what's in the air.

I nervously shift my weight. "Well Aiden's probably wondering where I am…"

Spencer laughs at my obvious uneasiness. Of course he's not wondering where I am, he knows I'm in her house.

She walks over to her door and pauses, and as I follow her and stop, I can't help but flash back to the night at the gym. Do we hug again?

"I'll see you tomorrow." I give her a small smile.

"Yeah, tomorrow," she echoes.

I don't make a move for the door. I swear I'm trying to leave.

"Ashley?" Spencer says, maybe questioning my hesitation.

"Yeah?" My feet are still firmly glued to the floor.

"I had a lot of fun tonight. Thanks for sticking it out."

I bring my eyes to her face. Did she know I was wanting to back out the entire night? No, there's no way she could know.

I shrug like it didn't kill me. "Aiden needed a wingman. Or wingwoman. Whatever," I say flippantly, and she gives me a polite laugh. It doesn't put me at ease like her laugh normally does.

I faintly hear a horn, and I see Spencer roll her eyes with a smile. "You should go."

"Yeah." I nod. "I'll see you tomorrow." I'm hoping that these are the magic words to get my feet into gear. I wish something would.

Spencer shakes her head, maybe at me, maybe at her own thoughts. "G'night, Ash."

She has my full attention now. I feel the intensity from her blue eyes, locking firmly with my own, but I don't know what they are saying.

I can't help the smile that forms on my face and the warmth that seeps into every fiber of my being. "Night, Spencer."

We don't hug, but somehow, this is ten times better. It's worth the three horn honks I hear afterwards.

* * *

My feet never did move, but that's okay, because I'm pretty sure I floated to Aiden's car after that.

Feet were never important anyway. They're only good for leaving, and who could possibly want to leave that moment?

I look down at my sock clad feet, toes wiggling as I stare at them. I guess I don't mind them so much. Because really, it's not important that they're moving me.

It just matters who they're moving me to.


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N**: You reviewers = amazing! You guys pushed me over 100 reviews already!_

_Ok well I'm going to be busy over the weekend, so I decided to give you this chapter to hold you over. Hope you like it._

_And as far as Aiden being dense, he is, but it's because he's so into her that he can't help but read into each situation how we wants to. With Ashley, she's not too sure what's going on. She's not dense or stupid, she just hasn't allowed herself to think anything yet, she just vaguely recognizes that something is there, but because Aiden likes Spencer, she's trying not to let her thoughts dwell. Ashley's reasons for being kinda of extra mean to Aiden was that she didn't know she was doing it, but you can't help but act differently around some one new, whether it's intentional or not. Aiden was being extra sweet to impress Spencer, and Ashley (unknowingly) was being extra hard on Aiden because deep down she wants Spencer to think she's funny.  
_

_Thank you all for the wonderful responses. It really encourages me and makes me happy to read. I hope what I just said cleared thing up, because it seems some people are getting annoyed with how 'dense' Aiden and Ashley are. Feelings cloud judgements, and denial trumps all right now, but don't worry, one person knows what's going on - well, one person aside from me.  
_

* * *

**_Chapter 10  
_**

Aiden is driving me insane!

Every single thing he talks about somehow involves Spencer, whether indirectly or not. While I don't hate hearing about her, I can only take so much.

She's already on my mind more than I want her to be, and now it's impossible to get away from her.

"Did you see how hot she looked Thursday night?" Aiden whistles appreciatively. "Man am I glad we went bowling. Definitely a good idea picking something with lots of bending." He leans back smugly.

I roll my eyes, but I can't help but agree with him. Silently, of course. "Yeah, you were quite the charmer," I say sarcastically.

"I wasn't?" he asks in surprise.

I level him with a pointed glance. "No."

"But she was laughing the whole time," he pouts as he remembers the night. He obviously didn't know she was laughing at his bowling. "Besides, it's hard to be smooth when your best friend keeps dumpin' on you." This time he gives me a significant look.

"Seriously?" I ask, incredulous. "Aiden, I acted how I normally do around you. You're the one who was all nervous and shit."

"Exactly. Look," he sighs, a sign of a boring explanation of something I don't care about, "Spencer is the type of girl that you have to lay the charm on thick, okay? She won't go for us picking on each other and you making me look like a dumbass."

I scoff. Like he needed any help from me. "If she can't cope with our friendship and your true self, then you shouldn't want to date her."

"Ash." Aiden shakes his head with a laugh. "Have you seen her? She's hot."

I scoff again. "So?"

Another pointed glance from Aiden. "Like you need any more foundation for your relationships."

Low blow, fucker. "This isn't about me," I remind him rather harshly.

He holds his hands up, signaling he's not trying to offend. "I'm just saying. Point is, I'm going to take my own advice on this one. You don't do relationships, so of course it doesn't make sense to you. But right now, I'm trying to date Spencer, and if that means holding back a little…well then that's what I'll do."

I shake my head. "If that's what being in a relationship means, then it's no wonder I avoid them."

"One day you'll find some one." He gives me a knowing smirk. "And she's going to crash your world so hard, you'll be falling head first before you know it. You're going to find that person who's not only everything to you, but makes you want to give your everything to them."

Could he sound any more gay?

"As much as I love talking about my personal life and hearing your homo take on it, I think I'll take a pass on it. But you," I poke him in the chest, "really should be careful."

"I am," he assures me gently. "Besides, we haven't even gone out again. She's so busy."

Most people would take that as a sign, but with things regarding Spencer Carlin, I try not to read too much into them. It drives you crazy.

"Thanks again for saving my ass on Thursday. You know, for paying for everything."

I dismissively wave his thanks off. "Yeah yeah."

He smiles brightly at me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I pretend to throw up.

I hear a snort of disgust. "Aren't there other people you'd rather be kissing?" I roll my eyes.

"And good morning to you, too, Madison," I say sweetly, not needing to turn to know it's her. I'd know her annoying voice anywhere. Unfortunately.

"Shut up," she barks at me, and then takes me by surprise as she sits down next to me.

I stare at her. "Um, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Shut up," she says again. "It's not like this is where I prefer to sit." Her eyes look across the table to where Aiden is smiling dumbly at Spencer's presence by his side.

"Hey Ashley," Spencer says brightly, giving me a warm smile. "Is your hand hurting as much as mine?"

She continues before I have the chance to answer. "Although you're probably more used to doing that than me. I'm sure you practice all the time when you have nothing else to do." She thinks for a second before adding, "Probably when you're by yourself."

My eyes widen in mortification.

I feel my face heat up as Madison whips around to stare at Spencer. I'm pretty sure Spencer is the only one at the table who didn't get the sexual innuendo, given the fact that she's still sitting there, smiling.

"N-no, my hand's fine," I squeak out nervously, ignoring Aiden's smirk. "From bowling!" I hastily add for everyone's benefit.

Spencer nods in understanding, waving her wrist around, completely oblivious. "Now I know why so many old people have arthritis. It's from bowling."

Gladly allowing the awkward moment to pass, I give a laugh. She does have a point. The few times I've gone bowling, there's always been a shit-load of old people. Must be nice being retired.

"You two went bowling?" Madison asks, jealously laced in her tone.

"Spencer and I went and Ashley came along," Aiden explains, a faint smile still curving his lips. I can't help when my eyes flick to him.

I came along? Like I just invited myself on their date?

What the fuck!

Spencer gives Aiden a strange look. "Aiden told me him and Ashley were doing something Thursday night and asked if I wanted to come along."

I must say I like her version better. Probably because it's not bullshit like Aiden's _slightly_ skewed version.

"How cute," Madison says neutrally.

I can't help but feel pleased at her jealously. Serves the bitch right.

"Wait," she says suddenly, eyebrows raised, "so you three went on a date together?"

"No," Aiden jumps in, "Spencer and I were go-"

Spencer cuts him off. "It wasn't a date," she says firmly.

I don't feel bad when Aiden sags in disappointment.

Madison looks at me. "You guys are weird."

"You sat with us," I tell her pointedly. Dumbass.

"Obviously a stupid move on my part. I'm gone," she announces, making a big production of standing up. She keeps trying to catch Spencer's eye.

Finally deciding that subtly is not going to work, Madison huffs and calls Spencer's name. "You coming with me?"

Spencer looks conflicted as she looks between Aiden and me and Madison. "Oh, um…" Her eyes flicker back to us. "I think I'll stay."

"Fine." Madison gives a curt nod. "Ashley, walk with me."

What in the fuck? "What?" I stare at her like she's grown an extra head. I must have misheard her.

"Walk. With. Me," she says slowly, irritation lacing each word.

"Why?" I don't care that I'm being stubborn. Why in the hell would I ever want to walk with her?

She huffs exasperatedly and yanks me up. "Because I have to tell you something," she says through gritted teeth. "Now come on." I have little choice as Madison's death grip on my arm tightens.

"Bye Ash," Aiden says. He's too preoccupied with smiling at Spencer to come help me.

Some friend.

"Bye Ashley, Madison," Spencer says uncertainly. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is confused.

When we're out of earshot of the pair, I yank my arm from Madison's grasp and step close to her. "You better explain what the fuck that was about."

She disregards my threatening tone. "They wanted alone time," she says in an obvious tone.

"What?" I say in disbelief, scoffing at the mere suggestion. "No they don't." I look back at them.

She rolls her eyes. "You're so dense. Aiden and Spencer like each other. That's why I sat with you. Spencer wouldn't sit with Aiden unless I made her."

"Oh yeah, sounds like she likes him sooo much," I deadpan.

"Shut up," Madison snaps. "Spencer is just shy."

I inwardly laugh. Spencer shy? Please, she's the one who makes people feel like they've never interacted with humans before.

"You should be happy Aiden has some one. It's not like you like him." She eyes me challengingly, and I know that she still doesn't fully believe that I don't have some weird crush on Aiden.

I cross my arms. "I don't like him." She raises her eyebrows as if to say 'Sure you don't.' "I don't," I say with more conviction.

"So then you should help him get her. Look," she says, her voice different than I've ever heard it when talking to me, almost friendly, "we don't get along or agree on anything, and that's fine. But we both are good friends, so we need to do everything we can to help them out. Spencer's gorgeous but she's shy. And Aiden is hot-"

"But a complete sellout with dating," I supply helpfully.

Madison smiles, and it's a strange moment as we share a laugh. "Exactly. And while I hardly think you're a dating expert," I roll my eyes at the jab, "you are a girl, and can help Aiden."

Wow, Madison recognizes that I'm a girl? Guess she really didn't cheat in Anatomy.

I roll my eyes. "I am a girl," I confirm with a nod.

"Oh stop, you know what I mean."

And strangely, I do. I don't think I like agreeing with Madison. Good thing it rarely happens.

"Okay, well now that that's settled, we'll have to help the other out." She's very businesslike, and it's kind of scary how dedicated she is to this.

"Help each other out? How?"

I can see her barely refrain from rolling her eyes. "Well seeing as how I'm Spencer's best friend and you're Aiden's, we'll have to help the other by talking them up."

I squint my eyes at her. "…you want me to tell Spencer all about Aiden?"

"Duh." She rolls her eyes. "_E_s_tupida_," she mutters under her breath.

I roll my eyes. "I've taken enough Spanish to know what that means, dumbass. And you'd have to be an idiot not to know what that means." I knew I shouldn't have let Madison talk to me.

"Anyway," she stresses, obviously wanting to bring the subject back to Spencer and Aiden. "I'm going to talk to Aiden about Spencer and you're going to talk to her about him."

"Isn't that what dating is for?" I ask pointedly.

"Spencer went on a date with Aiden with you there," she reminds me. "I hardly doubt they had much time getting to know each other."

She's got a point. Bitch.

She must sense my hesitancy. "Look, I know you don't like me, and it's totally mutual-" I laugh. "...but do it for Aiden. If you care about him like you say you do…do this for him. He obviously likes her, and Spencer doesn't mention it much, but she'd be great with him."

I let out a big sigh. "Fine," I agree, hating that I already can taste regret as soon as the word leaves my mouth.

Madison looks like she just might hug me in happiness, but she, thankfully, refrains. "Okay, well that was easier than I thought."

She turns the corner, obviously spying on Spencer and Aiden. "Alright they're getting up. Start talking to Spencer as soon as possible," she instructs. "Aiden won't be the problem."

"Okay!" I say enthusiastically as I thrust my fists in the air, rolling my eyes to let her know it's completely sarcastic. I turn and walk away without saying goodbye.

"And Ashley?" Madison calls out, stopping my tracks.

"What?"

I can hear the smile in her voice as she says, "I still hate you."

I smile back. "And I still hate your cheerleading outfit. See you in class, Maddie."

* * *

_I told Spencer I couldn't give her a ride after school. Now's your chance to talk to her about Aiden_.

The message is from an unknown number, but I know who it is.

_How the fuck did you get my number creepo_

_Talk to her_, is the reply I get. I find myself laughing as I read it because it's such a Madison response. I didn't expect her to answer my question anyway.

I swear out loud as I roam around school. I don't even know where I'm supposed to find Spencer. God, why is she such a pain in the ass to find? And why the fuck did I ever agree to this?

My phone rings and I widen my eyes as I see the caller ID. That's a little creepy.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, Madison said you offered to give me a ride home_?" Spencer's obviously surprised.

Oh I did, did I? Fucking Madison.

"Uh yeah…where are you?" I look around the parking lot.

"_By your car. That's where Madison said you wanted to meet_," she reminds me.

Well fuck, I wish Madison would have clued me in on some of this. Wait, my car? "You're by my car?" I ask.

"_Yeah. Are you on your way?_" Her tone sounds almost worried. "_Mr. Eldridge keeps smiling at me and pointing to his keys. I think he's asking if I'm locked out_."

I hear some rustling on her end and then, "_No, no, I'm fine. Yeah, no, I'm waiting on some one. Thank you though. Um, no thank you, I don't want a mint. Or gum_," she assures him firmly.

I can't help but laugh at her. Mr. Eldridge is the principal, and he's friendly. Really friendly. Creepy friendly. I don't know if he's actually creepy, but he does come on rather strong.

"Spencer," I shout to grab her attention. As amusing as it was hearing her talk to Eldridge, I need to find her. "You're not by my car. I'm right beside it and don't see you." I lean back against my car and shake my head at how annoying this is.

She says something in reply, but I don't hear it because all of a sudden my car alarm is freaking out. "What in the fuck?" I yell at my BMW.

I know yelling at it won't shut the alarm off, but it strangely made me feel better. I dig into my purse to find my keys, huffing in annoyance as I finally find them.

"Hey!" I hear some one shout.

I turn to the sound to see an angry girl walking over to me. I turn my head to look around to see who she's talking to.

"Yeah, you," she yells as I point to myself. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?"

I take a step back in surprise. What's her deal? And why the fuck haven't I turned my alarm off yet?

"You thought you could just steal my car?" she demands angrily, key held out like she's about to knife me with it.

"You're car?" I scoff. Ha, she wishes she had this beauty. My little Beamer is my baby, with its convertible top, leather interior, and bla-...ue paint?

Oh…

"Yeah, my car," she snaps. "Now get the fuck off of it." She shuts off the alarm.

"I'm so sorry," I say quickly, feeling extremely embarrassed. "My car looks exactly like this except it's black."

She stares at me, obviously not believing a word I said. "It's true!" I assure her. "If you just wait here, I'll go get it and show you…" I cut off as she just continues staring. "Okay, well it's obviously not mine, so yeah…"

I throw her an apologetic smile and quickly turn around, blush overwhelming my face.

I can't believe that happened! I mean seriously, how many people have the exact same car as me!

"_So are you finally going to come to _your_ car?_" I can hear her smile.

Spencer. I forgot she was still on the phone.

"Shut up," I say, not sounding mean at all. "Where are you?"

"_By the gym. It's the only car left in the parking lot. Can't miss it_." She pauses. "_Well most people can't miss it_."

She's lucky I'm not in my car, because I wouldn't hesitate to…to honk at her!

"Hanging up now," I sing, ending the call seconds later.

I walk around the side of the building, seeing Spencer and Mr. Eldridge standing next to my car.

"That's her," I hear Spencer say as I get closer. "Thanks for waiting."

He gives her a big smile. "No problem Spencer. Oops," he grins sheepishly, "I mean, Ms. Carlin." Spencer and I share a look.

I unlock my car and open the trunk to throw my bag in, allowing Spencer to do the same. As I walk back to the front to open the driver's door, I notice Eldridge is still there.

I trade another look with Spencer before turning to him. "Alright, well thanks for staying with her. Sorry it took so long."

"I didn't mind at all," he assures me, sending Spencer a warm smile as he opens her door for her.

I bet you didn't. Perve.

He stands there, unmoving, and not looking like he's going to move anytime soon. "Alright," I say again, "well we're going to go now." No movement. "Bye," I say a little forcefully.

That seems to snap him out of it. "Oh, yes. Good afternoon ladies. See you Monday. Be careful." He leans down to Spencer's open window. "Stay out of trouble you two, and no drinking." He gives us a last wink and pats my car.

Fucker better hope he didn't get grease on her.

I don't look back at him as I zoom out of the parking lot, eager to be as far away as possible.

"Wow," Spencer breathes out finally.

I can't help but laugh. "Looks like I wasn't the only one who had fun."

She ducks her head. "Ugh," she groans, "I told him like fifty times that I was fine. He kept saying it was no big deal and then would offer me candy. I swear he was like freaking Willy Wonka. I wonder if I should be concerned that he walks around a school with candy…"

I let out a laugh that quickly turns to a shudder. "Bad mental image."

"Yeah, sorry," she says as she too cringes. "So anyway, what happened to your car?"

A blush creeps up my cheeks. "Some one took my keys in the middle of the day and moved my car by the gym. Then, their accomplice moved a car that looks exactly like mine and put it in the exact same spot."

"Oh they did?" Spencer asks in a tone full of disbelief. "No wonder you got so confused."

"Thank you," I purposely ignore her sarcasm. I know she rolls her eyes.

"So thanks for giving me a ride. Madison randomly bailed on me, so that was nice of you to offer." I don't have to look at her to see her appreciative smile.

I feel my smile from our banter fade as I'm reminded of why she's even here with me. "Yeah, it's no problem." I swallow. "I just wanted to talk to you more about Thursday."

She turns to me curiously. "What about it?"

"You had a lot of fun, right, going out with Ai-" I can't say it. "…us?"

She laughs at my question. "Of course I did. I told you that I did."

"Yeah I know." I fake a sheepish smile. "Aiden hasn't shut up about it," I throw out casually.

I think I hear her sigh. "Yeah, he told me," she says evenly.

Oookay, that wasn't much to go on.

I try a different approach. "On the way to my house he kept asking if maybe he shouldn't have bowled so well. He thought maybe he ruined things." I give a too loud laugh, showing her the craziness of that statement.

Spencer gives a small laugh in return. "If anything he should have gone for a 300 so we would get a free drink."

"I'm glad you didn't tell him that. We would have been there all night till he did it." She laughs. "I'm serious. I remember one time we went to a carnival, and I wanted a stuffed teddy bear that was like twice my size, and you had to flip the frogs onto the lily pad."

"I hate that game," Spencer groans.

"Well I was absolutely terrible, so Aiden took it upon himself to win it for me."

"Did he do it?" she asks, completely entranced in the story, making me smile.

"He did it," I say with a nod. "And we left the night, me with the giant teddy bear and Aiden out like sixty dollars." I laugh in memory.

She smiles fondly. "That's sweet."

"Yeah it was." Aiden definitely had his moments. "I felt really bad when, that night, I dreamt that my teddy bear came alive and attacked me. I woke up, scared shitless. Without thinking about it and still half asleep, I grabbed the bear and threw him out my window and right into the stupid pond my mom had built. He was completely ruined."

I see Spencer biting back a smile, and it makes my smile widen. "Well, I felt horrible and didn't want Aiden to know, so I hid it in the trunk of my car, knowing that the thing would be really obvious if it was in the garbage."

I take a breath as I prepare to tell her what happened next. "Everything was good for about a week. He had no idea, and I made sure not to bring it up. So I'm driving us to go get a smoothie or something, and all of a sudden we smell this horrible stench. Like some one had spread mayonnaise in the car and turned the heater on."

I cringe as I remember how god awful it smelled. "Aiden suddenly gets out of the car and opens the trunk, and there he finds Mr. Snuggles, completely destroyed and now successfully mildewed from being wet and locked in my hot trunk -" I'm interrupted by Spencer's loud laughter.

Her head is thrown back and her eyes are locked on my face. I can't even focus on feeling good about making her laugh. All I can think is how truly beautiful she looks in this moment, face lit with mirth, her eyes the bluest I've seen them as they twinkle happily.

"I'm sorry," she manages out through her laughs. "It's just such a funny story. I can't believe you thought to hide your soaking wet, six foot teddy bear in an enclosed space."

"Well I was still half asleep," I justify sheepishly.

She just smiles. "So what did Aiden do when he found it?"

"Well at first he about passed out from the smell, but then he got back in the car and asked me what happened. I explained everything to him, expecting him to be pissed, you know, considering he dropped like $80 on that thing. But he was really cool about it. I think he was more amused then anything. Anyway, so a few days go by, and I go to get into my car to drive to pick up Aiden, and there, on my seat, is a little teddy bear. Brand new." I smile in memory.

"Aw," Spencer sighs girlishly, "he got you another one."

"He did," I nod with a bigger smile. "And he highlighted the tag where it said it was machine washable."

Spencer laughs and then sobers. "And this bear?" she asks cautiously.

"Still kicking," I declare proudly, biting back a smile at her teasing.

A frown flashes across my face as I remember the whole point of that story.

"So yeah, Aiden surprised me with another one. Didn't even complain about the $80 he wasted."

"Well you poor thing, you were probably traumatized from Mr. Snuggles' violent death." She does a dramatic frown.

I laugh. "Nah, Aiden made sure I didn't have to grieve too long. He's been a good friend. He was there when my dad left…" my voice falters for a second. "…when he died."

Spencer's expression softens, and I know she's going to ask about my dad. I also know I don't want to talk about him because I don't want to cry.

She surprises me by saying, "Aiden sounds like a great guy." Her voice is gentle and soothing, her eyes comforting and warm.

I send her a silent thank you, and she smiles in return. "He really is a good guy. He's the best friend I've ever had and the only true family I have." I can feel her looking at me. It's making me uncomfortable in the best way, and I know I can't enjoy it. "Anyone would be lucky to have him."

"They would," she agrees noncommittally.

Despite the soft moment we just had, I can't help but want to strangle her. She's so cryptic and secretive. I realize that I need to let the subject drop, at least for now.

We spend the rest of the way to her house in light conversation. Our usual banter makes the drive pass quickly, keeping constant smiles on our faces. As we come close to her neighborhood, I can't help but slow down to the unreasonable speed of 30 mph.

"Ashley," Spencer says with a laugh, "I don't think we'll have enough speed to make it over the speed bump."

"I'm being careful. I don't want to hit the children at play that the sign warned me about," I tell her seriously.

She rolls her eyes. "You aren't going fast enough to do damage to anything you hit. A fly hit the windshield and brushed himself off before taking flight again." She sees me smile and roll my eyes. "Yes, you are going _that_ slow." She might be exaggerating a little.

I don't comment. Not because I don't have a response, but because her house is in my line of sight, and I'm wondering if I could subtly make a detour.

Surrendering to the fact that there is no subtle way to 'make a detour,' I pull up in her drive way and put the car in park. I want to turn it off but I'm afraid of what that action will say to her.

Spencer takes her time undoing her seatbelt. "Thanks for taking me home, Ashley."

I force myself to stop being so negative with my thoughts and smile at her. "It's no problem at all. Besides, I got to get my guilt about Mr. Snuggles off my chest."

She touches a hand to her heart. "I'm honored I'm a trusted member of that population."

"You should be," I tell her seriously, "it's quite an honor. First I talk to you, then I drink with you, and now I hang out with you? This should be recorded in your diary."

"Page five," she declares happily, making me shake my head in fake disappointment.

It makes me happy that she goes along with my craziness. Not even Aiden indulges me this much. He probably just doesn't understand my wit.

Spencer looks to her house before turning back to me. "I'd invite you in, but I'm afraid you wouldn't be able to find your car when you had to leave."

"Ha ha," I deadpan, hoping my fake laughter covers the sound of my rapidly beating heart. I don't know how else to respond. It wasn't exactly an offer, but it kind of was…

Before I can decide on what her strange words mean, Spencer is out the door, bookbag in hand. "Well thanks again for the ride. I'll see you later?"

How much later is later? Like this weekend later? Monday later? When?

"You will," I promise with a smile, watching her walk to the front door.

I laugh as she fiddles with her keys, trying about three different keys. She's obviously frustrated, and I can't help but snort as she angrily kicks the door. She pulls her phone out, and I can tell by her expression that she's annoyed. I'm not sure what's going on.

Spencer hangs up the phone and walks over to me, sheepish grin on her face. "So Glen took my house key without telling me, and no one's home. They won't be back till about six." She looks nervous as she finishes.

I can't just leave her here. Okay, I technically could, but I'm not that mean. "Well you can come to my house. My mom might be home, but it won't matter."

Her face lights up, and I'm glad something as simple as my offer to take her to my house makes her happy. "Thanks."

She pulls out her phone again. "Dr. Carlin, please." She looks at me and rolls her eyes, obviously on hold. "Mom? Of course it's Spencer. What other female would call you mom?" She shakes her head. "Never mind...Mom!" she says firmly. "I'm going to a friend's house. No, I don't have my key. Yes, I'll do my homework." A big sigh here. "Yep, first thing. Okay, love you too. Bye." She turns to me. "Ugh, sorry, my mom is a pain." I open my mouth. "But you already know." She smiles.

"Well be warned, you might have to meet Christine. Don't be afraid to pretend to be deaf." She laughs but she looks a little worried. "Don't worry, we won't stay and chat."

I punch the gate code in, sighing in frustration at how long it takes. I don't see how this helps with security. A person with no legs would have plenty of time to crawl through with how long it takes the gate to fully open and close.

Spencer is unusually quiet, and as she looks at me, her mouth is wide. "Wow," she finally says.

I'm so used to the big, empty house that it doesn't even faze me anymore. "Eh, you get used to it."

"Or lost in it," she quips, voice still in awe.

I laugh and pull her inside. "Come on, drool face."

I tug her through the living room and we make our way up the stairs.

"Ashley, is that you?"

No, it's a burglar. "Yeah, mom," I yell down the stairs, "it's me."

Fuck. We were so close.

"You've got a card from grandma," she tells me. "She gave you one hundred. She obviously isn't very happy with you."

I'm not surprised she opened it. That's just what my mom does. I look over and see Spencer's eyes widen at the amount of money.

"She gives you a hundred dollars and it means she isn't happy with you?" she asks, incredulous.

I shake my head at my mom's words. "Mom's just upset grandma doesn't send her anything other than updated future funeral costs."

"Is some one with you? Ashley, did you bring a friend?"

I choose to ignore the surprise in her question. "Yeah, mom."

We step into the immaculate kitchen and see my mom scribbling away on some notepad. "Mom," I get her attention, "this is Spencer, my friend from school."

My mom briefly looks up, looking Spencer up and down. "That's an interesting name."

I feel my face heat up at my mom's blatant staring.

Spencer shrugs and gives a polite smile. "I think that's what I like about it. Not that common."

"It's a boy's name," she points out. My mom really isn't being rude, she just has no people skills.

Does it sound like I've used this excuse before?

"Well we can't all be named Christine, can we mom?"

She must realize she was a little harsh. "It's a nice name, dear."

Spencer seems a little shell shocked. "Um, thanks."

I roll my eyes at my mom. "She wanted to name me Stephanie Taylor." Spencer tries to hold back a laugh. "Stephanie was my grandma's name and Taylor was mom's maiden name. Yep," I say, "my initials would have been STD. Dad didn't want me getting beat up on the playground, so thankfully he convinced my mom to name me Ashley Danielle."

I know, my initials are ADD, but given what it could have been, I'm very grateful and appreciative.

"Ashley Danielle…" she tries it out. "It's a pretty name."

I didn't think it sounded that good until I heard her say it.

I shrug, turning to hide my blush. "Yeah well…"

Christine looks up from her papers. "Stephanie Taylor is a beautiful name. Your grandma would have been so proud."

I roll my eyes at her. "I would have gotten beaten up in the nursery, rattles and bottles flying at me left and right."

I can tell Spencer is trying to stifle a laugh. She already feels like my mom doesn't like her. "I was named for my great grandfather. My mom didn't want to know the sex of the baby, so she hadn't really decided on a name, but she said she just knew I was going to be a boy, so she named me after great grandpa Spencer."

"See Ashley?" my mom jumps in as if this proves some point she's been trying to make.

"Sure mom." I grab a drink for Spencer and me. "We're going to go upstairs."

Spencer stops at the doorway. "It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Davies."

"It's Ms. Davies," she corrects. "And it was nice meeting you too."

"I'm sorry," Spencer apologizes, looking stricken with guilt.

I don't wait for my mom to respond, if she's even going to. I hand Spencer her drink and then drag her up to my room.

Spencer closes the door and looks at me shamefully. "I'm really sorry about what I said to your mom. I completely forgot."

I shake my head and wave her apology off. "Don't. She's a bitch. Don't let her words affect you."

Spencer looks less tense, and she smiles at me gratefully. "Thanks, Ashley."

I feel my face heat up. "What?" I say. "She is one." Spencer smiles, knowing her thanks has flustered me.

Feeling exposed, I cough and opt for a subject change. "So is your middle name from great grandma?" I'm teasing her when I ask this, but I am curious about her middle name.

"Okay, confession." I raise my eyebrows with interest. "I'm not named for my great grandpa."

"What?" I laugh out in disbelief. "You lied?"

She bites her lip and nods sheepishly. "I didn't want to piss your mom off, and she was so adamant about family names, so I figured I'd throw that out there."

I can't help but give her an impressed look. "Well then, little ms. liar, what's the story behind your name?"

She shrugs. "The part about not wanting to know my sex was true, but my mom just really liked the name Spencer. So when they found out I was a girl, she just couldn't bring herself to change her mind."

"Middle name? Wait, let me guess. Matthew?" She punches me in the arm, causing me to laugh as I attempt to appear chastised.

"No, jerk, it's not. It's Grace. Spencer Grace Carlin."

I smile. It's a very pretty name. "That's cute."

She blushes and looks away. "It's nothing special like STD or ADD…" she lets her voice drift.

This time I hit her. "You can't choose your name. Or your parents." I sigh longingly. "Ah, if only."

"So your house is really…" she pauses for the right word.

"Empty?" I supply.

"Well I was going to say huge, but yeah, that too," she says with a laugh.

"Like I said, you get used to it."

Spencer sits down on the couch by my bed, looking at me sadly. "You shouldn't have to."

I shrug. "But I do."

She takes the cue to drop the subject. "So you going to Brad's party?"

Ugh, I'd forgotten all about that. "I don't know. I honestly forgot about it."

"Madison wants me to go with her." Spencer sounds uninterested.

I think of my agreement with Madison, and I inwardly sigh.

"Aiden will probably make me go." I sit down beside her. "You should come."

"You'll be there?"

I nod. "And Aiden, yeah."

She considers for a moment. "Well yeah, I guess I can go then." Her lips quirk up. "Are you going to make me drink again?"

I snort. "And hear you complain about it the rest of the week? No thank you."

She shoves me lightly. "Whatever. You were begging me to drink with you. You were all, 'Spencerrr, come drink with me.' 'Spencer, tell me a sssecret.'" She imitates a drunken slur perfectly.

"You still owe me one," I remind her with a poke of the tv remote into her side.

Her head turns to me, and my breath catches as our eyes lock. We sit in the quiet, my eyes involuntarily wandering around her face, taking in her features.

She finally looks away, and I can breathe again. "You couldn't handle my secret," she tells me softly.

I continue looking at her, hoping to understand what she means. Her eyes meet mine again for a quick second before they settle on some random object in my room. "I think you just can't handle telling me," I challenge her.

She shrugs in response, playing with the frayed end of a pant leg, her slight movement wafting her sweet scent my way. "Are you going to keep looking for your hot cheetos?"

I swallow thickly. Does she know what that really means? "Maybe." I shrug. "I think I've given up on finding any."

She nods like she understands and falls back into silence. I don't like silences with Spencer, I've decided. It gives my brain time to think, which, around Spencer, is a bad thing.

With her attention on the hand that's playing with her jeans, I unabashedly let my eyes roam her flawless face, taking in her defined jaw and smooth lips. As I realize what I'm doing, I shake my head and bring my knees up to my chest, staring ahead at the blank tv screen. I feel my face flush with embarrassment and I pray she doesn't look over at me.

Once my face has cooled, I look back at her. "So what did you and Aiden talk about?"

She lazily turns her head to me. "Earlier today?"

I refrain from rolling my eyes. "Yeah."

She looks to the ceiling as she remembers. "He told me I looked really pretty today and then asked if I had fun Thursday."

He's right, she did look really pretty. Beautiful.

"And?" I prod impatiently when she doesn't go on.

She sighs. "And he asked me to go to the party with him this weekend. I told him I'd think about it."

Oh. I didn't know he had asked her. She told me Madison wanted her to go. Why didn't she mention Aiden earlier?

I try to think of Aiden. "You should go."

"I already told you I'd go with you," she reminds me.

Go with me? I rack my brain, trying to remember asking her.

"Well, yeah, that's cool. We can all three go together."

I see more than hear her sigh. "What?" I ask in confusion. Did I do something?

She shakes her head and sighs again. "Nothing."

I'm really confused about what's bugging her, but I'm not one to push people, especially when I'm not close to them. Because despite what Madison may think, I'm not going to be best friends with Spencer after one day.

Sensing she is bothered, I say, "You don't have to go. I'm not Madison. I'm not going to make you to go."

She seems to shake off some of her mood. "No, I know I don't. I'm sorry, I'm just thinking about something. You're going for sure?" she asks.

"Yeah, most likely." Aiden will cry until I agree anyway, so I might as well go and save myself the trouble of listening to him bitch.

"Okay, well then I'll go."

"Yeah?" I say happily. Aiden is going to be ecstatic.

"Yeah," she echoes, giving me a smile of her own.

With the conversation over and Spencer in seemingly better mood, I turn on the tv, not caring about my smile.

"Hey Ash…ley?"

My heart thumps heavily. "You can call me Ash."

She gives an unsure smile. "You sure? It's not…too friendly?"

"No, it's," perfect, "fine," I assure her softly.

I need to stop meeting her eyes and start remembering how to breathe properly. I need to remember Aiden!

I cut through any possibilities of a moment forming. "What were you going to say?"

"I was just going to say, no jäger."

I bite back my smile at her disgusted face. "Okay."

Spencer in a hot outfit, in the same area with me. Spencer in a hot outfit hanging with Aiden.

I have a feeling I'm going to want something stronger than jäger anyways.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N**: I am so honored that so many people have responded to my story! You really just make me smile every time I see that some one has reviewed, or added me or this story to their favorites list._

_And just to clear something up, this story is not completed. It's definitely in the process of being written, but I do have some chapters that have been written. And I normally don't do this, but I felt like I should do a little FOF, at least for the responses that I felt needed responding to. I definitely appreciate all feedback given to me, so please don't feel like if I don't PM you or do FOF for your review that I don't love it, because I most assuredly do!  
_

**BoxcarGraffiti**- _Wow...your review simply blew me away. I'm so glad that you truly see how good of a friend Ashley is trying to be. She's doing her best not let her own personal feelings (whatever they may be) interfere with her talking Aiden up. And Spencer is basing her her actions off of how Ashley reacts. She doesn't have too much to go on other than that, and it's the exact same with Ashely. She can only read as far into Spencer's action as Spencer lets her. Both girls like the mystery surrounding the other, it's a challenge for them._

**crj0703-** _They didn't exactly have a hardcore moment, but each interaction between the two is actually very significant in its own little way. It's kind of hard to see that sometimes because each time they interact, you only get Ashley's perspective on it, but something definitely happens each time. Thanks for the review :)_

**SD8105**- _Yeah, I honestly do feel bad for Aiden for liking Spencer so much, but he can't help it, he's just drawn to her in the same way that Ashley is. He's just a lot more honest about his feelings. But don't worry, Aiden is slowly realizing that maybe there is a reason for why Spencer acts so indifferent._

**Sarah1124**- _Wow, your favorite fic? I'm honored :) And I have to say that I love your name, but I may be biased since I'm a Sarah as well. Anyway, as far as Ashley being clueless...she is, but also isn't at the same time. Right now, all Ashley knows is that Spencer doesn't seem as into Aiden as every one claims she is. But her own feelings of wanting to be the best friend to Aiden blinds her to her own feelings. Those feelings are definitely coming out a lot more, which is starting to worry Ashley, because she's getting to the point where she can't force them down or pretend they aren't there. _

**2bz2breading**- _Well I can definitely respect that you won't ever like Aiden. I've definitely read stories where I wanted to strangle the guy. As far as my story, I'm not trying so much to convince the readers to like him, but he's actually more of a catalyst for the Spencer/Ashley relationship. It's because of Aiden that Spencer and Ashley really start hanging out more. But it's also because of Aiden that Ashely isn't really allowing herself to feel anything for Spencer. Not that it's fully working, as we can easily, but its the other thing she can do to stop herself from feeling guilty about these feelings. In her mind, if she pretends the feelings aren't there, then they aren't. Desperate logic of a desperate person. I'm glad you always take the time to review, because I love hearing from you. It's always good to hear thoughts that aren't always the 'I love this!' Not that I don't absolutely love those._

* * *

**_Chapter 11  
_**

_Don't know how you did it, but props for getting Spencer to come to the party. She kept telling me she'd think about it_.

I sigh as I read my text from Madison. She's been a very loyal corresponder. Well I say corresponder, but I never text her except in response. It's a bit annoying really.

I don't respond, and a minute later, I get another text.

_She hasn't shut up about going to the party. Hate to say it, but good work Davies._

I sigh again; for the second time in about five minutes, and for about the fiftieth time today.

I've really considered not going to the party. In fact, I would have happily bailed, but Spencer keeps threatening me (in a not so friendly manner) that she'll kick my ass. She actually said butt, but ass makes her sound more hardcore.

My phone rings, and as I see Spencer's name flashing across my screen, I can't help but roll my eyes. Between her and Madison, I think I might go crazy.

"Hey." I don't bother saying it in a questioning tone, and I never understand why people who have caller ID seem so surprised when they hear your voice.

"_Hey, Ash_." Despite being somewhat annoyed by her calling, I can't help but smile at that.

"Let me guess, you want to know what I'm wearing?"

Spencer laughs and I know she's rolling her eyes. "_Close, but no. I was wondering if I could ride with you to the party_."

I don't realize I haven't responded until Spencer speaks back up, a little hesitant. "…_so can I? Ride with you?_"

"Aiden not driving you?" I want to slap myself. Word vomit seems to be common when talking with Spencer.

She pauses again, and I wish I could take my stupid question back. "_He offered_," she finally answers, somewhat reluctantly. She doesn't say anything else, and I take the hint.

I take the phone away from my mouth as I release a heavy breath."Well yeah, you can ride with me. I'll swing by and pick you up at nine."

"_Okay, that'd be great. Thanks, Ashle_y," she says casually, but I know she's relieved. "_See you in a few._"

"Yep. See ya." I hang up the phone and roll my eyes at myself.

What in the hell am I getting myself into?

* * *

My fingers are restless as they drum on my steering wheel. I'm pulling onto Spencer's street, and I'm completely on edge. I feel paranoid and unsettled, and I just wish that the party was over and I was back in my bed.

I park the car, not bothering to turn it off, and wipe my hands on my skirt and walk to the door. Giving the door a few knocks, I wait nervously for the door to open.

It finally opens, revealing Spencer's dad. He gives me a big smile and sticks his hand out in an introduction. "Arthur Carlin. Spencer will be down in a moment."

I offer him a polite smile and shake his hand briefly. "I'm Ashley. I go to school with Spencer. We actually have math together. We had AP English together last semester and economics, but I got put in a different class. Somehow they messed up my scheduling," I find myself explaining.

God I wish I would shut up! Everything is just flying out of my mouth before it even registers in my brain.

Mr. Carlin gives me an amused smile but doesn't comment on my rambling. It wouldn't have mattered had he said anything anyway; Spencer just appeared in the doorway, and she looks so good in her jeans and navy top. Her hair is straight, and I can't decide if I miss the curls or not.

"Hey Ash, sorry it took longer than I thought." She spots her dad. "I'll be back later tonight. I'll call before I leave, k?" She leans up and gives him a kiss on his cheek.

He gives her another smile and squeezes her shoulder. "Alright sweetie. Have fun. It was nice meeting you, Ashley. And I'm sorry to hear about your scheduling problem."

I blush at his teasing and try to bite back my sheepish smile. "Nice meeting you, too, Mr. Carlin."

"So you had a nice chat with my dad?"

I frame my face with my hands in mortification and groan. "I totally made an ass of myself. He probably thought that I was mentally retarded."

"Just socially," Spencer offers, smile creeping out slowly.

I laugh. "Thanks, that helps."

She gives me an apologetic smile. "I've never known anyone to have trouble talking to my dad. He's a counselor."

God, that just makes it worse. The guy talks to people who are stoned off their asses, and I probably made his conversations with them seem intelligent.

"I couldn't help it, I was just nervous. When I'm nervous, I babble." I'm considering hiring some one to slap me whenever I start spouting off random shit.

"My dad made you nervous?" she asks with interest.

I think I'm digging my hole deeper and deeper. "Not him…I was just nervous, and then talking to him just made me more nervous."

I stop at the light, and I feel her looking at me.

"Why were you nervous?" Her tone is light, but I know she's really curious.

I just shrug and give my attention to the road, trying to ignore the fact that I can feel her staring at me.

We arrive at Brad's house about twenty minutes later. His driveway is packed, so I park a few houses down so that I'm not blocked in should the party be lame.

"Hello ladies." Brad looks us over and his smile widens in obvious approval. "Glad to see you could make it." He throws an arm around each of us and crushes us to him. Spencer and I trade helpless looks.

I yank free and take a step back. "We'll be heading to the kitchen," I tell him as I grab Spencer's hand and pull her free from Brad's grasp.

"Thanks," she breaths out gratefully. "I thought I'd be stuck under his smelly pit all night."

Even though I'm a little grossed out, I can't help but laugh at her. "Guys either wear too much cologne or not enough. No happy medium."

"Why are girls the only ones who understand normal hygiene?" she asks rhetorically. "I don't think I've ever met a girl who smelled as bad as some guys have."

I give her a shrug. I really have no idea why guys fail at life, I just know that they do. I don't question it.

"Because girls like to smell good?" I offer. "I know they like to walk by people and them be able to smell their body wash or perfume."

It's true. Well, at least for me. And I know I love when girls in school walk by me and I get a whiff of whatever scent they're wearing.

We make our way to the kitchen, conversation halting as we weave in and out of people.

"Yeah," Spencer continues once we reach the kitchen, "but if guys like how we smell good for them, shouldn't they return the favor?"

She is preaching to the choir.

I pick up a cup and pour myself a drink. "You'd think so, wouldn't you?" I hold up the bottle, silently asking her if she wants one. She shrugs and I pour her some. "I don't even pretend to understand guys, nor do I pretend to want to."

Spencer stops mid-sip and looks at me, and I realize I might have revealed too much. I wrack my brain, trying to think of some way to save myself.

She finally just shrugs and resumes drinking. "Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the trouble."

This time it's me who looks at her curiously. I can't help but over-analyze her words. I'm not sure what she means, but I don't think she meant to phrase it like that.

It doesn't matter though, because whatever it means, I'm not going to let myself find out. I'm not doing this to myself.

So I do the only thing I can. "I'm sure Aiden is here by now."

Spencer looks put out by the subject change. Or maybe it's just the subject?

"Yeah, he is." She holds up her phone. "He asked me to play beer pong."

"Well then go play, crazy." I usher her out of the kitchen. "You don't have to stay with me."

She stops suddenly and I almost run into her. She turns to me. "I really don't want to go…" Her eyes quickly leave mine, but I don't mind, because I have to look away anyway if I want to keep breathing.

"…play beer pong," she finishes after a long pause.

Something flows through me. I think it might be relief. "Yeah," I say in understanding, "it's really only fun if you're plastered. But you don't have to play, you can just watch." I look at her outfit, a sly smile on my face. "Or you can cheer."

Spencer's eyes turn back to me, and I see her narrowing them at me playfully. "That was a low blow, STD."

"That's ADD," I correct firmly. "Feel free to borrow my skirt."

"That eager to get your clothes off?" She raises an eyebrow.

I feel myself blush and I'm smart enough to know not to comment. "Let's go find Aiden."

We find a slightly inebriated Aiden in the garage with a big group of people. He gives us a big, drunk smile, stumbling slightly as he makes his way over to us. I can't help but laugh.

"Spencer, I'm glad you came." He gives her a tight hug. I look away.

He tightens his grip on Spencer causing her to 'oomph' softly.

My attention falls back on them, and I punch Aiden's arm. "You're killing her, ass."

He quickly releases her, giving a big smile. "Oh, sorry. I'm just really happy to see you. I didn't think you would come, but here you are, standing right in front of me. I'm glad you came."

If anyone one has worse rambling problems than me, it's Aiden. If anyone has worse rambling problems than Aiden, it's a drunk Aiden. And if that wasn't bad enough, he repeats himself a lot and gets really affectionate. Poor Spencer.

Spencer looks torn between being overwhelmed by his forwardness and laughing at his drunkenness. "Yep, here I am." I try not to laugh too loud.

I'm not a big fan of beer pong, but I don't mind watching. It's actually pretty entertaining to watch how competitive it gets. At one party, a guy broke his hand because he missed the last cup and got so angry he decided punching the metal pole in the garage would make things better. It definitely lifted my mood.

I force myself to sit on the couch, distancing myself as far from the couple obnoxiously making out as possible. As if watching wasn't bad enough, the crude noises they are making definitely make me glad I didn't eat anything.

I try to watch the match, but as their moans get louder and I can see them gagging on each others tongue, I can't take it anymore. Sending a quick apology to José for wasting him, I promptly toss my drink on them.

The couple shoots up suddenly, looking around in confusion. They must be either really drunk or really stupid (probably both) because instead of accusing me, they just shrug at each other and move to the bathroom.

I watch Spencer follow the couple's progress into the bathroom. She turns back to me and raises her eyebrows, making me send her a look saying she doesn't want to know. She gives me a smile in return and makes her way over to me.

"They finally realize that they had to come up for air?" she asks referring to pair.

"That, or their clothes being soaked in tequila might have done it." I shrug innocently.

Spencer shakes her head disapprovingly and sits down next to me. It's a small couch anyway, no bigger than a loveseat, but it seems even smaller with her presence next to me. I breathe in her vanilla scent and that, mixed with her warmth next to me, is a lethal combination.

I subtly try to move away, cursing as I find I'm practically on top of the arm rest. Spencer just raises her eyebrows at me, but thankfully doesn't comment on my weirdness.

As we sit in silence, I suddenly wonder about her presence next to me instead of over by Aiden.

"Did you get tired of standing?"

Her eyes are fixed on the game. "Hm?" It clicks what I'm talking about. "Oh. No, I just really don't feel like watching it. It's kind of boring honestly."

She doesn't feel like watching, but her eyes were just focused on the game. I'm confused.

"Well I'm sure you could easily convince Aiden to quit playing. I'm sure he would love to hang with you." I know he would drop everything. As competitive as he is, he's pretty whipped.

"No, I don't want to take him away from playing." She takes her eyes off the game and looks at me. "Besides, I don't mind sitting here with you."

This time I'm the one who avoids eye contact. I can't keep looking at her when she says things like that, not if I want to stop myself from doing something completely ridiculous. What, I'm not sure. I just know I don't need to find out.

"I can get pretty boring," I warn her.

Spencer shrugs and says, "I always have fun with you."

I deflect her words. "Yeah well last time Aiden was there, and the times before that, we've been at school with lots of other people to keep you from suffering too much."

"Not at the last party," she says quietly. "It was just us there, and I had fun."

It's getting to be too much; her soft voice, her warmth, her words.

I stand up suddenly. "I need more to drink. I wasted my drink on the vampires," I rush out quickly, ready to use anything as an excuse to leave.

Her eyes are pleading as she stands up next to me. "Ashley."

"I'll be back, just stay with Aiden," I tell her firmly. Practically begging.

Her flawless face is a mask of confusion and hurt, and I feel guilty, but I know I'll feel even more guilty if I stay with her.

I don't wait for her response. I walk past her to Aiden, whispering to him to go hang out with Spencer. He looks confused for a second before his brain slowly processes my words. He gives me a big smile and nods enthusiastically.

I don't look back to see him walk over to her. I don't need to see that. All I need is to go get some more alcohol and get away.

"Take a shot with me," Madison orders as I appear in the kitchen. As if this night couldn't get any better.

I clutch a hand to my heart as her words startle me. "I don't know why you're creeping out in the kitchen, but damn, give me a warning."

Madison rolls her eyes at me and hands me a shot glass filled with a dark liquid. I'm not sure what it is, but the darker the better I say. "Cheers." She knocks her glass against mine.

"So why are you toasting with me?" I ask with interest. Drunk or not, Madison and I should not be in the same room. She must have forgotten our rules.

"I wanted to congratulate you on getting Spencer here." She looks past me, obviously looking for the blonde. "She with Aiden now?"

I nod. "Yeah, in the garage playing beer pong. Or at least they were when I left."

"Spencer is playing beer pong? Damn Davies, you did very well." Madison sounds impressed.

"No, she's not playing, she was just watching. She's not a drinker anyway." Not unless you sell her your soul.

She looks disappointed for a moment. "Well still, you did good."

Then why don't I feel good?

"Yeah," I say quietly.

Madison studies my face. "Are you okay?"

God, I must look really bad if Madison is concerned.

"Peachy." I can think of about twenty other people I'd rather be talking to.

She realizes that it's not her business and that even if it was, she's not some one I'd confide in. "Well anyway," she changes the subject, "I just wanted to say thanks. This is a big step for Spencer. Just keep working with her."

I down another shot and give her a thumbs up, signaling an end to our conversation. It might be rude, but I'm really not in the mood to talk to anyone, and I'm never in the mood to talk to Madison.

I pour myself a Jack and coke and make my way through the living room to the patio. I've been to a few of Brad's parties, so I know about the swing set in his backyard. I almost feel embarrassed that I'm excited about reaching the swings.

Despite there being a good amount of people, it's actually relatively quiet outside, probably because it's too cold for them. It's probably about sixty degrees. Feels a little chilly, but I openly welcome it. It's refreshing. Cleansing.

I don't know how long I swing for. It might have been an hour or only five minutes. Each time I stretch my legs and move forward, I feel a little rush of adrenaline as the wind hits my face. It clears my thoughts in that few seconds before my backward momentum kicks in, and I have to bend my knees.

"You sure Aiden is the one who wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese?"

I turn as Spencer's voice cuts through the silence. My heart pounds faster, but I can't help the smile that breaks out at her teasing.

I nod, kicking my legs out again. "He's still pouting." I look past her to the door, expecting Aiden to come through in a few moments.

Spencer walks over and sits in the swing next to me. She rocks back on her heels, swing barely moving as she looks up at the sky. "Maybe you should kill another stuffed animal."

"I'm still sensitive. You can't joke about it yet," I pout.

She rolls her eyes. "How horrible of me," she says sarcastically.

I stop swinging and drag my feet in the ground to stop. I took my heels off when I first sat down. I wasn't about to ruin my $90 babies. "It really is."

We fall into a comfortable silence, both barely moving back and forth on our swings. I keep flicking my gaze over to her, wondering why she's out here and what happened to Aiden.

I can't take the silence. "So are you a proud beer pong champion?"

She snorts. "Hardly. Aiden begged me to be on his team, so I showed him my 'skills' by aiming at the cup and hitting the guy coming from the kitchen."

I'm not going to lie, sucking that bad is pretty impressive. "That good huh?"

She gives me a fake glare. "He was quick to suggest we do something else."

Oh God. I can only guess what 'something else' a drunk Aiden wanted to do. I'd rather not think about it.

"Which brought us to the dance floor that is conveniently on the floral rug Brad's grandma must have given them. It was so ugly, I was almost hoping I had mud on my shoe to track on it." Spencer scrunches her face.

I don't hold back my laugh. I remember trampling on that god-awful rug. Aiden and I tried to find a way to accidentally throw it in the fireplace. We didn't get very far with that lie. Probably because we were adamantly suggesting Brad light a fire in LA. In July.

"Yeah I passed that..." I pause for the right word, "…hopping scene as I made my way out here. Were those two people still dry humping?"

She nods. "Like the world was ending. I was afraid they'd get carpet burn from the way they were grinding against each other."

I cringe in sympathy for the pair. That shit hurts. Carpet burn, I mean.

"So did Aiden show off his dance moves?" I can't help but ask. I love Aiden, I really do. But he is a horrible dancer. I can only imagine what it's like when he's shit-faced.

Spencer looks down to her feet. "Yeah. I don't think my feet have ever been so abused. I kept stepping away from him, but then I'd have some guy grinding against my ass, and I figured I could handle a little foot assault." She frowns and rubs the top of her feet.

"Yeah, Aiden's not the best dancer. I usually bring him with me to clubs just so I can make fun of him." Yeah, I'm evil. Like you wouldn't do it. "Girl's usually look past that because they think he's hot."

"Don't you?" she asks, looking at me with interest.

I stare back at her. "Don't I what?"

"Think he's hot."

I try not to seem completely disgusted by the suggestion.

"He's my best friend," I protest.

She shrugs. "So? Doesn't mean you can't think he's attractive. Besides, isn't that the perfect story? Best friends falling for each other."

"I guess," I offer. But we're missing a very key part. Aiden isn't a girl. Thank God!

"So then you are allowed to be attracted to him," she explains simply, making me feel like she thinks I'm slow.

"True," I agree, "but I'm most definitely not. I can tell he's a good looking guy based on what other people say and think. But for me…he's not my type."

Spencer completely stops her movement and leans towards me. "And what is your type?"

Warning bells sound in my head.

"What's your secret?" I turn back to her.

She shifts away from me and stares ahead again. "Why do you care so much?" she asks quietly.

Because…because I have to know.

I give a shrug. "I don't know. I'm just curious, I guess."

"You're just curious?" I look at her and nod. "Well then you don't need to hear it."

"Why are you so cryptic about it?" I demand, my irritation getting the better of me.

She turns to me, blue eyes widening in slight surprise at my tone. "What do you mean?"

"You say some deep shit about it, and then when I ask, you act like it's some big deal. You're the one who brought it up, so why can't you say it?" I don't even realize I've stood up until I feel the swing lightly hit the back of my thigh.

She narrows her eyes. "I didn't bring it up. You're the one who told me to tell you a secret," she reminds me coolly.

I know I shouldn't be such a bitch, and I do feel a little bad about making her mad, but this has been bothering me for too long.

"You didn't have to say that. You could have said something stupid, and then we wouldn't even be here."

"Exactly!" she says firmly, like she just pointed out something obvious.

I look at her crazily. "What does that even mean?"

She shakes her head swiftly and looks away. "Never mind."

"No, not never mind." I grab the chains of her swing and stare down at her intently. "You can't just deflect everything by saying it's nothing."

"And_ you _can't just deflect everything by putting Aiden's name in front of it, Ashley," she throws back at me. Her chest heaves as she inhales sharply.

I shake away her words with each shake of my head. "Just tell me what you meant."

"I said it's nothing."

"Something that means nothing shouldn't make you avoid looking at me," I say softly.

She closes her eyes tightly for a moment and then slowly looks up at me. Her blue eyes look at me intently, and I see something I've never seen before. Vulnerability. It makes me feel exposed as well.

"What did you mean?"

Silence.

"Spencer," I whisper, causing her to look up at me again. "What did you mean?" I can feel my anger seeping out of me with each second our eyes remain locked.

She sighs and I can see her shaking her head at herself. I know she's about to explain. Her hands run through her hair before she rests them on the chain, inches from my own.

With another sigh, she looks up at me. "I don't want to go back to before that night."

"That night?" I echo.

She absently rubs her fingers on the chain, and I watch with fascination. If she stretches her finger up a few more centimeters, she'll be touching my hand. I move my hands a little higher.

"The last party," she explains. "I had a lot of fun talking to you. It wasn't because I had to get notes from you, or because Madison wanted to talk to Aiden. We just…talked, and I liked it. It was completely different from school. I actually felt relaxed."

"That was the alcohol," I joke nervously, voice wavering a little.

She smiles a little, but other than that, doesn't recognize my comment. "I feel like everything in my life is laid out for me. At home it's decided what I do and when. At school, it's decided who I talk to, who I sit with. At parties, it's decided that I should drink and dance with random guys. Or Aiden." She levels me with a significant glance and I blush.

"But with you…" Her eyes meet mine again, and I don't even pretend to want to look away. "With you, I feel like I'm finally in control. Like I'm talking to you because I want to, not because everyone else wants me to. It's like," she looks around, gesturing wildly, "like I'm finally doing something for me."

I'm paralyzed again. Everything about her is holding me in place, as if her arms have imprisoned me. It's frightening. It's amazing.

She gives a nervous laugh and plays with her hair again. "So yeah… I realize that's a lot to take in, and it sounds even crazier saying it out loud."

I want to tell her that her words aren't crazy, they're beautiful. I want to tell her that, while she feels at ease with me, I feel blissfully uncomfortable around her.

But I don't.

I can't.

"Really crazy," she continues from my silence.

I echo her nervous laugh. "Yeah."

I see her bite her lip, face deep in thought, obviously considering something. My eyes quickly look away from her lips, knowing that if I linger, I'll see how lonely they are. I'll make it so they aren't lonely.

"Ashley," she says softly, something in her tone making me meet her eyes again.

"Yeah?" My voice is whisper soft, somehow even gentler than hers.

"I…" Her voice drops off, and I'm not sure she really had anything to say.

Her deep blue eyes search my face with an unreadable expression, and I have to close my eyes momentarily at their intensity. When I open them up, Spencer has stood up and is inches from my face.

My arms are still on the chain, resting by her shoulders, gently blocking her in. I can't make them move. Can't even catch a breath. Can't look away.

Can't stop my face from slowly closing the distance between us.

I hear her sharp intake of air, and through the sensations tingling through my body, I'm comforted by her unsteadiness.

I'm on auto-pilot now. Voices in my head scream at me not to do this, to walk away, but they're so easily drowned out by every other fiber of my being yelling at me to kiss her.

I feel her hands slide up the chain and hit mine, the contact making me feel too warm on this chilly night. Her finger stretches out and lightly touches my skin, eyes blazing into mine.

I can't take it anymore. I have to put me out of my misery.

I lean forward a fraction and revel in our shared air. Our eyes stay locked a moment longer before beautiful pools are covered by her eyelids. I move another inch and feel my nose brush against hers, feeling her lips part in anticipation, her warm, sweet breath puffing against my lips. I close my eyes in rapture and prepare to die, knowing that once our lips touch, I'll be reborn in the best way possible.

I take a weak breath of air in preparation, and I can feel her lips turn in a small smile. My own quirk up for a moment before I turn serious again.

I lean across the small distance between us, feeling my whole body thrum in anticipation of our lips meeting. I try to clear my mind of everything but Spencer. It's working. All I can think of is her sensual scent, her tantalizing lips.

And Aiden.

Fuck!

I squeeze my eyes tightly as my body empties of everything but extreme guilt. I lean back and shake my head as Spencer opens her eyes in confusion. "I'm sorry," I whisper. I can't do this.

She doesn't say anything, but she lowers her hands from the chain takes a defensive step back.

"Aiden," I say regretfully, also releasing the chain and stepping back.

I can't believe I was about to do this to him. I can't believe I allowed things to go this far. What kind of friend am I? Not even friend, what kind of person am I?

"Ashley, I-"

I cut her off by shutting my eyes and shaking my head. I can't hear it. Whatever it is…I can't hear it. "Aiden likes you. A lot. He really likes you." I keep thinking that repeating it will make things better.

"Ashley," she tries again.

I can't look at her. "You should get a ride with Aiden."

"Ashley." She's hurt. I've hurt her.

"Please, Spencer." I beg her this time. I need her to do this for me.

She wordlessly nods, giving me one more glance before she goes back inside.

As she walks inside and closes the door, I realize how truly cold it is outside.

What the fuck have I done?

I wish I knew which situation I was referring to.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Chapter 12  
_**

I was drunk.

I was drunk.

I was drunk.

That's been my mantra for the past few days. I've been so close to telling Aiden, but thankfully my rational side kicks in. He's my best friend, but somehow, I know that this will kill him.

Hell, it's already killing me just knowing it had almost happened.

Spencer hasn't said anything about it, but she gives me these looks, and all they do is make we want to close my eyes. But all that does is make me remember how close we were.

I asked my mom if I could drop out of school. She narrowed her eyes at me and asked if I wanted the inheritance. When I sarcastically said no, she rolled her eyes at me and mumbled about ungrateful children. I'm not sure who her other 'children' are, but God be with their souls.

So now I'm at lunch, absently pushing the questionable looking meat around my plate. I don't smile at the shoulder squeeze given to me. And I don't look up as Spencer appears seconds later and says a small, "Hey Ash."

I pour some milk on the already disgusting meat. "Hey."

I'm not surprised by Spencer's presence. Her and Aiden have been having lunch together every day since the party. It's only been about a week, but I can't help but think that they are pretty much together. I know they aren't official because Aiden would have called me screaming like a girl, but they might as well be.

You think I'd be somewhat happy about this, because it would mean that I know longer have to spend time with Spencer, talking Aiden up. It should mean that, but it doesn't.

To make matters worse, Madison has gone into overdrive. She calls me pretty much daily asking for updates because 'Spencer is so shy and hasn't even mentioned any kissing.'

Apparently that's a crime. Though for Madison, that has to be the longest she's known some one to go without kissing a guy. I can't say I mind that they haven't kissed. I feel a little bad because it's not like Aiden hasn't tried to ask her out more, but she's always busy with something.

My phone vibrates and I roll my eyes inwardly as I see it's from Aiden.

_Will you ask Spencer to hang out?_

I look at him. _Why?_

He rolls his eyes at me before answering,_ So you can talk me up more and then you can run into me somewhere._

Sometimes I really hate how good of a friend I am.

_Fine, I'll ask_.

I direct my attention to the blonde. "Hey Spencer, you want to come to my house after school, you know, spend the night? That is if you can stand possibly running into a Christine who hasn't had her coffee and Valium."

Spencer looks surprised by my offer, but I can hardly blame her. I've been pretty standoffish with her. Not ignoring her, but I try not to notice her too much either.

"Uh yeah that sounds good. We can stop by my house and ask." I can't help but smile as she assumes I'm giving her a ride. "And I deal with an unshowered Glen...I doubt Christine can be much worse."

"Oh, so I'm driving you, am I?" I tease, trying to cover up how my heart is racing.

She looks a little sheepish. "Well I just figured it'd be easier finding your car if I helped."

I fake a confused look. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

Spencer rolls her eyes and laughs. "Of course you don't," she says, tone one of obvious disbelief.

I smile because I really have missed our connection. Our easy banter has always made me laugh, and being without it has kept me in a somber mood.

"Sleepover, huh?" Aiden jumps in with a big smile. "Sounds like fun."

I shake my head at him.

"Room for three?" he jokes, sounding a little hopeful.

"Sure," I answer, "Christine has a king-sized bed."

Spencer ducks her head as she snorts. She clears her throat at the look Aiden gives her.

"She's been lonely you know," I tell him seriously.

"Why do you say that?" Spencer asks.

"Because she's been talking to me. Either that, or her meds got mixed up again." I shrug.

Aiden laughs. "Remember that one time you gave her Tylenol and told her it was fertility pills?"

I laugh too as I remember. She claimed to have a migraine and asked for pills. I was annoyed with her so I pretended to not be able to distinguish between two. She told me to bring her something from a green bottle. I grabbed the Tylenol, but when I got back, I handed them to her, then asked what F-E-R-T pills were. She promptly started choking and yelled that I had brought her fertility pills. It took her about ten minutes to see that I was laughing like crazy, and to remember that she didn't have any of those pills. As if she wanted anymore children. Her words, not mine.

"She has fertility pills?" Spencer looks uncomfortable.

"No." I shake my head. "But she has so many meds, she can't keep them all straight. I just wanted to have fun with her. She took away my allowance for two days. I suffered so bad." I roll my eyes. I'm not sure why my mom thought that was punishment. Having to talk to her was the real punishment.

Spencer doesn't seem to know how to respond to that, so she just purses her lips and nods.

"So...sleep over?" Aiden offers again, receiving a hit from Spencer and me. "Hey." He rubs his arm. "I was just wondering. You might need a big strong man to protect you."

I roll my eyes slowly. "Well if we manage to find one, we'll invite him over."

Aiden flips me off, smile belying his annoyance. He looks down at his watch and sighs. "I gotta go. Coach wants to see me about scholarships."

He stands up and looks at Spencer expectantly. I can't help but notice how tense she seems. Aiden doesn't seem to pick up on it as he bends down and gives her a brief but strong hug. "Alright, bye guys, have fun tonight. Text ya later Ash." He lingers for a moment longer before he finally nods and walks off.

Noticing Spencer's uncomfortable posture, I say, "Not a fan of PDA?"

She relaxes a little as she turns to me. "Uh, something like that. He's just been all about these hugs lately."

I narrow my eyes at her slightly, trying to figure her out. "You do realize he could be doing worse."

Her head snaps back to me in surprise. "What?"

"Oh God!" I protest loudly. "Not that!"

"What?" she says again.

I shake my head. "Forget about it, I do not want any more images."

She shrugs but lets it drop. "So is Christine really going to be home?"

"Hell if I know. We can only hope she's away, but it doesn't matter. It's a Friday, so most likely she'll either be gone when we get there or about to leave. Besides, she loves you, grandpa Spencer." I still tease her about her little lie.

She smiles and her cheeks redden. "It was a spur of the moment thing." I nod with a smile. "Shut up," she tells me, "it was. I didn't want her to hurt me," she whimpers.

I roll my eyes at her. "What's the worse she could do you, Spencer, inject you with botox?" Spencer laughs loudly. "Overdose you with her pills? Or worse, hold a conversation with you?"

"Heaven forbid I have to talk to her. I've always been advised to avoid Satan."

"Hey!" I say as a thought strikes me. "That's not fair, that would make me-"

"The spawn of Satan," she confirms with a nod and a smug smile.

Her confident smile makes my heart pound, and I wonder if she can hear it.

"Well then," I say in a professionally polite tone, "allow me to take you to hell."

I know it won't be hell though, not with her there with me.

* * *

"Mom?" I say cautiously, praying she's not there.

When I get no answer in response, I can't help but sigh in relief. "Thank God," I mutter.

"Ashley?" my mother's voice rings out from upstairs.

"Dammit." I trade a side-long glance with Spencer. "Hey mom," I call up to her.

"You're home early."

I glance at my phone before sharing another look with Spencer. "It's 3:15," I tell her.

She appears in the living room. "Oh, is it?" she asks distractedly, rummaging through her purse for something. "Oh," she says as she spots Spencer. "Hello dear." She gives Spencer a big smile.

"Hello," Spencer responds politely, grunting in surprise as my mom hugs her.

"It's always lovely to see you, dear. I was afraid Ashley didn't know how to interact with other girls."

I inwardly laugh at this. If only she knew how well I "interact" with other girls.

Spencer looks at me, and I shrug.

"Well anyway, I'm heading out Ashley." She pulls out her billfold and hands me some money. "This should cover you for the weekend."

Spencer looks at me again, and my mom catches it. "Oh I'm sorry sweetie, did you want some too? How selfish of me." She reaches back into her purse.

"No, no, no, that's okay," Spencer assures her quickly, looking a little overwhelmed. "Thank you, though."

My mom just shrugs. "Alright, well I'll be back later. I'm leaving my phone here, so stay out of trouble." She walks over and gives me a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I refrain from wiping it off in front of her. "Bye, dear."

As soon as she's left, Spencer turns to me. "She'll be back later? Later tonight, this weekend...what? And she's not taking her phone with her? How are you supposed to call her!" she demands incredulously.

I'm really not affected by it anymore, only by the vehemence in Spencer's tone. "This is a normal weekend. I'd be worried if she didn't go. It's not like I need to call her."

"Yeah, but doesn't she want to check on you and make sure you're okay?" She's obviously having trouble grasping that.

"You'd think so."

Spencer senses my willingness to drop the subject and does, looking reluctant to do so. She does, however, continue to keep glancing at me.

"So what does Ashley Davies have planned for tonight?" She plops on my bed unceremoniously. It makes me laugh.

I furrow my brows in contemplation. "Well I was thinking strip club at 9, followed by provocative dancing with 40 year old men, followed by a night of intense intoxication."

Spencer laughs and gives me an impressed look. "Oh really? Well since you're wanting to dance with older men, are you planning on hitting up the retirement homes?"

"Spencer," I chastise, "that's after the intoxication. Keep up." I snap my fingers at her

"Seriously though."

I shrug. "I figured we'd binge eat on pizza and watch some movies. Maybe swim?"

She looks like she doesn't know whether I'm serious or not. "Well as much as I love swimming, I'm not one for skinny dipping."

I choke at her words and feel a blush creep up my face. I cannot believe she just said that. I sit in silence for a moment, trying to find my voice.

"Wow, it seems I've flustered you." She sends me a teasing smile that only makes my cheeks flame more.

"Stop it," I command weakly.

Spencer puts her hands up in innocence.

I clear my throat of imaginary blockage. "Anyway, it was just a suggestion. And you can always borrow one of my suits."

"Oh." She offers a sheepish smile. "Hey," she says suddenly, "I don't remember seeing a pool."

"You caught me, we're actually going in my mom's jacuzzi tub." Spencer levels me with a glare. "We've got an indoor one."

Spencer laughs. "I really shouldn't be surprised. Is it in the shape of a dollar sign?"

I shake my head and push her off the bed, ignoring her fake cry of pain. I walk to my closet and thrust open the doors, gesturing to my many suits. "Take your pick."

She picks herself off the floor and stands beside me. "Oh, so we're going swimming? No asking me?"

"Nope," I tell her, shoving her in the closet, ignoring all of the stupid jokes floating around in my mind.

She picks through them and turns around to look at me expectantly.

"What?" She's giving me a weird look.

She raises an eyebrow. "You mind not watching me change?"

I blush and quickly turn around, muttering an embarrassed 'sorry' as I sit on my bed and try not to think about her changing.

Moments later, I hear the closet door open and footsteps nearing me. "You wearing that, or are you actually embracing the no clothes swimming?"

I smile at her teasing, but it quickly drops as I turn and see her. She looks amazing, even more so that I know she's wearing one of my suits. I know I could never do it that much justice.

Remembering she asked me something, I awkwardly laugh and stand up. "Yeah." Her lips quirk up. "I mean no, no I'm not wearing this." Her smile widens. "Or going naked! I'm, uh, I'll go change real quick."

I practically run to the closet, ignoring her amused chuckle. I hate being this uncomfortable. I'm never this nervous, and especially not from a girl. If anything, it's the other way around.

I shuffle through my suits, trying to find one that looks the best before I shake my head at myself. It shouldn't matter. I should just put on a stupid one piece. Actually, I should make Spencer wear a one piece. And a towel. And snow pants.

Deciding on a cute blue bikini and congratulating myself on thinking to shave my legs this morning, I take a big breath and release it before opening the doors. Spencer's sitting on my bed, distractedly flipping though an album of my first years. My parents felt the need to capture every moment of that time period. Now, the only photos of me are the obligatory ones to put on Christmas cards for grandma and other unsuspecting family members.

"Cute baby, huh?"

Spencer turns and looks at me. "Yeah, I was."

I smile and roll my eyes. "Let's go get towels, loser."

We grab towels from the linen closet and make our way downstairs to the pool area. I throw my towel carelessly on a chair, smiling as Spencer mimics my gesture. I walk over the edge of the pool, bending down to test the temperature of the water. It feels nice, about bath water warm. Mom complains if I make it too hot, saying how we have a hot tub for that and she doesn't want wrinkles. I don't know how to get it across that with all the botox she's had, it's a miracle that she can even smile.

I stand up and flick the water off my hand. "It's a good temperature," I tell Spencer.

"Nice and warm?" she asks.

"Yeah." I nod. "Feels nice."

"That's good," she says in a strange voice. She sounds very distracted.

And in about ten seconds, I find out why as I'm pushed forward into the pool. I quickly surface to the sound of her evil laughter.

I run a hand through my hair and turn to Spencer and send her a glare. "I hope you know I hate you."

Spencer opens her mouth in shock. She points to herself. "Me?"

I can't be mad at her. Hell, I would have done the same thing in her position.

"Get in here, Carlin," I order, splashing water at her.

She give a fake girly scream. "But I don't want to get wet," she complains in a high pitched squeal.

Oh the dirty thoughts. Make them stop, please.

"Spencer Grace, get your ass in here. Now."

She walks over to the shallow end. "I think I'll use the stairs. You're not supposed to dive, you know. At least that's what the signs say. I don't know why you did it."

"I might have had a little help." I give her a pointed look.

She nods in understanding. "Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if this place is haunted." She looks around cautiously, staring at the ceiling.

"Spencer," I laugh, "get in here!" I start swimming towards her.

She waves me off. "Alright, alright." She walks over close to where I am and jumps right next to me, effectively splashing me as she goes under.

Spencer surfaces with a big grin, looking quite pleased with herself. "Happy now?"

I'm sure I answered, and I can only hope it was something witty. I honestly have no clue, because I can only focus on how she looks in the water. Her hair is darkened by the water, clinging to her shoulders but still beautiful as it frames her face. Droplets of moisture drip off of her, and I do my best not to follow their descent. The pleased smile on her face only makes her look more radiant.

"You're right," she says after a moment, "it is warm. Do you come here often?"

"Eh, sometimes. But Christine comes down here a lot for the hot tub, so I try to avoid seeing her. Plus I think she has a thing for the pool boy."

"Really?"

"Wouldn't surprise me. I know she's not coming down to swim. Warm or not, my mom wouldn't be caught dead in the pool." I put a hand to my mouth. "She might mess up her hair."

Spencer rolls her eyes. "Oh no," she gasps dramatically.

"Yeah, fate worse than death. It's good for me though, because it means her nasty toxins aren't swimming around in here."

"Ew." Spencer cringes. "That didn't need to be said."

"Sorry," I apologize with a laugh. "I'm not used to having to tone down my sarcasm and bitterness."

She looks at me curiously. "You don't with Aiden?"

"We really don't talk about my mom that much. It's understood that she's a bitch. She gives me money and pays for stuff. That about summarizes our relationship." Sometimes I get surprised by how indifferent I can sound.

Her blue eyes reflect sadness. "I'm sorry. I know you're used to it, but...well honestly it shouldn't be like this. At all."

I give a shrug. I really don't like talking about this. It's a lot easier to deflect it and ignore it when it's just me.

"Actually it kind of surprise me how you've turned out, considering how-" she pauses in consideration. "-well how your mom is."

I turn to look at her, confused by her words. "What do you mean?"

"Well from what I've seen and heard of your mom, she's, and excuse me for saying this, but she's a selfish bitch. She only seems to care about money. I don't know how she can forget she has a teenage daughter that she's supposed to be taking care of. It's like she's trying to convince herself that she's still 18." Spencer shrugs. "So I'm just amazed that you're as caring and as beautiful of a person as you are despite all that."

What do I say to that? How can I say anything even close to her beautiful words.

I can't.

All I can do is stare at her, my brown eyes mixing with the comforting warmth of her blue eyes, and even though we're in four foot deep water, I feel like I'm drowning. "I...thanks," I whisper stupidly, unable to utter anything more coherent.

It doesn't matter though, because from the pretty smile on her face, I know she caught the sincerity in it.

"You don't have to thank me," she says softly.

"I know. I wanted to though."

I keep saying things, and I know it's to keep my mouth occupied. Because with her beautiful words and her looking so beautiful as she stands no more than two feet from me, I know talking is the last thing on my mind.

She gives me an unreadable look, and I wonder if she's feeling the same way. "Well it's all true. I know I don't know you as well as Aiden does, but I can't help but see you, you know? The you behind the jokes and sarcasm and defense mechanisms."

And that's what scares me, that she sees the real me. I put up walls for a reason, and in the matter of a month, she's blown right through them, effortlessly.

"Damn, looks like I have to try harder," I whisper in a lame attempt at a joke. I know I'm not just referring to what she just said.

She smiles slightly. "You don't."

"Don't what?"

"Have to try harder."

I shake my head. "No, I really do. I need to try a hell of a lot harder."

"Why?"

I'm vulnerable. In the water, with the walls out of reach and Spencer close to me, I've never felt so exposed. I hate it.

"Because my walls aren't built to crumble, they're built to keep people out."

"Aiden's on the inside," she reminds me quietly.

"He's different," I tell her.

"Than me?"

I look away. I don't need to look at her. "Yeah."

She takes a step closer, and as much as I want to retreat back, I'm rooted to the bottom. "How?"

I look around helplessly, desperately. The sides aren't so far away. I could make it.

"How, Ashley?" She gently tugs on my elbow, drawing my gaze back to her.

"You just are," I choke out. "Aiden's just...different," I say again.

She gives a small, derisive laugh, and steps back. "It's always going to be about Aiden, isn't it?"

I'm confused. I don't know what just happened. "What do you mean?"

Spencer starts swimming to the side and pulls herself out of the pool. "Nothing."

I frown and swim after her. "Spencer."

She whips around to face me. "What Ashley?"

I'm taken aback by the slight anger in her tone. "I...I don't know what's going on," I admit.

She looks up at the ceiling and sighs. "Just forget about it, Ashley. Please?"

It's her plea that makes me nod in compliance. "Okay."

"Thank you."

I nod again and climb out of the pool to grab my towel. We dry off in silence, and I hate that it's like this. I knew I'd manage to screw this up somehow. That's just how I work.

"Why'd you invite me to your house?" Spencer asks suddenly, startling me by her random question.

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I asked. Why did you invite me here?" She seems a little annoyed again, and I'm starting to wonder if she's PMS-ing.

I look at her like she's crazy. "To hang out. We haven't really talked that much since..." The party. I can't say it. I don't want to transport us back to that night.

She crosses her arms, more in protection than in annoyance. "I thought that's what you wanted." She levels me with a challenging look, as if to say 'Isn't it?'

What I wanted? I can't have what I want. Hell I don't even know what in the fuck I want anymore.

"I-I was just busy."

"Ignoring me?" she supplies softly.

"No," I protest weakly.

"So you were too busy the whole week to say anything other than 'Hey Spencer' to me?" She doesn't believe my lies. I wouldn't either.

It sounds even more pathetic when she recaps our last week.

"Look, I..." Dammit, just say it. "I missed talking with you. You're one of the few people I actually like to be around. And Aiden is great, but sometimes I...I just need some one different, you know?" I look up at her to find her smiling at me.

"I do know," she agrees softly. "And I missed talking to you too. I just missed you. The thing you said about Aiden, it's the same for me. He's nice and funny, but sometimes-" she drops off for a moment, and I lean forward in anticipation, heart beating anxiously.

She takes a quick breath. "Sometimes I want something different too." Her blue eyes meet mine, giving me a message I'm pretty sure I can't misinterpret.

I wish I could though. I can't hear what she's saying. I'm not allowed to understand.

"Spencer..." I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just know saying her name is the one thing that feels right leaving my lips.

She doesn't acknowledge that I've spoken, and I wonder if I even said it at all. "And maybe this is crazy, maybe this seems all of a sudden to you but honestly-" she gives a short laugh. "To me this doesn't seem so crazy. Doesn't seem so sudden."

I have to close my eyes. I can't tune her words out, but I can at least shield my eyes from the beautiful girl in front of me, speaking even more beautiful words.

I open my eyes back up, trying to pretend that I don't know she's looking at me. "We should go back up."

Spencer looks at me, face contorted in sadness for a moment before she puts a different mask on. She's silent for a long moment, just regarding me, before she sighs and says, "Okay."

We walk to my room in silence, and all I want to do is grab her and tell her I'm sorry. I don't know what I should apologize for, because I'm only doing what I feel like I should, but hurting her was never part of the plan. I still don't really know why she's hurt.

The silence is completely awkward. I've never felt so uncomfortable, not even at the family reunions with my creepy uncles saying how well I've grown up.

"I'll uh, I'll take your towel." I put my hand out awkwardly.

She holds her towel out, eyeing it like it's completely foreign to her. "Thanks."

"Sure." I ignore the voice calling me pathetic and turn to head to the laundry room.

"You going to put them in Christine's bed?"

Her teasing comment makes me turn around in pleasant surprise. Despite what has happened, I know that we're okay. Things change. Things _have _changed, but some things will never change, and I've never been so grateful for normalcy.

"Nah, she'd have to sleep in it to find it."

I watch her face quirk in a smile, teasing glint in her eyes. "I just knew you had a thing for mildew."

I pretend to huff. "That's it, you're so not meeting my new bear."

Spencer gives me a pleading look. "No, anything but that!" She gives a dramatic eye roll and smiles at me.

I return it effortlessly. "You can go up, I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay," she concedes, "but if I get lost..." she drops off threateningly.

"I'll have the search party on call," I call out over my shoulder.

When I arrive back to my room, Spencer is standing by her bag, looking uncertain.

"Not your bag?" I tease at her confused look.

That seems to snap her out of whatever was bothering her. "Oh no," she laughs, "I was just waiting to shower."

I quirk an eyebrow at her. "And you needed me here for that?"

I smile as Spencer finally is the one to blush. "No," she says indignantly, "I just didn't want to be rude."

"Well I don't know about the Carlin residence, but here we shower regularly."

I'm answered with a pair of socks to my head.

"Just show me where the towels are." She crosses her arm impatiently.

"In the bathroom. Princess," I add for good measure, sticking my tongue out at her.

I snap my fingers at her to get her to follow me. I open the first door on the left. "This is the linen closest." I turn to the shower. "And this nifty contraption here, is a shower. See, you turn these knob thingies and water comes out."

"Wow," Spencer deapans, "I feel so empowered now. Thank you, Ashley."

I give her a bright smile. "You're welcome. Now rinse that grime off." I leave to shut the door, stopping as it's slightly ajar. "H is for hot and C is cold!" I call out then shut the door, chuckling to myself in appreciation.

I know, I'm a dork.

After driving myself crazy sitting on my bed waiting, I finally gather enough wits to turn the tv on. Those images have to be better than the ones flittering through my brain.

Soon enough, I hear movement in the bathroom, and I sit up straighter, before realizing how uncomfortable and unnatural my posture is. I force myself lay back some and prop up against the headboard.

The door opens, and I do my best not to gawk at a freshly showered Spencer. Her blonde hair is still damp, and she is, thankfully, fully clothed in fresh clothes. Her shampoo is wafting through my room, and it smells amazing. I'm tempted to ask if I can use hers, just so I can smell like her. Besides the fact that that would be completely creepy, I don't have the guts to ask her.

"So apparently turning on the shower starts the hidden radio."

I can't help but smile. So that's why she screamed. I forgot to mention that to her. I'm just used to it by now.

"Yeah, I screamed for about the first two weeks after mom had it installed. I'm wasn't used to having Kelly Clarkson in the shower with me."

"Lucky." She laughs. "I had Shakira telling me there was a she-wolf in the closet. I was wondering if I should be concerned for your safety or not."

I roll my eyes at her joke even though it totally cracked me up. As her eyes flick over me, I feel self conscious as I realize I'm still in my bathing suit. "Okay, well I'm going to shower now. Remote's on the bed, watch whatever you want. Porn channels are down though." I nonchalantly rummage through my drawers, picking out a clean pair of clothes.

I look up and find Spencer looking at me in amusement. "I'm just kidding about the porn." I pause for a moment. "The channels are totally working, and I recommend 237." I pride myself as I hold back a smile.

She looks at me strangely. "The guy on guy? Why that one?"

Is it? Fuck, I just threw out a random number. Whoa, wait a second! "You watch porn?" I ask incredulously.

Spencer shakes her head at me. "I'm truly disappointed, Ashley. I thought you knew me better."

Oh, okay, she was joking. Good, because I don't think my heart could have handled it if she was serious.

"I...am going to shower?" I'm so glad I made it sound like a question. I don't dare look at her expression. I can already guess it's one of amusement.

I swiftly close the door, making sure to lock it, though I highly doubt she'll come bursting through. You never know though. My naked body inspires many crazy events.

I sigh as the warm water cascades over me. It's comforting running down my body, baptizing me in the best of ways as it clears my head.

I refrain from using her shampoo, though I do open it so I can smell it. I've never felt any particular way about mandarins before, but as of today, I officially am in love with it. I'll write it down in my journal when I get done.

I grab my body wash next, smiling in appreciation as I see Spencer's Warm Vanilla Sugar body wash next to it. Had I used her shampoo and her body wash, I probably would have died from sensory overload, but what a way to go.

After washing the condition from my hair, I stand under the spray a moment longer, prolonging having to go back to my room. Back to Spencer.

I'm forgetting the whole reason she's even over here. It's so I can talk about Aiden, not so I can flirt with her, or have moments with her. That's strictly forbidden.

And damn if that doesn't make me want it even more.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_Advanced warning, this is a short chapter. Sorry, but I liked where I ended it, and felt like making it longer dragged it on. Anyway, I hope you like it despite the length issues. Good things in the very near future ;)  
_

**Sarah1124**_- Yeah, the line Spencer uses saying, 'It's always going to be about Aiden,' is just her realizing that that's why Ashley's hanging out with her. Not that she doesn't suspect that Ashley enjoys her company, but Aiden is (sadly) a big part of what happens between the girls._

**imaferrari**_- Wow, that sucks that this happened to you, because I can see how much it frustrates people reading it, so actually experiencing it has to be 1,000 times worse. I know that this story makes you want to pull hair and scream, but I'm glad you are sticking with it, and I promise that soon - very soon! - there will be progress worth saving what little hair you may have left._

**fatedcircle26**_- you hit it on the head exactly! Ashley is using Aiden as an excuse to cover up her own feelings and insecurities. Aiden mentioned something a few chapters back about her finding the one person who can completely turn her world upside down, and Ashley brushed it aside because she didn't see it happening. She didn't need to think about it because there was no reason to. Now Spencer has entered into the picture, and everything is totally twisted. Now she's trying to be a good friend to Aiden when it's not what she wants at all, but she has to try to make herself think that that's what she wants._

**chunkmonkey3**_- Psh, you are not lame for checking your email. I'm very honored that you are so dedicated to my story :) And don't worry, when I find a good story, I check my email pretty much 5 times a day. Thankfully I have an iPhone so it's a lot faster lol._

**_slusshy_**- _From what we know of Spencer, she's anything but stupid. So yeah, she does know why Ashley's hanging out with her, which is why she asked her so bluntly, to see if she'd get a straight answer. Despite that though, Spencer does have her own beliefs about why Ashley invites her to hang out, and she's basing it off of her hope. And for Aiden...don't worry, I can only torture everyone for so long, and he's getting a clue real soon. Ashley too._

**Cheruth-** _For as good of a friend Ashley is to Aiden, she's that much more of a coward. Because as long as she thinks Aiden is in the picture, she can ignore what's really going on. And even though she doesn't like talking Aiden up, she's willing to do it, under the guise of being a "good friend." Not that she's not a good friend and doesn't want to help him out, but it's a good blind spot for her. And it's ok, I give you permission to hit everyone...well except Spencer, she's the only one being good. Oh, and don't hit me please, I bruise easily!_

**WillowOn3**- _Don't worry, Spencer is realizing that waiting on Ashley is pretty much hopeless and that she'll have no choice but to take matters into her own hands. She doesn't want to hurt Aiden, but she doesn't have any ties to him holding her back like Ashley does. If Ashley does retreat, which she already did after the party, she will just realize how much worse off she is that way. In her mind, spending time with Spencer, even if for Aiden's sake, is better than no time with Spencer. As hard as it is to see and understand her logic, Ashley thinks she knows what she's doing._

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**_Chapter 13  
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My mom hasn't come back.

And no matter how many times I say it doesn't bother me, Spencer still gives me sideways glances that beg to differ.

I honestly don't care. Really, it's hard to care about much else when Spencer's here, successfully taking over my thoughts.

"So...do we call and order or do they receive telepathic messages now?"

I barely register her words, but I have enough sense to respond. "Har har, ass. I'm calling. And none of your shitty pepperonis." She gives a pitiful pout, and I give in. "Medium pizza; half cheese, half pepperoni." I listen to the guy repeat my order back to me, you know, since it was _so_ complicated. "Yeah, that's right. No, no cheesy bread. No hot wings. No, we don't want cinnastix."

He continues to offer more shit to me. "No!" I say firmly, now more than a little annoyed. "Just the pizza." Spencer sends me a look. "Please."

"There, that wasn't so bad, now was it?" she coos fondly.

I push her gently. "You'd get annoyed too if Steve kept naming off the menu to you. I was just impressed he could actually read."

Spencer holds out the $200 my mom left me. "You think this will be enough to cover the pizza and tip?" she asks, voice full of fake concern.

"Hey, play nice. My mom apparently thinks I binge eat."

She looks at me critically. "And purge?"

I shrug. "If she thought that - and cared - I'd be in therapy by now. Heaven forbid I not be normal. Well mom's definition."

Spencer holds the money up. "Well thank you for the pizza, Ms. Davies."

Steve arrives with our pizza, looking like Christmas came early as he spots Spencer and me. Spencer politely overlooks his shaking hands, but I can't help but laugh as he struggles with taking the money. Taking pity on the sweaty teen, she stills his hand and puts the money it it, smiling in response to the huge grin he shoots her.

I swear he was going to kiss her when she told him he could keep the twenty dollar bill. With some forceful urging, Steve finally left, not before assuring us to specifically request him and he'd hook us up with some treats.

I try not to imagine what type of treats Steve has to offer.

I firmly shut the door, blocking out any more of Steve's words. "So, no more ordering Papa Johns," I tell Spencer, only half joking.

She nods in agreement. "Yeah, that was...a little too much." She looks at her left hand, studying it for a moment before she steps towards me and wipes it on my arm.

"Ewww!" I groan in disgust, "That's the hand that touched Steve!"

She chases me around the kitchen for several minutes, screaming about how her hand is going to fall off and asking if I'll still be her friend with her deformity.

I push her away as she puts her hand in my face. "Nope, sorry. It was great while it lasted." I grab the pizza and a drink and head upstairs.

She runs up behind me, giving me an impressive pout. "Really?" She sniffs loudly.

I consider for a moment. "Well I might get lonely." She nods firmly. "And Christine would pay for a new bionic hand." She frowns. "And the maid might need some company...ok, sure, I'll be your friend."

"Wow," she remarks with an eye roll, "don't do me any favors."

"Hey, I got nasty pepperonis," I remind her, waving my wonderful cheese pizza at her shit pepperoni slice.

"Shhh," she reprimands, "it can hear you." She holds her piece up. "She didn't mean it. No she didn't," she consoles in a baby voice.

I just send her a stare to let her know I know she's crazy.

* * *

Bellies full from finishing off the pizza, we lay on my bed, searching through the movies to see if there are any worth ordering. I really try not to think about why my mom has an account for buying programs on tv.

"Oo oo." Spencer sits up excitedly. "Pick that one!" She hits my arm, making me laugh at her excitement. "Pleeeease Ashley?"

"Hmmm, which one," I deliberately slowly, pretending to ignore her plea.

"Ash," she whines petulantly.

I immediately drop any teasing as I flood with warmth over the nickname. I don't know why it still makes me tingle, it's not like she hasn't said it before. It doesn't matter though, because I like the feeling.

I give in. "Ok, we'll watch _17 Again_. But no squealing every time Zac Effron takes off his shirt," I warn her.

She puts her hand up. "Scouts honor."

"And no obnoxious laughter over parts that are only slightly funny."

"Ok," she agrees easily.

"And no asking questions when-"

"Ashley," she laughs, hitting me with a pillow, "I get it! Order the damn movie."

I love it when she swears, it just sounds so...hot coming from her innocent mouth.

I give her a mock salute and press enter, entering the necessary information. I pick up another remote and click a button, settling in bed as the light goes out.

I can see the wonder on Spencer's face. "That's awesome!"

I laugh at her amazement. "You're such a kid."

She doesn't even seem embarrassed. "You'd be too if you walked into a room created by NASA."

I roll my eyes and shush her, pointedly turning the volume up. She zips her lips and gives me a big smile before climbing under the covers.

As she finally settles in, I rethink my cover decision as my body feels overly warm from her proximity. I can't just move again, she'd think I was crazy or going through menopause.

Sighing inwardly, I (happily) surrender to my fate and relish in being this close to Spencer, halfheartedly watching the movie.

* * *

I wake up to the tv buzzing, not even aware that I had fallen asleep. I glance over at Spencer's sleeping form, smiling at the peaceful look on her face. As I shift slightly to find the remote to turn off the tv, I feel my side hit her hand.

I turn off the tv and scoot over a little, not wanting to lay on her hand. It's not even a minute later that I open my eyes. Spencer's hand has moved over to rest against my back again.

I move away a fraction of an inch, laughing softly as her fingers flex until they reach me again.

I close my eyes again, this time with a smile on my face. I stretch my arm until it's lightly brushing hers, knowing that I need to be connected to her as well, even if only in the safety of the cloak of darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_Sorry this took so long. Stupid car decided to be...well stupid so I couldn't get internet. Hope you like it. Another short one  
_

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**_Chapter 14  
_**

My body decides I've had enough sleep, and glancing at the clock and seeing 8 AM reflected at me, I know it's way too early to be awake. As I glance at Spencer's sleeping form, however, I know that there's no way I could be angry about waking up if she's next to me, no matter what time it is.

Her breathing is steady, and it feels nice to know that I can rely on its predictable constancy. I almost dread the time when she awakens and will eventually go home. I also know that if I let her sleep till that time, I'll feel like I wasted precious moments.

It's these thoughts that fuel my decision to wake Spencer up properly.

Spencer shoots up and looks around, giving me a sleepy glare. "What was that for?" she demands, voice still thick with sleep, lessening her threatening ability.

Yep, I hit her with a pillow. Hard.

I look at her innocently. "You didn't want an 8 AM wake up call?"

She levels me with another glare, slightly more intimidating than the first. "I didn't want a pillow to the face. Haven't you ever heard of gently rousing some one?"

I stare at her and scratch my head, sending her my best confused look. "What that?"

She laughs and hits me with a pillow, thankfully much softer than I hit her. "I have no trouble believing you're a caveman. But really, why are we up so early? I figured you of all people would want to sleep till at least three."

I scoff and pretend to be offended. "It's till two, sheesh."

"I'm so sorry, what was I thinking?" She does a long stretch, releasing a pleasurable sigh as her bones pop. I just try to hide my cringe. Popping joints has always creeped me out.

I try not to let her almost moan affect me as well. It's not as easy.

"Ok, well get up. Don't look at me like that, we're going to breakfast." I hit her with the pillow again. "Up!"

Spencer glares at me and shifts out of bed, running a hand through her disheveled hair self-consciously. She glances towards the bathroom. "Give me five minutes?"

I pretend to think about it, not able to hide my smile as Spencer gives me an impatient look. "Ok." I look at my imaginary watch. "You're down to four and a half, better hurry."

She laughs and runs into the bathroom, leaving me to smile at her antics. I throw on some comfortable clothes. We're going to IHOP, so I doubt I'll need to bust out the prom dress anytime soon.

Water turns on, and I smile as I picture brushing her teeth, face full of concentration. I'm not sure why it makes me laugh, I just imagine that seeing her do it would be cute. Then again, I'm sure most things I imagine her doing are cute.

Or hot.

And that's where I stop.

"Bye Spencer!" I yell out as I gather my purse and dig my keys out. My dad used to do that to me all the time. ...the 'telling me bye and pretending to leave' part, not the 'getting his purse' part. My dad didn't have a purse.

I hear movement in the bathroom, followed by a "I'm coming!"

Oh, if only.

Ok, I really need to stop.

Spencer comes out moments later, looking fresh and smelling amazing. I think all she did was brush her hair, but it still looks nice.

"McDonalds?"

I level her with a look. "I can't believe you would even suggest that. We aren't cavemen Spencer." I give a dramatic huff of annoyance. "Please, I'm taking you to the sophisticated restaurant of IHOP."

Spencer snorts. She looks down at her outfit. "Wow, I need to change then. I don't think I'll be allowed in with my current attire."

I try to hold back a laugh. "Oh come on so we can stuff our faces with pancakes with enough calories to last us a few weeks." I push her out the door, locking it behind me.

We're at a light, and Spencer keeps looking at me. "What?" I ask feeling a little unnerved.

She shakes her head and smiles. "I just didn't see you as an IHOP person."

I cross my arms. "What's that supposed to mean?" Is there an IHOP stereotype I'm unaware of?

She smiles again and shrugs. "I just didn't know you liked to eat out."

Oh God.

My perverted mind is having a field day. I almost gawk at how many innuendos have been in her words. I sit in contemplative silence, wondering how in the world I can respond to that tactfully.

I can't look at her. I keep my eyes fiercely trained on the road as I try to keep them from shifting in her direction. And us from crashing into a tree.

"Ashley?" She tries to grab my lost attention. "Do you eat out often?"

Seriously, please kill me now!

Time passes, probably only seconds, but in my brain, it's been minutes.

Another long pause, and then, "Yes. Yes I do."

* * *

I put the car in park and sigh, refusing to look to the girl to my right or to the house in front of me. Because the sad truth is, of all the wild parties I've gone to, hooking up with hot girls and getting wasted beyond comprehension, the past two days spent with Spencer have easily blown those out of the water.

I don't register the smirk she's wearing as she watches me absentmindedly play with my different key chains. All I know is that the reason for inviting Spencer over for the night is so blurred, that it's hard to remember that it was ever clear at one point.

"You know, I don't think that this counts as me coming home if I don't go inside."

I look up from my keys and catch her teasing smirk. I return with one of my own. "I don't remember that being in my instructions."

Spencer unbuckles her seatbelt and turns to me. Her hands are fidgeting in her lap, eyes mesmerized by her movements. She bites her bottom lip and makes herself stop and turns her blue eyes on me. "I had a lot of fun. Thanks for having me over."

I feel my lips curve slightly. "Sorry you had to interact with Christine."

She smiles, and I know it's because I am - once again - deflecting her thanks to hide my blush. "I didn't mind."

I give her a look of mild disbelief.

She rolls her eyes laughingly."I didn't. Besides...it was worth it." She looks nervous again, but her eyes are full of certainty. It all makes my heart flutter.

"Yeah?" I ask quietly.

She gives me a pretty smile, nodding. "Yeah."

I feel myself smiling back, knowing I look like a complete idiot, but surprisingly not caring in this moment. "I'm glad you came over."

She seems surprised by my honestly, but pleasantly so. "Yeah, me too."

She's closer. When did she get closer?

"I really like spending time with you, Ash."

It's too intense; her words, her closeness, my nickname, the way her beautiful eyes are shining so intensely.

I swallow. "Y-yeah...me too."

Before I can do anything else, I'm surrounded by her arms, her scent and closeness overwhelming me in such an overwhelming way. I can't do anything but take her in and pray she doesn't feel how fast my heart is beating.

And as she releases me, I feel soft, warm lips caress my cheek so lightly that I have to ask myself if I imagined it. She opens the door with a secret smile, leaving me with a completely dumbfounded smile on my face as I watch her walk inside.

As I drive home, smile still intact, I know that I shouldn't be concerned about Spencer making me forget about Aiden.

I shouldn't even be concernend about how she makes me forget about everything.

No. What I should be concerned about, is the fact that I'm not bothered by it. Not in the least.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_So I know you'll probably not be happy about this chapter, but I feel it is necessary. Try to refrain from strangling the characters, as you'll want them around for the rest of the story. Well...maybe most of the characters.  
_

_And I meant to mention this before, but the Steve character is actually based on a guy from my life. I had a neighbor named Steve that had a huge crush on me, and he was nice, but definitely not my type and he was really...different. And I had to include Papa Johns because I dated a guy who worked there and I've refused to eat there since. That douche never did bring me cheesy bread like he promised. Maybe that's where the problems started..._

_Hope every one has a good Easter :)  
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**_Chapter 15  
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"So she didn't mention me at all?" Aiden asks, a little put out.

I rack my brain, searching for anything she might have said. "She said you're nice and funny," I tell him, trying my best to have an encouraging voice.

"Nice and funny?" he echoes in mortification, face falling into his hands. "That's what you say about an aunt who smells like moldy cat food, not about a guy you like." He peers at me through his fingers. "That's really all she said?"

"I don't really remember," I lie. "We talked about a lot of stuff." I refuse to meet his eyes, I know he'll know I'm lying.

He groans and sits up. "Well that's comforting."

I jump excitedly. "Oo! She did say you were sweet for buying me my teddy!" Thank you for that one, brain.

He seems to brighten up a little. "Ok, so sweet, nice, and funny...that's a good start. Right?" He looks to me expectantly.

I know this is my cue to agree, no matter what. "Definitely!" I say enthusiastically.

He gives me a grateful smile and we fall into comfortable silence.

"So..." he starts, drawing my attention to him. "Spencer in a bathing suit..."

I feel myself smirk. It widens at his smile. "What about it?"

He leans towards me. "Be honest, how'd she look?"

So fucking sexy! God she looked amazing in it.

I give a noncommittal shrug. "Good."

I hear Aiden snort. "Good? Really, Ash?"

I throw my hands up. "Ok, ok," I concede, "she looked pretty good." That's all I'm going to say. I don't want to share the full impact of Spencer in a bathing suit with him. It's like that is private information, a secret that's mine alone.

"Which translates into damn hot," he says with a lecherous smile, and I can picture the images running through his perverted brain. After all, they're the same ones that ran through mine, except I had the actual subject to use.

"What's that?" Spencer asks with interest as she comes over to our table.

Aiden looks to me helplessly. I cross my arms and give him a smile. "Yeah Aiden, what were you saying was damn hot? I didn't quite catch that."

It's about time I pay him back for all those damn pictures he sent me.

"Oh, uh....I was..." he looks around frantically. "I was just saying how damn hot it is."

Spencer looks around at all the people dressed in jackets. "You think it's hot?"

I watch in delight as his face pales. "N-no you didn't let me finish. I was saying how damn hot it is..." He bites his lip in thought.

Deciding Aiden has sweat enough (for the moment), I jump in and save him. "We we're talking about my pool. Aiden thinks it's too hot, but I say it's just right."

"Oh," Spencer says in understanding, though she doesn't seem completely convinced. I could care less though, because Aiden's the one who dug the hole. I just helped him shovel a bit.

She finally sits down, plopping down next to me. I wonder if she's oblivious to the pouting look Aiden's currently wearing.

I wonder if she knows how much her presence is effecting me.

I doubt she does though, because she goes on talking about something that probably is worth listening to, but higher cognitive functions are, at the moment, beyond my capacity. And it's her fault, really.

"So do you want to?" She turns to me expectantly.

"Uh..." I look at Aiden who looks a little irritated. He offers me no help. Dick.

Spencer playfully rolls her eyes. "Glad you were listening. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house."

Her house? As in where she lives. The place that has her bedroom. Which has a bed where she sleeps.

"Right now?" I ask dumbly.

This time she doesn't hold back a laugh. Aiden rolls his eyes at me. "No, not right now. After school."

"Oh." I really wish I learned some more elegant words.

I look at Aiden, maybe for permission. He just raises his eyebrows at me, sending me a message that I either can't understand or don't really try to. I'm not sure which one it is.

"Sure." I shrug like it's not making my heart race.

She looks happy and it fills me with warmth. "Ok," she says with a bright smile. "Well we'll figure out where to meet." She looks at her phone. "You ready to go to class?"

"Yeah, let's go." I stand up and throw my book bag over my shoulder carelessly. I see that Aiden hasn't moved. "You gonna sit here until three?"

He looks up startled, obviously lost in thought. "Oh...uh actually, can I talk to you for a second, Ash?"

You sure can't.

"Sure." I turn to Spencer. "I'll see you in class?"

She nods. "I'll save you a seat. Bye Aiden."

He offers her a smile, but nothing more. It makes me feel apprehensive about our talk.

As soon as Spencer is out of sight, Aiden sighs and shifts on the bench.

"So what's up?" I ask, hoping to keep the uneasiness out of my voice.

"I don't think Spencer likes me," he admits sadly.

I feel guilt creep through me. I'm supposed to be talking him up.

"She's just shy," I offer.

His green eyes raise to mine. "Is she?" he asks doubtfully. "Maybe she's sending me a message. I had to get her number from Madison. She hardly responds to my texts, and when she does, she stops shortly after. She's never mean, but it's like she's just polite. Simple as that." He looks down before his eyes shoot back up to me, fear evident. "You don't...you don't think she likes some one else...do you?"

This time I avoid his eyes. I don't know why, I just know that my eyes do not want to meet his. "She hasn't said anything."

What, it's true? She hasn't mentioned liking anyone else.

This seems to perk him up some. "You sure? No other guys were mentioned?"

"Well her dad, but if that's your competition, I wouldn't be too concerned."

He laughs like I hoped, and it makes my insides squirm a little less frequently. "Thanks Ash. Hey, will you please talk to her about me today? Please?" he says again, his eyes shining with his request.

I don't even have to think about it. I know as soon as the request left his mouth that I'd agree. "Yeah, I will." Fuck you, mouth.

He looks the happiest I've seen him today, and he stands up and pulls me into a warm hug.

Aiden's hugged me plenty of times, and I've felt many things; sad, happy, warm, comfortable, safe.

But for the first time, I feel something I never thought I'd feel.

Guilt.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_Woo, popping these chapters out like...uh some metaphor for popping things out quickly. Definitely think you'll like this one. Hopefully it well make you loosen the noose a little. But you can keep Aiden's noose nice and tight._

_Big big thanks to all my lovely, wonderful, loyal reviewers. Thanks for sticking with me. I know you've been very patient, and I thank you very very much!  
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**_Chapter 16  
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I don't know why I bother bringing Aiden up to Spencer, she's become a master at deflecting it. Any mention of his name, and she either gives a casual, one word answer, or she magically gets a text message or remembers something she has to do. If you've ever tried talking to some one who doesn't want to talk, you know it's beyond frustrating.

_Have you mentioned me yet?_

And, of course, Aiden texting me every five minutes is frustrating too. I mean who's looking after me? I have to somehow manage to talk about Aiden without Spencer changing the subject, and I'd rather not talk about him or listen to her lame excuses.

"Ashley!" Spencer breathes out in frustration. "I don't want to talk about Aiden, ok?" Her blue eyes flash to mine in annoyance, and I'm a little taken aback.

"Ok?" I answer uncertainly, not sure how to take her sudden anger. I really didn't think I was mentioning him that much.

Her face softens a bit. "I'm sorry, I just-" She sighs heavily before turning back to me. "Is Aiden really what you want to talk about?"

I frown at her question. "No, I was just making conversation."

"About the same thing..." She raises her eyebrow. "...for the past five minutes?"

I'm starting to get defensive, and I don't like it. I'm mad that Aiden has put me in another uncomfortable Spencer situation.

"He's my best friend, I'm bound to talk about him." I cross my arms in defense and in irritation.

I wouldn't have to constantly bring him up if she'd actually be a normal human being and have a conversation.

"Ok, well Madison is mine." I give her a look, saying 'and?'

"And," she supplies a little harshly, "you don't hear me bringing her up every chance I get." She's wearing a sly, victorious smile. I never thought I'd hate any of her smiles.

I scoff. "That's because Madison is hardly topic for good conversation. At least Aiden is interesting. And disease free," I add thoughtfully.

I watch as her body stiffens, and I feel a little guilty over my sarcasm. "Well with as much as you talk about him, you'd think you were in love with him," she accuses hotly.

I know she doesn't believe that, but it still pisses me off.

I narrow my eyes and step closer to her. "Well at least I'd be honest about how I feel about him!"

"What?" Her angry tone is clouded by confusion.

"Why won't you just say how you feel about Aiden?" I say much more softly.

Her eyes stare into mine, an encrypted message there, the code just out of reach. "I thought I had been."

This time I'm the one initiating eye contact as I stare at her. "What?"

She looks up towards the ceiling and sighs. "Aiden is a great guy. He is."

But?

"But..." Ah, there it is. "...I don't like him like that."

"Oh." I look down, tracing patterns of her comforter with my eyes. It's the least I can do, especially considering it's the only thing I can control. My heart and voice seem to have a mind of their own.

"He likes you a lot," I say after a moment, once I'm sure my voice won't betray my confusing feelings.

I feel sad for Aiden. My words are no understatement. That boy had fallen hard for her.

I feel relief...for myself.

And this leads to the guilt I feel, because of all the emotions running through me, relief shouldn't rank the highest.

"I know," she says softly, voice laced with regret.

"Not even a little?" I ask, needing to be able to give Aiden something to go on.

She gives me a sad smile. "No."

I offer her a nod in understanding. You can't control who you like. Damn if I don't know that one well enough.

"I realized that as much as I wanted to not hurt Aiden...I wanted so much more to be fair to myself." She brings her knees up to her chest. "And that's when I knew I couldn't do both at the same time. I agreed to go out with him, knowing this, but I thought maybe it would change."

I get what she's saying, but something is still bother me. I scrunch my face up. "So then why did you keep hanging out with us?"

Seriously. I mean I know she's like crazy nice, but that's way beyond charitable. Who wants to suffer through an awkward dinner with a guy and his best friend?

Spencer bites her lip and looks down, obviously nervous. I wrack my brain as I try to think of what I could have said to make her nervous.

"Spencer?" I say uncertainly. I don't know what's going on, but I want her to meet my eyes again.

Her gaze finally lifts towards mine, and I realize I have stopped breathing.

"Can I see your phone?" she asks randomly.

I don't care that I'm staring at her like she's fucking insane. What kind of random ass question is that?

"Uh...sure?" I take it off the nightstand and hand it to her, watching her with interest. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't beyond curious about her intentions. And not to mention a little worried.

She might look through and read certain - ahem - things that shouldn't be read by anyone but me. I can't help that I didn't delete them. Sometimes I like to go back and read the messages and...well you can connect the dots.

She continues looking through my phone. For all I know she could be playing some lame game, but it drives me crazy not knowing.

Suddenly I see a pleased smile make its way across her face, and I'm even more confused and anxious to know. It's obvious she's found what she was looking for...or at least something of interest.

God I hope its not messages between Aiden and me about her. That'd be a little awkward. Though I hardly doubt she'd go through my messages.

She hands me my phone back wordlessly, smile still in place. I feel a smile tug at my lips for no reason, and I bite the inside of my cheeks to hold it back. For all I know I could be smiling at her finding my sex messages.

"Find what you were looking for?" I attempt casually, frowning when her smile widens.

Her cheeks redden and she shifts closer to me, making me take in a sharp gasp of air. "Can I ask you something?"

I move away from her, closer to the edge of her bed, feeling on edge myself. "What's that?"

She moves again until she is right beside me, and she looks a little nervous but she's still wearing that smirk. It makes me uneasy and tingly all at once.

Her beautiful eyes meet mine, her hand stroking through her hair nervously. "I notice you kept the picture of me."

Fuck, that's worse than her reading my messages. Why didn't I delete that damn thing!?

"Oh...I- I guess I just forgot." I fiddle with my fingers.

That's a lie. Deep down, I know why I kept it, and it's for purely selfish reasons.

"So then delete it," she says softly, eyes staring into mine, full of challenge.

I boldly meet her gaze, hoping to see her falter. She doesn't.

"Go on, delete it." She takes my phone from me and goes to the picture.

Still I do nothing, now even unable to hold her eyes. "Fine then, I'll do it."

She goes to the picture and clicks on options. She stares at me the whole time, finger lingering over the buttons. She scrolls down to delete, pausing for a second. "Ok," she says, finger starting to press down.

"Wait!" I say suddenly, voice coming out strong. I grab my phone and cradle it in my palm.

She looks surprised, pleasantly so, at my outburst. "Why didn't you delete it?"

And I can't hold it in anymore. I don't even know that I was suppressing anything, but I feel something about to come up, and I hope it's not bile, though I feel that too.

"I couldn't," I whisper softly, allowing my eyes to mix with her warm blue ones.

"Why?" she says quietly, shifting so that her knee is brushing mine, creating wonderful sensations throughout me.

I give a slow shrug. I'm not really sure what my reason is anymore. Everything is so blurred now. "I don't know. I just know...I just know that I couldn't do it."

"Ashley." Her hand comes up to my cheek, gently caressing it, causing my eyes to flutter close at her soft touch. "I want you to do something for me, ok?" I can feel her lean into me.

Eyes still closed, I give her a nod in acceptance. I'll do anything she wants at this moment.

"From now until you leave...no Aiden, please? I don't want to hear it, ok?"

No Aiden? If only she knew how much I don't want to think about my best friend right now. If only she knew how horrible of a friend I was, taking advantage of this situation when I was the one who promised to help him.

But I'm weak, always so weak around her. And I've never thrived in that feeling until now.

My eyes open slowly, raking over her flawless face, reveling in the warm hand still lightly resting on my cheek. "Ok," I barely breathe out.

I hear her breathing quicken, and I feel warmth fill my body in anxiousness because finally, there is nothing holding me back. Nothing but my own hesitancy, and that's so overwhelmed by beautiful anticipation, that I barely give it a second thought. Especially as my eyes drop down to her lips, watching them part.

And I know it's in anticipation. There's no doubt what's about to happen.

My hands slide back into her silky tresses, and I lean forward to bring our lips together. Finally. I've craved this moment for much longer than I'm even aware of.

She smells amazing; wonderfully sweet, yet tantalizing at the same time. Our lips barely graze, and that single touch has my body thrumming. I pull back, taking in her parted lips, knowing that she's never looked more beautiful than in this moment. I can feel my shaky breath leave my tingling mouth.

Her weak whimper makes me bring my mouth back to hers, harder and more confident than before, but still ever so soft. Softer than I want it to be, because we both know that this is a kiss to familiarize.

But I know that there will never be enough kisses to familiarize, because the sensations of her lips on mine is something I don't think I'll ever get used to.

And I don't mind.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_Wow, thank you all so much for the great responses. Haha I shouldn't be surprised the kiss chapter got so many reviews. I know it was a long time coming, and I'm glad you've all been patiently waiting for that moment, and glad you saw that it was worth it. Don't worry, Aiden gets his clue this chapter, so hopefully that makes up for things. Does Ashley feel guilty? Yes. But does she get over it without going through another 16 chapters of self pity and shame? Yes_. _Does it happen this chapter? Sadly, no. I know, you're probably going to be disappointed/annoyed, but I really can't see this playing out any differently. Or maybe it's that I'm too stubborn to change when I feel like this is good at setting up the actual Ashley/Spencer relationship._

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**_Chapter 17  
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My phone is lying on my nightstand. I finally turned it off and threw the battery across the room after it was vibrating non stop with calls and text messages. I couldn't hear it. Any of it. From anyone.

I don't think I've ever ran as fast as I did when I left. I don't think I've ever wanted to turn back around as much as that day. Because I didn't just leave her house. I left a soft bed. Soft lips. A soft cry of my name.

And maybe...maybe I left something else back there.

A harsh pounding has me sitting up straight, peering at my door with interest. Mom shouldn't be back until next week.

"I know you're in there Ash."

Aiden.

I swallow heavily, releasing a deep sigh before I walk over to the door and open it up to reveal my best friend. If I even have the privilege of calling him that.

"What's been up with you, hermit?" He asks it lightly, but his eyes wash over my face in concern. He spots my phone battery by my wall. "Phone start acting up?"

I shake my head softly. "No."

I can tell he's getting worried now. He takes a step towards me and puts his hands gently on my shoulders. "Ashley?"

"It's a stupid phone!" I yell out in frustration. "I just couldn't take it anymore. I fucking hate that phone!" This is the phone that started everything!

"Hey," he whispers softly, pulling me into a warm hug. "It's ok Ash, we'll get you a new one."

I choke out a laugh and step out of his embrace, feeling horrible that he's comforting me. "I don't deserve a new one," I tell him dismally.

His warm eyes fill with confusion. "What's going on with you, Ash?"

God I don't even know. All I know is I want to be anywhere but here. I want to be back to a place where warm lips gently caress mine. Where best friends don't exist and guilt isn't even a plausible emotion.

"I'm sorry," I sob out, throwing my arms around him. As guilty as I feel, I need Aiden. So much.

"Fuck Ash," he breathes out quietly, "you're scaring the shit out of me. Did something happen?" His arms rub my back soothingly.

I bury my head further into his strong shoulder. "I'm just so so sorry."

"Whatever it is, it's ok," he promises softly. It's not...not for him.

I shake my head quickly, negating his words. "It's not."

He leans back so he can look at him, his beautiful eyes peering into mine. "Is this about Spencer?"

Funny how hearing her name after swearing I'd never say it again makes me fill with a brief warmth.

I find myself nodding, unable to hold back.

He looks into my eyes, trying to read me. I'm too vulnerable to even put up any resistance. I watch his shoulders sag slightly, but he gives me a soft smile. "She doesn't like me....does she?"

His voice is strangely accepting, but I don't feel any better. "No," I say sadly.

God how I wish she did like him. Everything would be so much better. I wouldn't be in this horrible situation with these horrible feelings that make me feeling completely miserable, yet at the same time, completely liberated.

"Well that's ok," he assures me, giving me a goofy, brave face. "Not like we could have done more, you know? I mean, I was kinda starting to get that vibe, you know?"

I know he's being rhetorical, but, if possible, I feel about ten times worse. I could have done more.

I should have done more!

Fuck honoring Spencer's wish of not talking about him. If I would have just explained what an amazing guy Aiden is, there's no way she could have not fallen for him. If I would have just stopped being selfish, I would have made her see how easy he is to love.

He goes on despite my lack of response, or maybe because of it. "I should be the one crying, not you," he tells me jokingly. "After all, I'm the one who got turned down by the nicest girl on the planet. It has to be better than being known for turning a girl gay."

This cheers me up a little, and I feel a smile break through on my teary face.

He strokes his chin thoughtfully. "Must have been the bowling," he says, voice a perfect imitation of Sean Connery.

And through all my guilt and shame, I can't help but be brightened by Aiden's carefree attitude. "You're an amazing guy, Aiden."

He looks at me, a gentle look in his green eyes. He gives me a smile and hugs me again.

"I love you," I tell him firmly, holding him close to me. "I hope you know that."

He steps back and looks at me in surprise. I never say stuff like this. To anyone.

His expression changes from shock to adoration, and he gives me a smile and leans down and kisses my forehead. "I know, Ash," he says softly. His strong arms tighten around me a fraction more. "I love you too."

I feel my eyes burn, and I know tears are about to start falling. They've been waiting to drop ever since Aiden came into my room, and it's only a matter of time before they stream down my guilty face.

But for once I don't care, because I can't feel anything other than unconditional love in Aiden's embrace right now, and it's washing away all negative thoughts.

We stand there for a while, and as we step back, Aiden gives me a smile and uses his thumb to gently wipe my tears away.

"Just so you know, you're washing the mascara off this shirt." His eyes are lit with their normal teasing.

I give him a weak smile, but it quickly drops. "I need to tell you something."

His smile falls slightly, and he looks at me with interest. "Shoot."

I sit on my bed, looking away as he sits down next to me. I try to find the words to tell him.

"Ash." He gently nudges me with his elbow. "Tell me."

I exhale loudly. I make myself look at him. "We kissed," I confess softly, as if a quiet tone will make it better.

Aiden looks at me strangely, laughing a little. "Uh yeah Ash, I know. I was there. That was like two years ago." He shakes his head at me and stands up.

I grab his arm and tug him. "No, not you and me." He sits down slowly, watching me intently.

I feel the words get caught in my throat again. "Spe-"

He stands up and wordlessly heads to the door. He stops right before he gets to it, turning around and giving me a look that I know I'll never be able to burn from my mind.

His mouth opens like he's about to speak, but he closes it and just shakes his head, giving me one last look before leaving.

I wonder if this is how it feels to truly have your heart broken.

But as I look at the door my best friend just went through, I know that I'm not the one who knows how that feels.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_Well I'm glad that you guys don't hate Aiden any more than you already did. The purpose of that chapter wasn't to make you all suddenly love Aiden, but to empathize with him. Yes, he was pretty dense to not see that Spencer was clearly not interested, but it sucks liking some one, knowing they don't like you back, and finding out that they kissed your best friend. Your responses cracked me up, especially ones about Ashley's gaydar. Ashley's eyes have been opened a crack, and these next chapters just help to slap her in the face and show her what's been right in front of her._

_Ooo, and look, a longer chapter for my lovely reviewers :)  
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**_Chapter 18  
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Why is it that the moment in your life, the one you'll always remember as being the best moment, is also the one you'll always remember as being the worst, too?

Because as amazing as my kiss with Spencer was, I think I'd gladly erase it all if it meant I'd have Aiden back.

It's been a week since I've talked to him. It's been two weeks since I've kissed Spencer, making it officially the worst two weeks ever. Ok, maybe not including when my dad died, but I try not to go back to that moment...well ever.

School has sucked ass. It takes everything within me to force myself to go. It takes even more than that to show up to the classes I have with Spencer. I was never very sociable in my classes, but I would at least answer questions asked.

Now, however, I either shake my head or pretend not to know it. Ms. Garcia doesn't even ask me questions anymore. Instead, whenever she gets to my name on the roll, she shakes her head and mutters '_Que triste_' to herself, looking like she might cry.

I hear more than see some one sit beside me. "What in the hell happened?"

I slowly look up and see Madison. It's sad that I don't even have the energy to tell her to fuck off.

"Nothing," I mutter cryptically.

"Bullshit," she scoffs, obviously not believing my half-ass lie. "What did you do?"

I roll my eyes. "What makes you think I did anything?"

This time she rolls her eyes at me. "Hmm," she says in an obvious tone, tapping her chin for dramatic emphasis, "maybe because you haven't said anything to anyone for the past two weeks, and because Aiden and you aren't all sickeningly buddy-buddy. And every time I mention you or Aiden, Spencer gets really uneasy. So I ask, what did you do?" she asks accusingly.

My heart leaps at Spencer's name. It's not like I haven't thought about her, but I haven't said her name in such a long time, and hearing some one else say it is kind of overwhelming.

I pretend to be offended by her assumption. "What makes you think it wasn't Aiden?"

She levels me with a look. "It wasn't Aiden. Something happened. I want to know what."

"Not to be rude-" I stop myself, realizing who I'm talking to. "Look Madison, you're one of the last people I want to talk to, ok?"

She doesn't even look affected by my words. Instead, she's staring at me with a strange look. It's making me uncomfortable.

"What?" I ask rudely. Seriously, it's making me really uneasy.

"_Dios mio_," she says softly, looking at me as if she's never seen me before.

My Spanish may be limited, but I know what that means. "What?" I say again, a little more nervously.

She keeps giving me a strange look, face scrunched up in question. "I can't believe it."

I give an annoyed sigh. "Are you going to answer me or just keep talking to yourself?"

"I thought I was one of the last people you wanted to talk to," she quotes me with a triumphant smile.

God she can be such a bitch. Even if she does have a point.

"Fine," I huff. "I didn't want to know anyway."

Why am I wasting precious air by talking to Madison?

"Oh calm down, chica. It's not my place to say anything." She starts to walk off but stops suddenly and turns back to me. "It's killing her too," she says softly, voice devoid of any teasing, and I'm shocked into silence.

I don't have to ask who she's talking about. I don't have to, but I still choose to play coy.

"Who?"

Once again, Madison rolls her eyes at me, muttering under her breath. "Spencer." I can tell she's restraining herself from adding 'dumbass' on to it.

I close my eyes, wondering if maybe I played dumb just so I could hear her name again. I highly doubt it though, given the hurt that passes through me when I do hear it.

"Why?" I can't help but ask.

"Maybe if you stopped ignoring her you'd know." Damn. Touché, Madison. "I'm not stupid, you know."

I go to make a smart ass remark, but I stop myself as her words strike me. I start to panic. "What do you mean?"

She ignores my question. "I know something is up...I'm just not too sure what it is. Just fix it, ok?" She gives me a threatening look. "Spencer's been depressed for two weeks, and I normally wouldn't link it with you, but that's right after the day she hung out with you, so I know you're responsible." I give her a faux appreciative look. "I also know you're the only one who can make it better. So do it."

She looks at me for a moment longer, than abruptly turns and walks away, leaving me to my own thoughts again.

I'm not sure what Madison knows or even what she thinks. I'm almost at the point where I couldn't care less. I've never before cared about anything Madison-related, so why should I start now?

Still, I can't help but be curious. It's obviously something important in her eyes if she's dedicated this much time to it.

'I know you're responsible...I also know you're the only one who can make it better.'

I thought I was making it better by avoiding Spencer.

Wouldn't that make it better for everyone? Aiden doesn't get screwed over. Spencer doesn't have to hurt anymore. And I...

And that's when I realize that for the first time in my life, I don't want to make it better for everyone else.

Because avoiding Spencer hasn't made me feel any less guilty. It hasn't magically restored my friendship with Aiden. It hasn't suddenly made me feel any different towards Spencer.

Basically all it's done is made me more miserable. Because when I wasn't spending time with Aiden, I was spending it with Spencer. Now I have neither, both due to stupidity on my part.

So what do I do?

"Are you still avoiding me?" A soft, tentative voice asks, belonging to none other than Spencer.

I feel nervous, but I can't help but feel at ease at the same time.

I look up the sky, silently thanking God for whatever sparked this random interaction. Although maybe I should hold my thanks until I see how this plays out.

It's so funny to me how Spencer has two extreme sides. There's the nervous, shy Spencer I first really got to know. Then there's the confident, say-what's-on-her-mind Spencer that sets my heart pounding and pulse racing. And even though I've seen plenty of both, I still am taken aback by them.

I take her in, her frame slightly tense in a defensive stance, and I can't help but be overwhelmed by her beauty. Looking at her now, it seems like it's been months since I last laid eyes on her, let alone talked to her.

"No," I say back just as softly, finding a missing piece I didn't even know was gone until the moment her eyes meet mine.

She nods slightly and sits down across from me, her movements hesitant. Her eyes meet mine again, and I see the same defeated, unsure look that I know is reflected in mine.

I don't want to see that sad look. I don't want to look into her blue eyes, knowing that the reason they are so sad is because of something I've done.

"I'm sorry," I find myself saying, not even really sure what I'm apologizing for.

Spencer looks up at me, seemingly just as surprised. She's quiet for a moment, biting her lip. "For which thing?"

Which thing? "Huh?"

Not that I should be surprised that I managed to screw up more than once, I just don't remember what I did. I kind of tried to block those things out.

She obviously wasn't expecting to have to explain it, because she bites her lip again, slightly harder, and she stares at the table. It almost looks like she's blushing. "For kissing me...or for running away right after?"

I'm looking away this time, and I know for sure that I'm blushing. I'd done a pretty damn good job of pushing the kiss out of my mind. It was relatively easy considering the guilt with Aiden was good about taking over.

Now I'm sorry I asked, because even though I'm ready to stop avoiding Spencer, I'm definitely not ready to have this conversation with her.

She gives a short, humorous laugh, taking my silence as an answer. "Well it's obvious which one it is."

I look at her face, watching the sadness getting replaced by anger. I don't like this version, an almost caustic Spencer. I thought I'd dealt with all of her moods, but I am in no way prepared for this one.

I don't know what to tell her. Because I am sorry. For both. Because neither should have happened, but they did, and they've been cemented, frozen in time, and all I can do is look at them and loathe their permanence.

"You could say something." She's less angry now, and this just means the sadness is kicking in. I'm not sure which I prefer.

"I'm so-"

She's quick to cut me off, harshly. "Don't apologize if you're not even going to tell me why you're sorry."

I hang my head, giving her a silent nod. It seems to make her take pity on me, because she gives a soft sigh and softens her face.

"I..." She breathes out and runs a hand through her hair. "I'm just trying to understand."

I sit up straighter. "Understand what?"

She looks right at me, right through me. "You, Ashley. I don't get you. One minute you won't shut up about how amazing Aiden is...and then the next you're inviting me to your house, saying all these things to me, giving me these looks, keeping that picture of me...kissing me," she adds softly, blue eyes scanning my face. I wonder if it's plagued her mind like it has mine.

"And then you're retreating again. Running out before I have a chance to do anything other than sit and stare at the door you left through." I'm reminded of how I felt when Aiden left. "Then you ignore my calls and texts, avoid me around school, and when I do see you, you pretend like I'm not here...and it hurts, Ashley. Really bad."

God I feel horrible. I know how hard it was to leave, how it took every ounce of strength I had to go. But hearing how bad I hurt her too...that just makes it ten times worse.

"I just don't know what to think anymore." She sighs in defeat.

She looks up at me, silently begging me to give her an answer. If only I had any to give.

"I'm sorry-" she looks at me sharply, obviously annoyed at me saying sorry again. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to do that. I was just trying to do what's best for Aiden." And oh how well that went.

God I hate when I'm a smart ass to myself. I never enjoy as much as when it's used on other people.

"Well from what I hear you two aren't talking." Her hand reaches over the table, stopping just inches from mine, eyes locking with mine in a silent question of permission.

I can't grant it though. I don't know if it will make it better or worse. I don't know much of anything. I just know that I know nothing.

Spencer closes her eyes and breathes deeply, and I wonder if that helped at all with the tension in her body. She opens her eyes again and pulls her hand back, and even though I don't know what I want, I feel disappointed.

"So was it worth it?" she finally asks.

I snort, not really knowing how to answer that. "I managed to single-handedly screw over the two people I care about most."

Oh fuck. Way to go, dumbass. That's why you avoided her.

Her eyes snap to mine, face scrunching up in question as if she doesn't believe she heard me right. "What?" she whispers, staring at me intently.

I shake my head, standing up quickly. "I should go."

I said I know I know nothing...but right now, I know I need to run.

"Ash, please." She stands up and walks over to me, eyes pleading desperately.

"I can't," I say regretfully. I'm surprised to feel tears prickling behind my eyes.

She steps closer to me and puts her hands on my arms, rubbing softly. "You're running again."

I bite my lip, looking down. "I know."

"You kissed me," she reminds me. Her hands maintain their soothing caress.

I swallow back a sob. "I know."

One hand leaves my arm, gently cupping my jaw and raising my face so our eyes meet. She looks deep inside me. I don't have the strength to resist, and even if I did, I don't think I would.

"You want to do it again."

This time I can't hold back the tears. They softly run down my face, despite my futile attempts to squeeze them away by shutting my eyes roughly.

I open my eyes to find her ocean eyes looking at me with such emotion that, had I not been crying before, I know that this would have broken me.

"I know," I barely manage out, falling until my weight is resting on her.

I'm only human after all. I never claimed to have super-human strength, though I know this situation requires much more than that.

Her hands move up to my cheeks, cupping my face softly, thumbs delicately brushing my tears away. Her nose lightly traces patterns on my cheek, pressing soft kisses in random places; my jaw, my chin, the corners of my mouth, each place making my breath hitch a little more as I wait anxiously for her to finally connect us how we both want to be. Because I've already decided that resisting Spencer is foolish and impossible.

She give me this little sexy grin, and though it makes hot warmth pool deep in me, it also makes a warm smile appear on my own face. And then my eyes close as she presses a barely-there kiss on my lonely lips, and my body is humming, my face pressing towards her, desperate for more.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!?"

We break apart like we were burned, and as the voice registers in my hazy mind, I almost wish to feel flames smothering me.

"Aiden, I..." I cut myself off, because I have no idea what to say.

This is the first time I've seen him in over a week. He's managed to miss Spanish class, telling Ms. Garcia that his aunt died.

"Save it," he spits out angrily, eyes flickering between Spencer and me with obvious disgust. "There was no one else, huh Ash?" He gives a derisive laugh. "I'm so stupid! This whole fucking time when I was asking you if she ever mentioned me, or begging you to talk to her about me, this is what you were doing."

"No!" I say firmly, stepping away from Spencer and daring to move towards him.

His laughter is bitter. "Jokes on me, isn't it?" He turns to Spencer. "This whole time...it's been her?"

She bites her lip, giving Aiden a look filled with so much sadness. He is obviously able to read more into it than me. "I'm sorry," is all she says, avoiding my questioning gaze.

He laughs again, and I'm starting to get creeped out by it. It sends chills through me. "You know, I thought I had the greatest friend. She was spending time with a girl she _supposedly_, "he harshly does air quotes, "couldn't stand, just so she could talk me up. She helped me out by paying for our date when I didn't have the money. She gave me advice, telling me to be patient and that Spencer was just shy." He stops and looks at me, disbelief obvious in his handsome features. "Then she tells me she loves me, something she never tells anyone, not even her own mother, and I believed it."

Aiden looks up, and I feel tears start to fall back down my face as I see his eyes shining with unshed tears. "I asked you, straight up, if you had feelings for her. Do you remember what you told me?"

I look down. "Look at me!" he says sharply. "Do you?"

I swallow, forcing myself to hold his angry glare. "I said no," I utter weakly.

"You damn well did."

"But that-"

He throws his hand up. "Save it, Ash. I can't deal with your bullshit right now. I trusted you. And you lied to me. And maybe you didn't like her then, but you started to, and you knew it. And you didn't tell me." He drops our stare and puts his hands in his pockets. "I wouldn't have been happy, but dammit Ash, I would have understood. It didn't have to be like this," he finishes softly.

I'm openly crying now, not even trying to hold it in, because I just want Aiden to come over and hug me again and tell me it's going to be alright. Because I can't even lie to myself to give me false hope.

"Was it worth it?" he asks, and I almost want to scoff at him for repeating Spencer.

I look over to Spencer who's been quiet the whole exchange. She looks like she's fighting back tears too.

I glance back to Aiden. He's looking at me like I'm a stranger.

I can't help but agree. I don't know who the hell I am anymore.

"Was it?" he repeats, a little louder.

Was it? I ask myself.

I went from looking forward to the next hook up, to looking forward to the next time I got to even look at Spencer.

From spending time with Spencer for Aiden, to spending time with Spencer for me.

From hating Spencer, to....

To what?

I'm not sure, but I know that fact that there is even another side to that sentence gives me my answer.

But I remain silent. I can't hurt anyone else right now.

Aiden shakes his head at me. "Well it seems you'll find out soon enough." He gives us both a final look and walks away.

I watch him go, regret growing with every step he takes away from me. Because I just lost my best friend over a girl who, until about two months ago, I would have sworn I hated.

And I can't help but feel that deep down, it is worth it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_*Edited for my stupid Spanish mistakes*  
_

_Thank you all so very very much! This is the most reviews I've gotten for any of my stories, and it's all because of you, so thanks so much for all your kind words, and I hope you continue to stick with me and this story!  
_

**maeisforlovers**_- lol I think you may be one of the very few who actually feel genuinely bad for Aiden. I generally have no problem with Aiden, and my story is no different. Yeah, Spencer definitely didn't have feelings for him, and it wasn't so much that she turned him down, but the fact that she turned him down for his best friend who straight up told him she didn't have feelings for Spencer. It just hurts him and he's letting that blind him and make him stubborn. I greatly appreciate every single one of your reviews, they always make me smile._

**tigersforever**_- You're absolutely right. We can only feel bad for Aiden for so long - or some not at all - before we just get over it. Ashley's starting to realize that things with Aiden aren't really in her control, and that she should finally start focusing on what she's wanted this whole time; Spencer (whether she's known it or not)._

**mutt009**_- Ashley definitely should have stood up to Aiden better, but she was just so shocked and felt so guilty, that she couldn't do anything other than take in his anger. Ashley's guilt was a major part of this story. It was what kept convincing her to talk to Spencer about Aiden, but in that same respect, it also kept her from acting on any feelings towards Spencer. Aiden needs time to chill out and calm down, because he's not thinking about what all Ashley's done for him, he's just being petty and focusing on how she 'betrayed' him. Haha, and Ashley's gaydar isn't off, just Ashley's Spencer gaydar. Don't worry, Ashley's coming around. Guilty Ashley is fading away as she spends more time without Aiden, and with Spencer._

**Cheruth**_- Yeah, you've perfectly described Aiden. He's just being a big baby about what all happened. Not that he shouldn't be upset, but it's making him very uncaring and unwelcoming, and he feels like he deserves a little selfishness. As much as Spencer likes Ashley, she is only human, and though they have kissed, she's not happy with the back and forth treatment Ashley's putting her on. Spencer's not stupid, she's not going to just wait around, hoping Ashley grows a pair. But really, she doesn't have to wait long, because Ashley is finally starting to take off her blinders._

**JAYJAY953**_- You don't have to apologize for not liking Aiden. As I mentioned before, it's not my intention to put Aiden on a pedestal, because he shouldn't be on one. I'm just trying to make him as realistic as possible (and maybe with a little extra drama) so that Ashley realizes when Aiden isn't in the equation anymore, she still will want to be with Spencer. He's not going to magically disappear - sorry to report - but he's not the point of the story. As important as his friendship with Ashley is, this is, ultimately, a Spashley story, and I intend to fulfill their happy ending :)_

**somthgIlike2do**_- Haha you and Ashley both are thanking Madison, though Ashley is a lot more reluctant. I've actually really enjoyed having a witty, but not completely bitchy Madison. But I say hold your thanks, because you might have more to be thankful of, specifically Madison ;)_

**LobaDeIlladel**_- Wow I had trouble typing your username haha. I feel like I should give you a formal bow...well as formal as I can make bowing look. I'm very honored that you liked this chapter so much, even the tension. I feel a little bad that I've driven many to violent thoughts about the characters, but hey, who doesn't enjoy death threats every once in a great while? And don't worry, I'm all about the tension (within reason, I hope)._

**2bz2breading**_- I actually meant to comment on something you said a few chapters back, about Spencer getting cleaned up to go eat breakfast but not Ashley. I think I read it during class and had to choke back a laugh. I honestly didn't think about it, and I thought about going and editing the chapter to make it so Ashley had gotten ready before Spencer got up. Now, to your current review; Spencer's not really apologizing because she really feels bad...more like about the situation. She likes Aiden as a person (I mean some one has to), and feels a little guilty that all this went down. She never wanted to hurt him. And I've tried not to have Ashley focusing on Aiden so much. He's in the story, but he's not that crucial. I'm honestly trying to decide if I want them to repair their friendship or not. It's not to critical to the story, but it would be good to include it. But I promise, Aiden's role is very limited in the next few chapters (I'm only about 2 chapters ahead of this story now). As always, thanks for your wonderful, honest reviews :)_

_Random ponderings: You ever wonder if you ever pass the people on this site in every day life? I was thinking about that yesterday, wondering if I've unknowingly passed any of you. I highly doubt it, given that fact that I go to school in the rejected state of Mississippi. But has any one else thought about that? Not that you'd know, but I mean how cool would it be just to hear some one randomly talking about SoN and then they mention a story and you're like, 'OMG, I wrote that!" ...Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but you get the point. This is what happens when I walk by myself. It shouldn't be allowed to happen.  
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**_Chapter 19  
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Aiden's not avoiding me now.

I'm actually convinced that he's purposely making himself seen, just so he can fix me with a hard glare. I don't even try to avoid his stare. Part of me feels like I deserve it.

He's back in Spanish class, and I'm surprised his notebook survives with how hard he presses down with his pencil. He keeps writing _te odio_. It didn't take me long to figure out what that meant.

So not only are Aiden and I not best friends, but now Madison has decided that she wants to keep giving me strange looks. Where Aiden glares at me, Madison studies me with this intense stare. It's unnerving to say the least.

And as I see her walking over to me now, awkwardly carrying her tray, it's apparent that she thinks she can just sit with me. She puts her tray down and takes her book bag off, seemingly ignoring my presence.

I wave my hand in her face. "Hello?"

She slaps my hand away. "What girl?" she demands haughtily.

I look pointedly at her then back to myself. "You do realize that you're sitting with me...at my table?"

She gives me a disinterested look. "And?"

"Why?"

She puts down her chicken and sighs. "Are you actually going to let me eat my food or are you just going to interrogate me all of lunch?"

"No one made you come over here," I remind her sweetly.

She scoffs. "Like I wanted to watch you wallow in self pity this week too." She does the sign of the cross and then picks up her chicken again.

I can't help but laugh at her words. "I'm sorry, next time I won't be so selfish as to disturb your lunch."

Madison nods. "Thank you, that's all I ask."

It's times like these that I'm reminded of why Madison and I actually got along at some point in time. Despite her bitchiness, she can be funny. She's the blunt friend that few have and everyone probably needs. Except me.

"So seriously, what's up with you and Aiden?"

I lean my head back, deciding if I really want to tell anyone, let alone Madison. I really do want to talk about it, but she's not exactly high on any list of mine, except of people to avoid.

I sigh, knowing I'm going to spill to her. "We're not friends anymore." My tone is strangely casual, but I see the the pitiful look Madison gives me. I'm oddly comforted by it.

"Some love drama, huh?" She takes a dainty bite out of her nasty looking chicken.

I can't help but stare at her. As much as I love to bash her, she's not stupid by any means, especially when it comes to reading situations.

"Yeah...how'd you know?"

"Girl please," she laughs, "it's so obvious something was going on between you two."

"Really?" I ask in shock.

Wow, even Madison saw? Hell, it took me what, a kiss with her to understand even a little. And why isn't she freaking out or telling the whole cafeteria? This has to be like the golden ticket for her.

She nods her head, waiting for me to explain more.

"It was obvious?" I can't help but ask. I'm still surprised.

She smirks a little. "Yes," she affirms.

"Well then why did you keep pushing Aiden towards her?" Seriously, if it was 'so obvious' why torture everyone? I have enough sense not to turn the same question around on myself.

"Because you wouldn't admit your feelings. You're quite the stubborn ass." Her eyes belie anything other than a gentle teasing that I never expected from Madison. "Hell, I asked you straight up how you felt, and you lied."

Wait what? ...I think I'd remember her asking me about Spencer.

"No you didn't," I tell her slowly. What, old habits die hard.

She rolls her eyes. "Uh, yes I did. I asked you like two months ago if you liked Aiden, and you told me you didn't." I can see her roll her eyes again as she takes a sip of her water.

Oh God...this whole time...she thought we were talking about Aiden...and I thought we were talking about Spencer. Awkward!

"Why do you look so...oh God!" She stands up suddenly, water bottle dangling from her hands before it falls to the ground. "Holy shit!" she whispers harshly.

"Madison," I say through gritted teeth, very much aware of the attention focused on us. "Sit down."

"Fuck," she swears softly, looking at me in a new light.

"Sit. Down," I force out, leaning over the table to yank her back down.

"You weren't talking about Aiden...were you?"

I look around, making sure no one can hear. It's pointless though, because I don't say anything. My silence says it all.

"Oh wow, I..." She puts a hand to her forehead.

"I knew it!" she says suddenly, causing me to jump back. "That's why you didn't like Aiden!" She pauses for a second, staring at me. "Wait...you don't..." She shakes her head. "Never mind."

"What?" I ask cautiously. With all that's been revealed to her, I'm kind of afraid of the thoughts she's having.

She leans in close to me. "You haven't been checking us out in the locker room...have you?"

Oh God! That was definitely not anything I was expecting.

I feel my face burn in mortification. "No!" I whisper firmly, looking around as if everyone suddenly started listening in again.

She scoffs in amusement. "Yeah right. Now I know why you went to the basketball game...and why you were traumatized by the locker room incident," she adds with a smug smile.

"Ugh, don't remind me," I beg with a groan. I had almost completely erased that from my mind.

Wait...why isn't she freaking out, or making a public service announcement. Or running away screaming for that matter?

"Why are you so okay with this? Not that I mind," I hasten to add, "but.._.this_ was definitely not what I expected." I gesture between us.

Madison shrugs lightly. "Not my style." I raise my eyebrow pointedly. "Bickering with you is completely different than outing you. Besides, you love hating me."

I smile. It's true.

"And I just happen to know some one who is....the same way."

I roll my eyes. "You can't include me Madison just because you found out."

She rolls her eyes right back at me. "Not you, dumbass." She shakes her head at me, obviously not happy with how I responded. "Well as lovely as this has been, I need to go move in on Aiden."

I give her a smile, knowing that she's joking. She gets up and takes her tray, and I stop her before she can leave. "Thanks, Madison...you know, for-"

Madison quickly waves my thanks off. "Girl please. I'm still going to bitch at you."

I smile again, giving her a nod. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Hey wait!" I rush to meet her at the door. "Set me up with your friend?"

She scrunches her face at me. "Seriously?" she asks in a surprised tone, like I told her I wanted to marry her.

Fuck, I'm definitely going to rinse my brain out after that thought.

"Yeah." I nod.

"Nothing to set up, you already know her," she answers cryptically, and she doesn't even wait for my response as she walks out the door, leaving me staring at her.

I know her? Uh, I think I'd know if any of her friends are gay. Most likely I would have hooked up with them by now.

Sherry? Nah, she's definitely straight. And even if she wasn't, that girl has some nasty breath that I would never let near me.

Kasey? Fuck that would be amazing, but I know for sure she likes men.

Peyton, Carrie, Amber? Too young.

So who?

Fuck I hate Madison and her stupid little game.

I get a text message and it distracts me momentarily from my wonderings.

_Eldridge is here. Help._

I smile at the text. I hadn't really talked to Spencer since the day we-

....

....

Holy fuck!

It's Spencer!

Wait...Madison knows about Spencer!

"Madison, wait up!" I scream as I run out of the cafeteria, completely ignoring the multiple students and teachers now staring at me.

I'm so out of breath, but I don't care. I'm running on pure adrenaline as I search for her. "Madison!" I yell out again, looking around desperately.

I stop and try to catch my breath, searching the parking lot. Damn she moves fast.

"_Donde estás, puta_?" What, I'm desperate.

"Shit, girl, what in the hell is wrong?" Madison asks as she walks over to me, looking annoyed.

She hasn't been the one circling the building looking for her, so why is she pissed?

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She crosses her arms and stares at me. "Am I supposed to know what that means or are you going to explain why you ran around campus screaming for me?" God she can be so annoying.

"About Spencer. Why didn't you tell me that you knew?" Seriously, she could have saved me a whole bunch of shit. What a bitch.

"Oh yes, because you and I are such great friends," she deadpans, rolling her eyes for extra sarcastic emphasis.

Don't kill her until after I get my answer!

"Shut up," I snap, not appreciating her smart ass comments right now. "Why'd you set her up with Aiden if you knew she was gay?"

"Why'd you set her up with Aiden if you liked her?" she turns back on me, face now contorted in a bitchy smirk. I think I miss her sarcasm.

And despite being angry about that being turned on me, I can't help but feel myself blush. "Because Aiden liked her." It's a pretty simple concept.

She rolls her eyes again, mumbling to herself. "Look, I get that he's your best friend...or was," she corrects at my distraught look, "but you put yourself through a lot of shit for the guy who didn't even really deserve it."

I open my mouth to defend it but she rushes to shut me up. "Nothing against Aiden," she hastens, "but when were you planning on doing something for you?"

I stand there for a moment, completely surprised that Madison's thoughts echo my own. It's more than a little creepy.

I look back at her and shrug. "I guess I never thought she would turn him down."

"You know, she never even liked him in the beginning. Not even when he asked her to go out on the date." Madison rolls her eyes and gives an amused laugh. "Well as much of a date as it can be with you there chaperoning."

I can't helpt but laugh with her. It was a horrible situation, one I've not forgiven him for. "Yeah, Spencer told me she went out with him to try to see if she would like him any better."

She looks at me strangely. "She told you she went out with him because she wanted to like him?" she asks slowly, making me go back over my words to see if I messed up somehow.

"Yeah..." I say hesitantly. I feel like I'm being analyzed.

"Ashley." She gives another short laugh. "Spencer went out with Aiden only when she found out you'd be going."

"Ok, I got that." How many times is she going to bring up our three person date? "She wasn't too thrilled about going on a date with him so soon."

"No," she says loudly, making sure I see her roll her eyes. "She wasn't too thrilled about Aiden."

I stare at her. "I know. I understand," I say loudly and clearly, overly enunciated so she can catch my sarcasm.

Madison gives me another eye roll. "You obvious don't. Spencer only went out with him because you were there." I give her a nod. "Spencer only ate with Aiden because you were there." She pauses and looks at me, waiting for confirmation to continue.

"Ok? And?" I smile as she rolls her eyes at me again.

"You can't be this stupid." She leans over and slaps me on the arm, making me stare at her incredulously. "What?" she snaps, "I can't help it you're fucking retarded. This whole entire time, it's been about Spencer and you. Every single thing she did...was about you. Why do you think I kept telling you to spend so much time with her?"

There's no way!

I shake my head. "No...no. You told me to talk to her about Aiden. You tried setting them up!" I point at her accusingly.

"Please," she huffs indignantly, "my matchmaking skills are way better than that. That was all just a plan to get you and Spencer to spend time together. God knows getting you to talk to her was like pulling teeth."

I'm taking all of her words in, feeling like I'm about to explode from the force of it all. It's like everything is flashing right before my eyes, everything that's gone on these past months, revealing what was behind a curtain I didn't even know was there.

"Hey, I talked to her!" I defend myself, crossing my arms. I can only take so much abuse. Half that when it involves Madison. "And invited her to hang out!" Ha, take that bitch!

I swear, if she rolls her eyes again, I will punch her.

"Seriously?" she asks me, closing her eyes to hide her obvious frustration and disbelief. "You were so oblivious. Spencer pretty much did everything but carry a big neon sign that said how much she liked you."

I scoff at the exaggeration. I wasn't that bad.

"No?" She crosses her arms, and I'm annoyed that she switches often between that and eye rolling. "She suffered through that horrid date with Aiden so she could hang with you. She lied about having your notes so you'd hang out with her." She counts her fingers. "Lied about having a quiz so you'd walk with her to class. Conveniently lost her keys so she'd have to go to your house."

Whoa! She lied about that? Wow...she is so fucking sneaky!

"Ok stop!" I interrupt. I can't hear anymore.

This is all so overwhelming, and I can't fully process it all. It's like I'm going from being blind to suddenly looking into the sun. I need to be acclimated. I need to be put into a dimly lit space where shadows still conceal most of the room.

Madison smiles at me. "Things starting to click?" she says knowingly.

"I just...wow." I run my fingers through my hair.

She laughs. "Well it's about time you stopped being so dumb. Now," she slaps her hands together, "what are you going to do?"

"Do?" I look at her curiously.

"Yes, stupid, about Spencer?"

Oh God...I hadn't allowed myself to think that far ahead.

I feel a blush make its way across my face. "Oh...I don't know."

"Have you ever dated?" she asks me doubtfully.

I don't hesitate to give her a hard glare."Shut up. It's not like this suddenly changes everything," I tell her seriously.

"It's not sudden, you idiot." Seriously, she needs to cool it with the insults. "This has been going on for like three months. You've just somehow been oblivious to it all." She mumbles something to herself in Spanish.

"Ok...so, what do I do?" I can't believe I'm asking Madison Duarte for love advice. Well not love...well, you know.

Madison face surprisingly softens, and she steps close to me and puts her hands on my shoulders. It's kind of awkward and creepy having her this close to me.

"Now, you go find Spencer."

My heart beats faster just thinking about it. "And?" I ask desperately. I really need some help.

"And then you figure it out from there."

I shake her hands off of me. "Seriously?" I stare at her, annoyed. "That's your great advice? Go find Spencer and then the heavens are going to open up and God's voice is going to resound throughout the land, giving me clear direction?" I scoff. "Please."

Her caring face is gone. "Well I guess just find Spencer and let her handle things. You know," she elbows me rather harshly, "because she's been doing that the whole time."

I rub my sore arm, glaring at her the whole time. "I'll figure it out on my own," I tell her haughtily.

"Oh yes, because you've been doing wonderfully."

I don't miss her sarcasm. "Whatever, I'm leaving."

I don't even look at her, that's how mad I am. It doesn't matter that this whole time she was actually helping me, because right now, she's pissing me off and all I can see is the Madison who is always a bitch.

* * *

"_The number you have dialed is not available. Please leave a message after the beep_."

I wait for the fucking annoying voicemail lady to shut up and for the beep to kick in.

_Beep._

"Hey Spence..." I give an awkward cough, "uh Spencer. It's me, Ashley. I know I kind of avoided you..." I sigh deeply. "Again. And I just wanted to say sorry. I- " I cut myself off in frustration. I'd so rather not have this conversation with her voicemail. "I'd really prefer to tell you in person, but it's always really difficult to find you. I bet you were awesome at hide-and-seek as a kid." I give a nervous laugh, mentally slapping myself for being such a lame ass.

"I guess your phone is turned off since it goes straight to voicemail. Or maybe you've put me on the reject list since I've called so much." Another nervous laugh. "So anyway, I guess I'll maybe see you in class if you decided to come on Monday. Alright well...bye."

I dejectedly hang up the phone, closing my eyes in defeat. I don't know what I expected. My fifty text messages went unanswered and my twenty calls unreturned, but if I've learned anything, it's that I don't take hints very well. Or Aiden for that matter.

"_What_?"

"Thanks for the amazing advice, Madison," I say sarcastically. I can't help but blame her. She's the one who told me to talk to Spencer. Well how in the hell can you talk to some one who avoids you?

"_I didn't say it would work, I just told you to try_." Her voice lets me know she's not too happy with me either.

"Well thanks. No really, I loved leaving awkward voicemails." Sarcasm is my bitch today.

Madison huffs and I know she's rolling her eyes. "_Can you honestly blame her_?"

My voice is devoid of malice. "What do you mean?"

This time she sighs, and I wonder how in the world anyone can be this easily frustrated. "_You give her all these mixed signals and expect her to talk to you when it's convenient for you. You push and pull her around every time you change your mind. Which_," she reminds me none too sweetly, "_happens alot. She can only put up with so much. Maybe it's your turn to seek her out_."

I sit in silence, taking in Madison's surprisingly wise words. I guess I never really looked at it from that perspective. I was so focused on Aiden, that I didn't even consider Spencer's feelings.

"_So_," she breaks my thoughts, and I can hear a smile in her voice, "_seek her out_."

"Ok, but where would that be?"

Madison pauses, and I'm pretty sure she rolled her eyes again. "_She does have a house, you know_." Yeah, now I know for sure she rolled her them.

I actually don't mind. For once, I'm indebted to Madison. I won't tell her though, that would throw the world off balance.

"I've got to go," I tell her distractedly, already getting my keys and heading to my car.

"_I thought you might say that_," Madison says knowingly.

"Yeah yeah. Bye," I make myself say, at least wanting to show some gratitude.

"_Sure. Oh, and Ashley_?"

"Hmm?" My mind is focused on what all I'm going to tell Spencer, barely registering Madison's word.

"_Buena suerte_." The call is ended with a click, and I'm left with a small smile.

* * *

I'm standing awkwardly at the Carlin's door, expecting it to open when I haven't even knocked. "Stop being stupid, Ashley," I tell myself angrily.

When did I become such a fucking coward?

"You know, we have special counselors for that."

The kind, teasing voice of Mr. Carlin makes me jump in surprise. "Oh God, I didn't hear you pull up."

He offers me a smile. "I wouldn't imagine so. You seemed to be enthralled in a rather important conversation."

I blush at his teasing, knowing that he's who Spencer gets that ability from. "Sorry, I uh...I was just..."

"Looking for Spencer?" he offers politely, obviously taking pity on my lack of complete sentences.

I nod gratefully. "Yeah, her."

"I'm afraid she went to her grandma's house. She's not doing so well, so we figured this would cheer her up." He gives me a shrug in offering.

She's that bad off? What in the hell have I done to her?

"She's not doing well? Do...do you know what's wrong?" I try to keep the panic out of my voice.

"Cancer," he says softly, sadly. "We just found out a few months ago."

Cancer? She has cancer!? Oh my God...this...this can't be.

I stand there, unable to move, unable to even breathe anymore. I want to cry but I can't do anything.

"Ashley?" her dad calls out hesitantly. He takes a step toward me and puts a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Honey, is everything ok?"

"I just...I had no idea." I swallow heavily. "God, I'm so sorry Mr. Carlin. I just...is she...gonna...?" I can't make myself ask if she's going to survive. The words die in my throat.

He doesn't have to answer, his eyes tell me the truth. "I'm afraid not. She's just so old, her immune system can't really fight off the cancer."

Old? She's eighteen. Isn't that young? Maybe not in dog years.

Mr. Carlin gives me a warm smile, one that belies his inner turmoil. "But that's how it goes, you know? It's a cycle, life, and she's had a good one." His smile turns genuine.

"I wish it hadn't taken me so long to get to know her," I whisper softly, brokenly.

If only this had happened years ago, things would have been so different. I can't help but look back on all the things I've missed out on with Spencer.

"Oh, so you met her?" he asks in surprise. "I didn't know."

Met her? Of course I have, that's the whole reason I'm over here. To see her again.

"Uh yeah...remember, I picked her up for the party?" Maybe he's the one who's getting old.

"Oh!" He gives a big, hearty laugh.

I can't help but think of how inappropriate it is at this time. I mean his daughter has terminal cancer, and he can somehow laugh about it? He must also be who Spencer gets her craziness from.

"Ashley," he says, humor still lacing his tone, "not Spencer. God no, not her. Her grandmother is the one who is sick." His smile drops as he sobers. "Honey, I'm sorry, I had no idea you thought that."

I try to brush off his words, acting like my whole world didn't just crash down on me. "It was my fault." I focus my eyes on the ground, blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I'm sorry," he says again, his voice gentle and reassuring. He pulls me in for a hug, and even though he's practically a stranger, it oddly comforts me.

I don't hug him back. Not because he is so unfamiliar, but I'm simply not used to parental contact. Other than the hugs my mom gives me at family reunions to affirm that she 'loves me so much,' we don't touch.

He steps away, thankfully, and offers me a small smile. "I'm really sorry about that confusion."

I shrug it off. "It's ok. I'm sorry to hear about her grandma." I offer him what I hope is a sincere look. I'm never good at this comforting thing. Thankfully few people in my life ever need it.

"Well I'll tell Spencer you stopped by?"

I'm confused why he made a point of adding a questioning inflection. Does he know what all happened?  
God I hope not. That'd be really embarrassing. Though by how nice he's treating me, I somehow think he doesn't know.

"Uh, no, that's ok, I'll just see her Monday. I'll see you later, Mr. Carlin." I turn around, gripping my keys tightly, as if transferring my disappointment to them.

"She'll be back early Sunday," he calls out to me, and I turn and see him giving me a smile.

I effortlessly return one as I nod in thanks.

And now all I can do is go home and wait. But I think it's about time I was the one waiting for once.

* * *

**A/N**_:Quick Spanish lesson. _

_Te odio- I hate you. _

_Donde est_a_s, puta?- Where are you, bitch. _

_Buena suerte- Good luck._


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_I'm sending all of you hugs via this story. I think this fluffy chapter conveys my affection :)  
_

_This is a shorter chapter, but it's probably one of my favorites. I don't know if any of you are Catholic, but if you are, this is in no way making fun. I went to my friend's church, who is Catholic, and I was struggling to keep up with everything. It was quite the humorous experience. Some of the things that Ashley thinks directly come from what I thought when I was in her situation._

_Thank you to those who pointed out the mistakes with the Spanish used. Definitely stupid, obvious mistakes that I just glanced over. It's hard to believe I'm about to have my minor in Spanish when I do stupid stuff like that. Thankfully I speak it better than I write it, although that might not be too much to brag about.  
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**_Chapter 20  
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I shift for about the tenth time in a five minute span. I'm so uncomfortable it's not even funny. The man beside me keeps giving me strange looks as I adjust my skirt again, absently fixing my hair.

"Are you ok?" he asks in a concerned voice, obviously sensing my awkwardness.

"Yeah. Yeah," I repeat nervously, "I'm fine." I offer a brave smile.

"First time here?" he asks, and I wonder how everyone is so good at reading me. It's a little disturbing.

I laugh. "That obvious?" I pull at my skirt again.

He shakes his head but his face breaks into a smile. "Maybe a little," he offers teasingly. He looks around with interest before his eyes land back on me. "Did you come alone?"

I smile sheepishly. "Yeah."

"Well I'm proud of you. You never see enough young people in here. It was nice talking with you." He offers me another smile and then turns back up front, pulling out some pamphlet looking thing and flipping through it with interest.

Bored now that the man and I have stopped talking, I pull out my phone, flipping through it in hopes of finding something to entertain me. I'm not even sure if being here is even that great of a plan. It seemed good when I thought of it last night during my swim. Right now though, I'm thinking maybe I had inhaled some chlorine on accident and now it is swishing around in my brain.

"Ashley?"

My heart beats nervously as I hear the voice I haven't heard in days, almost a week. I turn and find Spencer looking at me with complete shock.

"What are you doing here?"

She looks so pretty. She's wearing a simple blue sundress and her hair is lightly curled on the bottom, flipped up and resting delicately on her shoulders, every movement causing it to caress the smooth skin. I find myself aching as I look at her.

I look around, acting like I'm not aware that my presence here is completely random. "Oh, you know, just...sitting." I shrug.

She stares at me for a moment. "You do realize this is a church?" she asks me doubtfully.

I look at her thoughtfully. "I was wondering what all those crosses were for."

I can see her fighting back a smile. She doesn't want to give me the satisfaction, and I want to tell her so much, but my words always get caught up when I'm around her.

"Ashley," Mr. Carlin says as he stands next to Spencer, "so good to see you." He offers me a warm smile which I am beginning to realize is his trademark look. I'm kind of glad for the interruption.

"You too," I return politely. Just because Christine is a horrible mother, doesn't mean I haven't learned manners. I have miserable cotillion to thank for that.

It's quiet for a moment, and it would be really awkward if there wasn't other noise going on in the church as more people shuffle in. I'm wishing I had something to show Spencer everything I want to say to her, anything that would let her see into my mind and find the words that are always beyond my reach, even more so when I'm near her.

Sensing the awkwardness, Mr. Carlin gives us a bright smile and looks at me. "Mind if we sit here?"

I realize that he picks up on Spencer's hesitancy to talk to me, and I appreciate his actions.

"Sure," I say, standing up, simply to give myself something to do. There was already plenty of room to accommodate them - and about five other people - comfortably.

He gives Spencer a gentle nudging towards me, and she looks at him with a pleading look. It withers at the eyebrow raise he gives her, a silent lecture.

I can hear her sigh as she moves over to sit next to me. I've never seen her look so defeated, and it makes me sad, knowing how bad I've screwed up, when my intentions were so far from that.

"Why did you come here?" she asks softly, and I'm glad for her quiet tone because it hides some of her anger.

I shrug. "I figured it was about time I got into the whole church scene." She gives me the stern look her dad just gave her, and I quickly stop joking.

I sigh. "I was told you go here."

"By?"

I sigh again. She's not making this easier, but I guess I really can't blame her. "Madison," I admit reluctantly. It's scary how much I've been relying on her lately.

"Really?" She turns to me, regarding me silently. I can't help but hope that she's a little impressed by my effort.

"Yeah. After she refused to answer my first six calls. The bi-" I cut myself off quickly as Spencer nudges me with her elbow, giving me an unamused look. I offer her a sheepish smile. "Sorry," I whisper, "I forgot where we are."

"So why'd you come here?" She's obviously not giving up.

"I wanted to talk to you," I admit nervously. I'm glad that everyone is standing, because it allows me a distraction to avoid looking her in the eyes.

"About?" she asks out of the corner of her mouth, feigning interest in whatever is going on.

I close my eyes. This is so not the place to have a long conversation. Not when every five seconds every one starts reciting stuff. "About a lot of stuff," I tell her vaguely.

Suddenly everyone is kneeling, and I do my best to keep up. I can't help but glance around to see if maybe there are instructions written around the church.

"Like?"

I sigh, starting to get annoyed with her short responses. "We can talk later, I just..." I refrain from running a hand through my hair. "I wanted to see you," I breathe out softly, not missing the way her eyes quickly flick to mine. I'm a little embarrassed with my honesty, but it feels really good to finally admit it.

This time she can't hold back the pleased smile. "Yeah?" she asks softly, standing up again with everyone else. I'm wondering how in the hell everyone seems to know when to stand up and kneel. Well, everyone but me that is. And the guy two rows up who looks like he might be hungover.

"Yeah," I affirm. "I know a lot has happened, mostly because of me. Ok," I consider, "_all_ because of me-" She smiles at me again, laughing quietly. "But I know that not talking to you has been the worst thing that has happened." I turn and meet her eyes. "Out of everything."

Her gaze softens, and even though being here brought me to her again, I can't help but want to be somewhere else - any other place - as long as I can kiss her. Because I want to kiss her, so bad right now. And here, in church, with her father right next to us, is not the place to do it.

She doesn't say anything, but that's ok, because my heart feels so overwhelmed with its fluttering, that I probably wouldn't be able to hear it anyway.

We sit through the service with small, content smiles on our faces. The only reason I know she's still smiling is because I steal glances as often as I can. The only reason I'm smiling, is because I've caught her doing the same exact thing.

The priest tells us to take a moment of silence, and I take the afforded opportunity to lean close to Spencer, inhaling her sweet scent. "You look really beautiful," I tell her shyly, but with full sincerity.

Her blue eyes open and lock on my own, wavering slightly as we hold each others gaze. I don't have to look down to know she's smiling, her eyes are saying everything she can't right now. Saying things I can't understand right now.

We once again shift from kneeling back to sitting, and as the service starts to come to a close, I feel Spencer edge her hand over to me, pinky finger lightly grazing mine.

It's a small, simple touch, but I know it's connecting us in such a huge, complex way. It's just another piece of the puzzle that fits perfectly, just like the others I've discovered.

And I know, that as the members of the church leave and continue their day with the message on their mind, I'll continue mine with a smile on my face, Spencer on my mind.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_Haha I'm very glad you all liked the church seen. I wanted to put Ashley in a place where she was very vulnerable and uncomfortable, and figured church was the place. You guys asked for a longer chapter with Spashely-ness, and it has been granted. You are officially now caught up to me as far as writing, so sadly updates will be not as frequent, especially with finals week coming up. That said, I shall persevere and continue to write :)_

_A big thanks to all my reviewers and those who have delurked for me!_

_Also, I do not know how to solve the rubik's cube, but I've been messing with my friends recently after she learned how to solve it, and I got the idea to use it in the story, in a much better context. And yes, Ashley's experience with it once again mirrors my own (at least for the swearing).  
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**_Chapter 21  
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I owe Madison. Big.

Her suggestion about going to church really helped out. I'm not really sure what all I can do to show appreciation. I mean I already said thanks, isn't that enough?

I'm going to pretend it is, because as much as she's helped me out, Madison is still a big bitch and she still pisses me off when I talk to her. Even when she was giving me advice she still managed to talk down to me as if I was stupid - though in her mind, I probably am.

But the real reason I owe Madison is because of my current surroundings. I'm in Spencer's room, smiling contently as I take in her familiar setting. The picture that she's convinced is haunted is, once again, on her nightstand. You know, the one of her in braces. Her cute comforter is made up nicely on her bed, and I have the random urge run and dive onto it, just to mess it up.

"What are you smiling at?" Spencer asks me with amusement, a cute smile on her face.

I blush at my childish thoughts. "Nothing."

She raises her eyebrows doubtfully. "Oh really?"

I smile wider as she steps closer to me, and I feel my pulse race. I can't help but submit. "I was just picturing myself running and diving onto your bed," I admit with more than a little embarrassment.

She smiles again and looks from me to her bed. "Ashley," she says in a soft tone.

I look at her. "Yeah?"

She shakes her head and laughs, walking over to her nightstand and putting the picture face down again.

"Spencer?" I call out questioningly. I want to know what she has to say.

She ignores me, and I can see her smug smile as she turns away. I walk over to where she's standing, giving her a nudge with my elbow. "What were you going to say?"

She's still wearing a smile as she turns towards me, but this ones different. Softer. "You know, I really hate that picture."

I roll my eyes, letting her see my smile. I know that's not what she was going to say, and even though I'm slightly frustrated, I can't help but laugh at her. "It's not that bad," I offer nicely. It's not ugly or anything, it's just...completely different from the Spencer standing in front of me.

She looks at me doubtfully. "I had a perm and braces," she tells me pointedly. She lifts up the picture again, cringing slightly before quickly putting it back down.

I do my best to stifle a laugh. "It magically shows up on your nightstand each time. I think it could be a sign from God," I tell her seriously. "Maybe he's telling you something."

"What, that this is the worst picture of me ever?"

This time I can't hold back that laugh. I try to hide it as she pretends to be offended.

"It's okay to laugh." She takes the picture and throws it into her hamper, making sure to pile more clothes on top. "I hardly cry myself to sleep over it anymore."

I let her see my eye roll. "Dramatic much?"

She pretends to wipe tears away. "I was thinking more of _trau_matic."

"Hey, don't even. Remember Mr. Snuggles?"

"You're right! How selfish of me." She walks over and squeezes my shoulder gently. "Do you..." She steps away, looking down and scuffing her foot on her carpet. "...want my braces picture?"

I sniff loudly, making a dramatic gesture of wiping my nose. "Do you mean it?" I whisper brokenly.

"Uh huh," she says in a kid voice.

We hold gazes for a moment before we both start laughing. It's always enjoyable finding some one who not only puts up with your stupidity, but also joins in.

I'm saddened as it reminds me of times with Aiden. Even though I know he has a right to be mad, I can't help but feel like it's up to him to make things right. But maybe he's made his decision. Or maybe I've subconsciously made mine and am just hoping he's come to one.

I can't help but feel that I got the better end of the deal, no matter what he's decided.

"You know you don't have to stay for dinner," she tells me gently, slowly bringing my attention back to hers.

I guess she doesn't like it when we don't talk either. It makes me smile. Not that we have to talk, but she obviously could tell something is bothering me, and this is her way of changing the subject. I'm amazed at how well she can read me.

Mr. Carlin - or Papa C as I jokingly called him in front of Spencer - asked me to come over to the house for an early Sunday dinner. He said it's the least he could do since I went to church. I didn't know how to take his response until I saw the twinkle in his kind eyes.

"Do you not want me to?" I avoid her eyes, hating how my voice comes out timid.

"No, no, I do!" she assures me quickly, shaking her head at her outburst. I offer her a smile.

"Well I want to, too." My voice is oddly formal.

"Ok, good," she says, mimicking my tone.

"Yeah."

"Good," she says again, looking at me.

"It's swell," I add.

"Marvelous." She's biting back a smile.

There's a lull in our conversation, and I take this time to dive on her bed, barely hearing her muffled laughter.

"You're such a dork," she tells me as she sits at the end of the bed.

I pretend to act offended. "I am not a-" I cut myself and smile slyly as something catches my eye.

I promptly stand up and walk to her closet, grabbing the object. I hold it behind my back and make my way back to her, sitting back on her bed.

"Hey Spencer," I say casually, switching it between my hands.

"Yeah?" she asks cautiously, trying to sneak a peak behind my back.

"Cute Rubik's cube."

I watch in enjoyment as her face immediately reddens. She reaches out to snatch it from me but I'm too quick. "Oh look, and it's completed," I tease.

"Give it back," she demands, reaching out again, only to be foiled again. "Please?" Her lips turn in an impressive pout.

"Why? Afraid I'm going-" I pause for dramatic effect "- mess it up?"

She bites her lip and looks away. "No," she mutters. "I just...it's Glen's and I hid it..because...because he stole my cell phone and I...forgot about it..."

"Yes, of course," I agree easily, happily wearing a smug look of my own.

I stare at the cube for a moment before I begin randomly twisting and rotating it as best as I can. Once I'm satisfied with the result, I start trying to get a side down.

Spencer watches me with interest as I struggle with it. "Now turn this part-" she cuts off at the glare I give her, smiling at me.

I swat her hand away. "I've got it." I turn another side. "And then I twist this side and it should...ugh you little fucker!"

I throw it hard against her pillow, feeling pleased as it bounces onto the floor. I give a defeated sigh and lay on my stomach, muttering to myself about how she owns the one Rubik's cube that can't be solved.

She laughs and retrieves it off of the floor. "They can all be solved, Ashley."

I scoff. "Yeah, by super Asian geniuses who have nothing better to do than dedicate years to learning stupid, pointless stuff like how to solve a fucking toy."

She laughs again. "I think some one might be a little bitter."

"No," I huff indignantly, "I just don't think it's very economical to spend so much time on it when we could be dedicating time to solving world hunger."

"That's very ambitious of you," she says with a smile. She kneels in front of me on the floor, holding the rubik's cube up to my face. "It's really not that hard."

"Yeah, if you're-"

"And not just if you're a super Asian genius," she supplies for me. I can't help but smile.

"Can you really solve it?" I'm not sure whether to sound impressed or disgusted.

"I can," she affirms with a nod. "It's just a bunch of little steps. Once you have it down, it's simple. Here," she says and she pats a space closer to her, "I'll teach you."

I shift until my elbows are resting at the edge of the bed, watching her with interest. "I am your grasshoppa," I say in a butchered Chinese accent.

She bows to me, taking a big breath. "Ok grasshoppa." I smile. "First you have to pick a color to go at the bottom. I normally choose white." I nod eagerly. "Then you focus on getting crosses."

She starts twisting, giving directions with each move she makes. I feel a little bad that I've tuned her out. Honestly, she lost me after she said to choose a color, because they only color I am thinking of is blue. And that's just because I'm staring at her eyes.

She doesn't even notice I'm not listening. I'm doing a good job of nodding and murmuring "Mmhmm," and even if I wasn't, she's so focused on what she's doing. I smile at her intent concentration, but it quickly drops as I finally take in how close she is.

She's probably about a foot from me, but with me laying down, she's level with me, and I'm watching her lips move as she calls out directions. It's enticing me, calling out to me with each brush her lips make with each other. I watch as she bites her lower lip gently, obvious stuck on a part.

"This part is always a little-" she stops as she lifts her eyes to meet me, finally noticing I'm not the least bit focused on that stupid cube anymore. As if I could be when she's in the room.

She licks her lips, and my gaze is drawn to her mouth even more. "Um..." I flick my gaze back up to her, watching as her eyes close slowly before opening with what looks like much effort.

"Spencer, I..." I shake my head. For once, I don't want words. I know that all they'll do is cause me to stall.

The moment is heavy, and I feel like each action is so weighed down, that any wrong move will cause it to crash around us.

I slowly, cautiously, move my head forward, taking in her reaction as I reach my hand out towards her. We both close our eyes as I make contact with her smooth cheek, gently caressing the perfect patch of skin.

And I was right, this moment is heavy. Because I've never initiated any of our kisses. I might have been a willing participant, but never have I given in, and it feels so good to finally surrender - completely - to Spencer.

My other hand rests on her other cheek, softly cradling her face and angling it up to me. I can already feel our breaths quicken as we anxiously wait for the moment they can be joined with each other, creating our own air.

Then my lips have brushed against hers, and all the sensations humming through my body seem to explode with that light contact. I feel a low sigh escape me, and she leans forward, pressing harder against me.

And with that one simple touch, I already know that this kiss is a hundred times better than the other two, because this one is devoid of everything that's not Spencer. There isn't an internal clock ticking in our minds. There isn't a devil and an angel resting on each shoulder, giving me contradicting directions. And there's no Aiden, and I don't think I've ever been grateful of that until now.

My elbows begin to hurt from holding myself up, and even though I'm afraid of breaking the kiss for fear that we might shake out of this moment, I know I need to get in a better position. Spencer's eyes are still closed, and I take this time to trace my tongue over my lips, taking in her taste and smiling.

When her eyes meet mine, I can see her unsureness. Every time we've stopped kissing, something bad has happened, whether it's been me running or Aiden interrupting. This time though, I'll make sure there is nothing capable of stopping us from connecting again.

She opens her mouth to speak, but I shake my head with a smile, cutting off any words. I shift until I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, my right hand grabbing her left and squeezing it softly, giving her a strong, silent message of reassurance. And then my left hand is once again framing her face as I guide her back to me.

There's no hesitancy with this kiss, both of us past that stage, at least for now. I can already feel the hot tingles surge through my body, and when she traces her tongue against my bottom lip, I swear I shiver. My hand drops hers and finds purchase on the hem of her shirt, absently stroking the warm skin I know is hidden underneath, as I finally bring my tongue to meet hers.

Spencer releases a broken pant into my mouth, and all I can do is press against her, my body aching for more contact. Our tongues continue their elegant dance, mouths separating for mere milliseconds before they gravitate towards each other again.

I desperately want my mouth to taste other areas, but I know at this point I won't be able to handle anything more. Just being joined with her lips is enough to engulf me, sending my pulse racing and blood pounding to my ears as it conveys a message that's very loud and clear, one I usually have no problem listening to.

It's that voice that draws me to pull away, because Spencer is so much more to me than that. And partially because I truly believe that anything more than this would kill me - in the best way possible.

We separate with harsh breathing and tingling lips, my hand still gently rubbing her hip. I smile stupidly as she leans forward and rests her forehead on mine, chest rising and falling quickly as she tries to steady her breathing.

I could care less about regulating my breathing, I know eventually it will steady. But the taste of her on my lips...I know that that's an endless flavor, the taste of forever.

She leans back from me, and her darkened eyes are gazing back at me with so much emotion, that I want to kiss her, simply so I don't have to look at all the conflicting thoughts swirling around. I know that she's scared. I comfort her the only way I know how.

I lean towards her again, and she closes her eyes and sighs, though whether in defeat or anticipation, I'm not sure. I press my lips to her forehead, letting them rest there for a moment before giving her a soft kiss and pulling back.

She stands up and sits beside me, both of us silent. It's not awkward, and I'm thankful that we don't have to say anything, especially after something as monumental as this kiss. I don't think I've ever been so happy, sitting next to Spencer, feeling her side touching mine and her hand resting lightly on my thigh.

"Hey Spence?" I say suddenly, a little surprised myself at breaking the silence.

She gives me a warm smile as she regards me. It's the first time I've intentionally called her that, and its significance is not lost on either of us.

"Yeah?" she asks softly.

"I think..." I take my hand and lay it on top of hers, interlocking them tightly. "I think I really like the Rubik's cube."

Her eyes close as she laughs, and when they open, they focus on me, looking brighter and bluer than I've ever seen. "I think I do too."


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_So sorry for the delay. I wish that I did have more time to type, but I can only procrastinate so much and still graduate on time. But you do get a brand spanking new chapter, one I think you'll like._

_I haven't really proofread yet, but hopefully it's not too horrific. I'll reread after my soccer game, but I must go and dominate! *Edited for stupid grammar mistakes that a three year old wouldn't make*_

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**_Chapter 22  
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I'm comfortable. Like crazily relaxed in a situation where I didn't think I ever could be.

I'm currently at the Carlin's dinner table, sitting next to Spencer and across from Glen. Both are smiling at me, though for two different reasons, I think.

Spencer and I have been sharing stupid grins all day, both of our eyes betraying us as they often slip to each other's mouth. It's not necessary to say neither of us mind so much.

In Glen's case, it seems like a 'I want you' kind of smile. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but with the way he's been eyeing me over the rim of his glass and slowly licking his lips every time he swallows, I don't think I am.

Mr. Carlin has been whistling to himself joyfully while he's been cooking. Earlier, he went to put some spice in and he tossed it in and said "Bam bam bam!" really loud. I was so scared that I jumped into Spencer and looked around worriedly. Once I heard her laughter, I immediately felt embarrassed. Apparently he was imitating Emeril. Poorly.

She didn't believe that I just had a muscle spasm. One that affected every single muscle and made me jump backwards several feet.

I inhale deeply and rub my hands together excitedly. I fucking love pasta! And when Mr. Carlin opens the lid of a pot and reveals alfredo sauce, I think I might just die on the spot.

Spencer's lips curve into a faint smile, and I give her a glare as I realize she's laughing at me. "What?"

She bites her cheek and shakes her head. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

I raise my eyebrows at her and she traces a circle above her head. "Halo?" I ask doubtfully. She gives me a bright smile.

"Ha, yeah right," Glen snorts, earning a glare from Spencer. "Only because the horns hold it up."

Her glare turns darker, and I'm impressed when Glen doesn't even flinch. I feel myself shifting slightly, nervous just from seeing the glare directed at some one else. She does her patented eye roll and then turns back to me.

I smile at their exchange, feeling a slight pang as I realized that this is what familes are about; gentle teasing that just demonstrates a deep bond. I think back to my mom, snorting in derision as I realize that the way my mom and I speak to each other has nothing to do with a deep bond, simply deep annoyance.

"Ladies and...Glen," Mr. Carlin says in a loud voice, carrying the pot of pasta and putting it on the table.

"Hey!" Glen huffs, crossing his arms.

"Yeah Dad," Spencer scolds playfully, "you know Glen gets included in the ladies "

I don't even try to hide my smile.

Glen looks at me and frowns. "Shut up, you." He leans back in his chair and stretches. "I'm in a group all on my own."

I raise my eyebrows in amusement, looking him up and down pointedly. "Got that right."

I see Mr. Carlin pat Glen's shoulder, consoling his bruised ego. Once Glen looks away, however, Mr. Carlin winks at me. We share a smile and quickly hide it as Glen turns his attention to us.

"I'll bless the food and then we'll dig in!"

I politely bow my head, eyes staring at the hands in my lap. When the room stays silent, I can't help but wonder if maybe we're supposed to say our own prayers. How should I know? I don't know how this works. Going to church once doesn't teach me all these unspoken rules. I thought people prayed out loud.

I look up and notice them all staring at me, all with smiles. "I was expecting you to pray out loud," I confess softly, feeling nervous under their stares.

Glen starts laughing loudly, and even though I can see Spencer obviously fighting back her own laugh, I'm comforted by the glare she sends Glen's way.

Mr. Carlin gives me a warm smile. "Oh we do," he assures me, smile widening. "But we hold hands when we say it."

"Oh," I say stupidly. "Sorry."

He takes my hand, winking at me again before he closes his eyes. I wait for Spencer's and my hand to join, feeling strangely nervous. I'm just praying my hand doesn't clam up, because that would be really embarrassing, and I really don't need any more incidents to happen. I've been doing a super job so far.

But when her soft hands grab mine, all my worries fade. Because it's impossible to think about anything other than Spencer in this moment. I can faintly hear Mr. Carlin's deep voice in the background, but I'm really just concentrating on her thumb lightly tracing my hand, taking more breaths away with each sweep it makes across my skin.

I hear a fuzzy, "Amen," bringing me back to the dinner table, the one where the rest of her family is. Spencer gives me a light squeeze as we release hands, and I have to look down shyly as a smile threatens to overtake my face.

"_Bon Appétit_." Glen raises his eyebrows as he butchers the french language. I'm pretty sure Jacques Cousteau is rolling in his grave right now.

Dinner is passing with comfortable conversation, and I know that I've spent the majority of it laughing. I knew Spencer was funny, but add Glen into the mix, and she's a riot. I think I have a new appreciation for sibling sarcasm.

But despite all the laughter and jokes, I can't help but notice that something is missing. Actually not something, but rather, some one. Mrs. Carlin.  
Had I not seen her when Aiden and I picked Spencer up from her house, I wouldn't have believe she existed. I want to ask Spencer, but I don't know if that's a sensitive subject. Usually with stuff like that, I have absolutely no tact, and I end up pissing people off. I actually think it's a gift of mine.

I haven't missed the glances Mr. Carlin gives towards the empty chair, or the sad look in his eyes. It quickly fades, as he smiles along with the conversation, but it's there nonetheless.

I also want to ask about Spencer's grandma, but again, that's not dinner conversation.

'So has granny C kicked it yet?'

Yeah, that would go over real well.

"So what brought you to church, Ashley?"

I look up and see Mr. Carlin looking at me with interest. I'm flattered that he's including me in the conversation, but I can't help but wish he had asked something else. You know, like maybe about my friends.

Wait, no, don't want to talk about that.

My mom? Definitely not.

Love life?

Aaaand I think I'll take my first question.

"Oh, you know." I wave my hand flippantly. "Just checking it out." So that I could get on good terms with your daughter.

"That's a big step," he says, obviously impressed. Even though I lied, I still feel my ego inflate at his praise. "Why our church?"

And suddenly my ego is totally deflated.

"Oh, you know." I mentally slap at myself for saying that again. "I figured it would be nice going to a church where I knew some one who also went there."

He nods in understanding. "I completely understand." He gives me a smile, still warm, but somehow different than his others. I'm not sure how to interpret it. "Spencer was happy to see you."

I know I'm blushing, and given the fact that Spencer is now looking down, I assume she is too. I wonder if he did that on purpose.

He carries on from my lack of response. "It's good to see Spencer making such nice friends. She's a lovely girl, but I think she comes off shy. Don't you, sweetie?"

Instead of a blush, her face is now full of mortification. "Dad," she whines, begging him to stop.

"She does," I agree with an evil smile, pretending to ignore the glare coming from Spencer.

"Ashley," she chastises, not apprecating my lack of help.

"She's gotten better though." He turns to me, eyes twinkling. "I think you've helped her a lot."

And now the spotlight is back on me. Fuck.

I shift nervously. "Oh...I mean I haven't done anything."

"Now I wouldn't say that." He's still smiling, and now I don't know how I ever found it comforting, because it's making me more nervous now.

Oh God...what if he knows we've kissed! What if...what if he knows I like her? Oh fuck, this is awful.

"Dad," Spencer scolds with a smile.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I'm just happy you've got such a good friend." He offers me an apologetic smile. "So Ashley-" I find myself sitting up straighter. "You have anyone special?"

Don't look at Spencer! Do not look at Spencer!

"Oh umm...well..." And stop stuttering you fucking moron!

"She does," Glen answers for me, and all I can do is stare at him with my mouth open.

Spencer shifts her gaze from Glen to me, eyes accusing as she silently asks me what in the fuck is going on. I wish I knew.

"Oh?" Mr. Carlin smiles happily. "And who is it?"

I look at Glen, silently pleading with him to shut the fuck up. But to no avail.

"It's that Aiden guy," he replies in a bored tone, giving us an exaggerated yawn.

Whoa whoa! We don't go around saying shit like that. I mean Aiden and I aren't even friends, why would he think we're dating?

"No it's not!" Spencer says firmly.

I turn to her, a little shocked by her outburst.

And, if I'm honest, a little turned on by her ferocity.

Every one else seems to be taken aback too.

"They aren't dating," she replies in a much softer tone.

As soon as she says this she grabs her fork and starts eating again, focusing intently on her pasta. I'm too shocked, nervous, embarrassed, and happy to do anything other than stare at her.

"Damn," Glen mutters quietly. "My apologies," he says formally, "apparently Ashley is _not_ dating Aiden."

I find myself bursting out into laughter, unable to control it. It's not that what Glen said was that hilarious, but I had so many emotions pulsing through me, that they all just exploded. It starts everyone else laughing, and the table is filled with the pleasant noise.

As I take in the happiness in everyone else's expressions, I know that it's going to be hard to leave this and go back to my house.

I meet Spencer's eyes, smiling wider at how beautiful she looks when she's laughing, like she's completely unguarded. And I know, for sure, that it's going to be even harder to leave her and go back to my house.

* * *

Dinner was amazing. Though the rest of it wasn't as amusing as the part about my love life, it was such a memorable experience.

I learned that Mr. Carlin is, in fact, the world's best chef. His apron indeed was correct.

I learned that anything can be turned into a 'that's what she said' joke. Courtesy of Glen.

Those two are in the kitchen cleaning up right now, leaving me walking to my car with Spencer. I offered to help clean up, but a faux glare from Mr. Carlin and an arm tug from Spencer had me grinning sheepishly as my offer was declined.

I don't want to go.

Tonight, no today, has been amazing. I'm afraid to go back to the real world, or at least my world, that consists of cold, lonely houses, cold, lonely hands, and cold, lonely lips.

I'm even more afraid of Monday.

I don't know what it will bring, but I know for a fact that it can't come anywhere close to comparing to today. Nothing can.

"I'm glad you stayed for dinner," Spencer tells me once we reach my car.

We'd been walking in silence, and I'm glad she's interrupted my thoughts, especially with sweet words like that.

I lean against my car, feeling content as Spencer moves to my side, following my motion of leaning back. Her side is touching mine, but I can feel the warmth all throughout my body.

"Me too," I tell her softly, looking into her eyes.

I usually hate this part. You know, where you have to say goodbye, and you're not sure if you should make the move to kiss them, or if you should leave, spending the rest of the night regretting not making the move.

I definitely am trying to work up the nerve to kiss her, but I'm also content to just stay like this the rest of the night, so long as I'm connected to Spencer in some way.

"About what my dad said earlier..." I feel her shift and look away, biting her lip.

I don't have to ask what she's talking about. Her nervous behavior tells me everything. She's referring to her dad asking about if I was seeing some one.

I can feel myself getting nervous now. Because being with Spencer is liking being drunk; you know what you want to say, and you know what you probably should say, and it's usually the first option that comes out.

"There isn't anyone," I tell her firmly. I know she doesn't think that Aiden and I were dating, but I want to tell her, to assure her that there is absolutely no one else.

"Oh..." Her voice is disappointed, and I look around, wondering what I said.

It doesn't take long to hit me. God I'm such a fucking idiot! This is why I shouldn't be aloud to speak.

"Oh no. No no no no!" I step in front of her, eyes begging her to listen to me. I'm really hoping she just reads my mind, because I'm as good at explaining myself as I am at comforting people.

"I didn't mean...when I said..." I roll my eyes at myself and breathe harshly. God why am I such an ass!? I take another breath, this one more calming than the previous. "What I meant was-"

I'm cut off as her finger presses on my lips, a smile evident on her face. "I get what you mean, Ashley."

I don't think I've ever loved my name so much. Not until she used it. Take that every one else! Ashley FTW!

She removes her finger, much to my disappointment. Any thoughts of disappointment quickly fade as I realize she hasn't stepped back. I know what the look in her eyes mean. The message they're sending is the exact same one I'm sending her.

And I want to, so bad. I just...it's almost like I want it so bad, that I can't do it. It doesn't make much sense to me either, but I feel like I'm at a stand-still.

"My dad really likes you." She's smiling again, and I think I like this one best. It's softer than the others, but some how ten times more meaningful and beautiful - if that's possible.

"I really like him. And even Glen." We share a smile. "It was nice seeing how a normal family interacts."

Her smile shifts, turning into a sadder one. "I'm sorry," she whispers softly. She takes my hand, bringing my eyes back to hers with her simple touch.

I shake my head. "Don't be."

"I wasn't apologizing about invi-"

"I know," I cut her off quietly. "But I don't want you to apologize." I squeeze her hand gently. "Not when you've given me the best day ever."

God, how did I ever get Spencer Carlin to even look at me, let alone want to kiss me? She's too much, in all the right ways.

"That's just it, Ash," my lips turn up, "this shouldn't be the best day. This was just a normal Sunday for us."

I give a soft laugh, because she's the one who doesn't seem to understand.

"No," I say, shaking my head, "that's not it."

She looks at me. "I don't get what you're saying," she confesses.

"I'm sorry," I apologize with a smile, "I'm not very good with this whole 'using words' thing." I laugh again, though it comes out slightly more nervous than my last one.

"Maybe..." She bites her lip, effectively cutting off any words. She looks back up at me, shyly meeting my eyes.

"Maybe...?" I prod, curious about her lost words.

She takes a step closer to me, causing my skin to tingle at her proximity. "Maybe you shoudn't use words then."

My heart starts pounding quicker as her words settle deep in me. In the silence of this beautiful night, I'm almost certain she can hear it.

As if on cue, she brings her hand and rests it over my chest, smiling as she feels its unsettledness. She then takes my hand it puts it on hers, allowing me to feel the swift beat of her heart.

It's an amazing moment, both of us relishing in the effect we have on each other. Relishing in the fact that we're finally allowed to give in to this effect.

"I think...maybe you're right," I whisper, my lips a mere breath away from hers.

We share a last smile, and then we are sharing breaths and sighs and moans as our lips meet again.

I arch into her as she deepens our kiss, gently pressing her into my car. The shaky sigh emitted from her floods me with warmth, with this fuzzy awareness that seems to be always present when I'm with her.

A part from her lips with a gasp as she puts her hand in my front pockets and pulls me even closer, causing a soft but firm contact between our bodies. Our eyes lock, and if I wasn't already turned on from kissing her, I know I would be on fire after seeing the smoldering look in her dark blue eyes.

Spencer gives me a smug smirk, and I raise my eyebrows, impressed with how easily she can shift from shy, to sweet, to all out sexy. Then her lips and tongue are on mine again, and I happily give up seeing as I surrender to much better sensations, like tasting and touching.

* * *

I eventually made it home. I still have a smile on my face, and it widens whenever I lick my lips, the taste of Spencer still evident.

I almost died on the spot when she pressed a kiss to my neck. I know I released a ragged sigh and shut my eyes harshly, trying to focus on remembering to breathe. She must have known I couldn't handle much, because she pressed one more lingering kiss to my sensitive skin and then brought her mouth back to mine.

I still haven't decided if I'm thankful for that or not.

We haven't talked about what we are. Actually, we haven't talked about much at all. But I know that I can easily place Spencer and I in the same category, even if the title is still unknown.

And the fact that Spencer is with me in each and every title I can possibly consider, I know that that's more than ok.

Because even though it's difficult to lable us, to distinguish what we are...

The feeling in my heart is so easy to see, and that's what really matters.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_Woo, found some time at midnight to write this. And I also found this much more appealing than my Spanish and psychology projects._

_Thanks for the wonderful feedback, I'm glad you are liking a more brave Ashley. And as far as the questions about this ending soon...I'm really not sure. I'm kind of doing this chapter by chapter, so I can't pinpoint an exact ending. I promise it's not going to be the next few chapters though.  
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**_Chapter 23  
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I was right when I said that no day would ever compare to Sunday. Especially as I walk to my locker and find Aiden waiting for me. I knew that I shouldn't have waited for Spencer after school, because every one else is gone, and therefore all my distractions.

It seems like our fight was so long ago, like it's been ages since we've been friends. I think Spencer has a part in that. It's hard to think of much else when I see her.

"Hey," Aiden says simply, and I hate how I can't read him at all. There are so many ways I can interpret his quick greeting, ranging from 'I'm so sorry I was a dick, let's be friends,' to 'you fucking bitch, I hope you burn in hell.'

Though both are pretty uncharacteristic of Aiden, I'm not ruling either out - just secretly hoping it's the first one.

"Hey," I reply, wondering if he's trying to gauge my response as well.

And now it's the awkward silence that I love so much. If it wasn't such a serious moment, I'd half expect crickets to be chirping. I almost crack a smile at that.

"Hey Ash, I was-" Spencer greets me brightly, instantly dropping off her words as she spots Aiden. She looks quickly between us before her eyes settle on mine, sending me a silent question.

I can't respond though. I'm unsure how to proceed with Aiden, so giving Spencer any sort of answer is out of the question.

"I'll see you later," she says softly, though neither of us are really listening. She nods to me and walks past, and as she does, she brushes her hand softly against mine.

I sense the purposefulness of her touch, and it fills me with comfort, making a genuine smile want to break out on my face.

We both watch her leave before we ultimately face each other again. Once more, I can't read the look on his face, and I can feel the tension flood my body, preparing me for the worst.

"So I guess that answers my question," he comments neutrally, studying me intently.

I force myself to take a deep, steadying breath. "What's that?"

Again he stares at me. "It was worth it."

I don't ask what he means. Playing dumb will only make things worse, if possible.

"Wasn't it?" he prods, turning to look where Spencer walked.

I look down, not unable to answer, just unwilling.

Aiden closes his eyes and shakes his head, giving a soft, derisive laugh. "Even now you can't tell me." He takes a step closer to me. "Just say it," he says softly, voice strangely soothing, as if he's talking to a fragile child instead of his best friend.

"Say what?" I finally say, feeling slightly annoyed as his mouth turns in a condescending smirk.

"Spencer." He doesn't add anything else.

I feel myself blush at his inference. "She...I...."

He smiles again, this one actually genuine, and I'm taken aback by this abrupt shift in behavior. "That's all I needed." He takes another step closer, the closest we've been since I told him Spencer and I had kissed. "Then it's worth it?" he asks again, warm eyes focused on mine.

My cheeks redden more, and I bite my lip as I nod. "It is," I agree quietly.

"It hurt, you know," he says, gaze now finding interest in the wall across from us.

I bow my head. "I'm sorry. I should have told you from the beginning that she didn't like you."

His eyes meet mine. "It's not that...not anymore. I mean yeah, that sucked, but the part that really stung..." He sighs and fixes me with a sad look, "was that you couldn't even come and tell me that you liked her. God Ash, do you realize how big of a deal this is? You haven't really liked anyone in forever."

"I know." I quickly avoid his gaze. It's much easier to talk without him focused on me. "That's what scared me. Not only did I finally like some one - like _really_ like them - but it was the same person that you liked. How fucking messed up is that!?"

I turn and harshly shut my locker door, feeling a rush of pleasure as it makes a loud noise throughout the hallway.

"God Aiden, I tried so fucking hard to be your best friend. I went on that stupid date with you and Spencer, I went to the party with you guys, I kept hanging out with her, talking about you, when all I wanted to do-" my voice has gotten louder, and I take a long breath, a little surprised at the tears I can feel behind my eyes.

"When all I wanted to do," I repeat slowly, softly, "was to kiss her. Every second I spent with her, I liked her that much more. It killed me."

His green eyes regard me, his pitying, guilty expression not lost on me. "You should have told me, Ash."

Things are so fucked up between us, but I can't help but find encouragement as he uses my nickname. No matter what, I can always feel his love for me through that one word.

"I couldn't." I give a bitter laugh. "I was so fucking selfish." I shake my head at myself. "Sure, I was talking about you to Spencer, but after a while, it wasn't even about you anymore. I was willing to say and do whatever, just so I could spend time with her. Is that the kind of best friend you wanted? One who used you as a cover to get closer to Spencer?" I put myself right in front of him. "Is it?"

I don't know what I expected him to do, what his reaction would be, but when he wraps his arms around me tightly, body shaking as he sniffs so softly, I'm completely caught off guard.

"Yes," he mumbles into my neck, arms tightening around me. "God Ashley, of course it is. I'm not a mind reader, ok?" he comments softly, hands rubbing my back soothingly. "I mean you should know how stupid I can be."

I laugh despite myself, silently agreeing. "Me too."

I squeeze him harder as I realize just how much I really did miss him.

"Well one good thing did come out of this," he says as he releases me, not even pretending that he wasn't crying. I'm sure I'll eventually tease him about it.

Probably in a few hours.

"What's that?" I ask with interest.

"Spencer." He gives me a sly smile, full of teasing.

I blush, trying to give him a menacing look, and failing. "What about her," I say just a tad too casually.

His smile widens. "I told you you'd find some one who completely turns your world upside down."

I scoff. "Please."

"That'd be believable...if you weren't blushing like a thirteen year old girl."

He thinks he's so smug with his little insults.

"Shut up," I warn him.

"You like her." He looks at me, his knowing smile now gone and replaced with a much softer one. "Like a lot."

I give a shrug in reply.

"Davies, how'd it go?"

We both turn and see Madison, and I can't help but wonder if every single person I know is going to bust into my conversation with Aiden. I glance at the door, half expecting my mom to come through, you know, if she knew where my school was.

I roll my eyes at her. "How'd what go?" I scrunch my face at her. "And when did you start calling me that?"

She ignores my second question, pointedly, I'm sure. "Church, duh."

I glare at her. "That was hardly necessary, ass. It's not like that was obvious."

She waves it off. "Whatever. Aiden," she nods towards him before turning back to me again. "So how'd it go? Did you fuck up again and chicken out? You did, didn't you? God, you're hopeless."

Is she serious? Who in the hell does she think she is?

"First of all," I step towards her, "I didn't fuck up anything. Second of all," I stick two fingers right in front of her, "no, I did not chicken out. And third," I slap her cheek lightly, just because I can, "don't fucking have a conversation with yourself when you're wanting me to answer you."

"Whatever," she says again, obviously not intimidated by me in the least. "It doesn't matter, I'll just ask Spencer. She doesn't hold things in like you do." She wriggles her fingers at us in a wave and then walks off, my eyes glaring at her retreating form.

"Remind me why I let her share my air?"

Aiden laughs, and it's our shared moment of Madison abuse that really lets me know that we are well on our way to repairing our friendship.

"You went to church for Spencer?"

I don't appreciate his teasing. "Shut up. It wasn't a big deal." I grab my book bag, signally that I'm not talking about it.

"_Church_, Ashley," he says slowly, as if I wasn't familiar with the word.

"Oh thank you Aiden, that clears it up," I deadpan, brushing past him. I honestly don't care if he follows me.

I can hear his laughter following me.

Aiden pissing me off. Yep, this friendship is back on track.

"You went to church for her," he says again, stupid ass grin on his face. "Wow, that's big time Ash." He whistles.

Ugh, he's really annoying me. Why did I make up with him?

Oh yeah, something about entertaining me when Christine is being a bitch...all the time.

I turn around, fed up. "I know, ok?" He looks surprised. "But you weren't the only person I hurt, and she wasn't talking to me, and...I just had to do something, you know?"

He nods sadly, and it's then I realize how quickly I wanted to patch things up with Spencer, how she was the first person on my mind, instead of my best friend. I feel my stomach sink slightly.

"It's ok," he assures me softly. "Really."

I look up at him, not sure if I should believe him. He sounds sincere enough.

"It has you acting different, love."

My eyes snap to him, widening in fear. I feel my whole body tense up unpleasantly. "Whoa whoa!" I shake my head and wave my hands, refuting his words. "That's not it at all," I say firmly.

I really like Spencer, I know that. But love is so not anywhere near. It's so far away, I almost don't believe it exists.

"Ok," he cajoles, "I'm sorry."

Once I feel myself start to relax, I tell him that it's ok. But he really can't say shit like that to me.

We remain quiet as we walk to the parking lot, content in companionable silence. We trade smiles, and it's obvious on both our faces that we missed each other like crazy. We don't have to say it, because we both know words would never do it justice.

"I'll take this as my cue to leave."

I look up to find him looking behind me, and I turn and find Spencer waiting by my car, acting like she hadn't just been looking at us. Her obvious behavior makes me smile.

"You don't have to leave," I tell him quietly but sincerely.

"No, it's ok," he promises with a smile, giving my shoulder a squeeze. "I'll talk to you later."

I pull him into a quick hug, surprising both of us with my rare display of affection. "You better, because Christine misses you."

He gives me another smile and says a quick greeting to Spencer before he goes back to his car.

I watch him go, feeling like maybe Monday is better than Sunday was.

As I turn back to Spencer, I know for sure that, even though I had an amazing time with her on Sunday, this is another day with her, and that already makes this the best day. And as I walk over to her, trading a shy smile with her, I can hear Aiden's words ringing in my ear.

Spencer's smile widens with each step I take closer to her, and I can't help but feel that maybe love's not as far off as I think.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_Finished my presentations! Not too sure how well I went, but at least it's done. Anyway, I had time to type this, though I'm not too sure about the ending. Thanks for being patient and sticking with me. Much love :)  
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**_Chapter 24  
_**

We're riding to my house in relative silence, softly singing along to the radio. I can feel Spencer looking at me often, and besides being flattering, it's a little nerve wracking.

"So...you and Aiden made up?" she asks me, and I realize that that's what's been bothering her this whole time.

I turn and look at her, trying to read into her casual tone. "Uh...yeah. I mean...I think we did. No...yeah we did."

Spencer smiles at my flustered answer. "I'm glad. I know you missed him and were lonely."

I raise an eyebrow. "Lonely?" She nods. "I missed him, sure, but I...I wasn't lonely." I give her what I hope is a significant look, telling her what I'm too embarrassed to say out loud.

She seems to understand, if her bright smile is anything. "I'm glad," she says again, turning to face forward again.

I can't help but just look at her, smiling at her strangeness.

It drops quickly when I notice Christine's car in the driveway. I look up. "_Really_?" I ask God rhetorically, wondering why she always seems to be here when I least want her.

"What?" Spencer asks as she squints to see where I'm looking.

I sigh, maybe a little dramatically. "Christine's home."

I watch her shoulders sag a little. "Oh." She gives me a smile. "Maybe she's napping?" she suggests hopefully.

I snort. As if we'd be that lucky. "Doubt it. Probably waiting to give you a big hug. She's got a Spencer sense."

"I swear," I say at the eye roll Spencer gives me. "She's like obsessed with you or something."

Then again, maybe I'm confusing Christine for me.

Spencer doesn't comment, just rolls her eyes again and shakes her head at me. That's easy for her to do, my mom actually likes her - even if it is creepily so.

I open the door as quietly as possible, motioning Spencer forward with my hand. She laughs and rolls her eyes at me, grabbing the door and shutting it close, making me cringe at the loud noise.

"Ashley?" my mother's questioning voice rings out.

I cringe again.

"And...is that Spencer with you?"

I stare at Spencer with wide eyes. "What, could she smell you or something?" I lean close to her and sniff her. "Actually, that's not to hard to believe."

I receive a hit and a not-too-pleased look from Spencer. It doesn't do anything but make me smile.

"Yeah, she's here mom, but we've got homework," I rush out, grabbing Spencer's hand and dragging her up the stairs to my room before I can hear my mom's response.

Once I slam my door closed, I lean against it and breathe a sigh of relief. "Barely made it."

"Homework?" Spencer asks doubtfully.

"What?" I say innocently, "I'm sure we've got some in one class."

Despite my words, I throw my bookbag in a far corner of my room and sit on my couch, turning the tv on. I know it's only a matter of seconds before I'll have company, and sure enough, Spencer drops her bag - a lot more gently than I did - and walks over to join me.

Like clockwork, I think smugly.

I inhale sharply as she sits down close to me. Close enough so that our shoulders are brushing. It feels amazing, just like every moment with Spencer feels.

It's crazy, being...whatever I am with Spencer. Different, but in a good way. Because normally going upstairs to do homework is code for 'going upstairs to make out.'

Don't get me wrong, that's definitely at the front of my mind, but just being next to Spencer is almost enough for me.

Almost.

But with my body hyper aware of her presence, I'm not even doing a good job of pretending to watch tv. Hell, I'm barely remembering to breathe properly, so any other cognitive functions are well out of my capacity.

I finally manage to focus my eyes on the screen, at least enough to change it off the history channel and put it on MTV. I'm not sure which is worse - though at least stuff on the history channel is real. MTV...not so much, though it's definitely more entertaining.

I tense up in shock as I feel a soft kiss pressed to my neck. My breath quickens from the action and I feel warmth flood me. I don't dare look away from the screen. I'm strangely entranced by it, though my mind is definitely not on it.

I can't stop my breath from hitching as she presses another kiss against my skin, adding a little more pressure but still gentle, teasing. My eyes close on their own accord and I know my chest is rising and falling arrhythmically.

When my neck is met with a third kiss, I can't contain my pleasurable sigh, head tilting to allow better access. "Spencer..." I breathe out softly, unable to articulate any other words, but that's ok, because her name is the only word I'd ever need to leave my lips.

The couch dips as she shifts, and I remove my eyes from the screen to watch her move in front of me, eyes alight with desire as she straddles me. If I thought I was going to die from her kissing my neck, it in no way compares to how I feel now that her body is pressed so deliciously against mine.

We're locked in some sort of strange eye lock, unmoving even though it's killing me. I quickly surrender, leaning forward until my lips brush hers sensually, pulling another sigh from me as we kiss, gently rocking into each other, creating our own rhythm that's so much better than any preexisting one.

I pull back, smiling softly as she looks at me questioningly, unable to hide her disappointment. I place my hands on her thighs, rubbing softly as I mimic her earlier actions and press my mouth to the smooth skin of her neck. Hearing her say my name so lowly, so desperately, and feeling her push into me, has got to be the hottest thing ever.

My hands slide higher, bolder than before but still not daring to tread too far for fear of breaking this spell. I'm afraid of pushing us too far, simply because I don't know if I'll be able to turn around once I reach a certain point.

Her labored breathing puffs against my cheek as I worry her ear between my teeth, biting softly then soothing it with gentle kisses, and it's amazing how turned on I'm getting, just from knowing how hot I'm making her.

She pulls my face back to her, capturing my lips in another kiss, and I wonder if it feels like forever to her too since we've been connected. When her tongue traces my bottom lip, I suddenly don't care about thinking anymore, because this is infinitely better than any thoughts going through my mind - well, except for the ones involving a lot more touching and a lot less clothing.

I can feel Spencer gentling the kiss, and I settle into softer, sweeter kissing, knowing that these are just as good as - if not better than - the lust driven ones. We slowly separate, Spencer leaning forward to rest her cheek next to mine, forehead against the back of the couch. I rub my arms up and down her back, coaxing her breathing back to normal.

The kissing is amazing, no doubt about that, but it's the moments like this, when we're simply with each other, that I've really come to enjoy. It's kind of scary how much I've changed. How I've gone from wanting sex, to actually wanting this sort of intimacy with some one.

But I know it's not just with some one. It's only with Spencer.

She leans back, looking at me tenderly. Her bottom lip is held between her teeth, and her shyness is so cute, making me smile at her. She returns it effortlessly, sensing my contagious happiness.

"So..." I start off, waiting to continue until her eyes meet mine. "That was..." I pause, thinking of the right word. I gesture around, trying to come up with something that can explain how amazing that was.

"Unexpected?" she offers shyly, sounding a little unsure.

I grab her hand, squeezing it as if by that act alone I can rid her of her insecurities. "A little, but I'm not complaining in the least. Even if I wanted to, you kind of took my breath away."

Spencer's cheerful smile is the only thing that keeps me from cringing at my cheesy words. Well that, and the fact that she gave me a quick kiss on my lips.

Much to my (silent) disappointment, Spencer moves off of me and back to her original spot, though she makes me smile when she leans into me and grabs my hand, resting it on her thigh.

It makes me smile, knowing that, just moments ago, she was taking my breath away in the best way possible. I love how we can go from intense moments like that, to relaxed, simple ones like this one.

Spencer watches the tv for a second before turning back to me with a smile. "Really, Ash, Fox News?"

I feel myself blush as I realize that sometime during us making out, I accidentally changed the channel. Spencer's got some good distracting skills.

"As I recall I was distracted." I level her with a pointed look, smile belaying annoyance.

As if I could be annoyed by Spencer kissing me.

She blushes but holds my gaze, looking quite pleased with herself. "I don't recall you complaining before."

I give her an impressed look. Damn, she's good. "Touché, Spencer. Touché."

Her phone starts ringing, and she stares at it questioningly for a moment before answering. "Mom? I can barely hear you...is the phone messing up her something? Why are you- oh..."

Her voice drops off, and her tone makes me look at her. Her face is strangely emotionless, and I'm wondering what her mom just told her.

"Oh," she repeats, voice starting to quaver slightly, though she offers no more to the conversation.

The hand that isn't holding the phone comes to her face, cradling it. She's not making any noises, and I'm even more concerned when I notice her shaking.

"Spencer?" I venture hesitantly. She hasn't said anything for like two minutes, and it's starting to freak me out.

"Y-yeah." My stomach drops as I realize she's been crying. "Ok mom. N-no, I'll be home later. Uh huh. I..." She takes a deep, unsteady breath. "I love you too, mom."

She hangs up and slowly lowers her hand, phone held awkwardly in it, as if it's suddenly ten pounds heavier.

"Spence?"

She moves her head slightly, but other than that gives me no more acknowledgment. I'm stumped. Usually hearing her nickname cheers her up.

She finally turns to me, and if I thought I was sad knowing she'd been crying, it doesn't compare at all to the heartbreak I feel when I notice her tear stricken face. I've never seen her this way. It's a complete 180 from the Spencer thirty minutes ago. That Spencer I could deal with. Passion I can handle, but compassion?

That's not in my memory bank. It's kind of hard to give what you've never been given. I mean damn, I don't even know what I'm comforting her for.

"That was my mom," she whispers unnecessarily. I don't mind. I know she needs to deal with this in her own way.

"Oh?" I match her tone, hoping my single word prompts a conversation.

Her gaze is focused on her lap, like she's never seen her hands before and doesn't know what to do with them. "She called to say...to tell me that..." Her voice is faltering now, and I wonder if she's going to be able to tell me. "That my grandma just died."

I feel as if every organ in me has suddenly dropped to my feet. My tongue is heavy with all the words I want to say but am unable to grab onto. Sorry seems too cliché, too innaproprate. Why would I be sorry?

Besides that her grandma died. God I'm really horrible at this.

"Oh." This time my tone is defeated. Really, what else can I say? I know no words can ever comfort her completely, but it doesn't stop me from mentally slapping myself.

It's apparently enough to prompt more words from Spencer though.

She stares at the tv, her expression blank even as tears continue to pour from her misty eyes. "I know she wasn't doing well...but I just-"

I shake my head. "That doesn't make it any easier." And it doesn't. I don't believe it ever does.

Spencer looks at me with a strange expression, a weird sort of half smile on her face. I can't tell if it's bitter or not. "No," she agrees quietly, "it doesn't."

She closes her eyes and wordlessly falls back into the couch, fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose. She look so pitful. It's heartbreaking.

I feel so helpless and awkward just sitting here. I know I should comfort her, but I don't know how. I know the 'nobody loves me' card is overused, but to me it's a valid excuse. Aiden's the only person I've been physically close with, and all he does is h- oh!

I swallow down my nervousness (and hopefully awkwardness) and move until my side is against Spencer's. I can hear a pause in her crying, but other than that she doesn't react. As smoothly as I can, I put my arm around her, lighting caressing the soft skin of her arm as I pull her into me.

She seems frozen at first, - probably as surprised by my move as me - and then she lets out a soft moan as she turns into me, wrapping her arms around my waist, ducking her head into my shoulder.

And even though I'm still unsure, I know that this is what she needs. What we both need.

* * *

I can't tell you how long we stayed like that, me holding Spencer, trying to throw her a rope as her world crashed around her.

She eventually stopped crying, though every now and then her body would wrack silently as a fresh wave of tears hit her. I couldn't stop the tears that escaped me too. I didn't even know the woman, but seeing Spencer so sad, I couldn't help but feel as if it was my own grandmother. Well, if my grandmother wasn't a selfish bitch.

Like mother like daughter, I suppose.

We're laying on my bed now, and even though Spencer's not crying anymore, she's still snuggled up against me, one of my arms wrapped loosely around her. It's kind of funny to think that just hours earlier, I was completely uncomfortable, because this feels like one of the most natural things ever.

"Hey Ash?" her warm voice floats into the quietness of my room.

The tv is on but the volume is turned down low, and I know neither of us is watching it. It's more on just for the sake of having some source of life in the room.

I raise my eyebrows, urging her to go on, before I stupidly remember that she can't see me. "Yeah?"

She shifts so that she can look at me, her eyes full of the warmth that's always evident in her voice. Both are soothing. "Thank you."

I can't prevent the smile or blush that take over my face. "I didn't do anything." Really I didn't. As far as comforting some one, I rank what I did pretty low.

She smiles at me tenderly and shakes her head. "No," she says softly, "you did everything."

I can feel my blush spreading, and she smiles in response. I quickly look away before my redness takes over my face.

"My mom wanted me to go home, you know, to be with them," she continues, drawing my eyes back to her.

"That makes sense. It's important to be with family during times like these."

"I guess." She shrugs. "But I didn't want to."

I nod. "When my dad died..." My words drop, but I make myself finish. This isn't about me, it's about Spencer. "I didn't want to see my family. I just wanted to be alone." I look at her. "So if you want to be alone, I completely understand."

"Ash." She shakes her head with a smile. "I want to be with you." I can feel my breath catch, and I can't look away from her. "My family..." She cuts herself off with another smile, "they can only do so much."

I'm nervous hearing her heavy words, but I can't make them stop, simply because I don't think I want them to stop.

"Well I'm sure they can help more than me." That's no exaggeration. They wouldn't hesitate to hug her and comfort her. They wouldn't debate with themselves for five minutes before actually acting.

I don't have to look to know she's rolled her eyes. She's never liked my modesty. Go figure.

"You've done more than enough," she assures me confidently, as if I was the one needing comfort, not her. "I didn't want to go to my family. I'm right where I want to be."

My skin is tingling, my buddy humming. My heart...it can't decide whether it wants to continue to beat so rapidly it's almost one long, continuos beat or to stop completely.

"Me too," falls out of my lips before I can halt it, but as her eyes soften and the most beautiful smile I've ever seen makes its way across her perfect mouth, I can't even contemplate taking it back.

I don't think as I lean in and press a soft kiss again her lips.

And as we pull back and lock eyes, my dull, brown eyes meeting her vulnerable, yet at the same time, confident blue ones, I stop breathing.

"Ashley I..." She bites her lips before quickly releasing it, reaching a hand up to cup my cheek gently. She seems a little nervous, and it makes me feel a little on edge. "I love you."

I feel my whole world freeze. I never knew such simple words could mean so much. I never knew that one person could fee so much. Especially for some one like me.

Her hand caresses my cheek lovingly, and I'm wondering how she can be so collected when she just put her heart on the line, only to have me remain silent. I wish I had words to say, but she's rendered me speechless.

"I just-"

She smiles and silences me with the light touch of her finger on my lips. She shakes her head, silently telling me that my words aren't needed.

"It's ok," she tells me softly. And I feel my heart pound at the love coating her tone. It makes me wonder if maybe it hasn't been there all along.

I'm still a little shocked that even though I haven't said those three words back to Spencer, she still is focused on making me comfortable. I'm honestly glad that she keeps shutting me up, because I have no idea what to say to her.

She was so sure when she told me she...God, even thinking of that word sends chills through me. I know I like her so much. I've never felt this way about anyone before.

But love?

It doesn't matter. Because the fact that I'm not sure tells me that I'm not ready to say it yet. But Spencer some how knows that.

I just wish I could give her something, anything. Because I don't understand how she can love me. And no, this isn't a 'woe is Ashley' pity party, it's just an honest question.

But as Spencer smiles at me and leans in to lightly brush her nose against mine, it doesn't matter why she loves me. Just that she does love me.

I press my lips against hers, knowing that this has always been my way of expressing myself. Spencer understands this, going by the fact that she kisses me back just as enthusiastically, moving so that her body is over mine again, her soft warmth warming me instantly.

Maybe she is trying to forget about the death of her grandma.

Or, maybe, she just loves kissing me as much as I love kissing her.

In this moment, I can't say I care which one it is.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_You guys, you have me blushing like a little school girl. Thank so much for reading/reviewing/adding me/this story to your list. It means a lot, and I'm glad you like this story so much. Yes, it's coming to an end fairly soon, but I say enjoy the ride while you can :)_

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**_Chapter 25  
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Love is definitely not something I saw for myself. And now, knowing that Spencer loves me...I'm constantly swept away.

I still haven't told her, but she's been so perfect about it, never pushing me. She hasn't said it again, but she doesn't really have to, because I can see it in everything she does.

Currently, I can feel love in this room, though the aura of sadness is hard to ignore too.

I'm at her grandma's funeral.

I wasn't planning on going, but Spencer asked me to go, and I knew I wouldn't be able to say no. I don't miss the questioning look her mom sent to me when she saw me walk in. It's not mean, just confused. Most likely because she doesn't understand why I'm here when I have no connections to her mother-in-law.

I don't tell her that I'm here just for Spencer. I think she knows it anyway.  
Mr. Carlin gives everyone quick hugs, offering a wane smile. When I saw it, I started to tear up. It's hard seeing the normally composed, amiable man holding back his own tears. Even Glen is obviously upset, and it's heartbreaking to see both strong men so broken.

I hate funerals. A lot. I've only been to my dad's, and that's enough to make me hate all of them. I didn't even want to go to his, but my mom made me, saying we had to give our farewells to him.

What she meant was we had to make an appearance for the press. Even when I was a kid I could read into the context of her words. It only took me about 12 years to realize she was a selfish bitch.

I've secluded myself to the back of the room. Spencer's up front with her family, accepting many awkward, supposed-to-be-comforting hugs. If the situation wasn't so grave, I might laugh.

I'm wondering if I should get in the long line of people offering their condolences, though I know I have no idea what to say. '_Hey, sorry to hear about Grandma Carlin, but I was glad to find out it was her who had cancer and not Spencer_,' doesn't exactly seem like the most tactful thing to say to them.

"You know, usually people hide out in the bathroom, not in the corner."

I roll my eyes at the voice. As if the funeral needed to get more depressing.

"Well, had I known you were going to find me, I would have hidden better."

Madison looks me up and down. "Oh yes, because you would have blended in with the green walls."

I know I'm supposed to be thinking about Grandma Carlin, but honestly, the walls are the most hideous green ever. I think this is called lime, though I'm thinking 'puke' is more accurate. Is it illegal for funeral homes to have nice colors? Or does it have to match the atmosphere of the place?

I sigh. Just because Madison may have saved my ass like twenty times, doesn't mean I want to talk to her. "Is there any reason why you're here?" Besides to piss me off, of course.

She looks around pointedly. "Spencer's my best friend. I'm here for her. I'm guessing you are too?"

I avoid her gaze as I blush. I'm mad that I'm such a girl about it. She wasn't even teasing me. "Yeah..."

"Well then let's go see her," she says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh no, no that's ok." I'm too nervous to go up there. "I'll wait till after things have calmed down."

Madison rolls her eyes. "That's your way of saying you're too scared. Come on." She grabs my hand and pulls me along, not even caring that she didn't ask for permission.

"Sure," I murmer sarcastically, knowing - and not caring - that she isn't listening.

As we stand in the slowly diminishing line, I can feel myself getting more nervous. There's only a few people in front of us, and I find myself making an excuse to use the restroom.

Madison quickly grabs my wrist and yanks me back to her. "Don't you dare," she whispers harshly in my ear.

I'm actually a little scared at her tone. It's pretty intense, and I find myself nodding dumbly as I comply.

"I just..I don't know what to say," I confess weakly. I don't even care that it's to Madison, I just need to tell some one.

She turns and puts her hands on my shoulders, brown eyes looking at me with such warmth that I'm taken aback. "You don't have to say anything." She gives me a slight smile. "Just be here for her. Simple as that."

I look at her with such gratitude, and I take us both by surprise when I give her a brief hug. She squeezes me just as quickly, and then we let go, both smiling as we make a show of brushing off the germs.

"That was your one and only, Davies," she warns me with a stern voice, finger shaking for emphasis.

I roll my eyes at her threat and the use of my last name. I know she did it just because. I find that I don't mind.  
We're next in line, and I can feel my nerves slip away as Spencer looks at me. I'm a little jittery as I stand in front of her mom, but I push it aside as I feel the warmth of Spencer so close by.

"I'm really sorry for your loss," Madison tells her softly but sincerely. She gives Mrs. Carlin a warm hug, something I wish I had the courage to do.  
I can't help but be jealous of Madison's closeness to their family, especially Mrs. Carlin. I've been over to Spencer's house, but never have I encountered the older blonde. I can't decided if I should count my blessings or be mad.

I echo Madison's sentiments, hoping I don't sound hollow. It seems to be ok, given by the hand Mrs. Carlin puts on my shoulder, followed by a soft smile and warm squeeze of her hand. Glen nods at me tearfully, and I'm afraid to hug him, because I know the tears I've held in check all day will finally fall if I do. It seems to be the same for him, and we give each other a sad smile in understanding.

Next is Mr. Carlin. I can hear Madison and Spencer sharing tears and broken whispers as they embrace beside us. He gives me a brave smile, and I swallow heavily and put my arms around him, glad that he seems surprised - though pleasantly so - by my actions.

"It's good to see you, Ashley. It means a lot." He doesn't add Spencer's name, but his gaze flicks to her, and I catch the hidden message.

"I wish it was under different circumstances." I can't help as my eyes flicker to the closed casket. I'm just thankful it's closed. I don't want my first - and last - meeting with Spencer's grandmother to be while she's so cold and stiff. Not when the image I created of her is so warm and alive, much like Spencer.

Her and Madison have finished hugging, and Madison discreetly nods towards the door, letting me know she's giving me my time with Spencer. I offer her a small, grateful smile.

Mr. Carlin has followed my gaze, mouth quirking as he catches me watching Spencer. "Go ahead, honey," he urges me gently, giving me a little push towards her.

"You came," she says softly as I stop in front of her. Her eyes are even clearer from her tears, but it can't cloud the love I feel radiating from them.

"Of course," I tell her like she's stupid. As if I hadn't debated with myself in front of the mirror for twenty minutes.

"I'm -" but I don't give her the chance to tell me what she is, because I wrap my arms around her, allowing myself to finally - really - breath for the first time today.

I feel her fall into me, arms instantly coming around me as she burries her head in the crook of my neck. Her sobs wrack her body, and I tighten my hold on her, rubbing her back softly as I will myself not to cry.

I'm supposed to be strong for her. I need to be strong for her.

"Thank you for coming," she whispers brokenly.

I pull back slightly and shake my head at her with a warm smile. "I'm right where I want to be."

I watch her face brighten as recognition hits her. Those were the same words she used a few days ago. Right before she told me she loved me.

She leans back into me. "I love you, Ashley."

I close my eyes as the feeling of safety overwhelms me. If possible, it's even sweeter the second time around. I pull her closer and press a soft kiss to her cheek.

I want to say it back to her. "Spence I-"

This time she cuts me off, putting her finger over my lips. I step back and look at her confused, wondering why she stopped me.

"Not like this." She touches my cheek lightly, and I close my eyes. "You'll know when it's right, and until then, I'll wait."

I step back and nod, finally understanding. Because she's right. I was going to say it in the wrong situation, for the wrong reason.

Because I'll only get one chance to say it to her, and when I finally say it, I know I'll want it to be perfect.

Because Spencer deserves nothing but the best.

Spencer deserves it all. And I'm going to give it to her.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_I have utilized my day break between the end of classes and the beginning of finals. Warning: this isn't the fluffy chapter that the last have been - well, excluding Granny C kicking it. Sorry in advanced, but it is all part of the plan. Thank you so much for your continued support/love of this story. Don't worry, happiness is always around the corner, and no matter how bad Ashley may screw up (which can get pretty bad, as we've seen) I'll always have her make up for it. Make up sex, anyone? No, just kidding, no sex in this story. Now on with the next chapter._

_Oh yeah, and I know my disclaimer states about my ownership, but to reaffirm; I do not own eBay. Heaven help me if I did.  
_

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**_Chapter 26  
_**

The dark cloud of Grandma Carlin's death has faded, but there is, without a doubt, a lingering sadness still evident in all of the Carlins. I can see it in every smile Mr. Carlin gives me. They are no less genuine than they've always been, but the pain is in his eyes, and I wish that it would go away.

Glen recovered the fastest it seems, though I'm pretty sure he's just the best at masking it. Within hours of the funeral, he was cracking out jokes, making faint smiles appear on everyone's face. I know it was greatly appreciated, even if the response to his crude comments weren't what they normally are.

Mrs. Carlin...she's still an enigma to me. She got called in to work almost immediately after the funeral ended, and had I not heard her phone ring, I would have thought she invented it, just so she could leave the depressing atmosphere. Not that I can blame her. Ugly walls and crying people are not exactly my favorite things in life either.

And Spencer is just Spencer. Sometimes she tears up a little, and even though I still feel a little unsure about comforting her, she always takes it upon herself to just move closer to me. I almost feel bad for always smiling at her closeness, because her reason are for comfort. I'm really just honored that she finds that comfort in me, considering I feel like I'm one of the most awkward people when it comes to sympathizing. She doesn't mind though. She tells me it's one of the things she likes best about me.

I silently question her sanity, but I smile stupidly anyway.

We're at Aiden's, Spencer and I. And yes, it is slightly (majorly!) uncomfortable. Aiden had the bright idea for all three of us to hang out. He gave me a glare when I reminded him about the last time the three of us hung out.

I can't help but wonder if Aiden feels how I did, now that he has to watch Spencer and me. We're not doing anything. In fact, we're specifically not acting any different, that it's so completely obvious. It relieved some of the tension when Aiden mentioned it.

I love Aiden, I really do, and I'm really glad we're friends again. But hanging out with him while Spencer's with me is not fun. Every time he leaves the room, I just want to steal kisses. It's not that I can't, but I know that just because he invited us over, doesn't mean he's ready to see this.

He's trying though, and I'm thankful.

It doesn't lessen my desire to kidnap Spencer and go to my house.

I thought I was doing a good job of hiding my thoughts. You know, the not so innocent ones about Spencer. Apparently not though, because when I look over at her, she smiles shyly and looks down, obviously reading my mind.

I'd probably feel more embarrassed if I didn't see the same exact look reflected in her eyes.

"Damn, they're selling that for $500!?" Aiden says incredulously as he lets out a whistle.

Extreme boredom has led us to eBay surfing. It's actually interesting – and a little scary – to see all the random things they have on this site. We found some one selling their lingerie for a starting bid of fifty cents.

Maybe I'm overly critical, but who in the world would buy some one's _used _underwear!?

I had to shake the image out of my mind as I envisioned some chubby, middle-aged man squealing in glee at that purchase.

Spencer and I share a look at Aiden's giddiness before we turn our attention back to the web page. He's looking at a t-shirt that has a picture of Santa Claus saying, "I'll eat your cookies all year."

"You're sick," I tell him with disgust, even though I did find the t-shirt funny. You know, in a completely inappropriate way. What, like you wouldn't laugh at that too.

Spencer nods her agreement beside me. "Why would you pay five hundred for that when you could probably buy it at Target for $5?"

Aiden and I both turn to stare at her. "And why would you know that?" Aiden raises his eyebrow in interest. I mimic his action, adding an arm cross. I'm curious too.

"I'm actually a closet Santa t-shirt wearer," she deadpans with an eye roll. "I've tried to stop but can't."

I shake my head in disappointment. "Deal breaker," I tell her seriously.

She snorts and shoves me gently. Our eyes meet, and for about the fiftieth time today, I wish Aiden was gone, even if this is _his _house. She shifts a little closer to me so that our legs our brushing, both of us smiling at the small contact.

I force my attention back on to the stupid computer, rolling my eyes at the lame ass items people try to sell. Who actually buys batteries on eBay? Like I'd trust some one who has the username _LadyLuvr20_ and is selling AAA batteries for $50. I'm not sure what batteries can do to make them worth $50, short of singing to me and cooking me dinner. That'd be nice.

"Damnit!" Aiden says suddenly, causing Spencer and I to both jump.

"What?" I ask as I look around the room cautiously.

"My feedback went down three!"

I stare at him, trying to decide if he's actually serious. I'm embarrassed for him when I realize that he is dead serious. Spencer's face looks just as judgmental.

"Oh no." I let him see my eye roll. "Why are we friends?" I ask him meanly.

"Christine."

Ah, well played.

He scrolls down and something catches my eye. "Hey wait!" I tap his arm to get his attention. "Go back up." He looks at Spencer, who shrugs, but does as I say. "Oh." I feel myself sag in disappointment.

Aiden looks at the screen, trying to figure out what's bothering me. I watch his eyes land on the guitar, face lighting up in recognition. His eyes turn back to me, sympathy apparent.

"What?" Spencer asks confused, glancing between Aiden and me for some sort of clarity.

Without waiting for any response for me, Aiden turns to her. "She thought it was her dad's guitar. Looks just like that one, actually." He points to the picture.

"Except the signature," I add quietly. My stomach feels queasy, and I just want to be alone. It's not that I'd forgotten about it, but this was a harsh reminder.

Spencer gives me a concerned look. She obviously senses my off mood. "What happened to it?"

It's a fair question, and one that I expected. But I can't answer it. It still seems like it was yesterday, and I don't want to relive it more than I already have.

"I'm going to go," I say suddenly, capturing both of their attention and obviously surprising them.

Spencer seems a little put off but she nods and walks over to her stuff. "You can stay," I tell her softly. I really, really, want to be alone, and I know that if I stay here any longer, I'm going to say things I don't mean.

"No, it's ok, we can go." She starts to walk towards the door but I step in front of her. She gives me a questioning look. "Ashley?"

I feel myself stiffening up at her comforting tone. I look past her to my best friend. "Aiden, give Spencer a ride home, please."

I don't wait for his response as I turn and head to the door. "Wait Ashley!" I hear Spencer call after me.

I stop despite my better judgment and sigh heavily. Heavy seconds pass as I wait for her to catch up to me. I will myself to calm down as I feel tears start to form.

"Hey," she says softly, coming to stand right in front of me. "What's wrong?"

When I look back at her, I can see the hurt my silence is causing her. "I just..." I sigh again, looking towards the door longingly. "I need to go."

"Away from me?" Her eyes are sad.

"I need to go," I repeat quietly. I feel my eyes close when she steps closer and puts her hands on my shoulders. It's all beginning to feel like too much. I don't want her comfort right now. "Spencer, please let me go."

If possible, her eyes dim even more as she stares at me. "I just want to know what's wrong with you."

"Let. me. go," I breath out softly, harshly. Each word a warning.

The tears are right on the surface, and I watch as Spencer stares at me, conflicted. I can see the desperation in her eyes, warring with her confusion. She nods wordlessly and steps back.

We stand there for a moment. As much as I want to be far gone from here, from Spencer, I can't seem to make myself leave. I know it's not right to leave like this, not with the way I've treated her, but I can't deal with this right now. This is why I have to leave; I'll be a bigger bitch to her if I stay.

I owe her something, though. She's been nothing short of amazing - every single time. She doesn't deserve this, I know.

"I'll call you later," I tell her, though her resigned nod tells me she doubts my promise. I try to tell her goodbye but the words get stuck in my throat. They sound oddly final, even in my own mind.

I nod to her and turn towards the door, only to be stopped by her soft grasp on my arm, gently spinning me to her. My eyebrow raise signals my attention being given.

"I..." She swallows and I watch her blue eyes soften, the hurt momentarily masked. I know what she's going to say. "I lo-"

I quickly cut her off with a furious shake of my head, closing my eyes. I don't want to hear her say it.

I don't _deserve_ to hear her say it.

Spencer's face contorts into sadness. I feel my stomach drop, knowing it's my fuck up that's causing her to hurt.

My feet carry me to her before I'm even aware they were planning on moving. I watch her swallow, oddly transfixed. I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. My hand comes up and cradles her cheek gently. Her eyes close at my touch, and I'm glad that she doesn't shy away from me. It's nothing less than I deserve.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to her, softly but full of sincerity. I press a soft kiss to her other cheek and step back, squeeze her hand softly before I leave.

I can feel Spencer's eyes on my back as I close the door.

_What in the hell is your problem!?_

I close my phone after reading Aiden's message. He's anger is well placed, but I'm not going to even bother responding. He's not the one I owe an explanation to. Right now, however, I can't give one.

I can feel my tears freely falling in the sanctuary of my car.

Aiden's text echos through my mind as I sit in silence. Seriously, what in the fuck is my deal!

Because the thing I can see most clearly is Spencer's heart on the ground. The one she gave me without any hesitation. The one I have just stomped on. The one I have to fix.

I can't make myself turn around though.

I drive to my house, thankful that my mom isn't there. After remembering what she did to _his_ guitar, I do not want to even hear her voice.

And as I sit in my room, I curse my wish to be alone. Because as much as I wanted to deal with this on my own...

I want Spencer here even more.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: Reviewers = amazing! _

_My sincerest apologies for how long this took. I wrote the chapter about 5 days ago but I didn't have any internet so couldn't post it. Hopefully this chapter will make up for the delay. _

_I have a question. I'm really leaning towards doing this version from Spencer's version, especially from all those asking for Spencer's PoV, and I was wondering about your thoughts on it. I'm not going to make it near as long as this one, but I'm not just going to condense it into two chapters either. So what do you guys think? Spencer's PoV? Also, if I do write her PoV, keep in mind that it's going to be a while. School is done, but I like to be ahead of my story as I post it, at least by a few chapters._

_And sadly, there will be one more chapter. Ahhh!_

_**

* * *

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**_Chapter 27_**

So remember how I said I have to fix Spencer's heart? Yeah...still haven't.

It's only been a day, but I was (am) too scared to call her. Not because I don't think I fucked up royally - because I did - but because I have no idea how to apologize.

I owe her an apology, but I've never had anyone else besides Aiden. I've never had some one else who relied on me so much. Some one who wanted me to rely on them once in a while.

Sorry is one thing I never got used to saying. Hell, I remember how hard it was to apologize to Spencer when we first started talking. Now imagine how hard it is for me to apologize for hurting her knowing that she loves me.

God, and even after I treated her like shit she still was going to tell me she loved me. And all I did was ignore her for a day.

It's not like it's been easy. It has taken every ounce of self restraint I have to not call her. I'm a little surprised my phone hasn't broken from the number of times I've flipped it open to call or text her, just to flip it closed mere seconds later.

My guitar is resting in the corner. Playing it usually comforts me, but all it does is remind me of what happened. What Christine did.

We didn't used to completely hate each other, believe it or not. Not that we were the poster family for parenting magazines, but we got along well enough. It quickly changed when my dad died.

My dad had one true love in his life – after me, or so I tell myself. His guitar. Sure, he had many guitars that he had bought as souvenirs from the different tours he'd been on, but this one was his favorite. It was his very first guitar, the one he attributes with becoming famous. The one that made him Raife Davies of Purple Venom, instead of Raife Davies of the Davies family.

Anyway, so this guitar was his baby. He invested more care and attention into that stupid guitar than he did his own family. Many people tried to buy it from him, offering crazy amounts of money, but Dad never gave in. The only thing he did was sign his name neatly bordering the bottom of the guitar.

He didn't expect to die so young, but then again, who really does? He did have a will, thankfully, and delegated money to us for different things. Well dear old Christine was angry because he left a huge amount of money to me in the form of a trust fund. She felt like the money he gave her wasn't enough to live on.

Apparently $10.5 million isn't enough to survive on.

So declaring that we (she) needed more money, she turned to his autographed acoustic guitar. Christine may be a bitch, but she isn't stupid. She knew it would sell for a hefty sum.

And she was right. It sold within a matter of days, and in less than a week after selling it, she our living room was completely redone, complete with new furniture and a brand new 60" tv.. 'It's real leather,' I remember her telling me so excitedly. I asked her if vomit came out of leather easily.

I was heartbroken. Sure, the money my dad left me was completely awesome. But the guitar was a part of him. I'd even go as far to say that it was him. If I believed in reincarnation, I would put money down that my dad would come back as that guitar – randomly named Sassy, though I never knew why that name was chosen. And since it was such a huge part of who my father was, I wanted to hold on to it.

Even above his family, this guitar was the one thing in life I think he put all of his heart into. And I felt I deserved it. I deserved to finally be able to hold a part of his heart.

When I found out she had sold it, I screamed at her for probably an hour straight. As soon as I stopped yelling - actually my voice gave out - I ran upstairs and shut my door, staying there for three days without food or water. She came by once to tell me to stop being petty and then went back down the stairs and turned the tv on.

After deciding I did, in fact, need to eat and drink, I made myself leave the sanctity of my room. Christine was downstairs, sitting at the table like she normally does. She glanced up at me, raising one perfectly manicured eyebrow at me before turning back to the paper.

And that was our interaction.

She never did apologize, and I didn't bring it up again. I don't have to. It shadows every conversation she and I have.

Spencer hasn't text me. Though I can't blame her. I know she's giving me space, and I truly am grateful, but part of me just wants her to know that even though I turned her away, I need her. It's selfish, I know, but I'm too much of a stubborn ass to admit to her I need her.

Aiden, on the other hand, hasn't given me any room whatsoever. If I thought he was annoying when he constantly text me to ask about Spencer, I was in no way prepared for how much I want to kill him now. He's been blowing up my phone with messages at an annoyingly consistent rate.

It doesn't matter if I respond or not, because seconds later, I'll have another text, continuing his rant of 'why I'm an idiot' and 'how much I've hurt Spencer' and how I need to 'get off my lazy ass and do something about it for once.'

I've seriously considered turning off my phone, but I'm afraid that I might miss a call or text from Spencer. Actually, I've been so desperate that I wrote out a long message to Madison before I immediately berated myself. If I ask for her help, I'd hear about it for years to come, even if it might be decent advice.

Not a risk I want to take.

So I've spent the past two days in my room, sulking. I'm pitiful. I miss Spencer so much, and I just want to be able to touch her. I don't care if she screams at me and tells me I need to fucking make up my mind and quit treating her like shit.

She wouldn't say that though. She's way too nice.

I once told her I couldn't promise that I wouldn't hurt her. She said she could promise that I wouldn't. I think my heart jumped into my throat at that point. Words might have even been exchanged after, though they were quickly forgotten as she gave me one of the sweetest kisses I've ever received. I think that was the night I finally realized that I could give her my heart.

* * *

My phone is turned off and on my bed. Normally I'd be going insane without it, but as I drive, letting the fluid melodies of the radio calm me, it's not what's on my mind. No, that would be a certain blonde girl who's house I'm currently heading to.

Yeah, be proud, I grew a pair. Metaphorically, thank God.

Doesn't mean I'm not scared shitless though. I've practiced about thirty different apologies, and they all sound like shit, even to me. I'm thinking about just throwing myself at her feet, begging for forgiveness. You know, maybe throwing in the 'but nobody loved me as a child' card.

I'm turning onto her street now, and each light post I pass quadruples my nerves. I've counted ten so far. You do the math.

A quick glance at my dashboard tells me it's about 7:20. I'm desperately hoping they aren't eating dinner. That would definitely be an awkward situation. I quickly knock on the window. It will have to suffice for wood for now.

When I glance at the clock again, I realize I've been sitting in my car for five minutes. Not only is this petty, but it's also a little creepy. I don't think people take too kindly to strangers sitting in a car outside their house when it's dark outside. Maybe that's just me, though.

"Oh get out, you ass!" I tell myself angrily, rolling my eyes at my lack of backbone.

What can I say, I was never one for gentle motivation. It was probably a good thing I quit the cheerleading squad. I thought the crowd was screaming because I was pepping them up. Madison – not so nicely - told me that the crowd was screaming because I was scaring them.

Finally accepting the mental kick in the ass, I gracefully exit my car, sucking in a deep breath and doing my best to radiate confidence. I last about five steps, instantly shrinking back as I get to the door. Here is the wood I was looking for earlier when I wanted to knock on it.

Now, though, I'd rather chew my own ear off – if it was possible and not completely gross – than touch my knuckles to the door. Part of me kind of hopes a gust of wind comes and conjures up enough force to make a knocking sound. Or maybe I could accidentally trip and stumble into the door, alerting them to a presence outside.

Shaking my head with an eye roll at myself, I take a brave step forward and give two sharp knocks, stepping back quickly as though I expect them to haphazardly fling it open. I'm thinking a blow to the head would probably be beneficial.

The longest seconds of my life pass as I wait for the door to open, and, sure enough, I'm not disappointed as I hear some one approaching. The beige door is opened, and instead of Spencer - who I was desperately wishing it to be - it's Mrs. Carlin. She looks really intimidating up close.

She's dressed in scrubs, and I'm assuming she hasn't been off work long. Her blonde eyebrows arch up in surprise, but when she greets me with a questioning hello, her voice is kind.

"Hey," I answer politely, forcing myself not to shift my weight from foot to foot. "Is uh..." I look around behind her before I realize that that may seem rude of me. "Is Spencer here?" I wonder if she can sense my hopefulness.

"She's actually next door." Mrs. Carlin indicates to the house across the street. I don't know if she did it out of nervousness, or if she really thinks I don't know where next door is. "She should be back shortly."

I look at her uncertainly. What does that mean? Am I supposed to wait in the doorway, on the porch? I mean she really didn't invite me.

"Oh," I say for a lack of anything else.

"Would you like to come in and wait on her?" she asks suddenly, taking me by surprise.

Her blue eyes watch me closely, and I tense under the scrutiny. I feel like my answer could very well be a life and death sort of matter. "Um...sure."

I follow her as she steps back and walks inside. "Thanks," I call out quickly, remembering my manners.

She gives me a smile but doesn't say anything else. She keeps walking to the living room, sitting down on a comfortable looking leather chair. It already looks more inviting than the leather furniture at my house. When she looks at me expectantly, I realize she wants me to sit as well.

"Is Mr. Carlin here?" I ask as I sit down. I try to refrain from looking around for him, or rather, anything that could save me from what I'm sure is about to be forced conversation.

The older woman shakes her head. "Arthur and Glen are out."

"Oh." I guess my topic was a dud. "You're house is lovely."

Compliment the house, it never fails.

Her lips quirk up. "Thank you," she says politely, adding nothing more.

Well fuck, that's another dead end. It's no wonder Mr. Carlin is the counselor in the family.

Just as I'm about to come to terms with the fact that we're going to sit in silence, she surprises me by talking.

"So you go to school with Spencer?"

I watch her, searching her face for any hidden meanings. Does she really want to talk or was the silence getting to her, too?

"I do," I affirm with a nod. I don't want to have another conversation drop, so I do my best to add more information. "We have math together."

She nods quickly, and I wonder if she really even listened to my response. "At the funeral..." My body twitches uncomfortably. This is definitely not something I want to talk about. "I just wanted to say thank you for coming." I sit up straighter. "I don't really know you, but I know it made Spencer happy to have support."

My posture straightens even more – uncomfortably so – and look away from her piercing blue eyes. "That's what friends do," I offer, sounding pitiful even to my own ears.

"Friends?" she echoes, raising her eyebrows.

I swallow thickly. "Yes." I'm trying to look her in the eyes, I swear.

Mrs. Carlin sits back, interlocking her hands and folding them in her lap. Her eyes focus on me again. "She talks a lot about you."

My eyes can't help but to snap to her. Her body looks calm, but her voice...I'm not sure how to describe it, but it's making me nervous. "We're friends," I offer with a shrug.

She nods and makes a noise that sounds like a cross between laughing and agreeing. "So you've said."

I can't stand this. I've had enough. This subtle interrogation is starting to piss me off.

"Are you inferring something?" I ask her, reminding myself that, even though I'm annoyed, she is still Spencer's mom and I need to be polite.

She leans forward again. "Spencer's my baby."

Ok, I definitely wasn't expecting that response. I'm a little caught off guard at the randomness of her answer.

"And I only want what's best for her," she continues, now moving to stand up.

Oh fuck, and now she's walking over to me. It's going to be one of _those_ talks.

"Ok," I squeak out nervously. Fuck she's scary. Who'd want her as their doctor? She must work in the psych ward. Those people probably couldn't get any crazier. Maybe she feels at home.

Ugh, not the time, Davies.

"And I may not be the best mother, but I think I know what's best for my kids." Her eyes are intent on mine, and I feel compelled to speak.

I don't though, because I've heard this speech. This is pretty much the cliffnotes version of the conversation I had with my mom when I came out to her. Well, after the part where she started laughing hysterically, telling me not to joke about stuff like that. It took twenty minutes to get her to believe me, and I finally had to scream that my old best friend and I were fooling around with each other.

That brought on angry shouting and multiple calls to multiple therapists. Fun day. Or days.

"And I know what God has laid out for how a family should be." I find myself nodding dumbly, unable to do anything else. "And I take the Bible very seriously."

I feel it coming on; a sermon. I glance around, making sure there isn't any holy water within reach. Wouldn't be the first time I've had an angry parent throw it at me, calling me the devil's child. I just asked how they knew Christine.

"It has very specific scripture about love, and who we should love. What's right and what's not." She picks off a book off the table, and I recognize it as the Bible.

As she takes a step closer to me, I half expect her to start beating me with it.

Light blue eyes hold contact with mine. "And I love Spencer." Her eyes narrow, and I nod, hoping that appeases her.

Suddenly her narrowed gaze softens, and she steps back from me and smiles. "And you love Spencer."

I'm completely in shock. She's stunned me with her words and her complete 180. "You just...and then you said all that..." I'm spouting off accusingly, words made incoherent by my confusion. "And that last part, I..." I shake my head frantically, looking at the front door that Spencer should have come through about fifteen minutes ago. "Mrs. Carlin I-"

Mrs. Carlin gives me another shocking smile and squeezes my shoulder fondly. "You can wait up in Spencer's room."

I nod mutely, again, and make my way towards Spencer's room, mulling everything over. I recognize the signs of a dismissal.

What in the fuck!?

"And Ashley?" Her voice trails over to me. I stop on the stairs, waiting uncertainly. "It's Paula."

My confusion just grows as I can hear the smile in her voice.

What in the fuck indeed.

* * *

I continue towards Spencer's room, stopping every few steps to glance back down the stairs to where Mrs. Carlin – I mean Paula...awkward – sits in the living room. I can say with complete honest that she caught me off guard with her words.

I think she's giving me her approval? Why, though, I don't know. This is the first time she's really talked to me. Though from her words, Spencer mentions me a lot. It fills me with a soft tenderness, and not for the first time today, I wish Spencer was back already and up here with me.

I can't help but be envious of her. She's got a real home. One that's built on a foundation of unconditional love, not on the wood and brick that my empty house is made of. Though I don't know what all Spencer told her parents about herself...about us, I do know that her parents accept her. Or, at least, that's what I've concluded from my strange conversation with Paula.

Fuck that will never not be awkward.

Shrugging, I start moving again and push my way into Spencer's room. I smile at the familiarity of it; her comfy bed, her warm colored walls, and, my personal favorite, the braces picture. My grin widens as I walk over to it. I can only assume Paula managed to find it from its previous hiding spot in Spencer's hamper.

My fingers trace over her face, flawless as ever even if her features are not as mature as they are now. She hates the braces and perm combination, but I can only see how cute she was, and feel a longing rush through me, wishing I had known her back in those days.

It makes me wonder if I would have turned out different – better – had I known Spencer then. Maybe my dad's death wouldn't have hit me as hard, or maybe my relationship with Christine wouldn't be shit. Maybe I would have trusted more, loved easier.

But I think of how I am now, with Spencer, and I know that loving some one doesn't seem as hard as I originally thought.

Or maybe...maybe that's only with Spencer.

I gently put the picture down, sly smile forming on my face as I purposely angle it to face her bed. I can't help the sneaky giggle that escapes over my lameness. The Rubik's cube remains on her night stand, and I happily flashback to the day when I found it in her closet. Ever since that day, I've had a new found appreciation for the frustrating-as-hell block. I even fondly named it Cubert, though only in the privacy of my own mind. I'm not ready to deal with any teasing from Spencer about it...yet.

I settle on her bed as I wait for her, wondering how much longer she's going to be. I don't know what she's doing at the neighbors house, but my annoyance is selfish, and I wish that she'd just tell them to fuck off so she could come back, even if she doesn't know I'm here. It's not like she won't see my car.

Her bed smells good, like her, and I absently wonder if it's creepy that I'm sniffing her pillows, finding a lingering trace of her shampoo. Deciding that I'd rather not have Spencer come in and find me getting high off her pillow, I sit up and look around the room again, lurching forward as something in the corner catches my eye.

It can't be.

...it just can't be.

I immediately spring off the bed, heart thumping loudly and uncontrollably the closer I get. My palms have started to sweat, and I quickly brush them on my jean clad thighs as I walk over. I stop a few feet from it, breath coming out unsteadily. There's no mistaking what it is. I think I might cry.

Sitting in the corner, in all it's old, familiar beauty, is my dad's precious guitar. Signature and all.

I feel tears silently escape me as my fingers delicately trace over the same name I cursed for two weeks straight after my dad died. After he left me alone with Christine. No inheritance could ever compensate.

"Surprise," Spencer says softly, if not a bit sheepishly.

I turn and look at her, not even caring that I'm crying. I don't even know what to say to her.

She continues on despite my silence, or maybe because of it. "So...you actually weren't supposed to see this yet. I, uh, I didn't know you'd be here." She rolls her eyes at her words. "Obviously."

I'm still just staring at her, my hand resting on the guitar, absently rubbing it. She looks a little unsure at my silence, probably expecting me to at least say hello.

"So you met my mom?" She opts for conversation about Paula, apparently thinking that, if anything, I'd prefer to talk about her mom.

My talk with Paula rushes to my mind, and I smile softly, remembering the older woman's crazy questioning. At least I know where Spencer's intense interrogation skills come from.

As another silent response meets Spencer's question, she keeps the one-sided conversation going. She walks over to me, stopping once she's right in front of me. "She said she likes you."

I smile again. Despite the uncomfortable feeling that invaded me during the whole confrontation, I did get that impression. This is definitely a first, a parent liking me. Well a mother liking me. Dads love me for some reason.

Spencer gives me a warm smile, blue eyes shining happily. "But then, why wouldn't she?"

I just watch her, eyes conveying so much love for me. The guitar is resting just behind me, and I can feel its presence as much as the beautiful girl in front of me. "I don't even know what to say," I confess softly, looking towards the guitar. "I just-" I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. "How?"

She grabs my hand and pulls me gently over to the bed, waiting for me to sit before she plops down beside me. "Well after you left..." I squirm guiltily, but Spencer nudges me with her elbow. "Of course I wanted to know what was wrong, so when you wouldn't answer my calls or text -" Again I shift. "-I asked Aiden what I should do, and he told me to give you some space but he told me what happened."

I'm surprised. Not that I care that Aiden told her, but he usually doesn't offer up any information about me. "He sure didn't take his own advice," I mutter, somewhat bitterly.

Spencer laughs lightly. "Yeah, he told me to let him handle that. I figured he'd just talk to you about it."

I scoff. "Talk? Talking usually means two people are trading words. I don't think I ever was so thankful for unlimited texting. The guy blew up my phone." The douche.

She holds up her hands in innocent. "I told him I understood. And I do." We meet eyes. "I know I don't truly know what you went through, but I know your dad's death hit you hard, and I don't expect you to want to talk about everything. Just know that you can talk about everything."

God she's so amazing. Seriously, how did I get so fucking lucky?

Even Aiden, my best friend, abandoned me when things go tough. But not Spencer.

"Anyway-" My attention snaps back to her. "so when Aiden told me how your mom..." she cuts herself off, and I'm shocked to see anger clouding her normally innocent features. "Anyway," she repeats, bringing herself back on topic, "so I got back to my house, did some searching, found it, and here you go."

I find myself laughing at her simple explanation. "And here I go. So that's it?" She cocks an eyebrow. "Simple as that?"

Spencer looks away, and I have my answer.

"Maybe a lot of research," she offers, eyes now fixated on her socks.

I drop my gaze to them. They have penguins in snow clothes on them. It's cute and so Spencer-like that I smile.

I shift until I'm pressed along her side. I let my eyes flick back to the guitar before they fall back on her. I'm not sure which one I want to keep my gaze on.

"It can't have been cheap. Christine bought a new living room with that." She was in such high spirits, she even let me get a lollipop from the bank the next day. Though that was only because the bank teller politely forced it on me. Christine's a bitch, but she's subtle in public.

"I guess." She just shrugs, like I had simply made a comment about the weather, instead of a thousand-and-something dollar guitar.

"You guess? You..._guess_!?" I stare at her, incredulous.

She ignores me. Not that that I should have expected any different "Price wasn't my concern." She shrugs again, and I think I might shake her.

"Spencer!" I push her slightly, wanting her attention. "This isn't a barbie doll you bought me...this is a freaking priceless collectors item. The only one of its kind; an autographed Raife Davies guitar. His first guitar." I'm thinking explaining it to her simply might open her eyes.

This time Spencer nods. "That's what the man said."

I fall back, eyes widening in disbelief. I quickly sit up and move to stand in front of her, bending to put me at face level.

"Spencer," I repeat, voice much softer. "I just-" Just what? What do I say?

She smiles at me, as if in those two words, I conveyed so much. "You would do the same for me," she says confidently.

"Well yeah," I agree easily, "but..." But I have the trust fund.

Sure, her mom's a doctor...but to be able to afford the guitar...I just don't see how she could do it. I can't even believe the buyer - or whoever it's been passed on to - was even willing to part with it.

"Then why is it such a shock that I'd do the same for you?"

Her hand cups my cheek tenderly. "Why is it such a shock that I love you?"

I feel my chest tighten as she softly strokes my face. Even now, hearing her say the word love sends pleasant chills through me. "Because I don't deserve it."

She shakes her head in disagreement, a small smile on her face.

"Because I don't deserve this." I look at the guitar.

This time she presses a soft kiss to my nose, making a small smile appear on my own face.

"And because I don't deserve you," I tell her honestly, because really, there is no way I do. "But I don't want anyone else to have you." It's selfish, I know. I don't care.

"Ashley Davies-" I smile. She makes my common name sound so beautiful, so special. As if it was a name created only for her voice. "Sometimes I think I don't deserve you."

I open my mouth to refute. What? How could she even think that? Of the two of us, she's the one who's truly amazing. The fact that there are people in the world like Spencer makes me think that maybe God isn't such a difficult thing to believe in after all.

"The guitar..." She looks towards it. "You lost your dad and I...I wanted to give him back to you. And this was the only way I knew how." She seems sheepish, if not a little unsure.

"Spencer I...what you did...I-" I shake my head.

What do I say? Thank you is so over used, and those two words don't seem powerful to even begin to explain how much this means to me. How much _she_ means to me.

She smiles at me, blindingly. "You like it?" Her blue eyes glint teasingly.

And it hits me.

Two words aren't enough. But I know three that are.

I nod, pulling her against me in a warm embrace. I should have done this the moment she walked into her room. I don't know how I went this long without feeling her, smelling her.

I press a kiss to her cheek and step back slightly, wanting – no needing – to see her face. My heart is racing and I can see as much as feel my hands shaking. My throat is dry, and if I wasn't so fucking sure, I know I wouldn't be able to get any words out, let alone the ones that my whole being is begging me to say.

"Ash?" Her blue eyes peer at me in concern as she notices my trembling hand, contrasting with my smile. She probably thinks I'm more than a little crazy.

How is it possible that I just fell in love with her even more, just from that one word? A word that's been said to me all my life by inferior voices. By inferior people.

I take a deep, shaky breath, and feel my eyes water as they stay locked with her loving gaze. A nervous laugh escapes me when I wipe my clammy hands on my jeans. I want to look at a clock to see how much time has passed since she spoke my name. It feels like it's been an hour, and if it wasn't for my furiously beating heart, we'd be in silence.

"I...I-" Fuck, just fucking say it! Please move mouth! "I..." I lick my lips nervously and take another quick breath. "I-"

I watch Spencer's eyes widen and her mouth part slightly, her breathing shortening to match my own. I wonder if the eagerness I spot in her eyes is just a figment of my imagination.

"I..."

Oh my God, get a fucking new word! How can this be so hard?

Spencer smiles at me so sweetly, giving me wordless encouragement. She hasn't pressure me before, and she isn't now. God I love her.

Fuck, see, I can do it.

"Spencer I..." Deep breath. "I love you."

As soon as it leaves my lips, I can feel my body relax, as if releasing those three words unlocked my entire being.

I smile - like a fucking moron - not even caring because Spencer is mimicking it. "I love you," I say again, much louder.

"I love you too," she whispers back, shutting her eyes and closing the distance between our lips.

I was wrong.

_This_ is truly the best kiss ever. Because in this kiss, our love is tangible. I can taste it on her tongue as it brushes softly against mine. I can hear it as she moans into my mouth, creating more contact between our rapidly heating bodies.

She pulls back from our kiss, breathing unsteadily. "God I love you so much." Her eyes are shining from unshed tears, and I can feel tears of my own slowly making a path down my cheek. Her steady hand gently wipes it away, and she presses a soft kiss on my forehead.

"So a guitar?" I say as we settle back on her bed, snuggling comfortably against each other.

She turns her head to me, a smile making its way across her flawless face. "Mmhm." She nods.

"Well what can I expect next? You've started a trend," I tell her seriously.

Spencer shifts until she's hovering over me, face mere inches from my own. Warmth is spreading through me in anticipation. Her eyes are dark, and when she leans down and whispers to me, her voice is deep and husky. Seductive.

She bites my ear, making my shudder. "I think I'll do just fine."

Fuck I love her!


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my own randomness and attempt at creating a Spashley happy ending. All the characters of SoN belong to Tom Lynch and The-N. Any reference to any person, place, or thing is purely for entertainment purposes.

_**A/N**: This is the last chapter of this story (sorry it took so long. I was lazy). It has been so amazing to have the support from you all. Your reviews have been so awesome and encouraging and just completely amazing that I don't have enough words to thank you properly. Thanks for sticking with me; I know it's been one hell of a ride. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it. Much love to all my readers, and stay tuned for Spencer's side - though no promises on the delivery.  
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**_Chapter 28_**

Teasing doesn't bother me. Name calling doesn't even make a weak blip in my radar.

But this...this really pisses me off.

And by _this,_ I mean Aiden and Madison constantly making kissy faces anytime they're with Spencer and me. Not to mention whenever I talk with Spencer, they start copying me in baby talk. It's annoying!

I tell them to fuck off, but all that does is make them laugh at me. All that does is make me frown, making Spencer pat my leg and give me a swift kiss on the cheek.

All that does is make me grin like an idiot, starting the whole process over again.

I eventually forgave Aiden for sending me more messages than I've ever received in my whole entire life. I even told Madison I forgive her for being such a bitch. I know, I'm such an amazing person.

But I guess if all I'm dealing with is dumb and dumber – no, I haven't decided who is who yet – then I should consider myself lucky.

Or at least I did until I had dinner at Spencer's house. I would love to say it was boring and simple, but then I'd be lying and omitting the fact that Satan - or Christine as she's sometimes referred to - was there. Yeah, don't ask about that one. All I'm going to say is Spencer is _very_ convincing.

And a moaner. But I digress. A little.

Anyway, so getting back to the matter at hand...sorry couldn't resist.

So dinner was beyond awkward. My mom was obnoxiously polite, insisting on sitting next to me so she could throw her arm around me every time I said anything remotely funny. She called my every possible pet name a parent might have for their child and constantly patted my head. She even told stories from my childhood that, had I not been under Spencer's watchful eye, I would have informed everyone at the table that my mom completely made them up.

I'm honestly not too sure where she got her stories from, but they sounded oddly like some of the things from _Harry Potter_. Like the "memory" she has of me playing with a redheaded boy and dark haired boy with glasses, pretending to fight the dark sorcerer. Or how she bought me a cat and I named him Crookbangs.

Don't look at me. In Christine's mind, all this probably did happen. I don't think she even knows how to read, let alone does it voluntarily. I suppose we have that in common.

My favorite story was how she saved me from being kidnapped. Now why she thought this was a topic for dinner, I'll never know, but it definitely made me laugh.

In her version, we were at K-Mart and I slipped away from her when she 'Specifically told me to stay put!' So she immediately began searching the store for me, asking them to make an announcement throughout the store. As she was turning to 'look for me some more,' she saw a man pulling me along in the parking lot, so she gallantly ran over to me, hair flowing out behind her as theatrical music played – ok...so maybe I added that part in – and she dove and tackled the man to the ground, rescuing me.

After her tale, every one was kind of in shock, me included. I was so blown away that she could complete turn around what really happened, while every one else just looked so unsure of how to react.

Basically what _really_ happened was my mom told me I was bothering her and to go away and find some toys to play with. Being the sweet child that I was, I obeyed and walked off. Well when you're five, K-Mart seems like a fucking maze, and I was trying to navigate my way through people and endless aisles with little success.

Apparently a small child running around parentless isn't something that's a normal site – obviously they've never been in public with Christine Davies – so a man did grab me and bring me up front to page my mom.

Mom conveniently left out the fact that the man was a police officer and that they had to call her for ten minutes before she (finally) moseyed her way up to the front, looking less than pleased to see me and complaining about how she'd never be able to find that cute dress again.

Oh yes, my mom is definitely something.

"So have you two had sex yet?" Aiden asks, tactless as always.

I spit out the sip of root beer I had just taken. "W-what?" I don't trust myself to glance and see Spencer's reaction.

Aiden smiles at us and leans in closer. "Did you...have sex?"

Madison scrunches her face up in disgust. "You really don't have to answer that. Please."

I smile as Aiden frowns. Psh, like that's any of his business. It's not like I want to hear about his boring, non-existent sex life.

"Cover your ears then," he tells her, turning his attention back to Spencer and me. "So?"

"A lady never kisses and tells."

I see Spencer nod beside me. "Or fucks and tells," she says easily.

I turn to her in surprise, completely dumbfounded by her response. I really glad I didn't take that second sip of my drink, or she'd be wearing it, and I really, _really_, like her top. "_Spencer!_"

"What?" she asks innocently, giving me a sweet smile.

Madison is staring at Spencer like she's never seen her before. And Aiden...he's looking between Spencer and me with obvious approval. Ugh, the perv.

As for me?

Now that the initial shock has worn out, I'm staring at Spencer, thinking about how much I really, _really_, dislike her top. She shouldn't be wearing it. I should help her with that.

"Spence?" I squeak out.

Spencer meets my gaze and I watch as a sly smile makes its way across her face. She knows what this look means.

"Oh damn," she curses, and as her eyes stay locked with mine, I know she did it on purpose. She's fully aware of what her swearing does to me. "I forgot about that assignment."

"Yeah," I agree easily. Too easily. "The one where you have to...yep." We're so not obvious.

Madison narrows her eyes at us. "You guys are weird. Just go to the janitor's closet already."

I fake gasp. "Madison, I'm appalled that you would suggest such a thing." I see Spencer nod loyally beside me.

The Latina rolls her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she offers with obvious fake sincerity, "what was I thinking?"

"Yeah!" I tell her indignantly. I grab Spencer's hand and and walk away from Aiden and Madison.

"Besides," I call over my shoulder, face splitting into a wide grin "it's totally the library!"

Spencer shakes her head in faux disappointment and pulls me away, neither of us bothering to yell our goodbyes.

As she leads me through a set of double doors, I realize that she did, in fact, drag me to the library.

"Uh Spencer, I know I told Madison the library, but I was totally cool with the janitor's closet."

She smiles and nudges me with her elbow. "I'm not making out with you in the closet." I open my mouth. "Or bathroom," she interrupts me quickly.

"Aw, really?" I pout. "You don't like the romantic flushing noise?"

"Do you know why I brought you here?" she asks, completely ignoring my words, much like I knew she would. It just makes me smile.

I look around the room, trying to look for anything that stands out. "Um..." Nothing catches my eyes. "Because you love literature?" I guess randomly.

"No not – ok, well I do love literature. It's actually really interest- ugh, damnit Ash," she shakes her head with a laugh, "don't side track me." I hold my hands up in innocence. "You really don't know why I brought you here?"

She sounds a little sad, and I feel guilty that I don't know the answer. But I do know better than to try to humor her again. Actually, that rarely works out.

"I don't," I say softly. "I'm sorry."

My apology seems to shake off her sadness, and she gives me a smile and pulls me to her, giving me a warm kiss on my lips.

"It's ok, I'm not mad, " she assures me gently. "I was just...I guess hoping you'd realize the significance of this place."

Again I look around the library, wondering why she's so fond of it. Honestly it smells like moldy bread to me. I wisely don't tell her that.

I give her a sheepish shrug.

"This is where you apologized to me," she tells me with a big smile, blue eyes lit happily.

Nothing clicks. I mean, really, should it? I've apologized to her a lot of times.

Spencer rolls her eyes at me. "Where you first apologized to me. After you said those mean things to me. You chased after me," she continues, looking at me expectantly.

A light bulb goes off, and I find myself smiling in memory. "Who would have guessed back then that we'd end up here?" Definitely not me.

She rubs my hand softly. "I had hoped."

My eyes lift to hers. "Wow...really?" I find this hard to believe. "Even...even back then?"

"Even back then," she affirms with a sweet smile. "I was too shy to do anything before, and then somehow it just worked out that we were thrown together. Thank God."

I can't help but agree. I don't care how it happened, I'm just glad it did.

"I can't believe you were ever shy," I tell her. Seriously, she was anything but whenever we hung out.

"Really?" she says doubtfully. "Do you not remember how I was when we hung out? God, I was so unsure."

I watch as she moves to sit down at a table, patting the chair next to her. I quickly follow and sit down next to her, waiting for her to finish.

"I thought you liked me, but then you'd start talking about how great Aiden was, and turning down any sort of advance I'd make on you." She gives a small laugh. "I told Madison I must be crazy for going after you when you obviously weren't interested."

Not interested? Fuck, I was so into her it wasn't funny. "It wasn't that at all. The complete opposite, actually."

She laughs again. "Well I know that now, silly." I blush, looking away as I feel my face warm.

When my face cools, I look towards her again, softening my gaze. "I love you." Saying it still floods me with warmth and makes my heart skip a beat, but that doesn't compare with what happen when she says it.

She smiles at me tenderly and kisses me gently. "I love you too." We hold each others gazes lovingly, before Spencer stands up suddenly and steps away from the table, urging me with her eyes to stand up as well. "You know I've always loved the library."

"Oh?"

"Mmhmm." She nods and steps in front of me, wrapping her arms loosely around my waist. I can feel my breathing quicken. "It's like no matter how many people are in here, it's like you're all alone." She tightens her grip and places a kiss on my neck.

My eyes shut and I find myself leaning into her. "Y-yeah?"

She smiles. She knows the effect she's having on me. "It's like you can just do whatever you want, and no one will ever know." Her voice is velvety smooth, touching my ears in a loving caress.

Another kiss, slightly harder this time, is pressed to my neck, a little higher than the last, and I lean my head to the side to give her better access. I don't try to speak this time.

Spencer continues to trail kisses up my neck as she keeps speaking softly. "I remember dreaming of this when you followed me in the library." She bites my ear to emphasize her point. "I imagined you confessing your feelings in a bold declaration of love. Instead, you apologized. And got shushed." She laughs lightly in memory.

"Well if you're expecting me to be more talkative now, you're..." I breath unsteadily as she traces the shell of my ear with her tongue. "-sadly mistaken," I finish with much difficulty. I don't know why I'm still talking.

"Is that an apology?" she teases, pushing me back until I'm sitting on the table we just vacated. She's quick to move in front of me.

I shake my head with a smile, enjoying this dance we're doing. Domineering Spencer is so fucking hot.

"Hmm," she says thoughtfully, stepping forward again until she's between my legs. "I think you owe me one."

Her mouth is back on my neck, and now her hands have moved to rest on my thighs, lightly stroking. I think I might die from torture and unfulfillment. Or from lack of oxygen since I seem to keep forgetting to breathe.

My mouth turns into a sly grin as I grab her and pull her to a corner of the library. Not that it matters, seeing as how it's completely secluded. That's what happens when you sneak into the library when it's closed for the week. Thank God.

I trap her between the wall and my body, bringing my lips mere centimeters from her and smiling evilly as she unsuccessfully tries to bring her lips to mine. "I'm sorry."

"Oh?" I nod. "Why?" she rasps, short breaths leaving her parted lips.

"Because this is a library." I look around at the stacks of books behind us. "And you're not going to be very quiet."

She just smiles and crashes her lips against mine.

* * *

I definitely have a new appreciation for libraries. I actually have considered getting a library card. Ok, maybe not something that drastic, but I underestimated how fucking hot Sp- I mean library books could be.

For an anniversary, I blindfolded Spencer and surprised her by taking her to the library. I even played her a song on my dad's guitar. I think he would have approved of her. No, I know he would have.

It's crazy, thinking of my dad now. Before, I couldn't do it without getting sad or angry, sometimes both. But now, thanks to Spencer, I can look back on everything he did with love.

All in all it was an amazing year.

I've come to the conclusion that Spencer was the catalyst to everything. She taught me how to forgive. Taught me how to heal. Taught me how to let people in. Taught me how to love.

Because Spencer made me realize that I've been capable of loving this whole time. My heart knew, it just took me a lot longer to catch up.

I wasn't waiting for some one to come sweep me off my feet like Aiden said. I was waiting for Spencer.

And I hope, someday, you'll realize what I just realized.

_El Fin_


End file.
